YSaC, Vol. 1424: His sidekick would be Dongle Bob.

2013 January 10

softwaer dick for hp3140 all in one – $5


I have a good working HP C3140 all in one copy print and scan ,
NO softwaer dick willing to by if soft waer dick is for the right modle hp copyer
have had a lot of problems trying to down load this program so trying this methed

hp please


get back to me iam really looking for someone that might have this i really need it and i hope to hear from someone that might have it ok please let me now ok thank you
well i looking for a recovery dvd 64 bit for a hp pavilion dv2000 for modle dv2116wn i need a copy of xp or vista home you can make only one set of recovery dvd for the labtop so if anyone out there has one give me a email and i come and pick it up they cost 25.00 at hp but i need to fix a computer and i just need the dvd i dont care if it a burn copy of vist or xp it has to be for this labtop ok no other labtop ok this moble ok please get to me and let me now ok asap sweattexas@xxxxxxxx.com ok get a hold of me asap ok [location] [state] ok

These two ads are not from the same person. They’re not from the same state, even, or the same year. But apparently there’s something about HP products that (1) causes people to lose important media related to the products, (b) forget how to spell “model,” and (iii) have dick issues.

Actually, this sounds like a bad novel. “The Adventures of Software Dick — sticking his program in places it doesn’t belong.”

Helpless little miss: “Oh, Software Dick, how can I ever repay you for rebooting my HP C3140 all in one copy print and scan?”

SD: “Well, ma’am, you can hop right up there on the scanner and we can see if my code compiles.”

No, no, no. Just no.

OK?

No.

Thanks to amybeth and JW, who has been on a roll lately.

48 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 January 10
    One Moving Violation permalink

    First of all, the waer dick is useless if it’s soft. If Sparky hadn’t methed himself, there probably would not have been a problem.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 January 10
      DigitalAxis permalink

      Yeah, but floppy dicks were ok, back in the day.

      Adores: 13
      • 2013 January 10
        One Moving Violation permalink

        I still have one of those. I haven’t gone completely over to a compact dick.

        Adores: 8
        • 2013 January 10

          For entertainment purposes, I prefer Blu-Ray dicks. They just offer a better experience.

          Adores: 6
        • 2013 January 10

          The blu-ray dicks are only as good as the equipment they’re used in, IMO. Otherwise, I really can’t tell the difference between them and the regular deviant dicks.

          Maybe it’s just me.

          Adores: 9
        • 2013 January 10
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          See, I’ve gone totally digital. That way, I can fit hundreds, or even thousands, of dicks in my pants everywhere I go.

          Adores: 9
        • 2013 January 10
          LimeLolly permalink

          I miss the old cassettes when you only had to blow the dust off to get them to play.

          Adores: 6
        • 2013 January 10

          I’m hesitant about switching to all-digital, I’d probably end up putting things in the wrong places and end up with a bunch of corrupted dicks everywhere.

          Adores: 6
        • 2013 January 10
          CapnMac permalink

          Yeah, but you needed a pencil with a chewed-just-right eraser; or a bic pein to rewind/retension those old cassettes . . .

          Adores: 4
        • 2013 January 10
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          BIC PECIL!

          Adores: 5
        • 2013 January 10

          That, according to the Cap’n, has to be chewed just right in order to function properly.

          Adores: 7
        • 2013 January 10
          Tankerbell permalink

          I’m just glad sparky wants a waer dick and not a weredick. Those things get freaky during a full moon, y’all.

          Adores: 7
        • 2013 January 10

          Or a share-wear dick. You never know where those things have been.

          Adores: 5
  2. 2013 January 10
    Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

    hp please

    ——————————————————————————–
    get back to me iam really looking for someone that might have this i really need it and i hope to hear from someone that might have it like please let me now like thank you
    well i looking for a recovery dvd 64 bit for a hp pavilion dv2000 for modle dv2116wn i need a copy of xp or vista home you can make only one set of recovery dvd for the labtop so if anyone out there has one give me a email and i come and pick it up they cost 25.00 at hp but i need to fix a computer and i just need the dvd i dont care if it a burn copy of vist or xp it has to be for this labtop like no other labtop like this moble like please get to me and let me now like asap sweattexas@xxxxxxxx.com like get a hold of me asap like [location] [state] like

    Now it makes sense.

    Adores: 5
  3. 2013 January 10
    limelolly permalink

    *sifts through mental library for clean $5 dick jokes, is unsuccessful*

    Well, I’ll be in the corner all day.

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 January 10

      Five dollars?!? Back in my day, you could get two for a nickel!

      I bet they’re half the size they used to be, too.

      Adores: 10
  4. 2013 January 10
    Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

    Like, my comment won’t post.

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 January 10

      How many times did you submit it? 8) Try again, six or seven more times. We are nearly out of spam.

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 January 10
        Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

        Like, five or six.

        I’ll have your spam, I love it.

        Edit: Oooh it’s there now. Yay!

        Adores: 1
  5. 2013 January 10
    Malfunctioning Spambot #4 permalink

    All both of these fine people are using HP’s Free HP Labtop with purchase of Bunsen Burner and Pipette set! revolutionary new Spell-Away(TM) Get off-brand designer HARRY POTTER NOVELS for cheap! from HP. Worried that your immaculate grammar and expansive vocabulery will gif you aweigh online? Youse HP Slell-Awy and no 1 wil kno it5 you. Cms wih “Youtube”, “Craigs lidst”, &d “Complt uninggbl”. Hab yrsolf vowa dson lroprgn,sdddi aq8k

    Adores: 9
  6. 2013 January 10
    Ralph permalink

    I can’t help the second HP user, OK? I have a labtop with a DVD drive but I don’t have the specific dick for it either, OK?; I used a generic dick to load the OS, OK? The latter solution works, although the manufacturer prefers the former in the Dell.

