YSaC, Vol. 1396: Go Speed Racer! Or… not.
2012 December 3
01 VW Golf TDI – $4000
I have a 2001 Volkswagon Golf 1.9 Turbo diesle.
103k and is now a salvage title. Runs and Drives perfect still.
All it needs is a little tlc, EVERYTHING WORKS PERFECT.
$4000 obo
How about the headlights there, Sparky? Do they “work perfect”? What about the front license plate holder? The radiator grill? Oh, and in the state where this car was listed, the “Salvage” designation can never be removed from the title. So given that the current resale value of a 2001 Golf TDI in excellent condition is about $4,000, I suspect our seller here is being just a BIT ambitious.
Thanks for the post, BianchiSound!
Following Dan’s lead, the cosmetics–hood, both fenders, bumper assembly–will run about $3000. And, that’s the “let’s beautify the neighborhood by restoring a beat-up car in the driveway” sort of budget. And, that presumes (a large presumption) that the 5mph bumper assembly is not compromised–if so, tack on another $500 to sparkii it, or $1500 to correctly repair the bumper).
Since this under a salvage title, I’ll suspect this vehicle has already been “totaled.” Depending upon the state, the vehicle is actually meant to go to the scrapyard, and reselling it for automotive use probably constitutes insurance fraud.
As a guess, Spark’ had driven this not-road-worthy wreck on public road (if only to assess that “Runs and Drives perfect still”). That act would be illegal, too.
This irritates me on several levels. One of which is that in my 100 mile-per-day commute, I have to dodge such “vehicles” all too often. The other is that this vehicle and the person posting the sale are all too apt metaphors for the work week I face.
I actually looked that up – it depends on the state. In Sparky’s home state, it IS legal to resell and drive vehicles with salvage titles.
This calls for a little Wallflowers, me thinks…
So here it goes, I don’t remember when…
That’s when the fender dropped right off, my friend.
Well they said it was sleazy but I glued it on with ease
As I listed it at whatever price I pleased.
I’ll see the bids rising up at the coming of the dawn
Driving this can’t be against the law.
Come on now and get a taste
It always had some jumpin’ base
Now I wonder who couldn’t love this waste.
Heeeeyy!
Come on drive a little
It will run forever!
There’s got to be a sucker who will pay for this piddle
But me and my friend Ella
We put this back together
You can drive it home
With no headlights!
Adores and applause.
Wanda wonders if her coffee machine also has a strong and clever setting.
My coffee this morning is Mountain Dew, if that helps.
Caffeine and sugar either way, then!
For a second I thought that said you had made your coffee with Mountain Dew this morning.
Ghostie, where I come from, “mountain dew” is a fine coffee enhancer. Mmmm. Fresh from the still.
P.S. autocorrect wants to turn “Ghostie” into “Hostile.” Can’t we go back to our carefree days of wiener mariner? Sigh.
Good ol’ corn squeezins; that’ll perk you up in the morning! I get a giggle every time I see a commercial come on.
To stick with the 90s music theme, I know who I don’t wanna take me home.
You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!
Unless you move to the corner!
All it needs is a little tlc, and by “a little tlc” I mean “another one that’s similarly damaged in the rear, so that you can build yourself one good one or maybe even a Golf TDI stretch limousine.”
I would think that putting it out of it’s misery would be more “tlc” than going Dr. Frankenstein on it.
its* derp derp da derp derp squee!
Haven’t you heard? “Tlc” now stands for “Transport to Large Crusher.”
Sparkies changed the acronyms, btw.
(By their weirdness)
Something like this?
http://britishtelly.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/fiat-panda.jpg
Ah, but you see, it runs and drives perfect STILL. Which means it stays in one place while you turn the wheel and honk the horn in a game of pretend, much like Maggie in the Simpsons’ opening. If you want to take it out of the driveway, you’re out of luck.
Or it would make a perfect still. Easy access to the radiator!
Looks just like any car my mother drives… after she encounters suicidal deer. It can be fixed up… no problem. Anyone need venison btw?
Mmmm, pre-tenderized venison!
Hey, it’s missing the swingset . . .
If you took the tires off, this would look fantastic propped up on cement blocks on a white trash lawn.
Or as my father calls his old work truck with no engine, “a tool shed”
Eh, forget the junker. I’m more interested in the $4000 oboe. Is it, like, a Stradivarius of woodwinds?
Not including pictures of the blessed instrument is a terrible… oh, wait. Was it in the car at the time of the crash?
Yes, it was. And it was Sparky’s best oboe. *sniff*
***this ad explains soooooooo much about the cars I see in the south***
Fussy McSnoodle: So, about your VW Jetta….you say it runs great, but what about the headlights?
Sparky Dimbulberry: Well, hey for $4,000 what do you expect? Both headlights to work? Psshhh…
Fussy: Yes, I suppose you are right. But, is there supposed to be a large hole in the radiator?
