wanted: ar or hand
let me know what you have and a price.
Well, let’s see. What do I have at hand, or within ar’s reach? Three paper clips, two USB thumb drives, clippers for cat claws, emery boards for human nails, ibuprofen, two sets of earplugs, a stuffed figurine of Dot from Animaniacs, a sock monkey, and two postcards of Moomins.* I’m willing to let all this go for $600.
Thanks, William!
*Note: I am not making any of this up.
Want a Not.A.Lion t-shirt AND a Llama-nun's Prayer mug? How about a Cat Math mousepad? Of course you do!
All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
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[desk verbal snapshot corey]
Watch; flip cellphone & charger; pair 123 3DCV batteries, two-cell Streamlight with burned out lamp, lamp for same–still not remembered to collect new lamp; exposed but undeveloped Kodak ASA400 film; empty travel-size ibuprofen container (another reminder); then the clutter really starts . . .
[/corey]
Now, I know that “ar” is often textspeak for “or”–which renders the title “Or Or Hand” which is as incomprehensible as
“Oar or Hand”
“Ear or Hand”
“Eeore Ham”
Ergo:
Call Spark’
Me: Arrgh, me-Spark, bein y’ha’ d’bloons, d’yee?
Sparky: Huh
M: Arrh, I’ve oar, ‘n’ ear, ‘n’ ‘ook, ‘n’ paig-laig; whad’y’ barter f’r’m? Bein’ keen, I am, tae d’bloon an’ ‘eight, ar’ t’ Davy Jones wi’yee!
S: Kumquat, semprini verb
M: Arrgh, be fight’n’ wards y’skurvy bilge rat! Away the blanc-manges!
I have an Eeyore on my desk, does that count?
Eeyore ham, the sadder white (or pink) meat. Also available in hunny glazed.
Eeyore ham sounds like it would be a slow meal, but heavy and fillling.
Me too! But he can’t have mine for any amount of money! Okay, maybe for some figure with LOTS of zeros. I’m not really that sentimental.
Give the man a hand!
My price? It’ll cost you an ar and a leg.
“wanted: ar or hand”
[matt(?)] Come on folks! The “ar” stands for “accelerated reader”. It’s obvious that Sparky is learning impaired and needs a hand. It’s amazing that he was able to even post on CL! Y’all are so heartless! Some people’s folks weren’t able to afford to send them to grade school to learn how to read and write and cipher! It’s not like public school is free!
Er, wait a minute.
Nevermind. Sparky is a dumbass.
[end of embarrassed matt]
Damn, my clock done lost its ar or hand. I best go huntin’ fer a new one on craigslist…
True story. My mother grew up with a prominent East Coast (a specific one, not a generic one, but I’m being coy) accent, and moved elsewhere to teach public school. She had to go through speech therapy before they would let her teach the kids.
Anyway, years later I was on the phone with her, and she was telling me about how the students (pre-first) were having trouble with spelling … particularly with the words are, are, and are. (Or that’s how I heard it.) The rest of the conversation went like this:
Me: Um, what?
Mom: Are, are, and are! They can’t tell them apart.
Me: Can you spell the three words for me, Mom?
Mom: Are, A-R-E; Our, O-U-R …
Me: Okay …
Mom: And hour, H-O-U-R.
Me: Um, Mom? I think I can help you figure out why those words are causing them trouble.
She pronounced them all EXACTLY the same. In the regional accent where we lived, “are” and “our” are frequently the same, but “hour” is definitely different … but not to my mother!
So…Maine?
I’d say a High Tider, but I don’t think anyone would consider that a “prominent” accent.
I had an Irish Catholic supervisor from Boston once who had a passel of kids, all growed up by the time I knew her. She loved to tell the story of one son coming home from school in tears because he got such a poor grade on a spelling test. The words he missed were car and park. He never heard the “R” in the words when they were spoken, so he didn’t put them in when spelling. 8)
I have a continuing problem mispelling worse and worst, they just both sound the same to me in my head.
