YSaC, Vol. 1458: An offer you can probably refuse.
After two recliners in two days, I decided it was time for a theme! Recliner Week!
Then I couldn’t find any other recliner posts in our in box. So “recliner week” will henceforth be “Dan SITS in a recliner week.” Except that we don’t actually own a recliner.
Dammit.
OK, here’s a creepy “roommate wanted” ad instead.
free room [location, but misspelled]
Im a 21 year old male and my roomate is a 31 year old male. I have a 2 bedroom house with 2 car garage and im looking for an attractive female around my age to clean and sometimes cook and maybe have a lil fun. You would have to share a room with me or there is also a couch. But for your services I wont charge anything.
Let me get this straight – you are generously offering not to demand money for the great privilege of crashing on your floor, cleaning your house, and fending off your inept advances? That’s awfully.. um… generous of you.
Thanks for the post, David!
Once again, Sparky provides more evidence that we men really know what’s important in a relationship…finding a woman for cleaning, sometimes cooking, and maybe (just maybe!) having a lil fun (like Monopoly?).
Monopoly is not fun. There are GOOD board games out there.
I can only think of a few games that are less fun to play than Monopoly.
Several of them are those themed Monopoly sets.
I’ve Dubbed that game Monotony.
Monopoly is too fun!
You just need to get that +2AC iron, or shoe (the battleship already has an AC, so it dont count).
Rolling a D4S to be able to use the Cloak of Invisibility you won in the Community Chest (of Treasures!) is handy to Get Out of Jail, too.
Helps to not have a Chaotic Neutral Banker when you need to swap EP for cash, though.
Now, that version of Monopoly I would enjoy.
I vote we make Capn write up the rules to what is apparently “Catopoly.”
Dunno, there are those who cringe at the thought of my DM-ing anything . . .
I think Sparky wants to play Pin some tail on my donkey.
One, that’s assinine!
Okay, Sparky but here are my rules:
1. There’s a STRICT 9:00 p.m. curfew – no exceptions
2. We have Bible study EVERY morning – 5:00 -7:00 a.m., no exceptions
3. The cats – yes, I said ‘cats’, I have 7 – will have free run of the house at all times
*inserts picture of hottest babe on the planet here*
Here’s a picture of me…or at least it will be me in 4 more operations. You will be expected to help pay for them.
I look forward to hearing from you! And for us starting this inspiring journey together!
Sincerely,
Pat
Only 7 cats? I thought it was clear from the ad that Sparky wants to be DROWNING in…
(cough) I’ll be over in the corner.
Drowning in what…?
Peanut Butter?
Peas and Carrots?
Perky Penelope’s butt? (you know her, she one of da Butt sisters)
Other words that start with ‘P’? Like parsnip, persimmon, par-lez, patchouli…pentagram, parcheesi, parchment…
Pimentos?
Pasta?
Pedal cars?
Paddles?
Pus?
Pushpins?
Pusillanimity?
Pandas?
Platapi?
Pluto?
Parsecs?
parsecs only if the
hous,dwelli,abod,hovel is on the Kessel RunPeters?
Pipers?
Pickings?
Pecks?
Pickles?
Peppers?
Kaziganthi. Drowning in Pandas FTW!
Price tags?
Pre-meditation?
Pot-bellied Pigs?
Preambulators?
Maybe Mrs. Slocombe knows.
(calling Capt.)Peacock’s ?
Perversion.
It’s bad when you can’t even get a mail-order wife and have to resort to posting a skeevy ad on CraigsList.
Huh. My husband is always getting emails from Russian girls who are looking for Large Richard, or something. Maybe Sparky should post this on CL- Moscow!
Ah, Little Richard’s older brother. Such a tragic day for music…
Sparky should just stick to writing made-up stories about his pervy fantasies, and give up any chance of them happening in real life.
Literotica has standards*, so Craigslist it is.
*Um, or so I’ve been informed.
No, no, no.
You need a Magic Black Man (Don’t worry, it doesn’t need to BE Morgan Freeman, but it needs to be at least a Forest Whitaker), a chubby ineffectual friend with a jew-fro, and an overgrown man-child (facial hair is big this year- go for one with a FULL beard) before we’ll consider giving you a hot, subservient live-in girlfriend.
Sheesh.
You won’t charge her for cleaning your house? Is that like how artists and web design should be happy to do work for free so they can have a portfolio? Or how student teachers get to pay for the privilege of working at a school?
Man, engineering was totally the wrong vocation to pick.
Sadly, I’ll bet there’s a Snarkette out there polishing her resume, along with her nails. Sigh.
So is [location, but misspelled] somewhere near ihs?
Just around the crohner, I think.
Oh no. This room couldn’t be more UNFREE if it tried.
This is making my brain do backflips. As my BIL is fond of saying, “a bargain at half the price!!!”
Ducky, your BILL is out in front, as always!
Ducky, your BIL reminds me of a friend of my dad’s who always used to say “in his intimate wisdom”.
It puts the lotion on its skin.
“You would have to share a room with me or there is also a couch. But for your services I wont charge anything.”
So, Sparky admits to being a layabout who expects others to provide remuneration for every need. So, probably, not only only will the putative cohabitrix be expected to cook, clean, shop, service, et al, but probably also owes Sparky’s delinquent half of the rent and bills . . .
And, Sparky is also so dim as to not even reach for that nadir/zenith celebrated in song as “A rich, dumb, nymphomaniac in a Cadillac”?
Ugh, I may not be having a Wonderful Wednesday . . . <sigh>
The inner Grammar Guy in me was more upset about the lack of apostrophes than the lack of decencies.
Sad, really. I need to send Inner Grammar Guy (IGG) to the corner with no coffee slices.
You’ll have to find another lounge for that… While we apparently break the laws of space/time with how many corners we have in here, ain’t none of ’em got “no coffee slices”….
There is also a 31 year old male she could attach herself to. That may however get said older male kicked out, if in fact it’s the 21 year old who has the house and not the older guy. Older guy hopefully means more mature guy.
Dude! You put an ad on craigslist for a free slutty maid.
*motions to Sparky to come closer*
*a little closer*
WHACK! Now what have we learned today?
Uh….not to get too close to you, boss?
Who is Lil, and what is her role in this cunning plan?
She’s the linguist.
Hello corner! Are there any coffee slices left this late in the day? No? How about a ‘rita then? Awesome.
Set and spike!
At least we now know what happens if you watch too much New Girl . . .
(As much as I like Zoey–I just can’t watch that show.)
Have you ever heard Zooey doing the national anthem at the 2011 World Series? She makes it sound so real and natural, without all the pop-star-like vibratos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aPvL-lty4Y
I lurrrvvvvvvvvvvv Zoey, and I haaaaaaaaaaaate New Girl. Sigh….
kelli, thank you for hiding the Taco thong. And no, that’s not a you-feminism. Or something. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Three’s Company!