YSaC, Vol. 1477: Closer I am to fail.
tutor (anywhere)
so here’s the deal, i don’t really need a “tutor” exactly… i’m in grade 12 algebra II, and i have about thirty assignments that need to get done, probably only twenty to pass.. i’m just looking to get by pretty much, i’m eighteen with a full time job and a one year old, i just don’t have time to waste my breath on this stuff… so basically.. you complete at minimum, twenty of these assignments ( it’s from [online school] so its pretty easy stuff) and get me a passing grade ill give you forty dollars. if you cause me to fail, ill give you ten.. i’m looking for someone intelligent who’s looking to make a quick buck, if you know you’re not really good at math, please don’t respond knowing you’re going to fail me… if you’re interested respond by email, thank you.
Because the last thing you should be thinking about when you’re eighteen and a single parent is how to better your skill set so that you can provide for your family’s future. No, it’s far better to offer someone a bare minimum amount of money for completing just enough of your schoolwork to get you to just barely pass. (Or, even better, offering money to someone who DIDN’T do enough work to get you to just barely pass.)
But of course, the real money isn’t in faking an online education; it’s in faking a face to face class:
fill in evening student needed
i need a fill in for 1 semestor and a test. 2 days a week for 2 hrs a day paying 1,000.00 each class and 2 classes
This class is so important to this student that they completely forgot to indicate what class it is, or whether their replacement needs to look like them.
Thanks, Kathleen and skysong!
*whimper*
This makes my inner math geek sad. I mean, never mind the broader implications of a liar and cheat raising a child. Apparently, to my inner geek the lack of a desire to learn math is the greater tragedy.
I haz a misapplied sadness.
Not to mention the complete lack of motivation implied by the ad. I hope Sparky the First likes whatever menial job they managed to find, because chances are they will be doing it for a very long time.
You apparently never had the managers I’ve had. My district manager when I worked at the grocery store bragged that he used to have his little sister do his math homework for him and that he copied on tests and still managed to get a C.
I was aghast that he both thought it was funny and that getting a C could be considered a good thing.
Then there was the other manager I had who bragged that he used to steal food from the Starbucks case when they had him watch the till. He had the utter gall to act surprised when they fired him.
Last December, my mom, sister-in-law and I spent the better part of an evening “helping” my 7th grade niece with her algebra word problems. We got stuck on one and spent literally over an hour arguing about the best way to solve it before we realized that my niece had gotten bored and gone into another room to read.
So, yeah. All Sparky needs is a trio of hyper competitive Algebra Muses. We are all-purpose geeks.
At least she was reading and not playing vi-
Wait, what was she reading?
So there I was in the classroom, and the instructor decided to call roll. She never does that! And she called William J. Sparkham, and I lowered my voice to say, “Here.” I never thought she would stop laughing. Wonder if I will get paid for the two classes I did sit through?
Translation – Thinking makes my head-meat hurt. I gives you money to do thinking for me, okay?
I would, but I forgot how to brain.
Brain and Brain, what is brain?
Oh gawd, Digi!! I heart, heart, heart you!!!
Then, why did you place an ad for one, dingbat? You should have just titled the ad, “Cheap Cheat Needed.”
I’m tempted to take him up on his offer and just answer “c” for each question. Fastest $10 ever!
And if you get a word problem you can answer “sea”
If it’s in Spanish, “si.”
Ah, but that’s 10 Zimbabwean dollars, which has to be mailed postage due, as a US 1st class stamp is 1.0995e9 more valuable than the tender offered (and that requiring using the last official 2009 valuation before the currency was suspended).
Now, if 10 dollares de Real España are being offered, that’s different, then:
f(x) where µ ≡ (lim ∞)⌡ (lim 0) ⌠ √ (Φ * Σ α ≤ 0.113e2)² ±tuna treat
Oh, and by the way, those 20 or maybe 30 assignments need to be done by next week.
I, like, decided to show up one day last week and the teacher just started getting all harsh on me like “You’ve missed every single day of class” and “You have 30 unfinished assignments”. Like she forgot I came to the first day or something.
So I was like “whatever, I’ll bring in your 30 assignments by next week” ’cause that’s like one per day and she was all like “I don’t think you can” so I said I’d show her.
Oh, it might be more than 30 assignments, if I can get her to give me extra credit.
I often tease my eldest son that from Grade 11 on, the highest numbers on his report cards were his absences. But he somehow got good makes and at least he always completed his own assignments and tests……………………………………didn’t he??!!
Check his bank statements; do you see any checks made payable to a “tutor”, perhaps with a winking emoticon on the memo line?
Perhaps the memo like reads “Tudor” which is like a tutor, if in the non-french perversional potentially decapitating way.
