YSaC, Vol. 1475: Cthulu has a garage sale.
let me know – $95
hello i have like a built in thing with tv, radio, a record spinning thing, where u can play records, & also a place where u can put cassets to listen again, & speakers on each side which are better then ur dre beats lmao! Its very artistic, i can tell u that. but like the problems with it is that the tv, has problems working because it turns on but then it just has a straight white line. & the record playing part idk how to make that work, but i got a ton of records for sale, but yea just wanna make some money so just email me with an offer, holla back at ###.###.####! or email if ur interested or want pics.
OK, the text itself is dreadful. Utter punctuation fail, textspeak, dreadful spelling, and the mandatory ten yard penalty for the use of “holla back.” Not to mention the inability to figure out what the name of a thing which can play records could possibly be.
But I can’t even think about that, because I am absolutely TERRIFIED of those pictures! If you PAID me, I couldn’t make that thing look any more like it was possessed by the devil.
Excuse me – I have to run screaming in existential horror now.
Thanks for the nightmare, Chad!
Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of junk and tastelessness.
I have no sympathy for you.
I don’t think Dr. Dre would be happy to be associated with this project.
Hello I have built like a thing with things in it that can do things to things but none of the things work and I need money for other things.
P.S. You don’t have a special punishment for using “lmao” in a for-sale ad?
We do, but it’s unspeakable. 8)
I hope to all that is wholly, it involves literally changing gluteus maximus to gluteus minimus.
Anatomy corey/ That would give you 2 gluteus minimi on the one side, making for a flat, but exceptionally stable, posterior hip. Of course, there can be no minimus without maximus. (Are you not entertained????) /anatomy corey
There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to — The Craigslist Limits.
/scaredy-cat corey: I used to believe every line of that shit. Thanks for renewing my nightmares Windy. /end scaredy-cat corey
All that’s needed is Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone and Night Gallery to really bring home the trifecta .
“You’re traveling through another dimension — a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s a signpost up ahead: your next stop: the Sparky Zone!”
You are entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.
p.s. floating penguin apparition included at no cost. Just be sure to leave mackerel offerings inside the cabinet every once in a while…you’ll get used to the smell. I did.
I hope they got little Carol Ann out of the TV before they sold it.
For this ad, I’d be willing to bring back the grammar slap.
Is that anything like grammar crackers and milk?
“Record spinning thing”??? Has the word “turntable” completely fallen out of our vocabulary?
Also, since when does “very artistic” mean “it’s broken”?
Also also, if I were looking to buy anything, why would I look at an ad titled “Let me know”?
Wait, have you ever *met* an artist? They’re always broke!
If turntable is not in your vocabulary, Sparkmeister, how about, oh I don’t know, record player?
But it’s not just a record spinning thing, it’s “a record spinning thing, where u can play records.” Which is really good to know, because before I read that second part I was thinking, “Oh, cool, a record spinning thing that cooks pizzas.”
[audio supposition corey] Not all turntables spin “records” any more. They have become control inputs for production of musical profit. Those “decks” now largely use digital media, and not a disk scribed with an analog spiral.
They actually make unscribed discs to put on some of these decks to replicate the old vinyl LPs
[/corey]
Cap’n on my first cursory glance at your post I read ‘suppository corey’ and thought – yes, that’s what I’d do to Sparky with the record spinning thing, needle first!
When I look at that second picture, I can feel the room shrinking as the built in thing grows. It’s a great photo for some purpose other than selling this thing, I’m sure.
You’re not kidding. Those photos look like scenes from the creepiest David Lynch movie ever, “Inland Empire.” Gaah!
,,,And this is how Pawpaw discovered that “Oh, just let you’re gran’kids do it!” was not meant to be literal . . . eleven year old Tyrllq clearly not being mature enough to operate the 5th celestial planar dimension.
A wall unit with a number of non-working electronic gadgets used to be known as “garbage”. Now it’s a commodity to try to sell to some poor unsuspecting sucker using an ad that makes absolutely no sense and hurts the brain if you try to read it. Do people actually respond?
If so, then maybe I should try this: I have a soffa tabel w/ a bunch of pickshers of my familee on it. Some of the picashurs r 40 years old and some have my died parentes in them. If you want the tabel u cn haf it but u must promice not the through owt the pickshurs.
Or the pitchers autergraphed LOL???!?
Yo Dawg!
I hear you like things in your things when you’re getting sucked into another hellish dimension, so I puts some things on that thing!
Holla back. Let me know.
You can run, but unless you get out of the room, you cannot hide from THE BUILT IN THING WITH RECORD SPINNING THING AND LIKE A TV THING LIKE!
premiering this Saturday on Syfy.
That actually sounds better than many of their offerings.
Maybe this is the armoire to the alternative narnia universe where the lion is not a lion of god, but of the dark lord…
Ah, you mean “Narnia: The Dark Lord Lion, the Dre Beats, and the Auwrmwar”…classy film.
That’s it! I couldn’t remember the exact title. Not Dr Dre’s best work… Even worse than that babysitter movie he did.
Remove the broken TV and replace it with a microwave oven. Then maybe Sparky can use the record spinning thing inside it for cooking dead bird things.
The result should be a pullet surprise.
Ralph, that was fowl!
Rebecca, so glad you’re back and can give ghostie a day off. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Great Old Ones at Great Prices!