My dad has a heavy Boston accent but also seems to make up words/pronunciations on all his own. Foliage= foilage, confiscate = confistikate
and now that he has a new flat screen TV, he keeps complaining about when it will “picture late”
Piratespeak is a form of currency now?
“ARRR! ARRR!”
“Thank you – here’s your change: ARRR, matey!”
As an aside, I am impressed that you can clip your cat’s claws at home. Mine requires three people and it’s so traumatizing that I rarely ask the vet to do it and just suffer the scratches at home, and only ask for the front paws because that is long and onerous enough. My cat is usually awesome and sweet – but not if you want to clip his claws.
I can usually manage my brood with two people and a thick towel, but the person holding the cat (me) usually ends up with a bite or two. (Firefly really doesn’t like having her paws touched.)
Bites AND scratches here. I figure the vet techs and the vet don’t get paid enough, even when I’m also helping (because they ask), to put up with that. And we’re all extra rumpled after. Of course, they also try to do it after they take his temperature, so I am sure that intrusion does not improve his mood.
River and Serenity are in fact quite good about this. It’s the dog that’s problematic.
Fearless is extremely problematic – she’s a Norwegian Forest Cat and has these long, thick tufts of fur growing between her toes that turns each clipping into an Easter egg hunt. It seems to take forever to find them all. She’s an easygoing cat, but there are limits.
I have much arse I am trying to get rid of right away!
If you mean “buttocks”, I’m there with ya sister. If mine expands any more we may have to add on to the house.
If you mean, ahem, “carnal goodies”, then SHAME ON YOU!!!
Shame … and please let me know where to line up.
I meant the expanding backside, FM. I hope Victoria’s Secret can make a lovely swim dress someday.
P.S. Sorry, Lola. You snuck snark in there. Carnal goodies will be negotiable after my third melon ball.
Shame because that was yesterday’s theme! I hope you all have notes as to why you weren’t here, unless you were. Cause I wasn’t. Ahem.
OT: An office somewhere was serving virgin Jello shooters. Ah. I have that all the time. It’s call Jello. No, really. Take out the booze and you have nothing to write home about.
*pours arm-wanda’s drink*
Your favors, or favors for you? It does matter …
Well, let’s see…
I have within ar’s length:
A pecil.
A bag of Gardetto’s rye chips.
An iPod Nano.
A Cassell’s Latin & English Dictionary.
An empty box of Cheez-Its.
A composition notebook which we use to write a round robin for Writers’ Group.
A short comic play I wrote, entitled “The Parrot”.
A black stapler.
A white stapler.
A stapler shaped like a chicken.
I have a bucket of pens, the complete series of Flight of the Conchords on DVD, two remotes, a bottle of muscle relaxers, two plastic forks, two tubes of moisturizer, a bottle of sunscreen, a combination lock, keys to an apartment that I lived in ten years ago, a push light, and deodorant. The price for all this is $785.92.
Two lamps, pen Honey bought for me in Las Vegas, scissors, empty vitamin bottles, bag of sugar free peanut brittle, hand feeding formula, jewelry boxes, a chakra bracelet, two quail chicks and a heating pad. Oh, and owl stickers and a Mark 5 from Speed Racer. Lots of Marvin the Martian but not sure I can actually reach those over the velocirapor.
Well, Astro, my pecil is always within ar-
Oh. Corner.
…and a partridge in a pear tree.
Ok, in arm’s reach:
Two remotes
Cell phone
Sleeping dog (letting him lie)
Sock monkey (belongs to aforementioned dog)
Newspaper
Glasses
Glass of water
Tissues
That’s it really. although there is no doubt in my mind that MacGyver could use these things to topple an unjust regime or at least foil a truly nefarious villian’s plan and rescue the pretty lady.
