YSaC, Vol. 1428: Put your head on my shoulder.
2013 January 16
Lp Vinyl Records, Lotion
25 easy listening lp vinyl records
10 bottles of hotel lotion, never opened or used
Looks like that big night at the Shady Arms Motel and Storm Door Company didn’t go quite as Sparky had planned. He’s probably getting rid of the records because he can’t stand to sit around with the dark, soulless eyes of Paul Anka judging him.
Thanks, Kim!
[Note from drmk: In other exciting news, Wil Wheaton tweeted yesterday using a #CatMath hashtag. Okay, he was probably referring to something else, but given that we’ve had our own Cat Math meme here for years, in my mind this is where he got it from. Hi Wil!]
No, not Paul Anka. Sparky isn’t that classy. This is 101 Strings covering Elvis Presley.
It puts the lotion on its skin.
… or else it hears light jazz again.
Put the lotion in the jacket!
Is that anything like putting the lime in the coconut?
You’re such a silly woman.
Skyrockets in flight?
Protip: When seducing, never confuse latex with vinyl.
I guess the lotion cannon idea didn’t work out as well as the butter one.
The sequel is rarely as good as the original.
I love every movement, there’s nothing like LP,
It doesn’t need improvement, it’s much too nice to MP3;
Scratchy discs in motion are all that I adore;
No unused hotel lotion could make me love it more.
Ahhh…”Lotion”…that crazy jazz band from the 1960’s. I remember visiting the Cafe Hotel once and listening to those guys when they were just beatniks in lousy berets.
Since then, they’ve had such hits as:
“Baskets, the Pit, and You”
“Moonlight and Murder”
And much more..to many too list.
I wonder if they’ll play teh “40-Watt” any time soon.
It’s not the Vinyl of your LP, it’s the motion of the lotion…
25 LPs and 10 bottles of lotion? Didn’t Sparky see the warning on the bottle about seeing a doctor if quiet T-shirt time lasts more than 4 hours?
Yah! hotel lotion? If I rub it on to something will it turn into a hotel? I’ve got a spare house from Monopoly. This way no more accommodation costs – take the lotion and the Monopoly house anywhere in the world, find a suitable location, a surreptitious rub and Voila! instant hotel.
During the winter, hotels can become chafed and need lotion. At this time of the year, hotels near me are becoming so chafed that extra zeroes are appearing in their rates.
:cut to Sparky being led away in handcuffs:
But officers, she said I could erect it anywhere as long as I used the lotion!
If you’ve got lotion I’ll turn in to a hotel…
*winkwinknudgenudge*
So, you’d not want to apply “hotel lotion” directly to the forehead, then, correct?
The title of the rare 1977 Eagles easy-listening bootleg double vinyl album w/poster.
Track List:
1. Hotel Lotion
2. Neutrogena Kid in Town
3. Life In The Supple Lane
4. Wasted T-Shit Time
5. Wasted T-Shit Time (reprise)
6. Victim Of Self-Love
7. Pretty Hotel Maids All In A Row
8. Try And Love Again (no really, try!)
9. The Last Resort I Stayed At Didn’t Have Lotion
Isn’t that the one with the bedazzled cow skull on the cover?
You’re mixing that up with Georgia O’Keeffe’s brief dabble in the music industry back in the 80s. Her I Paint Covert Lady Bits I See In Nature album was sort of a homáge to Madonna’s desperately-seeking-Susan days and full-blown Cindy “girls-just-wanna-have-fun” Lauper mania.
Luckily for her she died a few years later; alas so too did her burgeoning singing career.
Honestly, I preferred their “Hell is All Lubed Up” reunion tour to anything they did in the 70s.
I hear Bacontini was a big fan of “Tequila Sunrise.”
🙂
I thought Tequila Sunrise was Bacontini’s stripper name? Or are we not supposed to talk about that?
*checks files*
It’s stamped Super Top Secret, Don’t Nobody Read This, I’m-a Warning Youse.
So no, no reason not to talk about it,.
Mem’ries… of the airport Comfort Inn
Scratchy, sometimes skipping mem’ries…
of that thing I did.
Battered Ellllll-Peeeeeees,
by the Partridge Fam-i-leeeeeee,
Scared I would run out of lotion,
for that thing I did.
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or did I hallucinate again?
If the cops would let me do it all again
Tell me, would I? Could I?
Mem’ries, may be pitiful and yet
What’s too sordid to remember
I simply cannot forget
So it’s the taser
I will remember
Whenever I remember…
The way I was…
The way I was…
*holds up phone showing photo of a lighter*
That one always gets me, Tank girl. I especially love the obo solo.
Who snagged my ad from the personals section?
Er… I mean, that’s pretty funny stuff.
Wow, look at all the fingerprints on these LPs. I think Sparky should have listed them as Greasy Listening.
I’m still using the CatMath mousepad 🙂
C blah blah blah J, I bet you thought I forgot about you! Nope, I didn’t forget about just you! I forgot about the whole darn box! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Sleazy Listening Fans!