YSaC, Vol. 1223: Call me.
2012 April 4
Bought stolen Iphone – need to resell (use as an IPOD) – $100
I bought a stolen Iphone without realizing that it is Verizon which I have no use for it. If anyone wants to buy this brand new condition Iphone to use as an Ipod, I am willing to sell it for $100.
Please e-mail me if you are interested.
I feel so sorry for you! If only you had bought a stolen iPhone for your own carrier, things would be so much easier for you. So absolutely, I’d love to help you out by purchasing your stolen iPhone and using it as an an undersized iPod. Anything I can do to make your life easier, like your stolen iPhone should have made yours, you poor thing.
Once again we see that strange “I’m anonymous on the internet, so I don’t have to worry about admitting to illegality on Craigslist” . . . even with phone numbers and/or email attached . . .
What are the chances that an undercover cop would ever answer a Craigslist ad?
At least he’s making the police’s job easier.
Hey, that’s myPhone!
Good puppy! Fetch!
Hey! Where’s iFractal? Was he stolen too?
Sometimes, the Sparky is too stupid to even warrant snark.
Sometimes, all they warrant is a beautiful conjunction between forehead and palm.
This is one of those times.
Would Sparky’s forehead and an apple (tree) work as well?
The Forehead-Palm Conjunction totally sounds like the name of an episode of The Big Bang Theory.
It does.
Or an Alan Parson’s Project knock-off band.
Taco, you’re beginning to think a bit too much like me… Alan Parsons Project cover band was my first draft.
This is a terrifying development.
Although after the leiderhosen I, for one, am willing to bet you might be delightful in a thong.
So you admit that you bought and are reselling a stolen iPhone and that you didn’t check carrier compatibility before buying? Stay classy, Sparky.
Hey Sparky, I will gladly take that stolen iPhone off your hands. In fact, I’ll even throw in a really awesome jumpsuit – don’t worry, it’s one-size-fits-all – and luxury accomodations at the Heartbreak Hotel for 2-5 years.
No need to thank me. I’m glad to do it as a public service.
Signed,
McGruff
I hope we get good phone reception in the box today, CJ. And, any chance you’ll go back to your nice, short, easily copied and pasted by a person with tendonitis handle again soon? 8)
*sprays copious amounts of Febreze in bawks*
*hack*cough*sputter*
Whew! Not sure I should thank you for this *honor*.
*sniffle* What you don’t like my name? *sniffle*
That’s just nameist!
Does this shade of orange make me look jaundiced?
Dave, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m not sure how much yellower you could get.
Sounds like a steal to me.
:photocopies twenty dollar bill five times:
What kind of moron would buy a phone without inquiring into compatability? Isn’t it more likely that Sparky was the one who actually stole the damn thing?
And this next question may reveal my ignorance about the proper procedure for adding a stolen phone to an existing phone service contract, but – if the buyer’s carrier is Verizon, why would he/she have to use the phone as an iPod only?
Because the phone has likely been reported to Verizon as being stolen, and they block the phone’s serial number (known as an ESN) from being re-registered with that carrier.
This person may have thought that since they were using a different carrier, they could unlock the phone for use with their own carrier and the ESN wouldn’t have been reported as stolen to that carrier.
Your theory about the origin of the stolen iPhone is also pretty likely, though.
Thank you, oh wise and beneficent Llamanun. I learn the damnedest things here.
Smart phones, stupid people.
(Long coreyish aside)
I recently had a bunch of rather expensive pro audio equipment stolen, so I have been keeping an eye out on eBay and craigslist, and also posted this ad:
Stolen Pro Audio
A rack with pro audio was stolen in xxxxxxxx the night of March 10th. Please keep an eye out for anyone selling the following items.
(List of items)
For the next couple of days I received this response:
i want to buy your svstem please coneact me xxx-xxxxxxx thanks
I didn’t respond to these, figuring they were phishing emails anyway, but after the third one I did change the ad to this:
STOLEN Pro Audio
A rack with pro audio was STOLEN in xxxxxxxx the night of March 10th. Please keep an eye out for anyone selling the following items:
(List of items)
THIS STUFF WAS STOLEN! SO NO, I CANNOT SELL IT TO YOU. PLEASE STOP ASKING.
That day I got this email:
i want to buy your stolen audio please contac me xxx-xxxxxxx thanks
Awesome.
(End LCA)
Just when I thought I could put faith in humanity again.
Why on earth would you think that?
Because, bless him, he’s still young enough to have that thing called *optimism*.
