YSaC, Vol. 1208: Happy pi day!
Rule #1 of Craigslist: Want to sell your wares? Know Thy Audience.
Want to sell your crap to someone who will respond to emails, show up on time, and come with the agreed-upon amount of money? Then write a good ad.
BRAND NEW LEATHER SOFAS – $285
Date: 2010-07-15, 12:09PM PDT*
The sofas are brand new for $285 you get the couch and the love seat the colors i have are black and cream color in the leather style in the micro fiber i have brown
YOU CAN CALL ME AT xxx-xxx-xxxx ask for perry
* Yes, the date stamp is right. I’m going into the wayback of our email archive tonight.
So it’s not a great ad, but it’s decent. Perry apparently was typing on a keyboard that charged extra for punctuation, but we can let that slide.
What’s odd, though, is that a mere twelve minutes later Perry appears to have had a complete brain replacement.
BRAND NEW LEATHER SOFAS – $285
Date: 2010-07-15, 12:21PM PDT
we are saling thease sofas for so cheep becouse my dad place is out of buisness so we have thease left overs and we are saling theme they are brand knew never bin sat on still in plastic and if you are intersted we also dealiver as well so please give me a call anytime @ xxx-xxx-xxxx ask for perry thanks
Either that, or he’s afraid of appearing too high-falutin’ by using properly spelled words, and is worried that he’ll scare off the target demographic of Meth Addicts Who Think Microfiber Couches Are Classy.
Thanks, Danna!
That’s tragic. I hope your doctor can figure out how to fix that. But I still don’t understand why you are saling these couches, and please stop making bird noises. It’s creepy.
They have medication for that now, I’ve seen it advertised on the side of a race car and everything.
I’m waiting on the day that Jimmie Johnson drives for Playtex Tampons. In a big pink car.
And you just know some practical joker will tie a piece of rope to his bumper.
Jeffie G has driven the 24 in a pink version before, but that was for breast cancer awareness.
Want to remember that Juan Pablo Montoya’s car wore a pink Target livery for a similar time & cause.
The most embarrassing car color in NASCAR is the all-white of “ain’t got no sponsor” if one wanted to get to cases.
Oh yeah? Try an all-white car with only one sponsor, Playtex, whose ad geniuses put a wrap-around red decal across the hood and front quarter panels.
Yeah, I went there. I’ll be out in the woodshed awaiting my punishment..
Tanker. the woodshed is over in that corner.
http://gimpypets.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/il_fullxfull-195991668.jpg
Oh, Ghostie. So.Very.Wrong,
It’s not mine, but yeah – there is much wrongness there.
What would be more worrisome would be if his dad’s business were out of place. I heard that can give you a screaming rash.
It’s amazing what happens when the meds fail suddenly, isn’t it?
Here at the pharmacy, we’ve secretly replaced Sparky’s regular meds with some useless placebos. Now let’s sit back and enjoy.
Nope, the second ad makes it clear(er).
Perry is a “mac-daddy” he has leather-clad (barely), ahem “cooches” available.
[matte]we should not “dis” on perry cuz hiz phone iz all makin wurdz lokkit phunny coz iz touff 2 B a pipm oudder!!11!![/matte]
Ergo this is a disguised “Professional Services” ad. QED
Now, to make my 45 mile commute through the portending rain, to slog trhoguh yet another 9-hour day for not nearly enough to afford an $18-20 per day gasoline habit. Will not be a delights and mirth. It will be an underwhelming π day, and I’d much rather be solving for the cosecant of boston creme pie.
And now, away, away . . .
Saling theme:
Then here’s to the saler
And here’s to the sofa, too,
Going cheep for them
Becouse they are brand knew,
Saling, saling
Over the craigslist skein
For many a snarky word shall flow
Ere Sparky gets a brain….
Ralph, every buddy knows. saling is the stuff you rince your contacs with. duh.
Sighed note: why cant i read my adress book annie moore?
(Irish type holiday nearby)
Saling takes me away to where thease sofas are so cheep.
‘Cause my dad place is out of business now,
So soon they will be free.
Hay! A guy trys to sell a sofa and ewe guys jump all ovr hym! Y do U always hafta bee sew meen?!
See if i evar tri to sell a coch agan.
*Sniff*
You can’t sell coch on CraigsList anymore, they did away with that section.
No moer selling de coochi?
Oh I coonten hova de coochi!
Bork bork bork!
Owsch! Dis iz hurdin’ ma branne!
Nurr, Tase-a-tee Shtakes, fer salin the coochi wurr na haven ta gurr ter der clerotic.bork!
Hurr de nit skidoo! Bork!
Gesundheit.
Not to be pedantic, but what are people going to think 6 months from now, new to the site, when they go through the archives and find this gibberish on a site that tries to not talk in gibberish?
Taco, which ad did you let Tron write? I have my guess. 8)
Knowing Typo, it’s probably the first one.
Bahaha!
TypoMagic!
Bahahaha!
It’s fundy cause it’s troop!
