YSaC, Vol. 1302: The first rule of coockware is – don’t talk about coockware..
$600 / 1br – 600ft2 – batchlor room aval at sep 1st
near [location], on ### ave;easy go to ### and ###;or ########; one room including kitchen,no stove;but have microwere;and coockware;seperate Entryce;seperate full bathroom;shared laundry,no rules;good for single to living;have fincher if you want;600/month include Utility and internet[telus high speed]avalible sep 1st[nest two month call ###-###-####### stephen or this email make view
[location, badly misspelled]
Have Fincher, eh? Is this early music-video Fincher, with sexy black-and-white Madonna and Paula Abdul? Or more recent Oscar-bait Fincher, with Jesse Eisenberg and Rooney Mara? Just as long as it’s not Alien3 Fincher, I’m OK with it.
On another note, Stephen, we need to have some kind of intervention about your semicolon problem.
Thanks for the link, Cheryl!
Stephan can key ALT+253 to get “²” but cannot spell “cookware”?
What a fincher!
You’re giving Sparks entirely too much credit – I suspect a cut-and-paste from another source rather than actually generating that on his own. He’s a filching fincher.
Or just the cheesy “Character map”.
Filthy filching fincher
[aside]
Uhm, “one bedroom” which is one, singular, room with “kitchen” but no stove?
“Separate [Entries]” and also “no rules”?
One gets “free” internet, and if, acting quickly, free [furniture]?
Ok, despite the Freudian slips, and the way the spelling seems to go south as the copy gets written–even despite the intriguing notion of tiny lycanthropes as chefs–I’m going to pretend that this is not some new iteration of Jeffy Dahmer.
Nope, I’m going to sit the corner, fingers in ears going “Nrnrnrnrnrnrnrnrrnr” while rocking slowly and will cleave to the notion that “Stephan” is 13 and renting out a stinky older sibling’s room.
Yep, that’s it; that’s what I’m going to do.
Kint maik me! Nrnrnrnrnrnr!
<pulls world over head like blanket and refuses to come out*>
[/aside]
______________________________
* #^&(*% ‘real’ world, ^#@($#^&%*
Cap’n, bless ye, I think you need a drink! 🙂
Apparently, when in Greece the ostrimu has translated Greek tragedy into Torture All the YSaCers!!
Well played, dan, well played indeed.
Finchers generally only nest two months, don’t they?
Yes, but they do mate for life. Over, and over, and over. Sigh.
Soooo, they are lucky or tired? Or both?
” microwere”
Who wants an oven that gets hairy every full moon? Ew.
On the plus side, you can barely see it.
What if that’s just a miniscule Lycan that is a”foodie” during the full moon?
Steph’ wants us to believe it takes the place of an apartment kitchen.
No rules, just wrong.
Sparky must be one of those heathens who mixes colors with whites, doesn’t pretreat stains, and puts their jeans in with their delicates. I want nothing to do with his laundry anarchy!
Laundry Anarchy – that’s going to be the name of my WAHM’s group cover band.
Occupy all the laundries!
Hey!
Or, Steph’ is seriously hikikiomori, and wants to share in removing the laundry.
What is a batch of lors and why are they going to avail themselves on Sept 1 in a room with finchers?
Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? Because aliens don’t eat pancakes, of course!
And ice cream has no bones.
Your ice cream must be store bougtht. The ice cream made at my place has bones. Flavors like Vanilla Being and Rocky Roadkill. That’s why I got me an ice cream boner.
*snicker*
what you said…
Ice. Cream. Boner.
“Oh look! the corner has new fincher in it!”
Mmmm…ice cream. Ice cream is best in the morning. So are…other things.
NotMyName: Like pudding?
Unless it’s on fire.
You can’t set fire to ice cream. I’ve tried.
You mean I’ve been doing Cherries Jubilee all wrong?
Getting a separate Entryce is more important than most people think. My wife and I spent 5 years living in a place that had an adjoined Entryce and just about every day my wife would look at it and say “yuprobablti.”
