YSaC, Vol. 1256: It’s also possible they might just need Chris Christie pried out.
2012 May 21
Remove Governor on Tahoe
Our 06 Tahoe shuts down at 96 mph. Looking for someone with a programmer to remove the limit.
Let’s do some math here.
Real math, not the cat kind.
A Chevy Tahoe weighs about 5,000 lbs. That’s about 2,000 kg.
This person wants to make their Chevy Tahoe go 100 miles an hour. That’s about 160 kilometers per hour, or 45 meters per second.
A 2,000 kg object traveling at 45 meters per second has a kinetic energy of 1/2 m * v^2 or about 2 million joules. Let’s see what else has about 2 million joules of energy.
Huh. 2 million joules is pretty darn close to the energy of one stick of dynamite.
Nope, can’t see a thing wrong with this plan.
Thanks for the scary, Julie!
Gee, the lawsuit-battered automotive engineers at GMC might have, oh, gone to college, and earned engineering degrees, perhaps even advanced degrees.
These qualified people might then be paid by GMC to study things like dynamic stability in the vehicles sold.
They might even note that, above certain speeds, the dynamic stability could change faster than average human reaction times–which introduces a level of “random outcome” in the vector math that other drivers find uncomfortable.
Further, the folks at the engine shop might have studied all of the compromises needed to make engines have both econo0my and horsepower and reliability and the like. Which can give those engines a finite RPM limits.
All of which might have been sent to the EPROM shop to program into the computer, to help prevent sparkii become surprised by any of these sequelae with a few million joules owed to Laws of Physics.
(Far, far too many people already demonstrate the poor cornering of Tahoe at plebeian velocities like 40-45 mph as is–sigh, only a few more short minutes, and I, into such fray shall be hurtled for the next hour…)
People here have enough difficulty driving Toyota Corollas at parking-lot speeds.
I’ve seen drivers who would probably have trouble parking a Matchbox car.
I’ve seen drivers who probably have difficulty getting their feet in the right shoes every morning.
I can get my foot in my right shoe, it’s the left that gives me issues.
I’ve seen people who have trouble driving their point home.
I’ve seen people who don’t even have cars. They just keep beating their dead horses.
Reasons? Where we’re going we don’t need REASONS. We need speed, like Dale Earnhardt Jr. Speed never hurt Dale Earnhardt Jr.
(and hey, it helped Keanu Reeves)
Speed never hurt no one nohow!!! It’s the sudden deceleration and instability at the end there that’s the doosy… Hey Y’all, watch ‘is!
You forgot the “hold my beer” part.
That is only one of many dangerous conditions that could be encountered if they raise the top speed. For example, Ford Police Interceptors are limited to 130 mph because there’s a dangerous driveshaft oscillation that occurs above that speed. It’s also pretty common to limit the speed of cars to what the tires are rated for.
Once you take off the limiter you’re pushing the vehicle beyond the envelope it was tested for…you are now the Engineer in Charge. How much do you think this guy knows about chassis design?
‘Bout as much as I know about brain surgery.
Anyone need a doctor?
If you need some medical supplies, I know a swampy place that’s just teeming with leeches.
Oh, and this is also one of those, “I’m anonymous on CL despite giving full contact info, so it does not matter that I’m making a blatant request for criminal acts, and providing evidence of mens rea to collude or suborn such acts in blatant scofflawry.”
Blatant Scofflawry is IF’s Police-themed punk rock band.
Do not Remove Governor on Tahoe. Remove Governor on Wisconsin.
Well, we could remove him into LAKE Tahoe, would that work?
If you can’t get to where you’re going on time by poking along at 96 mph, maybe you should leave the house earlier.
But what if Sparky is being pursued by vermicious knids? Those little bastards are pretty fast.
Poor Sparky, he doesn’t realize that 96 is not nearly as fun as 69.
Storytime!