Sparky: Radiator, schmadiator! This baby runs on cool mountain breezes, baby!
Fussy: Uh-huh…and the hood…ummm….is it supposed to be all bent and wrinkled and crinkly like that?
Sparky: What wrinkling? You mean that little ding? Pops right out with a household plunger. It is a 2001 model, after all. You are going to have a few little marks on the body.
Fussy: Ooooooh…can I start it, see how it runs?
Sparky: Heh..heh…I see what you’re trying to do here, Fussy. Sure, you can start it after you sign on the dotted line right here. What? You think I’m just going to let anyone drive this baby around? Hardly! This is a classic and it’s cherry!
Fussy: So, why is this car considered “salvage”?
Sparky: (leans over and whispers conspiratorially) Because, it’s actually Italian, not German.
Fussy: The Italians made the VW Jetta?
Sparky: Not all of them, just this one. It’s really a Bulgati Salvage (pronounced sall-vazh).
Fussy: Wow…that’s cool! I’ll take it!
Later, at the DMV…….
Fussy: I’d like to register my Bulga- ummm…my Jetta.
Pissy McSassybritches: I’ll need title, registration and bill of sale.
Fussy: Oh…um…I don’t have any of those.
Pissy: (rolls eyes) Then I can’t register your vehicle.
Fussy: But, Mr. Dimbulberry said I could!
Pissy: Wait! Is this the Bulgati Salvage?
Fussy: (smiling) Yes!
Pissy: (hands over registration papers) Here you go! And congratulations on purchasing a one-of-a-kind vehicle! Happy motoring in Alabama!
Fussy: What does “Caveat Emptor” mean?
Sparky: Oh, they made me put on the sign, even though I wanted to keep it a secret. But I’ll let you in on it: It comes with fancy caviar!
Fussy: Oooooo!
“Caveat”–itz wheys theyz press’n the cay-vee-ar inter a loaf an’ toast’t, ess? Lot neater than that fancy-schmanzty fish bait dem Rooskies all slaver o’er!
*waves hand wildly in the air*
I want to be Pissy McSassybritches! Pick me! Pick me! Turns out, being Kevin was no fun at all. I don’t like fetching coffee and turning script pages. I wanna rubber-stamp things! Pick me! Pick me!
Can I play the part of Byett Sietunsine? Well, maybe not. I don’t want to be typecast again.
It would only be typecasting if we insisted that you pile this specific bit of crusher-bait on the rest of the car-cakes on the back of the 40′ Fruehauf flat we parked outside–an’ you don’t mind, but the crusher’s only 1400 away, and we only have 2¼¢, and you have to deadhead back, ’cause we got’s to return the tailer from where we, uh, borried–yeah, we borried it–from.
okthxbye
CJ — where’s your avatar?
(Now auditioning for the walk-on roll of Hilda Von Wunderfrage)
hmmmmmmm….wrong e-mail addy….is this it?
Nope…but we are getting closer. That’s Bugsy, the Insane btw.
Maybe this one’s the right e-mail.
Blame it on the left-over magnetics from the MRI.
It’s nothing a little Bondo, a couple of flashlights, and duck tape couldn’t fix.
That and a safety inspector who takes bribes.
Oh, dear, did I just type that?
And…..I’ve seen this……..twice.
After the bumper fell off of Dad’s truck (yes, really) he got pulled over because his license plate – which he had taped with masking tape to the mudflap – wasn’t illuminated at night. Dad’s solution? He taped a flashlight, also with masking tape, next to the plate and would switch it on before driving if it was dark.
I swear I’m not making this up.
He taped it on with MASKING tape? Pffft. I thought everyone knew the proper DIY impliment was duct tape.
This is why you don’t cut the Hulk off in traffic.
Step 1: Buy car.
Step 2: Transport to Alaska.
Step 3: Drive only during June and July.
This post’s content auto-generated by the SparkLogic 3000 (powered by the Bad Idea Bears).
This post’s content auto-generated by the SparkLogic 3000 (powered by the Bad Idea Bears)
Father!
No thanks, we have enough of those heaps up here already, you can keep it in the lower 48, please.
Volkswagon Golf is played with small children instead of balls; the object is to knock them into open manholes and storm drains: “See if diesle fit.”
Naturally, this results in some dings on the putter, but you get a new car for a hole in one.
Like any other golf clubs on craigslist, used ones don’t have much resale value, and the used children are not worth mucking around in the sewers.
I prefer watching VW Polo.
I’d like the role of Maxie Ignoreyou, the cashier at the body shop where Sparky will try to take this great running car!
If I can’t have that, I’l take any roll. With butter. (4 months into the diet, proabably 8 to go)
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
Ghostie, LimeLolly, TankerBell.
When shall you three meet again?
Next Tuesday looks good.
Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Auto Wrapped!