YSaC, Vol. 1330: Emaculate Conception
2012 August 31
Hey there, one percenters! Have we got a real estate deal for you!
$27900000 / 3br – 2045ft² – Price dropped
Must see Emaculate three bedroom two bathroom formal dinning room fireplace in the master bedroom serious only please. email
That’s right – for just twenty eight million dollars, you can have a three bedroom, two bathroom… um… something. It might be a condo. It might be an apartment. It might be a chicken coop. You don’t know! But the price has dropped, so it’s a steal! Better snap it up now, before someone else grabs that enormous 2,045 square feet so they can tear it down and put up an Olympic stadium!
Thanks, elfchick!
Naturally, using sparkii-math, that’d be $750000 for 1 bedroom and 2ft²
Are you kidding me? I’m not paying that much for something that’s been emasculated. Besides, a a dinning room isn’t much of a selling point, since all properties in Sparkipolis have them.
Ah, but it’s a “formal” dinning room. Like for a small orchestra or something, I assume. Wait — (slurps unreasonably strong coffee) —
Eureka! I’ve got it! It’s a very complex multi-media art installation. See, the ad is pure Dadaist poetry, which leads you to the, er, location which is probably some kind of postmodern unconstructed space, like a lean-to built over a defunct public toilet. Then, you enter the dinning room to the sweet strains of some gnarly 12-tone serialism which eventually makes you want to crawl into one of the bedrooms three and pass out.
Sparky’s going to be on the cover of Dwell or something, I just know it.
:holds out coffee IV bag:
I’ll have what she’s having.
*lines up for coffee IV*
I’ve always wanted to be on the cover of Dwell.
I’d dress up as a pretentious lawn gnome.
Listen, if we’re going to do the coffee IV thing, I’ll need to find someone else to start the drips. Needles in veins make me all oogy.
How about an espresso g-tube? I’m cool with g-tubes.
It’s just to tide us over until the first loaf of coffee comes out of the oven-pot.
I’m better off not knowing what a “g-tube” is, aren’t I?
Internal Medicine corey{ Gastric tube. Generally one that is fed in through the mouth and down the throat. Not to be confused with a Naso-Gastric tube, which goes in the nose and down the back of the throat. /} Gastric tubes, at least for me, are associated with firehose-pressure stomach secretions re-entering atmosphere, due to the patient thrashing wildly as the the gag reflex does its wondrous magic. Make your own assumptions about Rebecca’s lack of same.
What’s a 4 bag? Does that mean you put 4 of those coffee bags in the Mr. Coffee? Because I’d call that a 4 bagger.
Oh wait, never mind. YSaC stopped using Roman numerals awhile ago. You must mean iVee, Apple’s new cider intake system and you just converted it over to coffee.
No, no that can’t be it. you used an I not an i.
Perhaps IV stands for
intravenomousintravenous, but who would want an intra stuck up their venue.The only thing I can think of is Increased Volume. You all drink coffee like it’s some kind of drug, like caffeine.
“Hello sir, I am Dr. Viddic. We shall be conducting your surgery soon. However, first we need to put an IV in you.”
“What’s an IV, doctor?”
“An intravenomous – err I mean – ”
“What?!”
:shudders:
Once again, I was right.
Maybe I should switch from molasses to coffee. I post way too slow. Way too many comments between when I started and when it got submitted.
Oh that’s such torture! I can’t have coffee today and there’s half the page of comments all about coffee. Something told me not to look today but I didn’t listen
(begin angry displaced southern lady) Ahem, Smedley, you had better be talking about my lack of wondrous magic.
(end angry displaced southern lady)
This is why I’m a cat person. More coffee, Ghostkittie?
*Worst Zoidberg imitation ever*
I’m not hearing a no…
A formal dining room with attached bedrooms?
I’ve seen dining rooms with attached (with)drawing rooms; butler’s pantries; kitchens; even the odd anteroom–just not a bedroom.
Just how formal is this dining room, anyway?
Footmen, servitors, kitchen staff? $27 million is a significant payroll expense to take up. Perhaps this is one of those “named” domiciles–perhaps it is nominated as “Luby’s” or “Furr’s” ?
Does the “master bedroom” include a large amount of stainless steel furniture and white-clad people wearing hairnets?
This is 2045 “ft²” for $27900000?
Which is $13643 per “ft²”?
Even dropping two digits for a missed decimal, that’s still $1364 per square foot.
I’m not sure that Manhattan property prices are quite that high.
They looked up (and keyed in) ALT+253 or & sup2; and that probably expended the limits of rational ability.
Well, this one’s $12,745.35 per square foot, and no, that’s not a typo.
http://realestate.nytimes.com/sales/detail/44-2317004/25-Columbus-Circle-NEW-YORK-NY-10019
At first I was thinking that some of those square feet don’t look like they’re worth $12,000, but then I saw that it has 80 floors, so that’s really only about $160 per floor foot, half of which are presumably stairs. Or would each step be considered a separate floor? As with most domiciles featured in Elle D?cor, it leaves a lot of unanswered questions.
I think technically it’s the building, not the apartment, that has 80 floors, but I’m guessing you probably knew that.
I jes’ reads what’s in the ad, ma’am.
I’m starting to suspect Craigslist may put in the superscript automagically – there’s no way all the Sparkii are getting this right on their own.
Which is as frightening as $12K/sf condo prices.
I have to admit that only the fact that I’m already in workhour 46 for this week is the only thing stopping me from creating a gibberish (deliberately) listing to see if CL will superscript for the user.
But, that would explain the other listing, the 3br/2b that posted as 2ft².
Although, the RE listings page in CL might have a template that is supposed to be [description] [field]sf {location,price, etc}, where if a body backspaces one time too many, the “end bucket” for the field deletes in that way that makes MS Office products “ever so special” (with due apologies to all those unprepared for full-tilt Southern imprecation).
Yeeeeah, prices around here (I submitted the listing) are more in line with, say, $100/sq ft.
Behold the true powers of 10!
Man, that is one hell of a fireplace.
Of course it is; it’s in a serious master bedroom.
I had a serious bedroom once…. wouldn’t grade on a curve.
The dinning room fireplace in the bedroom is obviously for those who grew up in a war zone and can’t sleep without the sound of bombs exploding nearby.
Ah, so this is a chewable fireplace with three bedrooms and a dining area. Might be handy, for a fireplace that had a lot of Aperations going on. Unless it was in a Muggle’s house.
Unfortunately, at this point I am more amazed when there are no spelling mistakes than when there are. I have become desensitized.
The emasculation takes place in the dinning room. I would kick up quite a fuss if that was about to happen to me.
Price *dropped*?! I shudder to think how much they were asking originally.
$27900000.99, probably. Oh, and congrats on being in the box, TC!
What do the Sparkies of the world have against the punctuation keys? They make me sad.
It vexes him, it does.
Mama Windy does the punction around here Baba Looey!
8)
Must see emaculate three. Bedroom: two. Bathroom: formal. Dinning room: fireplace. In the master bedroom – serious only please > ;7)~~ Email.
fixed
Bah! Bah, I say. Come back when you have a giant swimming pool and an aquarium in there too.
And a helicopter pad.
Sincerely,
Bruce Wayne
funky and TC, it has come to the attention of the management that you have been carrying on in the box, snarking, flinging poo, and in other ways setting bad examples. I’m sorry, but that’s all the time you have. Please come back again some time and continue. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Olympia!