YSaC, Vol. 1217: Even better than the wheel thing.
WILL BARTER HUGE SHIPS WHEEL FOR 5 ABSTRACT PAINTINGS
37×48 INCHES. THE PAINTINGS MUST BE LIKE MY WHEEL IN MINT CONDITION. IF INTERESTED IN A SWAP AND YOU HAVE ABSTRACT PAINTINGS THIS SIZE, THEN PLEASE CONTACT.
“Hi, I’m Will. Will Barter. I’m a huge ship’s wheel. And I’m in favor of these five abstract paintings. These paintings are like my wheel. My wheel is in mint condition. And these paintings are like my wheel. Not in the sense of being in mint condition, but in many other senses, like being ugly, and the last thing in a million years you’d want to hang on your wall.
If you’re interested in swapping things, you should pay attention. Now, it doesn’t matter if you’re interested in swapping paintings… you just have to HAVE the paintings. As long as you have paintings that are this size, and are interested in swapping things (any things, mind you, not necessarily the paintings) you should definitely contact. Contact who, you ask? I have no idea.
Remember, I’m Will Barter, huge ship’s wheel, and I’m for 5 abstract paintings.”
(This message paid for by The Committee for 5 Abstract Paintings. The Committee for 5 Abstract Paintings did not coordinate with any candidate in any way for any reason, and especially not with zombie Adlai Stevenson.)
Thanks for the link, Eve!
Nnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooo!
It’s too EARLY for catcalculus . . .
37″ x 48″ is an ellipse, which is an abstract of an inclined plane intersecting a cone or cylinder. But try painting (x / a)² + (y / b)² = 1 and getting that into MOMA.
Even racy stuff like AX² + BXY² +CY² + DX + EY + F = 0 doesn’t even get much attention without adding in a lot of tuna, and those hard-to-get salmon treats . . .
But, perhaps I just wax Lissajous
That sounds more like catalytic geometry.
Let me get out my catalytic converter.
*punching buttons punching buttons hitting print key slapping converter with a hammer*
Ah there. The converter says that Cap’n is saying that Sparky is an idiot. And that he wants a sammich.
I think *they* call that cataclysmic geometry, Dave.
Salmon Treats are hard to get?
Come on up, we have an abundance of them!
Of course, we also still have several feet of snow covering everything…
Let’s see now. Should I trade five Rothkos for that ship’s wheel? Then again, since Sparky didn’t say much about the abstract paintings beyond size and “mint condition,” maybe I’ll just call my niece who is taking art in high school.
I’ve heard from a reliable source that you can achieve the same results by giving an angry badger a can of spray paint.
My mother had a pet badger once. Her mother made her get rid of it because it kept digging up the back yard.
Captain Willbarter Hugeships here for Five Abstract Paintings, the newest burger and sushi bar in town! Want that tuna roll on top of a slab of greasy, undercooked cow? Come see me! Friday night is Nickel Beer and Baseball Bat Giveaway Night, so come early and stay for the Concussions – our very own in-house band! Yep, come see me, Willbarter Hugeships, where the e. coli and head injuries are always FREE!
:fills balloons with a mixture of paint, glitter, buttons, and quickset concrete:
What will you trade me for these DIY art installations? Or more importantly, what will you trade me to not install them on the outside of your house?
Everyone duck! It’s drive-by performance art!
If Rocket Eye Monster is still available, then I only need four more paintings. I’ll admit Rocket Eye Monster isn’t very much like a wheel, and I’m not sure it’s this size (really, it looks more like it’s that size), but it’s kind of minty.
We use our inside voices when we post on Craigslist, Sparky.
I’ve got a painting, but it’s really the ship’s wheel, if you know what I mean*.
*Everyone in the crew has had a spin.
Get your mind out of the rudder!
That’s wheelie wheelie tacky, man. But then, what’s a ship full of seamen supposed to do, you know?
Awwww, sorry. All I have are 5 Obtuse Paintings.
*minty*
8)
That’s acute, like the angles formed by the spokes, and like angina caused by several factors, including but not limited to having to deal with Sparkies on a daily basis.
I was juxtaposing obtuse with abstract. But the obtuse angle works as well. Who would have guessed?
*trying to think of something intelligent to contribute, thinking, thinking*
Pi!
I like pi.
I also like pie.
But I love pi-shaped pie!
π!
The wheel represents something being reinvented, like our obsolete concept of aesthetic appeal. The paintings you would trade for this wheel represent man’s inhumanity to man.
