YSaC, Vol. 1426: Daft icon doggerel.
2013 January 14
Dog Create – $75
folding dog create. measures 48X32X30 with plastic liner. Like new. asking $75 or best offer. If interested please call xxx-xxx-xxxx.
A folding dog that measures 48x32x30, that I can create? That’s a pretty big origami dog. Or maybe it’s small, since there’s no units given. I’m assuming it’s not in furlongs. It could, I suppose, be in either Smoots or attoparsecs, but that would still be pretty large. For $75, though, I want to make sure I’m getting my money’s worth. It’s a good thing it comes with its own plastic liner. I don’t want to have to clean up after it — it probably poops huge bursts of confetti.
Thanks, Sondra!
This decration wont wurk with my French Prevential armwar, Chinnese phooton, Spinach chester drawers, Trukish otterman, and fuseball tabbel.
Dr. Frankenstein?
Frankenweenie.
You’re a hot dog, but you’d better not try to fold her, Frank Furter.
Frau Blücher? [pauses for horse neighing]
(What, vee vehr not speckink abt Jung Frankenstein?)
My hubby does that ALL the time. For some reason I never expect it so it cracks me up every time.
Origami Dogs hunt in packs.
Origami Dogs is IF’s BiteBack cover band.
Origami Dogs are easy to paper train.
Origami Dogs don’t litter.
Origami Dogs will take you in to their folds.
Origami Dogs kick Reservoir Dogs asses (or is that assii?) and then eat them grilled for dinner.
Would have thought Origami Dogs would have been the Step-On-Wolf (apply directly to forehead) cover band?
Folding Dog Create is one of the less popular craft kits at the local dollar store.
Quit picking on dyslexics. Have you been living in a rock tomb? The God Create kit is the hottest selling item at Creation Museum especially since they replaced the cotton fabric with plastic for the “Make Your Own Shroud” part. The reason no units are given is because god is omnipresent.
And He did speak unto them saying, verily, all that thou seest is thine, The rocks and tall grasses of the field, ye pots of mud with, and the strange bugs, and upon the sticks of the forest, yea, even the squirrels I have placed there for ye amusement. And thou shalt feast upon the bracken, and the dead pigeon, and the rawhide, and the Kibbles n’ Bits, for I am the Lord thy Dog.
And on the eighth day, Dog did create $75. Spendeth it not all in one place.
Dog Create!
In the beginning Dog created the bacon and the SQUIRREL!
And the SQUIRREL was without nuts, and void; and a hydrant was upon the face of the earth. And the Spirit of Dog peed upon the front of the hydrant.
And Dog said, Let there be BALL and there was BALL.
And Dog saw the BALL, that it was good: and Dog divided the BALL from the hydrant.
And Dog called the BALL YAY, and the hydrant he called potty. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
And Dog said, Let there be a rawhide in the midst of the yards, and let it divide the neighbors from their rawhides.
And Dog made the rawhides, and divided the neighbors which were under the rawhides from the rawhides which were above the rawhides: and it was so.
And Dog called the rawhides NOMS. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
And Dog said, Let the rawhides be under the bacon be gathered together unto one place, and let the hole appear: and it was so.
And Dog called the hole DIRT; and the gathering together of the rawhides called he treats: and Dog saw that it was good.
:Madly runs around office taking off all the doors, loads them onto trebuchet, flings at puppy in Orbiting Cave of Technological Wonders, sees they have not achieved requisite velocity, runs for cover, *SPLAT*:
Tell us the story about the ribs Hammy!!! Apparently even Bow-wow-wow-ay liked barbecue!
So Dog caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with bacon. Then Dog ate the rib, thus becoming mans best friend.
The “Shroud” must be the plastic part.
Dog create get!
As Professor Whizbangg practices his magic act in the basement of his mom’s house, he continuously fails at the dog create trick.
Waving his magic wand in the air he says the incantation..
“Iggity, biggity, doggie…CREATE!”
Nothing.
Time after time he tries, the sweat on his brow running in tracks throught the pudge on his cheeks and chins.
“Iggity, biggity, doggie….CREATE!”
Finally, nearing the end of his sanity, Prof. Whizbangg decides to try a different tactic…and turns to Craigslist.
