YSaC, Vol. 1332: With apologies to Barry Louis Polisar
2012 September 4
This ad starts off normal enough:
Free Fish
Free Fish to a good home!
Molly and Platys. Need to get rid of a couple. We have too many.
I mean, their concern that the fish go to a good home is a BIT over the top, but not too bonkers. I’m sure there ARE people out there pitting small fish against each other in vicious cage fights, and you can’t be too careful. But then we cross the line into just a BIT overprotective. Of a fish.
New owner must have a fish tank.
Well, rats. There goes my plan to have them swing back and forth in that hanging cage next to the window.
Oh well. Thanks anyway, Paul!
It’s so frustrating that I won’t be able to teach them to snowboard either. Although friends of mine did put their pet fish (called FISHIE) down an ice statue once.
Why does
“New owner must have a fish tank.”
Smack of a hard-learned lesson?
Or of a network sitcom? (one destined to be a very short run, plugged into the Fall schedule as “not cancelled until we have something else to run, or whenever ‘Desperate In-laws’ clears Legal…”)
Right up there with this lesson: Fish do not, I repeat DO NOT, like to walk on a leash.
Unless the fish is a mudskipper
Holy heck! What a chore it is to be a mudskipper! I feel like a complete slacker now.
Sparky has watched A Fish called Wanda one time too many. SO, sushi party at my place. Anyone?
This is so not true! I know, for a fact, that Gil and his friend, the Other Gil, can live for a very long time in a Mason jar, tied on a string, and draped around the neck of a nearly incapacitated everything-a-phobe riding on a bus.
But, but…What About Nemo?
Doctor…Leo…Marvin!!!!!
So I suppose I won’t be getting any free fish for my fish swallowing contest then, will I?
Only if you can guarantee them a good home. When you are flushed with success.
Sure you can! Just bring a tank and don’t tell Nutty McSparkypants what you plan on doing with their free fish
I have a 265 gallon fish tank with some very aggressive fish. They love mollies and platies and small goldfish and anything else they can swallow.
See no eel, hear no eel, speak no eel.
I think the guy is perfectly sane. I think he tried giving fish away before, and had people show up with nothing to transport the fish in, asking what sort of tank they needed, etc.
Which, of course, means there are even MORE idiots in the world than previously measured.
You may be right, Hanna, but this does bring to light a glaring omission in the ad…..
….no mention of water.
This is true! Without the water it’s just an iguana tank with sunken treasure and a sea castle.
And pink and blue rocks! (for all piddling needs)
Well, according to this little dittie, there are alternative habitats for fish.
Nice one OMV, needs more slug-bell though.
Hey, it’s well documented that people who post on CL have very high IQs.
IQ = Idiocy Quotient
[Corey] I’ve dealt with aquarists on CL who ask prospective new fish owners lots of questions about the size of the tank into which they plan to put the fish, how long the tank has been running, what fish are in it now, etc. [/Corey]
The reverse is also true; the last guy I got fish from neglected to mention that one of them wouldn’t fit in the five-gallon buckets I brought. The iridescent shark was then 14″ long and is still growing. Fortunately, he had a spare tote for it. Unfortunately, the cover didn’t fit the tote, and the water splashed in the car.
If the shark (actually a Vietnamese catfish) gets to two feet long I’ll eat it.
Ralph, this fish is also known as swai, and is currently one of my favorites. Let me know when you get ready to prep that sucker!
Swinging Fish is the name of my all-Phish covers lounge act. It’s a long set.
“New owner must have a fish tank.”
Because of man’s inhumanity to fish, fish are resorting to using armored transport.
At least they didn’t say you needed a fish carrier. Getting a squadron of flying fish is too much trouble just to get a couple of free fish.
Maybe we could just buy them some skimpy tank tops.
True story: this weekend while I was out running, I saw a large, completely intact dead fish on a lawn about two blocks inland from the nearby lake. I think fishie was trying his/her fin at evolution.
So, maybe Sparky has something against evolution? Is this from Kansas, by any chance?
Or maybe it was the family dog trying to devolve? Poor Toto!
[walking fish corey] There are several species of walking fish according to Uncle Wiki, There’s mudskippers, rockskippers, walking catfish, climbing perch, Mangrove rivulus, and the Northern snakehead of movie fame.[/walking fish corey]
We had a snakehead problem some years back. Haven’t hear much about them lately.
[takes note to self: Self, do not run where Rebecca runs on weekends w/o fish-proof shoes.]
[takes note to self: Remember to ask Capn where he got his swank fish-proof shoes]
Where the shrimp-boat folk all get theirs: Academy or Redwing.
When I watch my fish bowl, he usually rolls into the gutter. His happiness tanks as others around him do much better. While waiting his turn he takes a couple of laps in a tankard of Moose Drool®. Watching a fish get tanked is a gas.
Moose Drool is good beer.
It’s best on tap.
I’ve not seen any bowling in the places where I have purchased Big Sky products.
Which probably means I do not go to places where acrylic spheroids are much found.
Now, I want beer, and it’s three hours’ until I can have any <sad>
The Unsinkable Molly Fish. She ain’t dead, she’s just sunning her belly!
Is she related to Molly Dodd?
I can understand requiring the new owner to already have a fish tank. When I post rabbits for sale I have to specify that the cage is sold separately or not available. And I have learned the hard way to bring along a cardboard bunny box when I meet someone halfway, because they NEVER think to have a pet carrier.
Same with birds. I made the mistake of lending two carriers to a nice lady months ago, and she has yet to return them. 8/
Two carriers?
Well, a carrier is something you do have to think about, when returning a loaned one. After all, being 800 feet long and capable to holding an air wing of 80-90 planes is not something you can casually leave in the back of the Civic until you are on that side of town again.
After a while, everyone forgets about them, and they wind up as reefs somewhere–that’s what they did to Oriskany. America, too (now, I’m wondering where JFK went to . . . probably with the spare car keys and those missing socks . . . )
Aw, America was used as a target; Constellation is to become razor blades; Kitty Hawk will either be razor blades or a museum; JFK is the only one designated for museum service.
We have the Midway here in San Diego, it’s a fun ship to visit.
I would decline the sale if the person is too stupid to bring something to keep the darn animal safe in. Not so much to look out for the bunny, but who knows what other trouble this dummy is getting himself into in other areas of its life, don’t need to add more
the last bunnie i brung home was carried ona mini-swingset
wanda, tigprincess, thank you for playing! You are free on humpday to snark again. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good morning, Vietnam!
“I mean, their concern that the fish go to a good home is a BIT over the top…”
I gotta disagree with you on this. They’re giving the fish away for free but obviously care about them; if they didn’t, why would they even go to the trouble of posting an ad on craigslist when they could just toss the poor things into a toilet?