Sparky deserves 6 Thomas Kinkade paintings for this wheel. I’d even throw in some glitter.
Oh mah gawd, my mother-in-law fills my inbox with that stuff. She especially likes the ones that are animated like with the creek with actual moving water!
Uh yeah. And they call that “art.”
All I can ever think of when I see a Kinkade painting of a little cabin next to a bubbling stream is, “OMG, they would NEVER be able to get flood insurance with that house so close to the water!”
I’m serious. I do it every time.
http://3weirdsisters.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/chthulu-thomas-kinkade-lighthouse1.jpg
There ya go, mudsy.
Ghostie, if I could, I would pay you enough to retire on to throw your glitter concrete paint bombs on any and all Kinkades you can find!
That’s just awesome, Ghostie!
😀
I don’t have any abstract paintings, You think he might take some abstract photos? I took a picture of a still pond with pine trees reflecting in the water, but the trees on the shore were not pines, they were willows. Is that abstract or surrealism? I don’t know artsy stuff, but I do know what I like, food.
Did you know that many parts of Not.A.Pine.Tree are edible?
“I took a picture of a still pond with pine trees reflecting in the water, but the trees on the shore were not pines, they were willows. Is that abstract or surrealism?”
I’ll tell you what that is, man.
THAT’S A LIE!! A LIE, DAMMIT!!!!
No, it’s true! I call it “Willows Drowning Pines”. The wilderness is a dangerous place.
This is your picture. This is your picture on drugs.
Ooooh, minty!
Nuts? because I don’t do bark, I’m a felinoid.
Yar… she drives me nuts…
I can’t believe you beat me to that one. I must need more coffee or something.
It’s only TacoDad’s favorite punchline… besides “Fancy meeting you here” but that one didn’t really apply to today’s post.
Nice owl photo, too, Lyle! 8)
Everything I paint ends up as abstract art, because I have no talent. So I’m thinking I’ll just git me some paper of Sparky’s designated size and paint him 5 pitchers of anything (how about them tasty boys on Deadliest Catch, in keeping with the nautical theme). He didn’t say they had to be good or anything. The only requirements were:
I.) measurement
2.) abstract, and
3.) minty.
Now all I need is some paper, paints, and a plane ticket to Alaska and that huge wheel is mine!
4. Profit!
Oh, yeah Dutch Harbor/Unalaska is definitely where you want to be this time of year.*
* this may be a lie**
** okay, it is definitely a lie.
I was lucky enough to spend a few weeks (summah time) with Papa Eyebrows in Dutch Harbor back in 2004. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been.
Dad had been stationed there in ’42 and ’43, so going back with him 60 years later was an experience I will always treasure. The people of Dutch Harbor and Unalaska are some of the most heartfelt I have ever met. Dad and I encountered nothing but kindness and friendship everywhere we went… from the museum, to the grocery store, to the “eagle” lady, to the Grand Aleutian, to the fishing trawler crews, to the bartender at the Elbow Room.
Visiting City Hall one day, Dad found a picture of his PatWing 4 squadron hanging in the hallway. One of the men had been a casualty during the bombing in June of ’42 and another man (the longest standing friend of my father’s) had just recently passed away. As he was telling all this, a lady walked by and overheard us. I asked her if I could take the picture down in order to find out the reprint information so I could have one made up for Dad. She said she’d get the information for me and walked away down the hall. When she returned, she took the picture off the wall and gave it to Dad. And thanked him for his service. It was the highlight of the trip.
Aw yeah, I love me some Deadliest Catch hunks. The hottest is Jonathon Hillstrand. He can opie my crab pot any time.
Monkey, Please go to the corner with your opie and your crab pot.
It’s round! Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel, never ending, all beginning, in a never ending dealie-whop. (Never could remember all the words to that song)
You spin me right round, baby – right round like a record, baby, right round round round?
Now I’m dizzy.
Am I the only one here wondering why a round ship’s wheel has a different width and length? Or is that a different length and width?
Cat geometry strikes again! (evil feline laugh)
It’s another symbol of the quartering of the universe into active and passive principles. We’ve been waiting for this for hundreds of years.
Also, Sparky needs to read this book.
Chapter 1: Don’t steal the wheel.
P.S.: Read the reviews.
Grampdaddy, hope you had a compty day in the box. We stocked the fridge with Ensure just for you! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Dutch Harbor!