Harfleur ≈ V(b) ≥ V(ed) ≥ ( Q(fh) – E(s) * W(k) )
Where
V(b) = volume of breach in wall
V(ed) = volume of English dead
Q(fh) = Quantity of Forlorn Hope to expend against the breach
E(s) = Efforts of Sappers in undermining other parts of the wall
W(k) = Will of King in Not.A.Lion inspired units of loosed war canines
I like π.
[corey] Harfleur would be Henry Not-A-Tudor [/corey]
Sparky isn’t good enough at math (or common sense) to realize that people who ARE good at math are capable of earning actual money and don’t need to resort to academic cheating for chump change.
No one said that Sparky was ONLY bad at math. I wonder what kinds of essays they’ve turned in over the years.
I wonder if s/he ever found someone willing to take their ethics class for them?
I think I’ve found Sparky’s ethics class: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/01/nyregion/01columbia.html?_r=0
Somewhat fabulously, there was a recent thread in the Chronicle of Higher Education forums about a college instructor who suspected that one of her students was, in fact, a ringer. She put the pieces together and ended up asking the student who was sitting in class for an ID before an exam; not surprisingly, he couldn’t produce the ID, and it snowballed from there.
The thread is long, but it’s kind of hilarious how it all develops. Spoiler: she was right!
http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,126029.0.html
How long ago was this post submitted? Could this be the Sparky-ing gun?
Basic math question.
Sparky has 30 assignments and a great lack of motivation. Sparky is, however, willing to farm out the homework to anybody. Anywhere. Sparky is willing to pay $40 if the person does a passable job on 20 of the assignments. That’s $2 per assignment. With no indication of the amount of work per assignment, estimate an hour per assignment. Spary is therefore offering to pay $2/hour for the bare minimum amount of work, a level Sparky estimates will earn a passing grade and $1.33/hour for work that completes all assignments. Sparky is also willing to pay $10 for work that earns a failing grade. If I take the work and use my three cats as subcontractors because their cat math skills have as much chance at a passing grade as my algebra 1 skills, will I make money or lose money if I offer each cat the equivalent of $4 in tuna?
So, that’s:
(lim 40)(lim 10) ≈ Σ 20 ≤ x ≤ 30 ÷ Q(t) ?
So, µ tuna treats -> unhorked shoe >|< sunny spot, turn, turn, turn–all the leaves are brown–wash, wash, wash^^Φ Ergo Sandy Bullock. QED
This actually happened when I posted an ad on craigslist offering my services as a thesis/dissertation editor. I wish I were creative enough to think this up.
[sparkette]Hi, Im interested in your services, but how do I know you’re not a scammer?[/sparkette]
[me]If you would like, I can provide references. I have edited two PhD. dissertations. One covered the significance of art on Native American pottery from the Southwest region and one covered metallurgy of artifacts from the British Isles from the Dark Ages.[/me]
[sparkette]Yes, I would like references please. I looked for writing services online and they were all scam so It’s not easy for me to trust. Do you know anything about philosophy?[/sparkette]
[me]I only concern myself with the grammar, spelling, and structure of the document. I didn’t know anything about pottery or metallurgy before reviewing those documents.[/me]
[sparkette]Oh ok, I’m guessing you will not be able to help me?[/sparkette]
[me]What type of review are you looking for? What type of document do you have?[/me]
[sparkette]Oh I’m sorry I didn’t mention it before, I have to write an essay about an ethical issue for my philosophical class and I have to present in class and talk about it for 20 minutes. I just don’t have an idea where to start from, what to talk about, etc. and was looking for someone to write it for me.[/sparkette]
[me]I can’t help. Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had in years.[/me]
“Ethical Issue”
I do not think it means what you think it means.
This is inconceivable!
Precisely, not unless we know the quantity of yellow M&M’s used (and for how many science projects)
I actually considered (not seriously) taking the project and writing on the ethics of paying a person to write a paper, leaving copious clues throughout the paper that this essay was in fact the result of such an arrangement. I think that really would’ve been a lot of fun. But presuming the person in question thought ahead enough to actually read what I provided in order to be able to talk about it for 20 minutes, all of my work would’ve been for nothing.
You may have presumed too much of Sparkette.
Oh goodness. I’m teaching a professional ethics class at the moment, and I am surprised and saddened at the amount of time spent on the question of smelly feet and our approach thereto. Shoot. Me. Now.
Why bother taking classes and trying to hire a “tutor” or a “fill in” when you can just buy a diploma? I recommend Bob’s School of Quantum Mechanics.
Taco, you’ve been in the box so many times, and have so much scar tissue built up, that this won’t hurt a bit. Probably. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Amuricans for an Ethic-like Craigslist! (Just go with it)
I can’t tell if it is $1,ooo per class for two classes or $1,000 for taking two classes.
Getting paid $15/hour to go learn something is a pretty good deal. If it is $30/hr, even better.
Just wish I knew what the classes were.