Time will take care of that. Before you know it he’ll be going cane-shopping and joining us old folks on the front porch.
I’m an optimistic pessimist. I know things will only get worse, and I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.
I’m a pessimistic optimist.
I know everything will work out in the end…
but this ain’t the yet.
I’m an alcoholic optimist.
As long as I have a drink, everything will be A-otay.
I’m an optometrist.*
* This may not actually be true.
I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
I’m not wearing any pants.
*Jingly Jingly Jingly*
The blinking LEDs are an … interesting style choice, Thong Boy.
:calls police:
Yes, I’d like to report a flasher.
“Why on earth would you think that?”
I don’t know, but I imagine it’s got to do with the word “infatuation” coming from the Latin word “fatuus”, meaning “foolish”.
*having seizure from combo of flashing LEDs and TacoThong
Also, without thinking, I gave Taco’s comment a door because it made me LOL. But I just want to be clear that I was NOT adoring the TacoThong. Oh, hell no.
Adores only make the Thong jingle louder!
Maybe if it’s loud enough, we’ll forget we can see it.
Does that mean you already sold your audio equipment?
Bianchi’s selling audio equipment? Suh-weet!! You know it’s going to be some quality stuff.
Hey Bianchi, let me know if you’re serious. I know someone who might be interested. That is, if it’s still available.
Yo, B-
I’m interested in that sound equipment you’re selling. Hit me up. XXX-XXXX.
T-bell
Hey B,
I stole that audio equipment you sold to T-bell. I’ll give you a sweet price on this stuff.
T-mag.
Yo T-bell,
I busted T-mag for stealing that audio equipment you biught from B. If you want it back, hit me up.
P-Rex
Yo, B-
You interested in buying some sweet audio equipment? Got me some from P.Rex and imma offer it to u for a steal.
T-bell
S’up T-bell,
I can give ya double what B will pay for the sweet audio equipment. If I can get to Kinko’s before they close I’ll even go three times as high.
G-cat
Does the knob go up to eleven? I’m only interested if the knob goes up to eleven.
You forgot to sign your post, F-Monk.
Hey B-diddy,
Can I barter this money for your stolen audio equipment?
O-μ
B- I was all set to you offer you some money for your audio equipment, then I realized I misread your comment. I’m actually looking for stollen audio equipment; it plays the sweetest music.
Smooth Criminal?
Bianchi, You should set a price, recieve the money, then tell Sparky the stuff is his when he finds the person who stole it.
Hey BS, we have so much in common. I have a (list of items) too. I saw you with your( list of items) in the square. Our eyes met for a moment? Hit me up and tell me what I was wearing.
Edit: This should be in the stalking section.
Reminds me of the time my mom put in an ad to the local paper offering to BE a babysitter and only got calls back with other women offering to babysit her children.
Reading comprehension is a lost art. Trying to buy or sell rabbits online is equally exasperating. I really, REALLY hate Easter.
*Lines up all of the above commentors in front of the Smack-U-Lator ™* I’m a hit you ALL up!
Don’t. Have. Enuf. Doors!
Missing Iphone. Offering $5 more reward than other people who have missing Iphones.
Silly Taco, there’s no “I” in ‘phone’.
…and there is no “f” in phone.
There is no I in team. But there is meat.
I am Sparky. I am dumb. I think that if I claim to have bought this iphone, that will mean I am innocent of any wrongdoing. I am wrong. I admit (extremely publicly) that I knew it was stolen when I “bought” it. I am therefore guilty of receiving stolen goods, and am now seeking to traffic in those same stolen goods. Please, turn me in before I attempt to think again and possibly hurt someone this time.
There’s no thinking allowed on craigslist!
Arrest that Sparky immediately!
On a Blissdemeanor or Foolony charges?
Absolutely!
Yo, B-
Got me some sweet audio from P-rex. You interested?
T-bell
Yo, T-bell
I moved your reply down here so that I could get a better deal on that audio set you got from P-rex. If you can spot me the merch, Imma get you double what I paid for the last set I stole from ya.
Peace out,
T-mag
Daaaaaaamn, T-Mag, you fo’ reals? Cuz I fo’ shizzle need me da Benjamins, yo?
*there is smoke coming out of my BlackBerry from spellcheck overload*
Yo, mang, yo’ phone’s on fiyah like dayum.
No comments yet about how you can probably find a like-new NON-stolen iPhone for that price in more reputable places? No? I’ll let myself out.
(I was too tight anyway)
You forgot your coat, Digi.
C “Beautiful Middle Name” J, thanks for airing your differences in the box! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Oregon!