A complete asshat and (almost) Darwin Award nominee that used to work here figured out how to remove the gov’nor from one of our utility “mules”…for those that don’t know, think gas-powered heavy-duty golf cart type machine.
He then proceeded to get high as a kite and drive the thing around in very fast tight circles.
Until the mule fell over and all 1,000+ lbs. landed on his foot..crushing it into oblivion. Only the fact that God protects fools and drunks kept him from having it amputated.
After that, all the gov’nors were removed in favor of large pieces of scrap metal welded to the floors of the mules, under the gas pedal, so the max speed is now 10 mph.
So, Sparky….for $500 bucks I’ll remove your gov’nor for you. Why do I need this acetylene/oxygen set-up? Just never you mind, it’s highly technical mechanic stuff.
/end storytime and offer to help
We had governors installed in all of our powered moving equipment in our plant. It made for a lot of pissed off material handlers.
In other news: I have Captain and Tennille’s “Love Will Keep Us Together” as an earworm this morning. Can someone please please help a monkey out and give me a different song? I can’t function like this.
In memory of Robin Gibb, I give you the gift of Stayin’ Alive
All better now?
How deep is your love?
Ah yes, bless ‘im. I saw that on the news last night and forgot. I’m doing a little disco at my desk now.
Muskrat looooo-ooove!
EDIT: Windy…dang, you read my mind.
If you never been frog kissin’
then you don’t know whatcha been missin’
There’s a world of opportunity
under each and every log.
If you never been a charm breaker,
if you never been a handsome prince maker,
then slow down, turn around, bend down
and kiss you a frog.
(This is an earworm I get now and then. I heard it 3 times 36 years ago. Maybe I can get rid of it by giving it to someone else.)
How about a song by The who?
Look who’s crawling up my wall,
black and hairy, very small.
Now he’s up above my head.
hanging by a little thread.
Boris the spider
Boris the spider.
I was gonna suggest Muskrat Love, but I’ll just sit over here and whistle Dixie for a while.
I think she’ll enjoy that.
Oof. Corner.
Does Dixie have a friend? I’d like to whistle too.
UNREGULATE ALL THE THINGS!
Socialist.
That’s a Libertarian, no?
Yes, no.
Hell, even time travel only required 88 MPH. How big of a hurry is Sparky in?
He’s looking for The Twilight Zone
Lana?
Danger zone.
[corey]That 88mph thing is just fiction used to entertain the masses. I’ve spent a lifetime travelling through time and have never needed to go that fast. Of course, no matter how fast I drive, I can’t seem to travel through time any faster than anyone else, including people who just stand there.[/corey]
There’s a guy that can modify it to travel through time when it goes 88 miles per hour.
Remove Governor on T-Bird
Our ’66 T-Bird convertible shuts down at 96 mph. Looking for someone with a programmer to remove the limit. We’ve got a canyon to jump!
Regards,
Thelma & Louse
p.s. We’re leaving Brad Pitt on the side of the road so he can go on to play in another “road movie”…..Kalifornia. We hear he plays a real nice guy in that movie too.
WHEEE!!!!
If you can’t say that at 96 miles per hour, maybe you should zipline off Mount Saint Helens.
So I’ve been thinking up a concept for a new movie.
There’s this couple from New Hampshire who own a 2006 Tahoe. It turns out that the Tahoe has a bomb on it and if they go more than 96 mile per hour it will explode.
I think I’m going to call the movie “Slow.”
Make them drive a Prius. Cut them some slack. Those cars are build for Slow.
Here in the “metroplex” all Prius appear to be “20’s”–
Either operated 20 mph under the posted limit (and causing a huge backlog and wasting much fuel)
Or operated 20 mph over the posted limit (and right up against the redline for that 3.2 pint 3-cylinder engine, wasting a bunch of fuel).
Usually with a great deal of self-awarded smugness and overbearing righteousness for “saving” the planet.
Not my favorite car to see while commuting.
