Snaks
2ball ball snaks male female must go to gather also must have owen cage willing to tread just call or text with what you got or for jutst snaks rehomeing fee is 40.00 plaz text me at ###-###-####
Well – I WOULD trade for the 2 ball snaks, but –
Sorry!
Thanks for the post, Ralph – and enjoy your shiny new tag!
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Snaks with a plan.
Snaks with the die-beetus.
Snaks with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis.
Congrats on the new tag, Ralph! Be sure to update your resume. 🙂
the snaks can be acquired by man
they must gather
you must have own cage
there are two copies
and they have a plan
This is brilliant. If I had a male snack and a female snack, and they proved compatible, I’d never have to visit that section of the grocery store again. Instead, I’d have to go to clothing stores and buy everything 4-6 sizes larger.
Also, who has an Owen cage? A properly trained Owen can be given the run of the house.
Owen is an 8 year old boy who is hyped up on snowballs. Some days he prefers white ones—other days he prefers the pink ones. Owen need to be contained.
Depends on the Owener, I guess
But what if you had a male Ding-Dong and a female HoHo? You’d get stuck with litters of useless DingHos who’d probably end up stealing your baby.
Ah, I heart you so much, Ghostie. If I were as funny as you I’d quit my job and go on tour! 🙂
I’m with the monkey on this one. 🙂
That’s quite a compliment coming from you ladies! I can’t take all the credit, though; I’m severely sleep-deprived and under-caffeinated this morning – Go, Team Insomnia! – and kinda loopy as a result. (I started the car this morning to come to work and then spent ten minutes digging through my purse looking for my car keys.) DAFT’s idea for a snack-breeding program gave me a fit of giggles that just wouldn’t quit, because of course I started picturing what that would look like.
Bwahahahaha! I’m now seeing Tootsie Roll Pops 69ing!
So how many licks does it take?
I’ll be over in the corner taking a much-needed nap.
And I see a sign on the side of a box of animal crackers: If This Box Is Rockin’, Don’t Come Knockin’!
I’ll meet you in the corner, Ghostie. I’ll bring Starburst and Fun Dips.
Ladies, please have mercy! If I laugh/cry anymore, I won’t be able to breathe. My coirker is getting concerned.
A-doors for all of you!
ditto
Ah, that’s what the like o rice whips are for!
I had a theory on that.
Well, there’s always this .
You can’t make me click that.
At work, musn’t click!
One day during a week of insomnia I searched the house for two hours for my glasses. The entire time I was searching I was wearing my glasses. Not on top of my head, not hanging off the neckline of my shirt. On my face. Have not felt like that big of an asshat in awhile
No one said anything about clicking that. That is for rubbing… This is for clicking… (Totally SFW)
So many questions.
Like. how does one write as if speaking with some form of impediment?
Or, just why is there no cage included with the reptiles? (Do you just have to bring a pillow case; gunny sack?)
And, given the imprecision in the rest of this missive, is “2 ball ball snak” a measurement; a nominative; or a gonad count?
At this level of uncertainty, it’s probably a rule 34 situation, and this is actually a casting call for some sort of pr0n involving three-legged snakes and pâte à choux (verite o faux) and a Swedish Shef muppet . . .
Hey: Throw in some peanut butter, duct tape and bubble wrap and you’ve got a Saturday night at my house!
Yeeee HAAAAAAAW!
Thought you needed baby oil for the bubble wrap part…
:checks copy of Monkey Sutra:
It says on page 145 that peanut butter is an acceptable substitute, or you can use warm caramel sauce if you have a peanut allergy.
“Monkey Sutra.” If there’s not a book with that title, there should be. It would be shelved next to “50 Shades of Monkey”.
Brings a whole new intonation to, “Monkey, please!”
The Owen cage (invented by Wallace Emmitt Owen, then curator of the Herpetology exhibits in the Smithsonian, in 1903) is a cage made specifically for keeping small cold-blooded animals. Based on an aquarium tank, in its most basic form, it contains a heat lamp assembly capable of heating the cage in a uniform and controlled way, yet being out of reach of the animal within. It also contains an ingenious solution to keep the cage entrance secured and inaccessible to animals capable of climbing up glass or hanging from the ceiling. The system consists of a dual-cantilever assembly and a weight sensor, which may explain why some of the heavier and more strong-jawed snakes have on occasion been known to escape the cage when irritated by little boys who don’t listen and insist on banging on their cage glass ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, TIMMY?
