YSaC, Vol. 1376: (Don’t) sing me a song, guitar man.
2012 November 5
will follow you and play theme music
thats right! i will follow you around for $20/hr and play guitar
themed music based on what your situation is!
mad?sad?happy? no problem i have music for all of your emotional situations.
making a naughty movie? i can bow chicka wow wow the backround music to that!
please email me and let me know if my services are right for you!
This sounds like it would be the musical equivalent of the “Makin’ Copies!” guy from Saturday Night Live a million years ago. In other words, the worst thing ever. He might make more money if he just started following people around playing, and then charged them to STOP.
Thanks, Liz!
This reminds me of the Family Guy episode where Peter had his own theme music. Sparky here probably got this idea from there.
This is exactly where my mind went, OMV, but I was thinking of the one where Stewie follows the fat guy around with a tuba.
So Brave Sir Robin finally sacked you, did he?
Didn’t he get eaten during that harsh winter and there was much rejoicing? Yay.
Wait… so is this a medieval zombie troubadour? This post just went from possibly awesome to definitely awesome.
Also, I’m strangely hungry for coconuts now.
No, I believe he was the one who forgot the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch…and well…you know what happened next….
$20 an hour? Who would pay that much for something so trivial? The super rich? The super rich didn’t get rich by paying for this type of thing.
For real. If that’s the going rate, an iPod will pay for itself in no time, and you don’t have to worry about FICA or benefits.
Too true.
Not only that, but, you could have a menu of sound effects on the iPod–pewpew for laser beams; Zock! Bam! Ka-Pow! and the like. Not the sort of thing likely to get from “Uh, what are ‘Black Diamond Strings’ again?” gitar-derf.
I already have my own theme music. Hamsterdance. You think he can play Hamsterdance? I actually have that song for my alarm.
Dibidi ba didi dou dou,
Di ba didi dou,
Didi didldildidldidl houdihoudi dey dou.
You remember what John Belushi did with that guitar in Animal House?
I wish it were physically possible to do the same thing with that website.
OMV: That would definitely get me out of bed in the morning, but I’d go through alarm clocks/phones pretty much daily.
bwahahahahahaha!
Hey, that’s the QuestionableSquirrelSuitDance–<my eyes; my eyes>:
This is my theme music:
http://www.snoopy-dance.com/
:digs into couch cushions:
I’ve got … three, four, elbenty-olive, nine … seventeen dollars, forty-three cents, a broken spork, a linty Dum-Dum (mango flavor) and what I’m really hoping is a stuffed mouse and not a real one. :sniff: Ugh. I think it was a real mouse at one point.
I will trade all this bounty for one hour of following Kimmie DeWitt, the girl who dumped a salt shaker over my head in the sixth grade, around while playing Flight of the Bumblebee: on a kazoo. I won’t pay if you pass out.
I used to play the kazoo. I was pretty good at playing the cantina song from star wars.
I’m about to get shaved for my operation.
A kazooectomy? What do they shave for that? Wait…no… Please don’t tell me.
The are between the mouthpiece and the golgafringinator, obviously.
Depends on how you were powering said kazoo….
Cap’n: I think that might be the kanootervalve.
♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪THUNK!
It’s not flight of th bumblebee, it’s flight of the frisbee. Is that close enough?
There goes the page format.
In 64/57(i) time, no less
Thank Dog it hit something out there, otherwise it might have gone on forever!
Then it would be the song that never ends.
Nope. No guitar. I demand that my theme music be played on a piano. A grand piano. And I don’t want you lagging behind when I take the stairs.
I’m more of a pipe organ fellow, myself.
I would prefer he follow me around with an alphorn.
This can be arranged.
But the lederhosen cost extra.
The Lederhosen Cost Extra is the name of my Dresden Dolls cover band.
I’m partial to the theremin. Sparky better have a long extension cord.
Awesome! I’m totally hiring this guy. I hope he’s okay with all of my theme songs being Michel Hedges pieces.
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ Feelings, nothing more than feelings, trying to forget my feelings…. ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭
If you follow me, body armor and extra instruments may be required for my emotional situations.
