YSaC, Vol. 1262: Husserl’s Camera
Fake camcorder – $5
Would be good as a low budget movie prop or for a play or something such as this. The thing actually has a working cassette player built in it. There is also a simple mini tripod (seems real!), a charger (not sure about it), and a bag and strap (those seem real enough)
Um. Leaving aside the improbability that anyone would want the fake camcorder, I’m absolutely stumped by the ontological questions raised by the seemingly real, and therefore potentially fake, strap and bag. I mean, they’re a strap and a bag. In what way could it be possible for them to resemble a strap and a bag, and NOT function as such? And if they work as a strap and a bag are they, in fact, fake?
To put it another way, is it possible to create a fake that is indistinguishable from the original in every way, and have it still be a fake? What, then, is the definition of a fake? Is it even possible to make a fake bag? Not like a fake Prada bag or something like that, but something which contains all the essential elements of bag-ness, but is nonetheless somehow fraudulent?
I think I need to go have a bit of a lie down.
Thanks for the dilemma, Tony!
C’est ne pas une bag.
Gesundheit!
Hmmm, foreign language translation error, perhaps?
In Spanish, “real” means “royal,” of the king. “El Camino Real” is Spanish for “Royal Highway” or “King’s Road.”
If this is a fake real, that could mean it belongs to some pretender, who will surely meet their fate when Montego catches up to them.
Now, if this is an auto-correct redaction of “[in] re all” we have quite the different ontological arguement of chicken-egg-chicken-road-how was Humpty Dumpty connected to the King sort of argument that a good serving of huevos Real with a side of pico de gallo with a bit of plonk from the Gallo Bros.
One supposes that we could inquire of [Miss] Elk on whether she has a theory, which is Reall, not Fake, on how a Thesaurus resembles a book full of words about words, except that was yesterday, so that would be yesterday, a fake, a faux accompli as it were {koff,koff]
Hello. My name is Inigo Minolta. You have my camcorder. Prepare to die.
Wait. That was supposed to be under Cap’n’s Spanish comment. Huh.
MSS. Misplaced Snark Syndrome. I suffer from that often myself.
That’s ok, it’s a reall fake comment.
Well, you see, when the thingness of a bag is outweighed by the bagness of the thing, then the bag is a genuine (or shall we say real) bag, and the thing (or shall we say object) is a genuine bag. The cameraness of recording (being its primary function), is not matched by the recordingess of the so-called and alleged camera, being the party of the second part.
But wait, you say, with your beclouded brain! If the object has the quality of a tape recorder it is not entirely unsuited for the purpose of a camera, whose essence is the recording of events, you say. But no! For the essence of cameraness is to record pictures, and this is merely a tape player. But it has the form of a so-called camcorder, you say! But no! To be a thing and to look a thing are things apart from the thingness that defines a thing!
Or Sparky just broke the damn thing and is selling it as “a prop”.
Or he stole a non-functional floor model from a store.
Which was my third guess, reall or fake. [koff]
This one time, at the corner of WTF and Y, I met a salesman offering Pravda handbags for $5 each.
So, I asked him if he would trade for a camcorder complete with accessories.
I think I know that salesman. He’s branched out into watches and carries Relax and Carter.
I think Carter watches are only for small babies and children.
…or Iranian hostages. What? Too soon?
Or peanut farmers that are attacked by rabbits.
I didn’t know that Farmer McGregor was a peanut farmer.
I preferred the alternate ending where he gets attacked and eaten by the angry rodents Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail.
I’m just glad he specified low budget movie prop. I wouldn’t want to start making my summer blockbuster hit rom-com with bad props. Or fake cameras.
I was going to make a snarky comment about Michael Bay. Then I saw that Wanda had mentioned rom-coms instead. Then I started thinking about what would happen if Michael Bay directed a rom-com.
Now I need a bit of a lie down.
Ryan Gosling and Jessica Alba are genetically perfect supersoldiers who must fend off a corrupt military base commander and consummate their love for each other in less than 72 hours or THEY WILL EXPLODE!
I started to ask where’s the comedy part of the rom-com, and then I saw “explode”.
I can see the trailer now…
:deep-voiced narrator:This summer’s hottest blockbuster is – Love in BOOM!
–cut to exterior of military base–
Their love was as volatile as it was forbidden.
–several planes explode-
-cut to interior of barracks–
“I don’t care what the regs say; I love you, Jessica!”
“And I love you, Ryan’s pectorals!”
“Hey, my eyes are up here!”
“Sorry, I get distracted with all these clothes on. :removes shirt: Did you say something?”
:drools: “Ryan has sexy-times now?”
“Sure!”
:they embrace:
:deep-voiced narrator: Coming soon to a theater near you!
–several helicopters explode for no reason, also aliens appear–
I was thinking of a Jennifer Anniston
floptour de force myself. Jessica Alba, Jennifer Anniston…meh, either JA will do.….and…someone has to sit on a cat, making it yowl with hurt and surprise, because someone always sits on a cat in the movies…
Hmmm, a Ridley Scott rom-com . . .
My mind actually started with Tarantino-Rodriguez rom-com, but, they already made Machete . . .
I guess he went tripping and found this in his kitchen in the morning. That’s why he’s not sure it’s real, even though it has a place for the video cassette.
That’s what she said.
There’s nothing fake about any of this. Originally, movies were filmed without sound, which was added in the theater by the piano player. This is a modern example of equipment for the little-known “talky” counterpart of silent movies that were filmed with sound but no pictures. The action was added in the theater by actors; the advantage was that they didn’t have to speak English so they would work for peanuts. The system lost its popularity when one of the elephants fell through the stage and the monkey flung poo at the audience.
The modern equivalent is to make a movie that has almost no action and a boring soundtrack, like Andy Warhol’s “Sleep.” This camera is ideal for “filming” a remake with a live (=comatose) actor. It can also be used for even more avant-garde productions; I was thinking of making a movie called “Table” with a soundtrack by Philip Glass, but it’s not really my bag.
Dang skippy I flung poo! I was being disrespected! Mamas with screaming babies in the audience, jerks talking on their cells! I’m an artist, dammit, and I want attention!
I’ve had a frightening thought (several, really, but those were work-related).
Sparky is convinced a cassette player has been put in the video camera.
What if, in fact, this is a non-digital video camera what uses 8mm tape in decks?
Spark could look over this camera for a decade (might even turn 21) and not find the SD card slot or USB adapter . . . which would make this a “fake” camera that is still “reall” to Spark–if outside Spark’s febrile imaginings, Horatio.
See here, upon this lens/
Which hath gazed upon me so many days/
And carried me aloft in so many ways/
How fake doth it lie so/
In its bag so faux/
Come, Horatio, from this reall/
Shall we exuent–
Are those bag slings and outrageous fortune?
Is that a simple tripod?
To reall or not too reall?
This is the question beyond Spank’s ken . . .
I think you nailed it. This sparky is too young to have ever seen a non-digital camcorder. Hilarious…
This is a fake comment.
This comment seems real enough.
I knew it was fake. I tried it on and it turned my nose green.
I knew it was fake cause it was too perfectly shaped and it didn’t jiggle while jogging.
This fake comment seems real. It’s even got a working cassette player inside!
This comment is not real butter. It’s Parkay.
Edit: Dang, was supposed to go under kelli’s thread.
This comment is extremely fake. It’s even in the wrong comment thread.
Thís cómméñt ís réàl, büt wíth á fàké äccêñt.
So I said to my self, “Self, Punchity Punch Punch!”
Good Morning, Faux Pearls of Wisdom!