:tap-tap:
:tap-tap:
:tap-tap:
Huh?
Yoewl fell don a well, you keep that up jung man!
Well played, sj, well played. 🙂
It’s a good thing I’m not a superhero because I’m the absolute worst when it comes to using secret identities 🙂
Joe Estevez : Martin Sheen
as
Owen Cage :
A) Nicolas Cage
B) Johnny Cage
C) Kurt Russel
D) All of the Above.
Clive Owen&Nicolas Cage coming soon in Face/Off 2. This time with snakes.
No doubt set in India with mf-ing snaks and mf-ing Thuggi secret societies and mf-ing marigolds and mf-ing dancing that starts out very small at the bginning and gets very mf-ing big in the middle then ends very mf-ing small at the end.
[koff]
The answer is:
E) Kevin Bacon.
I’m picturing the unholy offspring of Owen Wilson and Nick Cage, and I’m getting annoyed just thinking about it.
Sounds equal parts tedious and moody, with too much introspection and gesture.
Rather like a mime with no facepaint.
He would be a perpetually stoned actor with bad teeth and hair that can’t stay away from sucky roles.
Gasp! That’s Seth Rogan!
What exactly are the snaks going to gather?
They can’t gather much with no limbs. Owen Cage is willing to tread, so I say let him go to gather.
I fear the breeding program is doomed. Both snaks have 2 ball balls. Sparky is mistaken, they are both males. They can adopt, of course, and I have no problem with keeping them to gather, but they will never have their owen babbies.
I can’t imagine being a snake hanging out all day looking at the idiot who wrote this. I only hope they are re-homed well.
But how would said idiot be able to recognize a good candidate over a poor one? Those snaks are doomed!
It’s a churchy kind of morning over here . . .
Gather us in
The snakes who have 2 balls
Gather us in
And feed us Dinghos
For we will live
In cages called Owen
Tortured by Timmy
And balls made of snow.
SN: Do these songs *ever* leave the long term memory? I have other things I’d like to store in there, you know.
The only song going through my head is Sesame Street’s “Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood?”. I’m just trying to work out the idiot snake handler’s place in society in that Sesame Street utopia.
I remember when Sparky too,
said he want to sell his snaks to you.
And you said, “Whoop-de-doo!
You said, “I don’t want to pay rehome,
and I’d like to take just one alone.”
And he said, “Now hold the phone.”
You really tried to convince the guy
that forty bucks was just way too high.
And he said, “Really? I don’t know why.”
And you said:
“I don’t like rehoming snaks
even if they’re double packs.”
“Don’t screw me, you fool,you fool”
“I don’t like rehoming snaks
even if they’re double packs.”
“I tell you, if you want me to take all two.”
Giving up, snakes at my feet.
Got no cage, got no money.
Should make a bunch with a rehoming fee.
Just a man getting on with his life.
Snakey pron just might sell well.
Because the male is so well endowed.
But the snakes, I will have to sell.
Because of my ophidiophobic wife.
It’s the balls on the viper, it’s a thrill for her, right?
The sight of them makes the female hyper.
Make steamy movies of two snakes in the night.
And you will also get to see, balls on the viper.
(I know, now I need a slimy tag, I’ll be in the corner.)
“rehomeing fee is 40.00 plaz”
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/plaz
I bet Sparky never knew. I’m 99.99% sure.
What a coincidence, I have 2 ball ball snaks too. One is named Jar Jar Binks, and the other is Boutros Boutros Ghali, but I’m not sure which is the female.
We gather together to pass the balls hissing;
They chasten and hasten their will to make known;
The wicked oppressing now cease from distressing;
The crazed one has a name; we forget not it’s Owen.
And since the snaks are presumably Ball Pythons, how about a tread for a shrubbery?
Cue the Liberty Bell March!
I can see misspelling big words and the occasional typo, but how does one type something up 90% incorrectly and not fix any of it? Also, “own” is a three letter word. How do you mess that up, Sparky? I’m inclined to think if Sparky had provided his name there would be good chance it too was misspelled
I know, right? I might forget my name now and then, but would never misspell it.
Sorry about that, that was lame.
*hobbles off on six legs*
I just flew across the country, and all I can think is, “I hope they’re not Snaks on a Plane.” Those things are really skimpy and usually kind of gross.
Also: boy, are my arms tired.
ratty, me girl, you’ve had your day in the box, and now the world is your mollusk! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, DingHos!