Wow, you people are chatty this morning, after an extra hour of sleep! I have sealed OMV in the box, where he will be safe all day. 8)
I would like the Ring Cycle as my theme music, please! I always wanted to be a Valkilmerie. 8)
Getting the entire opera orchestra for $20/hr sounds like a good deal.
Well, I’ve finally got power again, for one… This twenty-first century is certainly a revelation after a week of the nineteenth.
I don’t know, Windy. Do you have enough quarters for that?
Oh, I thought you said “rinse cycle”. My bad.
What kind of music will Sparky play for me sitting on my ass and reading or being on the computer all day?
John Cage’s 4:32? (of silence)
Probably a mix of PDQ Bach, Kitaro, and Slim Whitman–
which will be more hip than the plus-size clothing collection of 4 wally*marts and potentially more damaging than a three-day Disaster Area concert.
…and definitely best enjoyed from a neighboring planet. I hear Mars is beautiful this time of year.
I’ve heard differently …
It probably won’t be the “Benny Hill Theme Song”.
Dear Sparky McMusicman,
I’m delighted to take you up on your offer to play a theme song, whilst following me around, for a mere $20/hour.
However, in the spirit of human kindness and
revengelove, please take your musical talents and bestow them upon my former boss, Eddie Munster, the Utterly Insane. No, his real name isn’t Eddie Munster, but damned if he didn’t look just like the little vamp.I’d like you to play “I’m Henry the 8th” and if possible sing too, over and over…especially when he’s trying to sleep, until I tell you to stop.
That could be a considerable time, too. I’m headed to Palau for an extended vacation, to a resort the locals refer to as the ‘Home’, but that’s probably because ‘asylum’ doesn’t translate well from Palauan. Anyway, my trip to the resort is for Eddie’s protection as well as mine, and once the
doctorsresort director says I can leave I’ll come back and pay you.In the meantime, I remain;
Xenia Recordia
Keeper of Figtail Feifings and;
InmateGuest #45908Wait, so you worked for Paul Ryan?
This is awesome! I already thought up my own theme music. It goes like this:
DAH DAH DAAAAAAAAH!
DAH DAH DAH, DAAAAH, DAAAAH, DAAAAAAAAAAAH!
DAHDAHDAH, DAHDAHDAHDAHDAH, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
DAH DAHDAH DAH DAH DAHDAHDAH, DAHDAH DAH…
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!
So Sparky wants to play bow chica wow wow music while his victim – er, client is making a naughty movie? What about if the client is having quiet T-shirt time? What’s the appropriate theme music then? I’m pretty sure you can’t get a good “Theme from 2001” from a guitar.
I’m thinking, Yakkety Sax.
or maybe THAT’s the appropriate time for Hamsterdance. Dee dee deet dee dee dee do do…
Or that infamous Boots & Randolph cover band Squicky Yacks . . .
How about “The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round” to make her feel at ease? I request it be played on a bagpipe.
Would that be “on” or “with”?
([piping corey]Scot’s pipes are said to be “skirled” (variant: “skirlt”).[/corey])
If upon the pipes, one would want to be careful not to break one’s chanter on the drones.
I’m thinking Boots Randolph’s zombie is going to be coming after you with a 75-pound saxophone. Or if by some awful chance he actually gets the chance to hear sparky play Yakkety Sax on his guitar at your suggestion it might be the sharpened 175-pound version.
If it’s played on a guitar, it’s called Yakkety Axe.
Perhaps “Greased Lightning” if Sparky is into show tunes?
I personally don’t want a “used theme song” who knows where it’s been!!! Yuck.
I keep all of my theme songs in tiny little metal boxes. The boxes are hypo-allergenic and disinfected regularly. If I get a used theme song, it gets dampened the moment I get it home. It then gets soaked in a solution of molasses and water to remove impurities and sweeten the tune. I then test the song to make sure it works for one of my situations. Then it’s placed in a box like the rest. If you get a theme song from me you can know that you will get quality.
Sounds delicious! I’ll take a dozen – but no electronica. (It gives me wind.)
(Obligatory reference to double reeds in an obo.)
BUT YOU TOOK IT OUT OF THE PACKAGING!
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
Follow me? Don’t follow me. I’ve got my spine, I’ve got my orange crush.
OMV, hope you get to snark today! *Gentle* Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Music Man!