YSaC, Vol. 1468: You can’t park that here!
Hammy! We’ve got just the car for you!
1994 chevrolet beretta – mechanic special – $500
a hammy down from my aunt, i am thinking a bad head gasket is the cause of the anti freeze and oil mixing also there is a small hole in the muffler. Brakes started to lock up on me. got new brakes all around and the problem continued and now i just want to get rid of it and get a new car. I don’t have time to fix myself. under 100k miles. had great gas milage. NOT DRIVABLE . I am asking $500 OBO. call/text @ #############
need gone soon. Thank you
Stantz: Everybody can relax, I found the car. Needs some suspension work and shocks. Brakes, brake pads, lining, steering box, transmission, rear-end.
Venkman: How much?
Stantz: Only $4800.$500
[Venkman looks shocked]
Stantz: Also new rings, mufflers, a little wiring.
It’s a pity this person doesn’t have time to fix themselves – there should always be time for self-improvement. However, I think we should see what else is available.
2010 Porsche Carrera S, Easy fix – $39500
2010 Porsche Carrera S, Auto, 16,000 Miles, Black on Black, Sun Roof, Good Tires, Runs and Drive excellent, Light Damage over Frame Rail, 5 Year warranty or 100,000 Miles, Transferable Warranty, Clean Title, Beautiful Car, ###-###-#### No Texting Please
Well, that doesn’t look too bad, and $40,000 isn’t TOO..
Woah! Oh. Oh god. Um. Er. Wow.
I mean, um. Sure. That’ll buff right out.
Thanks for the ads, Kristin and Kate!
I can’t deal with putting Hammy down, no matter what Grandma says!
I’ve been wondering where Hammy’s been. Visiting his aunt, apparently.
I had bad head gasket once…
That sounds serious Hammy. Is it anything like a bad hair day?
Aww……. there there, little buddy. I’ll be your Hammy down comforter.
Ever seen a kid get his head stuck between the stair banister rails? Bad head gasket…
But how well does the radio work?
You’d know better than us, especially since our speedometer’s melted.
You feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Yes, I do. It’s not pretty, but it will get you where you want to go.
You got no outside mirror.
It’s lost.
You have no functioning gauges.
No, not a one. However, the radio still works. Funny as that may seem, the radio’s the only thing that’s really working good. Don’t ask me how.
But does the lighter work?
Hammy Chevy down oh zig-a-zig ah!
Is the light damage from a street light or a stop light?
I think that means the Sun fell on it.
That’s no
moonSun!The car is a vampire and someone left the garage door open.
Looks like it might have been a lightsaber.
It’s from trying to make the Kessel run in 7 parsecs?
Is “Mechanic Special” the car version of “Great Project Home?”
The one I’ve been seeing lately in perusing real estate ads is, “Bring your interior decorating creativity!” which seems to be code for, “This is a house whose decorating would make even the 1975 version of you embarrassed.”
“Great potential” usually means “bring a hazmat suit”.
“Great potential for a lawsuit”
“Imagine the possibilities [once you’ve secured financing to do a tear-down and rebuild].”
And found an exorcist willing to work for dumpster Cheetos.
I thought that meant “gutted by copper thieves & presently infested with spodders 7 hipsters” . . .
Either that or “includes stoners who still have not cleaned the kitchen” . . .
In one place I looked at, it meant “contains several bottles of former occupants’ urine.”
My favourite is Not Overlooked At the Rear = Close to the abattoir.
I’ve always wanted a Porsche that was attacked by a T-Rex.
I’ve always wanted a T. rex that could drive me around in a Porsche.
With those stubby little arms? He might find it difficult.
That does tend to interfere with the operation of a manual transmission.
He would have a helper monkey.
One of the Great Apes? Or just a Mediocre Ape?
An over-compensating ape?
Would he look like Morgan Freeman, ghostie?
In the right light, yes.
Morgan Freeman is not a dinosaur. He may not be young but I maintain that he is still relevant.
Tie your Hammy down
Tie your Hammy down
Lock your Caddy–all the doors
I don’t need no brakes all around
Tie your Hammy down
Tie your Hammy down
Give me all your OBOs tonight!
Kinky! I like it!
Well, you know Freddy Mercury. He loves his Mercury Comets and his Mercury Cougars. Not sure about his Chevy Berettas.
Man: Hello, I wish to register a complaint.
Owner: Aren’t you the man who bought the Porsche Carrera S about half an hour ago? How d’ye like her?
Man: I don’t like her at all.
Owner: What, wrong color?
Man: It’s not the color. The car won’t start.
Owner: I said it was lightly damaged.
Man: LIGHTLY damaged? There’s no hood, the frame is bent, and the front end has practically fallen off.
Owner: Ah, that’s the ‘S’.
Man: I’m sorry?
Owner: Sport model. Extra ventilation.
Man: Ventilation? The engine is in three pieces, the front axle is cracked, the front bumper is lying parallel to the ground, the suspension isn’t connected to anything at all, and the transmission is flat out missing.
Owner: Have you filled the gas tank?
Man: I don’t think that car would start even if I hooked it up to THREE gas tanks. That thing out there is barely a car.
Owner: It is a Porsche Carrera S, 2010 model, is it not?
Man: It is.
Owner: And the Porsche Carrera S is a car, correct?
Man: Look, when I drop $40,000 on an autoMOBILE, I expect it to be MOBILE. Capable of movement.
Owner: And it is.
Man: …Under its own power.
Owner: So it needs a little fixing up. Not a problem if you have the tools.
Man: I think we’re a little beyond tools at this point.
Owner: Look, mate, you’re the one who went to a Demolition Derby to buy a Porsche, not me.
That Porsche is an easy fix. If we’ve learned anything from Arallyn, we just need to glue the front end to it’s own axle and a new front will grow in no time.
Hey, it worked in Date Night…
(Yes, I saw Date Night. I will spend two minutes in the penalty box feeling shame.)
10.0E10 adores for the Slapshot reference
Wait, did I miss the IF strip tease? Damned job…*grumble, grumble*
But if you honk the hork too forcefully, the front bumper might fall off.
But luckily, it will still be attached to the tailpipe!
What’s a hork? Is that a Dr. Seuss character? Horton hears a hork? I probably would need to know so I don’t honk it aggressively.
Porsches don’t have horks. You’re thinking of the Dodge Loogie.
I’m a cat, horking comes naturally to me 🙂
That’s one of them ikea Σäab ottomøbil with the hørk built right in, ain’t it?
First I honk, *then* I hork.
I said “PORSCHE” not “PUSHER”!!
That’s “bucket’ not “BOO-kay”
I wonder what would need to happen to the Porche for the owner to upgrade to “medium damage.”
Asteroid strike.
And then burst into flames.
Methinks the Porsche owner has mixed up his tenses. “Ran and Drove (before the T-Rex encounter)” would have been more accurate…
If that’s “light damage over the frame rail” I’d hate to experience “light tidal forces” near the event horizon of a singularity.
thxokbye
that’ll be $26900
My friends all drive Porches, I must make… *sound of needle sliding across vinyl* whoah!!
It’s okay, only light damage to the record. *hides fragments in the box for Hammy’s ashes*
My Janis-loving SO just involuntarily twitched and has no idea why.
Ray, when someone asks you if the car drives great, you say YES!
Ghostie, you again? 8) Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Chop Shop!
I read “hammy down” and busted out laughing…right here in the library. I now know what consternation is.