YSaC, Vol. 1255: It’s a hard knock life.
$260 Room for rent
We have a 2bed room 1bath renting either living room for $260 or 1bed room for $350 furnished looking for single person or couple most have job or government check. We are in the heart of beautiful [location] hood corner store across the street minutes from mc donalds & liquor store. We are on papers must be willing to run out back door when need be. There is 3 people living here 2 cats and roaches normally at night must clean your stuff off of kitchen counter. 420 welcome must go out side to smoke any thing. Great place for right one kinda hood thats why its in the hood. You dont get a key but a special knock. Serious replies only email us
Living room for sale or rent
Must have government check.
No phone, no pool, two pets
Go outside for them cigarettes
McDonald’s is right around
And a liquor store of some renown
I’m a man of keys with no keys
King of the hood
(I’m sure Roger Miller would have written that, if Craigslist had been around then.)
Thanks, Lauren!
Let’s see now. The rent is a bit higher than where I’m living now, but being minutes from a McDonald’s is a plus, and I’d have the same quality neighbors either way.
And it’s dumpster-adjacent so you can have all the free expired Cheetos you want!
Just look out for the babies!
I love it when they put on the top hats and canes and do their little musical number though.
I thought the whole point of a doomsday bomb shelter was to NOT have neighbors. Y’know, once the bombs drop. Or even before.
So the sparkies are paper-trained and have roaches, and you must be willing to run out the back door when need be. This deal stinks. I assume you can’t use the bathroom because, you know, ninjas!
I don’t think you can use the bathroom because someone else is already hiding/living there.
It’s not a bathtub, it’s a spacious studio apartment with a water feature.
Yeah, like when I was a janitor while in college. I wasn’t a janitor, I was a “Detail Technician”.*
*This was on my check stub, swear to Jeebus.
I guess they are squatters.
Dumpster food will do that to you.
Pushin’ a broom for 25¢
Pickin’ up tenants, short, but not too big around . . .
Miss ol’ Roger–will have to put on my “dead guys” mix later today . . .
Knock three times on the front door if you want in.
Twice on the pipe means you’re smoking outside.
Ah. Tony Orlando on a Friday morning. Life is good.
EDIT: This was supposed to show up as a reply to Dave’s lyrics. D’oh!
Why do I keep thinking of Darth Vader when I read about all the hoods and no keys and running outside? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw
Your lack of parking disturbs me.
Do you know who I am?
You’re Jeff Vader, right? You run the Death Star!
EDIT: Oh hey, that’s actually what the video was about! Now I feel silly for not clicking it in the first place.
Taco, I wuv you!
This is not a game of Who the Fuck Are You.
🙂
I kill you!
“We have a 2bed room 1bath renting either living room for $260 or 1bed room for $350 furnished”
I’m a bit confused, I read this as the room with 2 beds and 1 bath is doing the renting of either living room(I guess you pay them $260 to sleep on the couch) or a room with 1 bed for $350 (and 1 bed makes it furnished).
I think “smart as a post”er is smoking them roaches normally at night, and abnormally during the day.
“must be willing to run out back door when need be”
Yeah, the police wait for you out back and we need you to look guilty so we can blame all of the illegal activity on you when we get raided.
I’m not planning to change my name to Patsy, so no, I’d rather sleep in my vehicle.
I was also confused by the “roaches normally at night” comment. Are we talking insects or other roaches? They may get many more applicants if they specify.
Sparky did say 420, and I don’t think that means that the residence is on Highway 420 in beautiful downtown [Location].
“You dont get a key but a special knock.”
If you are a guy, you need to know “Flight of the Bumblebee”.
If you got great knockers, then we knock you up.
I keep thinking of Sheldon knocking on Penny’s apartment door: *knock knock* “Penny?” *knock knock* “Penny?” *knock knock* “Penny?”
*knock knock*
“Who is is?”
“It’s Dave man, open up I got the stuff.”
There’s no Dave here, man.
Don’t forget to turn in your secret knock and submit to the neuralyzer when you move out.
I’d love to squat illegally in someone’s roach-infested living room! What could POSSIBLY go wrong?
What if my roaches don’t get along with your roaches?
Does my cat get his own special knock, or do we have to share?
If I am outside smoking Salmon (the only thing I smoke) and I hear the special “run outside” signal, do I run back in, run farther outside, or just stay where I am? Is the signal a knock? I hope not. That could get confusing.
Also, I didn’t think there was a beautiful part of [location]. Are you sure you’re not in [north location]?
Oh my, no. They’ve really cleaned up [location] in the past few years. Why, after the [surname] clan moved out, the [orifice] rapings have dropped dramatically. What a bunch of [ass] holes.
Oops, I meant [smelly body part] holes.
Thank goodness for gentrification! :-s
A roach infested, overpriced flophouse where you get to room with criminals, what’s not to love? Everything. Everything is what’s not to love.
I think a haiku is in order.
Living in the hood
Gotta live with the roaches
Secret knock required
They are “on papers”.
Wonder if it’s the same kind
McD’s wraps food with?
Liquor store and weed
Cats are fun when drunk and high
Free entertainment
Frivolous landlord = shiny new pair of keys and list of numbers to call in case of emergency
Serious landlord = special knock instructions and diagram of quickest path to back door
No wonder I have not been a successful rental property owner. *sigh*
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Lettuce
Lettuce Who?
Lettuce in! it’s cold out here!
“…. minutes from mc donalds & liquor store.”. I don’t thing there’s enough Mc Donalds and booze in the world to numb the pain of living in this flop house.
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Sam and Janet
Sam and Janet Who?
Sam and Janet evening….
I guess that’s why they call it the hood,
Beautiful [location] never looked so good,
Running like roaches, skulking like squatters,
Pee at McDonalds (they’ve got running water),
And I guess that’s why they call it the hood.
*knock knock scrape*
*knock knock scrape*
*knock knock scrape*
*knock knock scrape*
Buddy you’re a young boy, poor boy
wanna stop living on the street today.
you got mud on your face, big disgrace.
Move in with us, we got you some space.
(Singing) We will, we will stone you!
*scrape, knock knock scrape*
(Singing) We will, we will stone you!
*scrape, knock knock scrape*
Buddy you’re a young man, hard man
going to take on the cops one day.
You got blood on your face, big disgrace.
Run out the back and get out of this place.
(Singing) We will, we will stone you!
*scrape, knock knock scrape*
(Singing) We will, we will stone you!
*scrape, knock knock scrape*
Buddy you’re an old man, poor man.
Eating all our roaches ,causing a bowel spray.
You stunk up the place, big disgrace.
Get out! We no longer want to look at your face!
(Singing) we will, we will stone you!
*scrape, knock knock scrape*
We will, we will stone you!
*rrrrrrmmmmmmm*
*knock knock scrape*
*knock knock scrape*
So, I am guessing everybody here knows what “on papers” means, then. I am amazed at the boldness of this Sparky, asking (in a public forum) for pot smokers to move in with him.
Then again, not really. I think I saw him in court last week.
IF, I’m sorry there isn’t more room in the box for riding your bike and laser pistol target practice. You are free to go now. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good morning, Lifestyles of The Criminally Insane!
I’m textually-inept, so I cannot do fanciful quotes.
Alas:
“There is 3 people living here 2 cats and roaches normally at night must clean your stuff off of kitchen counter.”
So, if I’m understanding this correctly, there are 3 people living there and the 2 cats and roaches must clean my stuff off the kitchen counter (normally) at night? Why can’t they do it during the day? Vampire cats and roaches?