Those were dark, hard times.
Now we have our own house with not just a separate Entryce, but also a fully varnished microwere!
I haz a jealous.
I mean I tried to varnish our microwere, but all I got was a slightly matte fizzbin.
So did you use the #2 whiffleborger?
But is it French Preventual fincher?
$600 bucks a month for 1 room and a “kitchen” with no stove? I bet the coockware is also infested with coockroaches.
On a lighter note, I’m glad he’s offering to rent it fully finched.
It’s tempting, but I don’t know where I’d keep the finchers I already have. Wonder if this comes with a garage?
I don’t know, but I think it does come with one of those
avionixavatararbitrarybig bird house-thingys.Does the fincher come with an egg timer? I already have a combination stapler/steamer/parakeeter with a built-in melon baller.
Trail hors for sale or rent
Batchlor rooms to let…60K cents.
No stove, no rules , no deck
I ain’t got no spellcheck
Ah, but two hours of pushin’ ‘shrooms
Buys a 600ft² fincher room
I’m a man of memes by no memes
King of the toads!
“memes by no memes” – I think I love you, Sharon.
Who is this Sharon of whom you speak?
She does that to all the bestest people she knows on fb. I personally thinks it’s the friends she talks to in her head.
🙂
The friends in your head are the best friends you could ever have. No offense to the real world.
Mine all answer to “Sharon” today. I like that as it’s less confusing. I think.
Wonder if batteries for the coockware are included.
I’ll be in the corner with a ‘rita (it’s National Tequila Day)
“coockware”
Hmmm. This word seems to have one to many letters. But which one should I remove? I think it should be a letter I could use somewhere else. Perhaps I should remove one I could use in my name. Yeah, that’s a great idea.
This person is crazy, nutty, and most importantly, coocky.
COOKIE? NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM.
Uh, sorry, me bad.
broccoli? nom..nom..nom..ACK..nom..nom………ppppttt…..nom.
Broccoli? nomnomnomnomnom…
More for me, too, if you don’t want yours. (Unless it’s had all the flavor steamed out. Then you can keep it.)
I’ll take any spare cookies you have, too, if they’ve had no contact with Sparky’s coockware.
Why does the tenant have to separate Entryce? And from whom or what? Isn’t that the landlord’s (or is that “landlor”?) job?
Ah, that’s because the
victitenants are not to know that they are sub-letting a squat.Make view of what? And how? Do I have to print it out and fold it in a certain way in order to see the picture? Leave it to Sparky to make an ad that is a mutant hybrid of origami and nonsense.
For make view glorious nation of Kazakhstan, of course.
Very nice!
“seperate full bathroom;shared laundry,no rules”
I don’t want my bathroom to be full because when I gotta go, I don’t want to have to run down to the Shell Station.
I don’t want to come home and find someone else wearing my laundry, Ew.
This is why we need rules.
“good for single to living”
I’ve not had many roommates during the course of my lifetime, but my steadfast rule has always been that they need to be living while occupying our shared premises. And so, logically, that is good.
However, not sure how you get from single to living…are all you single folks out there not living? That is a scary thought. It seems the singles market has been cornered by the zomb
Well, they are advertising for a batchlor. I just assumed it was a laboratory specimen they were looking for.
That counts me out, since I was made the old-fashioned way. Found under a rock!
Huh. I just spontaneously popped into existence. No one else did that?
I was a prize in a box of Cracker Jacks. That’s what Mama Monkey told me, anyway.
I was found in a hatbox in the Left Luggage office. (Or conceived there, I forget which. My memory gets a bit fuzzy that far back.)
Ghostie, if it were the conception, wouldn’t you rather have a fuzzy memory???? At least, that what all my kids say. They still say “Ewwwwww!” whenever they hear Mr.Eyebrows and I smooch.
Fairies left me on the doorstep, I was told. Back then people frowned on them raising children together, so they rehomed me.