[mate] Hay, TS, this is the last straw. jumpin all over us for jumpin all over hym.Juss becouse you hine mihty good speeler an tocker, bin on ysac so long bean meme. and bye the way, hym is speld hymm smarty pance[/mate]
I often have brown after my micro fiber in the morning myself. (sorry)
I shall never look at UPS quite the same after that comment.
The slogan “What can brown do for you?” has suddenly taken on a whole host of bizarre subtexts.
“You can trust brown to get it done.”
Ew.
Leave the packages at the back door, thanks!
You have quite a few here today. We can’t get them all in one trip, so we’ll just drop a load today and again tomorrow.
Park the elephant in the back. (OT– I am so enjoying Christopher Moore’s Lamb!)
“When you absolutely positively have to have gentle overnight relief”…
Oh, wait. That’s FedEx. And ExLax.
Well she looks like Helen Brown,
she’s the hottest gal in town.
When she’s dressed in green or gray,
salers throw their dough away.
Edit: doe away? D’oh away? (how the heck do you spell this)
I like pi.
camille, your statement is short, reasonable and without innuendo. I also like math, particularly geometry. This coming from the the reasoning part of my brain.
Another part of my brain however, tells me I’m a perverted, low down lecherous, guy/gal/hermy (you really don’t know for sure) with a tendency toward violating someone’s moves at the nearest opportunity. So, while in the snark lounge, just ignore me.
Is that creepy enough? Because I can be creepier.
Can’t be creepier than Uncle Winkey though. There’s a limit to everything, and he is it.
I think Bacontini should chime in right about now. That’s what I think. Yup.
I haven’t the foggiest idea what you might be talking about.
*Whistles a tune while walking off*
OMV, I’m just a tiny bear dog, so innuendo tends to go right over my small fluffy head.
Oooh, me too! I like pi! Apple pie, warm with a scoop of strawberry ice cream, on the side of course, unless you don’t have any strawberry ice cream. In that case, just bring me the pie only don’t warm it. And no whipped cream, unless it’s fresh, real, whipped cream. None of that stuff out of the cans or tubs. If you have that, then put it on the not-warmed pie. I don’t like it when the cream melts. If you are warming the pie (because you have the strawberry ice cream) then you can forget the fresh whipped cream altogether. And, if you don’t have apple pie, I’ll take blueberry pie, warm, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, on the side of course, unless you don’t have any vanilla ice cream. In that case, just bring me the pie, only don’t warm it. And no whipped cream at all on the blueberry pie, warm or un-warm. And, if you don’t have apple or blueberry pie, then never mind. Unless you have jell-o, but not the kind with the bits of fruit in it, that’s just gross. And not green jell-o. That’s gross, too. And if you don’t have jell-o then really, never mind.
*Squints*
*Puts boysenberry pie in a blender with banana iced cream and blends until smooth. Tops with apple jello and chocolate whipped cream. Adds almond flakes and a rose petal*
*Pours hot butterscotch rum syrup into a glass and then adds two cubes of dry ice. Both items are placed on a tray which has been liberally sprinkled with bacon bits*
*Slides it down the bar to CJ*
Anything else for you, Ma’am?
Perfect!
I’ll have what she’s having.
I’m reasonably tempted to actually make that and take a picture.
But I hate wasting food and I don’t know of anyone who would actually eat it.
damn CJ, that’s the perfect way to have pi.
except the ice cream ALWAYS has to be vanilla, and on top, not on the side; and no whipped cream evar, unless it’s pumkin pi, and then only freash, real whipped up cream with a touch of vanilla, cinnamin, and tabasco. green jello is jus’ plane wrong, wrong i tells ya. and no fruits in jello, it jus’ ruins the bedazzeled, hoovy goodnes’
The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is it never ends.
It never ends this way too.
Congrats to Lurker Mel for landing in the box on pi day! And the rest of you lurkers, let that be a lesson to you! Delurk and win! No obligation to buy. Void where prohibited. (ew) YSaC is not responsible for any heart palpitations, runny noses, or screaming that may result as a side effect of being in the box.
Well, maybe if Perry could dig up a mohair sofa for the set. We’d have a deal(iver). Micro fiber and Macro fiber.
I can lend you my cat. She’ll make ANY couch a mohair couch in 4 seconds or your money back*!
*I probably won’t give your money back.
Windy – I LOVE LAMB! Hubs and I have read it probably a dozen times! Glad you’re enjoying it too.
I’d comment on Sparky’s ads but I must bow before the awesomeness of this crew – there’s no way I can top these.
I love lamp too!
Oh, wait.
No, no…it’s I lava lamp, too.
Sheesh..some people’s children.
let me guess, you like leg lamps…
‘cuz, you know… the dog… a leg…
Me too, always on the lam.
Get off my lam. This is shear madness. And leave my goat alone too. Oh, wait…all goats have been sold.
Except Dad’s, Eldessie. So, if you see him don’t put him up for sale. Dad would be hearbroken.
“Never bin Sat On” sounds like the generic terrorist character in an action movie.
Exactly, whenever I see “bin” I think of Osama Bin Hiding.
