YSaC, Vol. 1261: Hire edyucashion.
Strugling Writing your Resume
If you are struggling on deciding what to put on your resume let me help you. This service is offered to all individuals young, old, just getting back into society from an institution. Dont waste your time or money going to fancy job centers and online gimmicks. This service comes with a small reasonble fee but great satisfaction. Proof reading and editing of documents also available.
Send me an email if you are ready to stand out on paper!!!!
That’s right — don’t waste your time going to fancy job centers where they do things like use punctuation and grammar correctly, and where they know how to spell things. Those hoity-toity, high-falutin’ folks with their dictionaries and their thesauruseseses, and their opposable thumbs and fancy electric typing machines; they’re nothing but trouble. Email me instead! We here at Sparky’s Not-So-Fancy-and-Only-Sort-of-Online House of Grammar and Septic Excavation are here for you. Our services include:
- Random prepositions
- Run-on sentences
- Comma splices at no extra charge
- Extra savings realized by omitting extraneous double letters
- Avoidance of the apostrophe surcharge
Wouldn’t you rather waste your money with us instead?
Or maybe you’re looking for someone a bit less qualified … we can help.
Excellent Independant Editor for hire
Indenpendant Editor who studied at [tiny community college]. I have written several articles on the tragic death of [person] which was world wide news, I have also written several articles on “the fight for [name]” in which case a father is fighting to get his daughter back who was taken from him out of state and put in harms way, also a big story on the news, my articles on that particular cause can even be seen in [state] Governors office! I charge below the average rate which is typically 2 cents a word. I charge 1 cent per word, EX: a 60,000 word book would cost $600.00 even for my services which includes complete spelling and grammar check as well as making the writing flow nicely from one sentence to another, from one paragraph to another.
The writing may flow nicely, but that’s just because our intrepid editor is going to connect all of your sentences and paragraphs with commas. You can almost hear the upspeak at the end of sentences.
Thanks, Lurking Janett (I hope you’ll un-lurk for us!) and trumpetjen!
I’d love to pay someone $600 to run spell check, but does either of these Sparkies do Web sites?
Regarding Mr. Excellent Independant Editor,
His claims to fame are ” I have written several articles on the tragic death of [person] which was world wide news” which doesn’t mention that they were published. And an article about a local event that “can even be seen in [state] Governors office!”. Where can it be seen? In his waste basket?
Men’s room wall. I believe the article in question begins with “For a good time, call…”
I would presumè.
I usually stand out in the pouring rain. Paper might be nice for a change.
I usually just use the litter box.
If these guys can succeed as writers, maybe my half-assed cooking skills can get me a job as a chef. I make a mean can of condensed tomato soup.
Do you use generic canned-soup taunts or do they have to be tomato-specific to make it truly mean?
Indenpendants : the new writer’s block?
Looking for a new, fun-filled career? Then contact Mama Windy’s Usually On-Line School of Editing for Fun and Profit. My Profit. Ahem.
Did y0u do poorly in English in school? Do people laugh and point and post on Facebook when you send texts? Well, with just a few years of memorization and constant study, you can change all that. OR send lots and lots of money to me and I will teach you how to cheat and get away with it. Send your bank information and password to cleanandhonestwindrose at icwhatudidthere.com and you won’t regret it!
Sign me up!
:stuffs cash into computer cup holder:
Umm … is it supposed to smoke like that?
Dear cleanandhonestwindrose at icwhatudidthere.com , m’I bank is on the west side near the rapids below the fork. And my pa’s sword is double edged and really sharp. It lüks like my letter opener but a lot bigger.
Both these fine men/women/transgendered lemurs are graduates of the DigitalAxis scohol of Where Woirds Go. Hours pecialities are, proof reading, palm reading, reading rainbow, over the rainbow, the rainbow connection, connect-4, conniptions, comma’s, and those upside0down commas thing. We also spatializee in figuring out the correct words for any situaton. Call now, and get our undress!
“You can almost hear the upspeak at the end of sentences.”
Like, I didn’t know? I was upspeaking? I thought like, I was totally the normal one here?
Sparky’s writing is flowing nicely from one paragraph to another, it’s just that they are not adjacent paragraphs.
It’s raining on my paper, so my sentences are flowing nicely from my paper to the floor.
Both Sparkies are probably “…just getting back into society from an institution.” Possibly this one.
Just one more tragic example of what happens when the cake is left out in the rain; not only will Spark’ never have that recipe again, the cake is also a lie. As are most of the claims on the resumes this bunch would juggallo out.
I would only pay that guy to do my resume if he would waive the fee to add an extra four fonts. Research has shown that employers give preference to people who use lots of fonts.
“When it comes to proofreading, the red penis your friend.”
They should take paws for a moment and reflex on the warding of their peppers. So debt there pair of giraffes might flow nicely to gather one upon an other. They should belay charging much doe as they’re pros must knead much correcting.
I would be happy to lend either Sparky my copy of Pooffreading for Dummy’s. It has chapters on speeling, comp osition, ed*t*ng and, punctuation?
Dave and Ferret, Please use the secret exit after you collect your Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Ghost Writers in Disguise!
Long time lurker, first time commenter…you know this is the kind of person who has been told unequivocally that he or she is amazing regardless of actual talent…any attempts at mockery will be met with incredulity which makes it all the more fun