YSaC, Vol. 1247: Now what should I do with this bathwater?
If your just going to leave your baby somewhere.
If your someone who is reading this, then you are possibly one of the thousands that leave your baby at a hospital or a dumpster. For those of you who leave your children is dirty places like dumpsters, this is for you. If you don’t want your kid and are just going to leave them in a dumpster or some other dirty place or try to kill it because you don’t want it, e-mail me and i’ll tell you where to leave it, so questions asked. It’s alot better than if you left your baby is a dumpster filled with rats and garbage, they deserve better.
Please use your brain.
If someone is on Craigslist, it’s obvious where they’re going to leave their baby …
CURB ALERT- Baby, Etc
[address]
All previously listed items have been taken !!!
Still left : Graco car seat base, wooden picture frames, medium flower pot
Oh, man. Someone already took the baby. I never make it to these curb alerts in time to get the good stuff.
Free!!!
Mixture of nb to 24 months of girl clothing. Toddler carseat for about a 2 yr old. Boy of 6 to 12 months. Some are stained all are washed. As i got these from other people on craigslist for free and now im going through them so im still adding. Not in rush but need gone asap. Email if interested.
It’s like a Craigslist hand-me-down merry-go-round. At least they washed the 6-to-12-month-old boy before giving him away.
Thanks, thechileanblob, Peter, and Kathryn!
I’ve got news for ya, all 6-12 mo. old baby boys are stained.
The stains only get worse as they get older. Trust me.
My mother told me that was a birthmark.
On a side note, my nephew, Brer Bear has a birthmark on his back shaped like an iron.
It looks like someone tried to iron his shirt while he was wearing it.
Sparky #1 says: “…i’ll tell you where to leave it, so questions asked.” Probably eBay; they list questions, unlike craigslist.
I suspect Sparky #2’s baby was not taken; it escaped. Putting a baby in a medium flower pot on a Graco car seat base surrounded by wooden picture frames is not very secure; you have to use barbed wire, preferably with a mine field.
Beware of the boy of 6 to 12 months. Sparky #3 obviously doesn’t know much about him. He’s probably not housebroken and needs shots and deworming.
I’ll just be able to re-post them on Craigslist, won’t I, sweetie? Hmm?
Sell ’em on. Mark ’em up, sell ’em on!
Rawhide!
*makes whip sound
“your baby is a dumpster”
Your MAMA is dumpster!
YOUR mama is a dumpster filled with rats and garbage!
In Soviet Russia, baby drops YOU into dumpster!
Funky! TC! Stop that this instant or so help me, I’ll turn this sanitation truck around right here!
We NEVER get to have any fun! I wish you weren’t my sanitation truck driver!
Oh yeah? Well YOUR mama is a dirty place where people leave their kid or try to kill it because they don’t want it!
(Since we’ve pretty much driven this into the ground, yes, I shall stop.)
When did a hospital become some other dirty place?
With all those sick people all over the place? Ewww.
Yeah, don’t just leave your baby at a hospital, give it to a stranger on Craigslist, much safer!
“With all those sick people all over the place? Ewww.”
Are you talking about patients or doctors and nurses?
(I’ve seen some of those shows.)
Instead of making a heartfelt yet poorly written plea on CraigsList, wouldn’t it make more sense for Sparky #1 to, I don’t know, put signs on dumpsters telling people not to dump babies in them?
Or better yet, simply stake out a different dumpster every night.
Except that crying from the dumpster in just sometimes a rabid raccoon. So I guess it’s safer to post a cockamamie CL ad.
Yaarrrrgh! You hust made me picture me maimed…. umm, rooster, yeah, me rooster.
Ghostie, that’s exactly the pic your comment brought to mind. Cept in my head there was still an umbilical cord strung from baby’s navel to mama’s lady garden.
That’s nothing a Sharpie can’t fix.
Word of warning: Drawing little mustaches on all the babies at the hospital is a good way to get kicked out, no matter how funny it is.
Ah, now I know what the medium flower pot is for!
Dear citizens of the world, I know you’re all reading this so I’m going to make myself clear and concise:
FREE ALL BREASTS!
Does that include Newt Gingrich’s?
And chickens?
Yes and yes.
Taco, I’m going to run a nice cold shower in the corner for you. You’ll be stain free and right as rain in no time.
Hey, it’s your fault for getting me all hot and bothered talking about Newt’s glorious jugs.
MMmmmmm! Chicken! Tastes like Mongolian Road Lizard!
Those aren’t breasts in Newt’s case. Those are totally moobs.
Don’t confuse those. I’ll still never live down that night at The Devil’s Taint back in ’92.
Sorry, guys, tranny day was yesterday,
I’m always a day late and a dollar short.
(Coincidentally, this led to the problem at The Devil’s Taint in ’92 as well.)
Great. Thanks for the earworm.
*walks away singing “Moob Looks like a Lady”*
I refrained from asking all day like a good little purple fish, but someday I must hear of said night at said establishment.
I’m sorry, but some breasts just need visible means of support. In other words… a job!
I hear he’ll give lapdances for a nice donation.
Pole Dancing Newts is IF’s The Polecats cover band.
Step 1: Collect babies.
Step 2: Wash stained babies.
Step 3: Give away babies.
Step 4: Profit?
Yes! We can call them Upcycled Babies.
“baby is a dumpster”
poster is a dumbster.
“If your someone who is reading this, then you are possibly one of the thousands that leave your baby at a hospital or a dumpster.”
If my someone were to read this, she is not possibly one of the thousands that leave her baby at a hospital or a dumpster. Never at a dumpster, at a hospital, she would stay with her baby.
She is however, possibly one of millions that know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
Please use your brain.
I blame Queen Bavmorda.
It’s just not safe to leave your baby unattended without a dwarf and some brownies to babysit for you.
Nelwyn
I stole the baby!!
The only line I remember from that movie! 🙂
“Out of the way, peck!!” That one stuck…no I mean STUCK as a put-down for baby girl by her brothers.
She’s 28 yrs. old and to this day if someone calls her “Peck” she gets pissed.
Naturally, I do it all the time…because, you know…ninjas.
Trolls! I hate trolls!
“now im going through them so im still adding.’
People can be divided into two groups, those who keep adding, and those who keep subtracting.
Incidentally, those two groups wouldn’t be necessary if it weren’t for a third group. The group that multiplies.
Relevant.
And that’s my snarky contribution for today before I go off to nervously bite my fingernails and wait to see if North Carolina voters have killed my faith in humanity permanently.
Here lies Astro’s Faith…
It was a young Faith, a good Faith, full of…well, faith.
It was cut down in its prime by Reality, that stealer of Faith, Hope, and pursuer of Humanity.
We shall miss Astro’s Faith, but look forward to Astro’s Cynicism with great anticipation.
There’s an acceptable amount of human flesh allowed in capsules?!? Who set their standards, Alfred Packer?
I think I’m gonna go throw out all my vitamins for no particular reason.
How did the dingo learn to use craigslist?
He looked it up on dogpile.com?
kelli, here’s another Punchity Punch Punch to put on your mantle!
Good Morning, Foundlings ‘R’ Us!