YSaC, Vol. 1357: Some blues or funky old couch
LAST CALL Free vintage couch/sofa
Huge (8″ long x 3″ deep x 2.5″ high) cream velvet sofa with a slightly
crushed appearance. It’s gorgeous vintage. It’s free, but it’s been
peed on by our cat under one of the cushions. In the past, we’ve had
it cleaned and it was fine. But now we’re moving, with no space for a
large couch, and don’t want to deal with the hassle.If you want to get it cleaned or use it as the base of a reupholstery
project, it’s yours. Must be picked up Friday, October 5, or the
morning of Saturday, October 6.
Ok, first question – did they have the CAT cleaned, or the couch? It’s not at all clear here. Secondly…
*DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAAAA*
Wait, what?
*DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAAAA*
OK, I think someone’s seen “Risky Business” a few too..
*DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAAAA*
OK, fine, just slide around in your socks… I’ll wait. Actually, that sounds like fun. Maybe I’ll join you.
*DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAAA*
(Thanks, Jen!)
I have hears that some of the megalopolises have cramped living conditions–but quarters so Lilliputian that an 8-inch couch will not fit?
Ok, so modern living spaces are often dominated by the 60′ tv, but, still . . .
At least I can take comfort that my cat would not use a 8 x 3 x 2.5″ couch as a litter box. Might would carry it about, and give it rabbit-kicks, but not use it as a toilet.
Free sofa. Was used in one musical performance. Contact Ian Faith, manager of Spinal Tap, at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
Some slight fire damage, may contain traces of drummer.
“In the past, we’ve had it cleaned and it was fine.”
Sofa, so good.
We should chaise you away for that pun.
Yeah. Next time warn us before you pun so it’ll cushion the blow.
I suppose someone has to furnish the puns around here…
Sofa king predictable.
“Huge (8″ long x 3″ deep x 2.5″ high) cream velvet sofa with a slightly
crushed appearance”
Remove the word sofa and what have you got…a rather artful beginning to a personals M4Something ad.
Wow – change just three words and it totally works as a M4Something personals ad.
I don’t like mine crushed. He needs a fluffer.
Swimming to the corner now…
If I were more awake, I’d put a bad fish reference here.
Tuna in tomorrow for more erotic fish adventures. Wednesday’s feature: “Cockatiel Does Cleveland”. Thursday’s feature: “Salmon Like It Hot”. Friday’s very special double feature: “A Bird In The Hand Gets A Lot of Bush” and “WHAT’S THAT SMELL? OMG IT’S THE COUCH!”
Words cannot do justice to the sofa, so Sparky is doing an interpretive dance to describe it.
He’s just not doing the Isadora Duncan thing correct, is he?
The sliding in your socks part represents man’s inhumanity to man. Or cat’s infelinity to sofa.
“Infelinity” FTW
Or did you just flip the cushion, Spark? I have 3 cats, and none have ever gone under a cushion. I smell conspiracy.
:sniff-sniff:
I don’t think that’s conspiracy. Could be Teen Spirit, though.
Maybe the cat was trying to get to the snake and just couldn’t hold it any longer.
Or it was chasing, you know…ninjas.
On second thought, that doesn’t smell like kitty pee.
You just have to dance when you have to dance!
You can dance if you want to,
You can give your couch away.
Cause your couch don’t dance,
And if it don’t dance, then it cannot stay.
You can sell if you want to.
You can leave your cat behind,
And you can act like you moved from out of this world
Craigslist will work out fine.
Cat can pee where he wants to,
In a place you’ll never find,
‘Cuz the couch is crushed, and if it turns to mush,
Well, who’s going to mind?
utterlynonsequitorsortofcommentary…
:points at bawks:
First, I’d like to thank all my fellow YSaCers for another trip to the bawks, and secondly if anyone….anyone at all has any of the six degrees of separation between us and Bill Murray, PLEEEEEEEEEEZE prevail upon him to join us.
Then, my life will be complete.
/endutterlynonsequitorsortofcommentary
*picks up couch*
*tosses couch across room*
Fetch Smedley! Fetch!
It’s obviously a dog toy.
Too small for the average human.
Too big for a dollhouse.
Too big for Whoville.
Ooh, I forgot Tinkerbell, Perhaps she wants a sofa. Of course, besides cat pee under a cushion, It’ll have dog drool all over it now.
I don’t think tossing a sofa into the washing machine will work.
Ah, that’s it, OMV has it pegged. It’s satire moderne where, by the perfidy of the poor economy, even the riche have had to downsize; even unto their dollhouses (l’horreur l’horreur).
And now avec regret the custom Knoll sofa in Nepalese plush wool must go (sorry it’s been a civet bidet). O, how the privileged must suffer in their deprivation. Cry, weep, O Argentine, at how notre dauphin must abide with naught but Ikea doll house furnishings–la honte, la honte . . .
Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski’s got a rug that should match this.
That’s a whole different definition of tying the room together.
Well, you know, you gotta go with what the room’s strengths are.
That, or risk marmot in the bath . . .
The cat peed on my sofa king…er, sofa.
*puts on cheater glasses, whips out tape measure and sharpens pencil*
“Hmmm.”
“Ahhh. I’ll turn it like this.”
“Uh huh. And then across the back.”
“Ok. Remember the arms.”
“Oh, yes. Don’t forget the cushions. Especially THAT one.”
“Alright, I think I have it.”
Sparky, that will take 1/4 yard of fabric to cover your couch. You want to go with velvet again or are you open to a nice vinyl? It’s easier to clean.
Oh goodie, it’ll fit next to Spinal Tap’s Stonehenge prop.
Shall I compare thee to CJ?
Thou art more like you and less like she.
She is the snarkiest, funniest CJ there ever was,
A snarker by any other name would not make it to the bawx.
Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Guido!