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 January 10

      Isn’t Generic Dick IF’s Sex Pistols cover band?

      Oh, look: The all-in-one printer in the corner is working again.

      Adores: 9
      • 2013 January 10

        You just have to bang it really hard.

        Adores: 19
        • 2013 January 10
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Just remember, same rules as the microwave – you spill, you clean it up.

          Adores: 6
  7. 2013 January 10

    Dang it, I just got the corners cleaned after that last hummingbird feeder incident! Everyone wipe your feet and don’t knock the dicks off the tits-aside table.

    Adores: 10
  8. 2013 January 10
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Does anyone else suspect Sparky’s email address was supposed to be “Sweet Texas”?

    Adores: 3
  9. 2013 January 10

    I love my labtop computer. I can set it on my dog and just start typing.

    Adores: 8
  10. 2013 January 10

    My soft-wear dick is for everyday fashion. For special occasions I like to wear the hard on.

    I’ll be in the corner.

    Adores: 8
  11. 2013 January 10

    Rule 34.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 January 10
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      If you’re talking about the site with pictures of different HP devices in, ahem, compromising positions, well then—

      —I would know nothing about that. Nothing at all. No sense in looking up the domain name owner.

      Adores: 7
      • 2013 January 10
        Tankerbell permalink

        Would you post a linky please? It’s for… A friend.

        Adores: 3
      • 2013 January 10
        Windrose permalink

        I don’t understand, Harry Potter wands and other magical devices in compromising positions? Doesn’t sound interesting to me.

        Adores: 1
  12. 2013 January 10
    Tankerbell permalink

    Sparky #2:
    Ok we really need you to listen ok. It’s really important ok so please listen ok we really mean it. Ok seriously listen. Ok you are committing a crime. There is a reason you can only load that softwaer once from the dick ok. That stuff costs money to develop ok and we have lawyers. They’re bored right now because we haven’t been sued for antitrust violations this month ok so we need you to stop. We especially didn’t like the part where you said you’d be fine with a bootleg dick (giggity) of our softwaer ok.
    XXOO,
    Microsoft (also giggity)

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 January 10

      I get to use my dicks three times! Of course, I paid extra for that privilege and don’t think I’ll ever use it. I’m more of a one-dicks kinda gal.

      Adores: 6
      • 2013 January 10
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        I used to reuse mine often to save some money – maybe even several times a day. But then I started to have trouble getting them to eject.

        Adores: 7
        • 2013 January 10

          Must have picked up a virus.

          Adores: 8
  13. 2013 January 10
    CapnMac permalink

    Gotta feel bad for both Sparks. Hosed entire and no quantity of Seeing Alice will help.
    Since it seems to be near expected, the [corey] on these is worse than $5 dick jokes from the Dollar Store.

    In the first coitus, above, none of the all-in-one providers supply discs or disks anymore. And, even if they do, the specific file required is always online. And, since the driver file is out-of-print, searchers wind up at some sleazy no-tell software motels. Where, if a person is supremely lucky, you only catch a case of spam. But, more typically, the she is a he, and the support girls sing koo-ka-choo, ka-you wanna blue pill?

    As to the second tryst, above, Sparq’ is in very dire straits indeed. Not-getting-to-Second-base Spark’ has ciphered that an OEM CD is required. Sadly, this would be PC Prince Charming has got it backwards. An OEM CD is needed, and for that specific labtop, but also for the specific o/s. This is about as backward as P.C. wandering about with a glass slipper and axing would be Sin-dee-rellas does this (ahem) “foot” fit this slipper? (Some of our distaff will be familiar with the male presumption that 7-8cm ≈ 7-8″ even after dangerous doses of sildenafil.)

    I could probably ramble on more, but it would like devolve into pandering to phallic japery that would not push chickadees aside.
    [/corey]

    Adores: 7
    • 2013 January 10
      LimeLolly permalink

      Cap’n, you just [coreyed] yourself to the corner. Amazing!

      I need more lessons, obviously.

      Adores: 6
      • 2013 January 10
        CapnMac permalink

        Is the corner supposed to have all these pillows to both asides?
        Makes me afraid to have a coffee slice, for not wanting to dribble upon the chickadees . . .

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 January 10
          Tankerbell permalink

          Yeah, whipped cream or maybe some chocolate syrup might be a better choice than coffee slices.

          Adores: 2
  14. 2013 January 10
    Lizzi permalink

    Man, sounds like I missed a bunch of hilarious stuff while I was gone

    Adores: 2
  15. 2013 January 10
    Windrose permalink

    Lizzi! Welcome back! Pull up a coffee table and sh@t a spell!

    Adores: 1
  16. 2013 January 10
    Fuselagier permalink

    “Softwaer Dick and the case of the Missing Floppies”

    I usually am a quiet Dick, sticking in my own business, but on that rainy night last August there came a knockin’ a dame I just couldn’t refuse. Said her name was Oemma or somesuch, and she had the cassettes to prove it. From that moment, I had a sinking feeling that this dick would never be the same.

    Adores: 6
  17. 2013 January 11

    IF, Hammy, you were perfect gentlemen in the box all day. Are you feeling okay? Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, IT guys!

    Adores: 2
  18. 2013 January 14
    Must join permalink

    Well if this don’t beat all (no pun intended for all the dick jokes).
    This site really makes my day so funny and witty.
    How do I join?

    Adores: 0
    • 2013 January 14
      mud "static noise" slicker permalink

      I believe you just did. 😀

      Adores: 0

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.