YSaC, Vol. 1392: Kiss From a Rose… Near a Monkey
2012 November 27
FREE 2 PM TODAY -_______________10 single men at the zoo with roses – 3050
2 PM TODAY -_______________10 single men at the zoo with roses
NEAR THE MONKEY TREES
JUST WALK UP TO ONE AND GET YOUR MAN WITH A ROSE
Why does this put me in the mind of Monty Python’s albatross sketch?
“Man with a Rose! Get one while they last!”
“One diet soda, please.”
“I haven’t GOT diet soda. I’ve got a man with a rose!”
“Can I get him in grape?”
“Course you can’t get him in grape! He’s a bloody man with a rose!”
“How much?”
Thanks for the surreallity, JGW!
Of course, you have to get there early before all the good ones are gone; you don’t want to be stuck with the fella with the mismatched eyes and funny leg who smells like cabbages and Metamucil.
I’d rather have the monkey, thanks.
You’ll have to wait until 3 PM for a monkey. Personally, I’m hoping to snag a zebra at the 4:00 blue light special.
Or there’s the 6 PM not.a.lion
Does he come with a steak?
Well, he does get pretty excited about it, but not THAT excited.
Edit: Yeah, I’ll be in the corner today as well as in the box.
I’m psychic!
They had that at Petsmart last weekend, but I had to fill out a form and have someone inspect my house before I could get one.
I hope you had one big tick bath ready!
I hope they make it easy to tell the men apart from the monkeys.
That’s what the roses are for.
A man by any other name would still smell…
Especially next to the poo flingers.
Poo Flingers was IF’s Foo Fighters cover band that didn’t do so well.
We’re trying to convert over to a The Monkees/GWAR crossover act.
There, fixed it for you. Hehe
You just know that the monkeys were standing there looking at these 10 guys holding roses making awkward conversation with one another and shuffling nervously, thinking: And we’re the ones who are less evolved?
And then their next thought is, “Let’s fling some poo!”
Well, naturally that was their next thought. After all, they were lonely, desperate men who had to resort to standing in a line with others in front of a cage full of primates who just ate, slept, shat, and shenaniganed all day long, and for any that were mate-less the people who brought them food also brought them mates! Of course the rose bearers devolved from desperation to poo flinging!
The zoo will definitely increase their attendance that way, but I’m not sure if it’ll be enough to pay for the ensuing anti-pimping trial.
Pimping? Wait…we have to pay the silly men with roses? I’ll buy him a Del’s lemonade. And get him a souvenir plastic monkey. This is my final offer.
Women don’t pay the men with roses; I mean, they already have roses, why do they want more? The pimping charge comes from women paying the zoo entry fee and an exorbitant exit fee if they’re carrying a rose or the hand of a man with a rose on the way out.
Whose idea was this? I’d rather pick the one holding the foot-long meatball sammich. Give me something I can use…like a cast-iron skillet, or a blue tarp. Seriously, do you know what roses cost these days?
:asks Uncle Google:
Holy Moses! That’s a new vacuum cleaner!
Heh. “Holding the foot-long meatball sammich.” Heh heh. Snerk.
Me ears were burning, so I check YSaC and the topic is monkeys! Who’d a thunk it?
This is only because the Humane Society stopped accepting stray florists.
Remember to have your florists spayed and neutered.
Nothing worse than a pack of feral florists. I chase them out of my backyard a whole lot this time of year.
I hate stepping in their “tasteful arrangement” droppings.
IF, have you tried spreading mothballs in the yard? With a slingshot?
Those may not be “meatballs” if from near the simian exhibit . . .
And the flower-arranging Gregorian Monks were the worst. Yeesh. Remember, kids: Only you can prevent florist friars.
Dammit. Jim. I’m DeForrest, not a simian!
Spayed and neutered??? I’ve been having mine sprayed and glittered. D’oh!
That’s effective, too, D3. It just makes them attractive to florists of the same gender, which will also help control the feral florist population.
Don’t forget to spay their neuters, too.
A rose by any other name shall smell as………though it were being held by a desperate, grungy sparky standing between a monkey and a not.a.lion.
We’re not desperate. We’re just, um, exploring new options. Or something.
Did you know that, in the same way a group of baboons is called a congress, a group of sparkies-holding-roses is called a Senate.*
*This may not be true.
1. I prefer my men without floral adornment. Call me old fashioned. I don’t like couches with roses on them either.
2. I also prefer my men to be a little bit selective and not wander off with the first person who walks up to them.
3. As we already know, there are not any monkeys.
Ah. Thanks for the mammaries, Camille. That was a good day.
Only you can pervert florist desires.
I know. *brushes imaginary speck off blouse*
It’s a gift. Everyone likes to talk about their arrangements.
O/T – L-squared, I just noticed that the top search term on my personal blog is “limelolly on you suck at craigslist”. Have you been stalking yourself on the Intertubez lately?
I was lost. Every brick looks the same… and I was hiding from the cats.
The giant, shaved,vampyre cats?
I just finished that book, Windy! LOVED it.
OH, don’t tell me how it ends! I’m about half-way through it. 8) LOL Tank Girl, you read all three books, didn’t you? Did you find yourself talking like Abby and whatnot?
If I had anticipated this reaction, I would have brought lilacs instead.
So it’s me again. Punchity Punch Punch. Ow.
Good morning, Florist Friars!