YSaC, Vol. 1460: Apteri? Apteryxsses? Apteryxiae?
2013 March 1
Well, it’s time to wrap up “posts mostly not about recliners” week here at YSaC. I hope you enjoyed the not-recliner-containingness of most but not all of the posts this week. Next week – posts not about apteryxes!
will take your unwanted fish turles etc
hello i will take your unwanted fish turles frogs etc for free and if your getting rid of the tank too looking for guppies patty cilids frogs red slider turles etc please call me at ########## thanks and have a wonderful day
Well, I’ll just point out that if anyone here has a brand new set of water skis that they don’t want, I’ll be happy to take them. Also the boat, if you’re getting rid of that as well. However, if you have any unwanted apteryxes, Sparky here probably wants them.
Thanks for the post, JW!
No, I’m not getting rid of the tank. How else am I going to invade Poland?
Too soon, man. Too soon.
Invading Poland? Man, I did Nazi that coming.
:puts on hipster beret:
Invading Poland is so last century.
Q: How many tanks does it take to invade Poland?
A: None*.
*Oh, I kid Poland. 😀
I think you’re thinking of France, my dear.
I think they use baguettes over there.
I think the preferred method of invading France is to just threaten them with a bar of soap.
What did the stripper say to Bronisław Komorowski?
I never met a Pole I didn’t like.
Knick-knacks and patty sacks; give a frog a home; Sparky is a trolling gnome?
One Sparky wants to take your stuff for free. Another wants you to be his maid (and provide certain other services) and won’t charge you for the honor. Is this a great time to be alive, or what?
I don’t know about you, buy my faith in huge manatees is thoroughly restored.
Dunno, my faith in hue manatees is beyond the pale.
Sparky, have you ever seen the show, Hoarders? Do you have dead turtles in your freezer? When was the last time you took the trash out of the house?
*gasps*
I’m in the bawks again today! That’s two in a row! I didn’t inadvertently just start a zombiacolypse did I?
Unwanted Fish Turtles is IF’s The Mutants emo cover band.
It’s also a failed spinoff of a kids’ show that was extremely popular in the nineties.
And Unwanted Fish Turles is a Byrds tribute band.
Sparky, I have a Dr. William James holding for you on Line 1. Something about an old lady who would like to employ your services…
*Looks through cupboard for old fish turles, finds fish tureen and fish kettle…..* Hey, Sparky … will these do?
I got rid of a guppy once. His name was Roger and he was evil. He killed the other guppies in the tank one by one, by nibbling on their fins until they couldn’t swim anymore. So I took him back to the pet store and they fed him to the red shark.
Absolutely true story. Sorry there’s no punch line.
Did you name him Jeffrey Damner?
No, I thought Roger the Killer Guppy was a pretty good name on its own. And this was many years pre-Jeffrey Dahmer.
*typing Craigslist ad*
Oh, man, this is the best idea I’ve ever had. I’ll have loads of free seafood in no time.
…Unless they catch on and want to charge me for their delicious pets. Hmm, let’s see. “and if your getting rid of the tank too.”
They’ll never suspect a thing!
I’ll contribute one SpongeBob SquarePants undersea decorative pineapple aerator and one squirrel.
*Tiny diving suit sold seperately.
Needed – unwanted national budget.
Certain country seems to have hired governing body with lack of 4th-grade math skills. If your country has an extra national budget it no longer needs, please consider giving away.*
Also, if you happen to have buckets full of unwanted common sense, we sure could use some.
If you can’t part with these things for free, said hired governing body will soon be out of a job – be aware though, if you take them, your country’s average ego will at least double while average IQ may be reduced to half its level. We recommend limiting them to test subjects for medical research.
(*Unfortunately, as country in need is now starting budget cuts that prevent most government employees from traveling for work, we’ll need you to come deliver – paying your own travel expenses, of course.)
Take my wife,
please.
Give me your turles, your frogs,
Your patty cilids absolutely free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming tank,
Send these, and also the tank, to me.
kthxbai
:lights tiny duck-sized torch:
Oh, man! Now I’m really craving some fish turles and frogs etc. Good thing its lunch time.
i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free!
Yes, I have no fish.
Yes, I have no turles.
Yes, I have no frogs.
Yes, I have no guppies.
Yes, I have no patties or Pattys.
Yes, I have no cilids or plastic lids or metal lids or glass lids.
Yes, I have no internet since yesterday so I can’t read todays post.*
*Yes, I don’t know how I ever got here.
*stops sending YSaC brain waves out into the ether of the air*
camille, you and CJ make YSaC a class act! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Rat Packers!