YSaC, Vol. 1438: Splitter!

2013 January 30
tags:
by dan

I need a new hobby. Anyone have anything I could do for fun?

free couch


Free couch for pleasure.

Oh. Well OK, then – I’m off to join the Couch Liberation Front! It’s like the People’s Front for the Liberation of Couches, but with a better handshake.

34 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 January 30

    If I’m listed on Craigslist,
    Would you still remember me?
    For I must be traveling on, now,
    ‘Cause there’s too many pleasures I’ve got to see.
    But, if I stayed in this front room,
    The decor won’t be the same.
    ‘Cause I’m as free as a couch now,
    And this couch you can not change.
    Oh… oh… oh… oh… oh…
    And the couch you cannot change.
    And this couch you cannot change.
    Lord knows I can’t change.

    Adores: 15
    • 2013 January 30
      DigitalAxis permalink

      If you can’t change, then what’s hiding in your cushions?

      Adores: 4
  2. 2013 January 30

    But why do you want to be called Loretta, Stan?

    Adores: 5
  3. 2013 January 30
    Lizzi permalink

    All I ask is that you do not free the last two couches. They freaked the hell out of us.

    Adores: 11
  4. 2013 January 30

    Free misjay!

    Free misjay for lacawates valtra-suka!

    Join the ROOFER!ROOFER!ROOFER! League today!

    Adores: 14
  5. 2013 January 30
    CindyB permalink

    Glad to know the couch was used for pleasure and not torture. Then again, I don’t think I’d like to have a couch that’s full of someone else’s…pleasure. Even if it’s free.

    Adores: 12
  6. 2013 January 30

    What, no picture? I wanted to look for a hidden froggy face.

    Adores: 10
  7. 2013 January 30
    HamCan permalink

    Double your pleasure!
    Double your fun!
    Free a couch
    Get off your bum

    Adores: 12
  8. 2013 January 30

    If I’m not using the couch for pleasure, is it still free? What if I want to use the couch for collapsing upon, hand to my forehead in dramatic fashion, all while expressing my limitless ennui sparked by a frigid Canadian winter? Will Sparky then demand payment?

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 January 30
      CapnMac permalink

      Now, see, that’s exactly how couches get indentured.

      Belles are to swoon upon divan, or davenports–should one find themselves unfashionably north of civilized climes.

      So, it’s all “Hey, we can shift that couch…” “No, we can’t; that’s where Aunt Imogen-Lavinia swooned after the You-Know-What and the family is just not over that yet–so, it has to stay.” “What about the snake …” “SWOONED” “Oh . . . ”

      Adores: 4
  9. 2013 January 30
    One Moving Violation permalink

    free couchie coo

    ———————————-

    Free couchie for pleasure.

    FIFY

    Adores: 5
  10. 2013 January 30
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Tits aside, does it come with a coffee table? If not, then what DOES it like?

    Adores: 7
    • 2013 January 30
      CapnMac permalink

      A coffee table?
      You’ll be needing this roll of plastic sheeting and this case of wesson oil, then …

      [Notices cocoa ottomen and edges away slowly…]

      Adores: 3
      • 2013 January 30
        Lizzi permalink

        I am cracking up over picturing someone spot an ottoman and back away in fear.

        Adores: 3
  11. 2013 January 30

    I’d rather free love, tits aside. I hear there are throw pillows to help with that.

    Adores: 9
    • 2013 January 30
      CapnMac permalink

      If you can’t be with the couch you want; sofa the one you’re with . . .

      Adores: 7
  12. 2013 January 30
    Ralph permalink

    What was couch arrested for? The Group W Bench wants to know.

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 January 30
      Tankerbell permalink

      Couch was framed!

      Adores: 8
      • 2013 January 30
        CapnMac permalink

        If the slip cover fits, you must acquit!

        Adores: 7
  13. 2013 January 30
    camille permalink

    The couch may be free, but there’s an extra charge for the snakes.

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 January 30
      Tankerbell permalink

      Can you throw in a few dead auntie juice stains?

      Adores: 4
    • 2013 January 30
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      The snakes have been eradicated by, you know… ninjas.

      Adores: 1
  14. 2013 January 30
    Tankerbell permalink

    If this ad was posted by Monday’s Sparky, he could be offering to coach me in the art of pleasure. For free! Mr. Tank wants more information.

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 January 30

      Be sure to ask for references and then share them with the rest of the class!

      Adores: 4
    • 2013 January 30
      CapnMac permalink

      Will Mr Tank then prefer the couch be a female Swedish blonde au-moire?

      Adores: 5
  15. 2013 January 30
    Lizzi permalink

    I tried to post a comment twice but it just reloaded the page and didn’t show up each time, so if later there’s two, that’s why. I waited a minute in between to see if the interwebs was just being special but nothing happened.

    Adores: 1
  16. 2013 January 30
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Sparky’s plan to barter for sexual favors lasted only until the furniture in his mom’s basement ran out.

    Adores: 7
  17. 2013 January 30

    We should be united against our common enemy!

    The Couches’ freedom front?!

    No! The ottomans!

    Oh… right.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 January 30
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      Well, if you’re going to have a grudge match against those guys, you’d better bring your own referee. I don’t trust the ottoman umpire.

      Adores: 8
  18. 2013 January 30
    SilvaNoir permalink

    I’m hearing this in the tune of “hell bent for leather”

    “Free couch! free couch for pleasure!”

    Adores: 4
  19. 2013 January 31

    Aphid, I’m glad I didn’t need to put you in the box with our resident gecko, LimeLolly. Aphid? You in there, Aphid? Ah, well. Punchity Punch Punch.

    Good Morning, Liberty Terrians!

    Adores: 0
    • 2013 January 31
      Aphid permalink

      I’m still lurking around somewhere.

      Adores: 1

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