Perusing the ads for dogs, he really doesn’t think he’ll find anything…when lo and behold….
Last time I tried folding my dog I got a warning from the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) .. they did let me crumple my cats, though.
Warning: Folding dog may result in tits aside.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
In Soviet Russia, dog create YOU!!
Yoda – “Mmmm, dog create you must if Jedi you are to be.”
Luke “But it’s too humid, the paper is too wet.”
Yoda – “Fine, lift X-wing you must.”
Sounds like a load of excreatement to me!
This should have a “possibly awesome” tag! At last, my retirement plan! I’ll just purchase this item and start creating dogs for sale. I’ll make chawawas, bagels, peekaknees, bitchin freezes, datsuns, Chesapeake gay receivers, shit sues, palm Iranians and more, too many to list!
I so wish my Art History classes had called them “Bitchin’ Friezes”
Anagram fun!
Dog Create
Redact Ego (What Freud did)
Cadet Gore (internet inventor)
Go-Cart Dee (Bad grade on a high school shop project)
Taco Greed (Bad, bad Taco)
Goad Erect (right after key grip in the pron movie credits)
Great Co-Ed (Yes, yes they are)
Grate Co-Ed (You are doing
herit wrong)Goat Creed (Baaa Ba BAAA Baaa Maaaaaaaa!)
Harumph!
Spark’ wants me to invent a plastic-lined canine that is either collapsible or a laundry assistant, and expects me to fork over mot of a c-note for the privilege?
Just what is Spark’ thinking, that this is a pet shop somewhere near Notlob?
Alright, but it’s sleeping in the yard.
Astro! Boy, where you been??
Hither, thither, and over yonder. I’ve been there and back again, with a bag of chips, too.
I went away a boy, and I’ve returned a… well, still a boy, but now I’m supposed to register for the selective service and vote and all that.
My snark in regards to this website ran away for a while, you see, likely due to overexposure, but now I think it’s slowly coming back.
Well, welcome back! You have been missed. 🙂
And now you are old enough to come to Las Vegas in the Summer for the convention! Woo-Hoo!!
:sigh:
Jailbait is no longer jailbait. It’s the end of an era.
Since we haven’t for a while:
Dog Fold Create
Plastic lined it must Be
Humanity weeps
(checks byline) Wait – am I SURE I didn’t write this one? It sure sounds like one of mine. Where the heck did you learn the word “attoparsec,” anyway?
I think it’s the main ingrediant in Alpo…
Is that anything like “atto-boy!”…?
-thought Atto-boy was Astro’s sidekick.
I wonder what band instrument it plays.
Ostrimu ( BBUH): Ooh, baby, when you talk like me it just makes me feel all… funny. :points: Here.
drmk (BBUH): I know. :wiggles eyebrows: Wanna play second derivative and concavities?
Tankerbell: :pulls curtain hastily: Welp, folks, nothing to see here. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for. Move along.
I always wondered…if you had a robot seamstress would that be a Hemdroid?
If you did, you would have a HamHemdroid!
And you would name her….
PAM*!!
*her name would be Pam HamHemdroid
*Gets out the preparation H*
Oh, is that how the kids are doing it these days?
I hear it cures baldness…
Well, not “cures” but it shirinks up your head so what you’ve got left takes up more space.
Ostrimu, who were you when you logged on this morning?
I bought a folding dog create once, but the only directions in the box were in Chinese & there were no pictures. I gave the assembly my best effort, but must have made a wrong fold somewhere.
I ended up with a 48 foot x 32 inch x 30 furlong box with a door on the front. One might call it a cage of some kind- the sort of thing one might use to house their not-a-lion.
It was worse than the time I bought an Ikea bookcase that when assembled turned out to be a kayak.
I just about choked on my tongue when I read “poops confetti”. That was good stuff right there.
♫♪
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Dog.
— Folding Dog Create, by John Cage.
Merce Cunningham wanders onstage, lifts leg, and leaves.
One thing I love about YSaC is that we can leave a cat and a puppy in the box all day, and not have to drag away dead bodies in the morning. They clean up after themselves. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Pervy Dog Fanciers!