I reeds this ads several times and I worrys it my heros buts punchuations (how the hek do you spale this) ands spalings no porblems for plate o pi, uh plate o pusses, ur palaty puss’ um venimus ducks. so this parry sparcky
Eddit: I theenk I mispale poblims
The second ad almost seems like an overzealous and inattentive spellcheck run. That would explain the “cheep”, “theme”, “knew”, and “bin”. It doesn’t explain the “saling”, “becouse”, “thease”, or “dealiver”.
Reminds me of when I worked for a produce company helping a guy put together partial cases. I wrote on the boxes “Weedy Liver”. When he returned from his deliveries, the look on his face was priceless.
Time to clean the coffee out of my keyboard.
I’m not even going to tell you how many times I had to read this before I *got* the joke.
*shakes cane*
Now you kids get your lams off my lawn! And take your liver too!
And then, twelve minutes later…
BRAN NEW LEATHEAR SOFA’S – $285
i sell you sofas broun whit alll microfiber all in plasstic must go know please call @ xxx-xxx-xxxx ask for perry thanks i sell you sofas broun whit alll microfiber all in plasstic must go know please call @ xxx-xxx-xxxx ask for perry thanks i sell you sofas broun whit alll microfiber all in plasstic must go know please call @ xxx-xxx-xxxx ask for perry thanks
Contents
[hide]
* 1 History
* 2 Types
* 3 Gallery
* 4 See also
* 5 Notes
* 6 References
* 7 External links
[edit] History
The common sofa is a large lumbering marsupial native to the interior deserts of the Western Australia region. Discovered in 1828[citation needed] by Bruce Charles Bruce Ottoman, a gold prospector and self-appointed explorer, the sofa is a grazing herbivore with a thick and absorbent layer of fat underneath a plush pelt. Sofas lives in extended packs of up to 20 at a time, feeding on the spiny stickle-grass of the outer Australian deserts- the only animal to do so. Ottoman’s first encounter with a sofa – the common Davenportia Chesterfield[1] – came about after the explorer got hopelessly lost in the outback, where in his words he not so much discovered the herd of sofas, but fell on them. The remarkable discovery of the softness of the creature, and its placid nature (in the words of Ottoman, “the creature not so much as mov’d an inch, as if it were not aware of my impressing [myself] upon its nature”[2]) lead Ottoman to slaughter the entire herd with his rifle. While the creatures did furnish Ottoman with water, he found their meat stringy and resolved to drag as many as he could – most historians conclude only one[citation needed] – back to his shack. There, he hit upon the idea of propping it up with a wooden frame, originally called a “barca”, to turn the hide into a full-time place of repose. Within a year, a vast industry had grown up around the slaughter and stuffing of these animals; by 1877 Bruce Withersphail records that “the vast herds of animals… are now [reduced to] perhaps a thousand head”[3]. Though leather, sheep’s wool and synthetic materials have now replaced the original sofa, their numbers are thought to be critically endangered.
I think that successfully one-ups all my Attenborough posts.
Not if you start adding them to Wiki, in which case, your Wiki would beat his ersatz Wiki (unless you roll a 135 or higher using 3D20)
We’re going to need a bigger box. No, really. *pulls out ruler, looks at Digi, puts ruler away*
That successfully one-ups every post I’ve ever made.
Brilliance, Digital, sheer brilliance.
The “barca” explains the saler.
The wiki needs a reference to the endangered nauga.
Ahh…the elusive nauga. I have heard tell of such a legendary creature. Last I heard, though, there hadn’t been a sighting since 1966. I believe it was around the same time that the shag was plentiful. That, too, appears to have become endangered, though I have heard of attempted comebacks from time to time.
I don’t know, CJ. Years ago when frog hide purses were popular for like one week I had a fake frog hide model. My sister called it nauga-frog.
Without adequate shagging, the nauga was bound to go extinct.
Corey:
Actually, although shag populations have decreased, it is still plentiful.
/Corey
Pi Day.
I prefer to call it Ides of March Eve.
*Mr. B appears to be incorrect on what day of the week Pi Day falls this year. He forgot his math and neglected to account for Leap year + an extra day. Math fail—so disappointing on Pi Day.
These sofas must be very chic because they’re cheep.
I once placed an ad for a Schick sofa. It was okay, but it got dull pretty fast.
@ Tasty: Nope, wouldn’t have one. I like the fur on my butt.
is dealiver fresh?
The first ad was placed by Perry. The second, unfortunately, was placed by Spark-Perry. Yes, my friends, it’s true. Perry is a were-Sparky. Usually mild-mannered and capable of spelling (though not, alas, punctuation), Perry becomes a Sparky under certain atmospheric conditions. The curse of were-Sparkism has haunted his family for generations. Witness the tragedy of Perry Sr.’s fall from grace due to his Sparky alter-ego sending a woefully ill-advised “reply all” from the furniture store business account.
O/T We have a bomb scare next door. Road is closed.
Step on up, Mel, for your first Punchity Punch Punch! I love when we have a noob in the box, they don’t know when to duck!
Good Morning, Perry Winkle!