@Archie. Why? Why is conception considered disgusting?
It’s part of life. Very normal, in my opinion.
@NMN, I don’t think she was judging *all* conception, just the thought of one’s own parents “doing it”…
Yes, that makes more sense.
Indeed, that is what I meant. Thank you, BD.
:puts pot of Brain Bleach on stove:
I was hatched in the oven from a buzzard egg.
Seriously. This is the story my dad tells. All. The. Time.
Mom used to tell me I was found under a cabbage leaf. When Cabbage Patch Dolls arrived on the scene in the mid ’80s, I became convinced my parents had bought me at a toy store and just didn’t want to admit it.
Brayyyynsss, Sparky brayyynnn……Ummmm, Brayyyynnsss, Batchlor Brayyy…. Brayyyynnsss, Arrcheee Brayyynnssss. Mmmmmmmmm.
If you’re looking for Sparky brains, I’m afraid you may starve.
Speaking of speeling problems, this is a headline in a local free paper.
Ooops.
Maybe wild animals can do a better job managing government funds than humans? Worth a shot…
Edit: Missed the nest under Ralph. Flying too high, I guess. Maybe next time *readjusts GPS*
No. Just no.
I agree. No one make a reference to “cockware.” Schrodinger’s ad.
I AM BATCHLOR, LORD OF THE MICROWERES!!! FEAR ME! FEAR MY MICROWERE ARMY!
MY MICROWERE ARMY SHALL MARCH UPON MANKIND AND THE WORLD WILL SOON BE MINE!*
*I hope this goes better than last time. My entire army was swallowed by a small dog.
Sorry, that wasn’t a dog.
*burps*
‘Scuze me.
Does anyone mind if I attempt to translate this ad into English, like I did yesterday? I figured that could be my job from now on.
Being The Explainer is not a highly revered job title on most snark sites. It tends to suck all the humor out of the room. Of course, if you can make it funnier than the original, go for it.
I’m not so good at making things funny, so never mind.
I don’t know how you understand it.
I first thought it was written in Ferengi, but ‘effed up’ is it’s own language.
It’s not really that difficult, really. I’m fluent in “effed up.”
Go for it, NMN. It’s always interesting to see someone’s interpretation (or best guesstimate) of a YSaC post. You could be doing everyone a big service by making our collective heads tilt in the other direction. That would be helpful, chiropractically speaking. 🙂
And always attach corey or matt(e) tags, as needed. They can be tricky. Carry on!
Hmm…I think I’ll just screw around.
600 dollars. One brer rabbit. Over 600 feet. (Must be a mutant). Bachelor’s room. A val (valium) required. Come September 1st.
[location information]
Brer rabbit needs only one room, plus a kitchen. Does not require a stove. Also have microwere and coockware. That’s small werewolf and werewolf-chicken hybrid.
Please seperate any of the creatures you buy, they can be quite vicious when together. Seperate in the bathroom, if possible. They can share their laundry, however. They do not like rules. Have a fincher (extra finch, possibly) for 600 more dollars.
All creatures enjoy untilities, including internet and cable.
Contact Stephen.
(Now tell me that didn’t make more sense.)
Cööckwäre is IKEA’s line of pots and pans for bachelors. It just looks funny without the umlauts.
Shouldn’t Bachelors Without Umlauts be a band? Or a tribe? Or, perhaps, a reality show?
I see Bachelors Without Umlauts as being rather like Doctors Without Borders, i.e. a group of idealistic young people with undergraduate degrees who travel to third world countries to help victims of linguistic disasters.
No need to travel to third world countries. There are
hundredsthousandsmillions of victims of linguistic disasters in the US of A as evidenced right here on YSaC!Oh funkiest of monkeys, please pick up your belongings and exit the box. Your lovely parting gift is our thanks and this Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Batchlor Number 3!
Interesting that the poster’s expectations are so low that he’ll be happy with “single to living”. I mean… what good is a dead roommate anyhow?
Unless you’re Bernie.