YSaC, Vol. 1295: Maybe we should just let Lassie write the ads.
As you know, Timmy, we here at You Suck at Craigslist are all about education. So let’s think about some of the ways we can help people write better Craigslist ads, shall we?
Black male citizen watch – $130
Previously owned by George Zimmerman.
White girls ikea bed – $100
The IKEA name for it is the Äryän.
Queen with Frame – $15
Because everyone wants royalty in a frame. It’s just a shame that old Elizabeth isn’t commanding more of a premium these days.
found elderly walker on road
This is why it’s always safer to walk inside the mall — you won’t have random people just picking you up, taking you home, and putting you up on Craigslist as a lost person.
Black Dish washer
A Black Dish washer is needed xxx-xxx-xxxx
What a difference a space makes …
See, Timmy? I’m glad we had this little chat. Oh, Timmy, stop crying. I’m sure Lassie will get you out of the well soon.
Thanks Gary, Frank, Youngwerth, Jay, and Megan!
Next, we review the difference between calling the guests’ names and calling the guests names.
And of course the classic:
“Let’s eat, grandma!”
versus
“Let’s eat grandma!”
… featuring the strippers, JFK and Stalin.
Speech impediments are complicated, especially if they transfer to written speech. So, poor, poor Sparky will be offered Maytag and Miele and LG kitchen appliances all for that lack of an enunciated “ck” sound rendered as “sh” before “washer”. . .
That, and CL having eliminated the “pro services” section.
Unless, this is some sort of coded lingo for such things.
Or for a rooster cleaning service.
The “black male watch(ed)” the “white girls (on the) ikea bed”, through his binoculars and realized the true meaning of “Queen with Frame” for the first time.
Later, he “found (the) elderly walker on (the) road”, and offered a job as a “black dish washer” to him.
Earlier that week he’d found a “white dish washer”, so all that was left to do was find a “glassware and stemware dish washer” and all his dishes would be clean…at least until he bought new dishes in different colors.
He sat down on the couch that evening, satisfied that he’d both answered one of life’s mysteries and helped the elderly all in one day, and all with the help of his dear friend Craig.
These all seem to be like that man eating chicken I hear so much about.
like that pesky panda that eats shoots and leaves
*pouts*
There’s a Chuck Norris joke hiding in the fourth one. Just haven’t had enough coffee to ferret it out.
Texas Ranger past its prime?
I had no idea that Queen was still touring. A cheap ticket at that! Haven’t heard of the opener though… can anyone tell me any of Frame’s songs?
Hip to be Square
Pictures of You
…and anything by Nine Inch Nails.
Freeze Frame
Well, I got a black dish washer, but it only washes black dishes. You’ll need separate ones for white dishes, patterned dishes… They are ok on ebony-and-ivory patterns though.
Sparky is going to be so mad when no one is even intimidated by his attempt to blackmail that watch.
I must frame… the Queen…
I framed the bloody Queen.
She makes me go to school.
I framed the bloody Queen
And all her bloody rules.
Black male citizen watch – $130
White male citizen cane – $32
Rosebud – priceless
Ooh, what a dish, I’ll wash her…
…and spoon too.
ow, ow, ow, owich! I know, the corner.
Who pulled Friday mop-up duty this week? Grab the bucket and bleach and head over yonder.
*checks roster* We gotta update this, apparently it’s Mindfield’s turn. 8/
*checks roster*
DAMN!
*drags mop and buckets to corner*
She who flings it, cleans it.
someone stole the door ghostie, I’d give you one but it’s gone.
*checks rooster* Oh, sorry, sir!
Does Sparky help his uncle jack off his horse?
Horsefeathers! Sparky should help is uncle get down off his horse. Of course Sparky could get down off a duck or a goose. Sparky should not goose the horse to get his uncle off though.
I think think this is starting to get squicky again, so I’ll just shut up.
Politically incorrect broken form limerickal bemusings of craigslisters and other short stories by QED SpaceBug.
I’m selling a famous Black male citizen watch.
You can tell by this pic, the piece is no botch.
No Anglo-Saxon’s
‘Twas Michael Jackson’s
See? On the wrist with his hand on his crotch.
Gal from the valley seeks White girls ikea bed.
Don’t barf me out, like totally bitchin, not red.
Fer sure fer sure.
There is no cure.
Like, Oh my god, I do not talk funny, she said.
I’m lookin’ to sell my Queen with Frame.
Poster’s been signed with Mercury’s name.
I’ve got a new doll.
To hang on the wall.
Q, Judy Dench, ain’t she a hot dame?
There was found elderly walker on road.
You’d think to yourself, this does not too well bode.
But it happens a lot.
And back he’ll be got.
For on his old breeches, a tag has been sewed.
Black Dish washer, A Black Dish washer is needed.
The dishes need tending, I’ve begged and I’ve pleaded.
In the yard where I seeded.
Next to where I have peeded.
The dishes there lie, but first must be weeded.
Lassie and Timmy.
Took a walk in the dell.
When down a big hole
Thus Timmy did fell.
Lassie ran back.
As fast as she could.
To get the old farmer.
He would do good.
Lassie barked and she barked.
And raised such a din.
The farmer replied.
I needs s’more gin.
Lassie got his attention.
And made her point clear.
A boy is in trouble.
The one you hold dear.
Runnin’ and stumblin’.
A quick route they did take.
And when they arrived.
The farmer then spake.
Lassie, dear Lassie.
What’s wrong with your smell.
That hole in the ground.
It sure ain’t no well.
[corey] Actually, Timmy never fell down a well, although Lassie did. However, the whole show fell into a stink hole. [/corey]
It’s not just a craigslist problem; see Amazon.
And eBay.
Those straight blue women are so hard to please.
tigprincess, your highness, please come back to the box again soon! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Engrish stoodents!