YSaC, Vol. 1434: O men.
2013 January 24
We’ve been revisiting a few old favorite memes here at You Suck at Craigslist this week, so I thought I would trot out one more, just for nostalgia’s sake.
Suede atamin – $10
One corner is missing some stuffing.
Call xxxxxxxxxx
If you’re going to go into detail about one corner, shouldn’t you also mention that the entire thing looks as though it’s been peed upon by a tyrannosaurus?
Newer Ashley’s living room set!!! – $300
Newer couch and chair with odd omen! Asking $300 obo Tan in color great condition! xxx-xxxx brand is Ashley’s furniture!!
Newer than what? The carpet? That places it anywhere from 1982 forward. The carpet is an odd omen, indeed. It heralds the arrival of King Sparky the Colorblind.
Thanks, Lia and Megan!
Sparky #2 got the furniture brand wrong. It is actually from the circa 1976 Damien line.
That omen looks more green to me, kind of a sublime green.
It does look green…like it got left out in the backyard for 3months and mold started growing on it….what a deal!
That must’ve been when the T-rex peed on it.
It took me five whole minutes to figure out what an “atamin” was. The picture certainly didn’t help.
For a second I thought Sparky was selling some kind of supplement – “Atamin! Now with added Odd Omens!”
[with all due apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:]
Using Atamin may cause side effects.
Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seporiasoriasis, itching, chafing clothing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworm, excessive body odor, uneven tire wear, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, hammertoe, the shanks, missing stuffing, low sperm count, warped floors, cluttered drawers, hunchback, heart attack, low resale value on your home; odd omens; athlete’s foot, head lice, clubfoot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, anxiety, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, clogged drains, hemorrhoids, dry heaving and furniture dysfunction.
Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about the low sperm count. And I’ve experienced some of the rest in some form or another low these many decades of life have I lived. But, unibrow?!?!?
NEVER!!!
I’m quite well known for my beautiful brows. 🙂
Looks like a misspelling of Attamink. I took a whole load of food to a mink farm once, but it wasn’t made by Purinaâ„¢.
You know, Attacat is not gender specific, but Attaboy is. I wonder what Purinaâ„¢ has against girl doggies.
To be fair to Purina, female dogs are a bunch of bitches.
One corner of Sparky’s head is clearly missing some stuffing.
Speaking of odd omens, I think there’s a penguin on my TV.
…that was the news. It is now 6 o’clock, time for the penguin on top of your television to explode.
It’s funny that no one saw the end of the Odd Omen Empire coming…
Once Greece started missing some stuffing, Sultan Ashley III should have seen the end coming.
Oddly enough, even Mustafa Kemal Atamin was caught off guard.
Along with all of his pets named “Abdul”
Odd Omens
By: Nostradumbass
Near the nacho and with two tables
There will be atamins the like of which was never green,
Family with Not.A.Lion, trucks put upon by bees,
Crying to the great essence of UPEM for relief.
Odd Thomas sees dead people and “then, by God, he does something about it.” Odd Omen sees living people and tries to sell them crappy used furniture.
On a completely YSaC unrelated note… New Odd book out in June!!!
“Asking $300 obo Tan in color”
Where do you go to get Tan oboes?
Down Aisle three, next to the contrary bassoons;
but before the tenor piccolo de gallo, Sin in hue.
“Odd omen” and “peed on by a tyrannosaurus” made me spit my water out. Still haven’t learned to not drink or consume while reading this. My inhumanity to myself.
Using Atamin can help prevent expected nasal enema. Docent levels vary. Slide effect may occur.
Most of us have had to learn that lesson repeatedly.
I’ve actually learned to use it to my advantage. On those days when I am dealing with a cold/stuffy head/sniffles stuff, I drop a couple of Alka Seltzer cold medicine tabs (plop plop, fizz fizz) into a glass of water and read YSaC while I drink it. I either get the cold medicine in my system, or I power wash my sinuses with fizzy stuff.
Either way, I can breathe easier…
Win/Win!!!
Odd O’Men was sad. He had repeatedly tried, and failed, to join the League of Justice and the X-Men..the last one he wanted most of all.
He thought it might not matter that he couldn’t conjure storms, vanish into thin air, or produce razor-sharp appendages in less time than it took to say “jack robinson”.
He was odd…dammit! Odd like…well, like an odd person is.
How many times had people said, “You, my friend, are very odd.”?
Hundreds.
Why, then, wasn’t being odd enough? Was he destined to go through life just this side of greatness because of this distinction?
Odd pondered these things as he collated and stapled files, all alone in his cubicle, trusty red stapler at his side. Just let that jackass of a boss move his desk one more time. He’d show them that Odd was a man to be reckoned with!
He may not have gotten into the League of Justice or the X-Men, but at least he got Even.
Ashley looked around her empty trailer and sighed. “Every damn time. Every single damn time. That is the last time I hire an iguana sitter from Craigslist. I cannot keep buying new furniture.”
I like the old Ashley better. The newer one has horrible taste in furniture. She doesn’t taste so great out of furniture either.
Blessed be Thou, Lord of the Furniture, who stuffeth the cushions. Omen.
And Mary Kate has better taste.
Said no one….EVER.
I’ve never seen an odd omen in obo tan, but Otter Man has a zabuton that color.
If you look very closely at the stain on the first atamin it starts to look like the image of Genghis Kemel – he who must be worshipped. Sorry I suede that.
That suede made me blue, so shoo!
ataturk
suede his feet
upon atamin
ending ottoman
Hammy, One, we replaced the coffee in the box with new instant Atamin! I’m sure you won’t notice any difference. Our lawyers are standing by.
Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Olsen Twins fan!