At 96 mph the movie could still be called Really, Really Speedy with no problem.
Cool! And the sequel could be “2 Slow”. Yeah.
2 slow 2 frustrating
Nah, they should drive a Ford Exploder.
The only good Exploder is a dead Exploder!
One can say the same about the Probe.
I’m a bit to anal to talk about the probe.
What about the Ford Ficus? It’s reliable, but it doesn’t go very fast… at least, if you don’t water it.
Feecus ficus focus fu… umm maybe I shouldn’t finish my thought.
Y’know, I’ve actually driven a POV on an actual track (30-degree banked TWS) above 95 mph.
It’s a bit of work in a street-legal vehicle, and you can almost feel the tire wear and engine strain, too. I was lucky enough to be all alone motoring around that speedway for my orbits. It was fast enough.
Mind you, the same laps in a machine designed for the task felt about the same–until they told me the speed (only an RPM gauge onboard)–it was about twice what I’d done in my personally-owned-vehicle.
I’ll guess that Spark’ did not go to the trouble of finding an actual track, or similar closed course, to test the top speed the engine computer allows fr that SUV.
I’ll further guess that Spark’ is not much of a “gear head” and does not know that there are all sorts of advertizements–from genuine to sketchy to felonious–for “performance enhancing” EPROM one could plug into one’s computer. Advertizing for a “programmer” could net him a 696 whizkid, and Spark’ would have an SUV which would kill at WoW (or commit ID theft) at any speed . . .
My Toyota Corolla has a 75th level paladin on WoW. And it’s using the OEM Eprom.
> Our 06 Tahoe shuts down at 96 mph
….and this a problem why? Depending upon what Sparky was doing at the time, i am guessing that this was quite a surprise. i would be a little upset to be going 96MPH and my vehicle suddenly doesn’t have the power steering or power brakes. But, once one is used to going 96MPH or faster, it is just too inconvenient to only be able to go 95MPH. Makes you wonder what happened to Sparky’s other vehicle where he got used to driving at least 96MPH.
> Looking for someone with a programmer to remove the limit.
OK, let’s get the (supposed) grammatical part out of the way first. i know programmers can be squirrely folks cus i is one, but, i am a bit insulted. Why do we have to be with somebody who responds to this ad? i think i am capable of responding without any help. Unless Sparky has some reason to believe that the better programmers find their work via someone else responding to the ad. Plus, i don’t know too many people who go through life “with a programmer” – unless they want to be prepared for ads like this.
On the other hand, i think that this is the makings of a Darwin Award Winner. The local police department needs to respond to this ad with an undercover officer. Not only can they find out where Sparky lives, but, where and when he likes to take his Tahoe (and other vehicles) on excursions beyond 95MPH. A possible headline the next day in the paper would be:
“Police Arrest Speeder After Making His Tahoe Go Faster”
But, to be optimistic, one could look at this as a challenge to all programmers out there (at least those with “someone”) to see how fast a 06 Tahoe can go. i mean, Sparky didn’t request the limit changed to 122 or 150 or even 78 – he wanted the limit removed completely! i think that Sparky wants to test Einstein’s Theory of Relativity by taking his Tahoe beyond the speed of light. my guess is that Sparky believes that he will age slower, thereby discovering the Fountain of Youth. us programmers like that idea cus we think that it will cause Olivia Munn to fall in love with us.
Think twice before removing your governor. When that happened here a couple of years ago we ended up with Schwarzenegger.
…and then there was the time my oldest son…at his Sparkyesque best…removed all the governors from his Pontiac’s engine…
Don’t do it, I said.
You’ll blow your engine, I said.
He did.
It did.
I laughed.
He spent $4000 on a new engine and then totaled the car less than a year later. Not his fault, but he didn’t recover that $4000.
Some peoples’ kids.
Wait…what?
Missing_Droor, if that is your real name, here’s your pristine YSaC Baux card, and your very first Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Truckee!