Dear Sparky,
Just because you don’t put in the word ‘gun’, doesn’t mean your intended audience will be the only ones who understand your non-coded message.
I’ve decided to be generous and have mailed you an octopus found in this armoire, along with this box of gloves to cover up the ravages of all the hand-slapping you deserve.
Sincerely,
No.Shit.Sherlock
Particularly given the number of websites that have sprung up specifically because Ebay and Craigslist don’t want firearms on there, websites where there are, you know, whole categories of people specifically looking to sell what Sparky wants to buy.
(For the record, I presume he wants either an AR (civilian, non-automatic variant of the M16) or a handgun.)
I wonder if he also puts secretive messages about used household appliances in those free auto-shopper magazines.
I have a toothache, a vague idea, 2 pair, a chip on my shoulder and a college degree.*
Here’s a price: $32.98 per lb. (+ tax).
*or none of the above, whichever is truer.
Protect the right to bear ars!
I’ll bare my arse if you’ll bare yours!
I’m at work so it’s kind of boring.
Stapler that looks vaguely like a fish, hand lotion, binder clips (assorted), firm directory, cup with lemon wedges, hand sanitizer, post-its (used and still on block), hand-scanner for book check-out, VOIP phone, phone headset, work notes, department bills, workPad (and pouch, stylus, cleaning cloths), totebag (pretty much everything except $$$), Kindle, shoebox, shoes, empty sparkling water bottle. I’m at the front reference desk, so the comic miniatures, the Rolodex, and the bag o’ bottles and cans for recycling are not present, along with the bow on the computer screen. Zzzzz.
Within ar’s reach? You so don’t want to know. Or maybe I don’t want to know. Hoarders ain’t got nothing on me.
Within ars reach: Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, pens, adding machine, fan, paperwork, paperwork, stapler, tape, shop floor orders and tickets, a phone that won’t stop ringing!, paperwork, paperwork, why in the hell can’t I win the lottery dammit, my small stuffed monkey collection, my wind up chattery teeth toy, chapstick, I went to college for this?, tissue, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork.
Sigh. Ain’t it good to be a gangsta’.
I’ve got the chattery teeth, too! (Well, chattery fangs) They’re right beside my My Little Pony, hiding my box of Runts from moochy coirkers. (I’ve got the paperwork and constantly ringing phone as well, but that’s not as much fun.)
wanda, LiLo, and ghostie, thank you for gifting us with your snark and your witty repartee! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Mr. Heston.
They make postcards with Moomins on them? And I don’t have some? This is just sad.
What I do have, within ar’s reach: 1 liter seltzer, several coasters in a moose theme, camera and cord for downloading pictures as soon as I get around to it, about 1/2 a dozen recently released DC comics, a pile of books I am not currently reading, a large binder clip, and some paper napkins.
Willing to trade all for postcards of Moomins.
Lots of clutter on my desk, but let’s see…
One 0.7 mm mechanical pencil (which I use); three regular pencils (which I don’t); a black felt pen (not quite dried up yet); a small flat-bladed screwdriver (which fits the Phillips screws in my computer); a Post-it pad (almost used up); some loose Post-its (some useful, some not); some unused fast-food napkins (from various places), a very out-of-date World of Warcraft manual (kept only for the keyboard shortcuts on the back); some other game manuals (for other games); two old 3.5″ floppy drives (which may or may not actually work); a couple small shelves of game CDs (for entertainment); a Blizzard Authenticator (for WoW and Diablo III); a Dictionary of First Names (for naming my sims); some The Sims 1 career tables (for reference); a headset (for my computer); a cheap phone (for communication); a caller ID box (for the phone); a check for $200 (for my brother); a bottle of water (for hydration); a bottle of cherry Diet Pepsi (for caffeination)…
That’s enough for now, I think.
He wants guns and they aren’t permitted on there, so he just kept it simple. He just wants an AR rifle or handgun. Not really that sucky.