YSaC, Vol. 1201: That’s the Tower of Love.
2012 March 5
Two Foot Heavy Duty Erotic Toy For Adults Made of Metal and Rubber – $150
Hi for sale I have this Two Foot Erotic Metal and Rubber Toy for Adults
It can be floor mouted or used in the traditional style
It has 14 Studs and two looptie loops
It also has a 12 foot cord for retracting the toy for safety reasons
Please call or Text xxx-xx-xxx to purchase it
Maybe I’m just puritanical, but this looks like an electric necktie heater to me. Or maybe a television antenna that can also hold your jewelry. It’s not really screaming “sex toy” to me. And if it was screaming “sex toy” to me, I think I’d want it to stop.
Thanks, HannaFate!
Having been online for approximately 537.5 years, in geek years that is (the .5 is because it’s frikkin’ early yo!), I’ve been exposed to most everything that can possibly exist – think rule 34 extrapolated to the 99th power. And yet my brain nor eyes can wrap themselves around the concept of this particular appliance.
I think I either need way more coffee, more exposure to bizarre things or to forget this ever happened. I think I’ll opt for the coffee as that makes everything better anyway. Or jump around more on the screen, and I can work with that.
Great. Now we all have to wait for Taco to get here so he can explain what this thing is. 🙂
Electric pogostick with extra foot holds for your pet squirrels.
Next question.
What is the average volume of a ham sandwich as expressed in knives?
3 Filet knives and one vintage Ginsu (pre 1980), any variety.
Roughly 0.2 knives³ if using deli sliced ham with a craft single and mayo/mustard.
~0.4 knives ³ for the average sandwich using leftover chunks of dinner ham with real cheese and mayo/mustard.
I think (only guessing here) that the [corey] is that this is a GHz wireless antenna.
The shape follows a Yagu antenna geometry to my eye. Putting rubber balls on the ends of the antenna leads is odd; but ought not affect signal reception/emission.
This shape antenna was used in early radar sets as it has low drag vice the area of send-receive surface used. It also “tunes” to certain wavelengths just from its geometry.
I have to suspect that the sparky who has this, got tired of no one even viewing the 5-6 eBay auctions, or the similar number of CL sales under its real use/description, so Spark’ figured “s*x toys” ought to improve the hit count.
Gak, brain engaged again from considering emissivity–these antennas are also used to measure highway traffic flows, so this may be stolen property along with being sketchily listed.
That’s what I’m sticking to, at least.
[corey]
Yes Cappy, we’ve already established what it really is.
*see subbie_333 below
(Are you morphing into a South Park hella-corey?)
Oh, thank you cap’n. I don’t care if further down there is another similar explanation. All I care about is that I can now stop trying to imagine what “the traditional manner” might be.
Ooh, gotta go. That beeping means the brain-bleach tanker truck is backing up to my house.
See, that’s EXACTLY what I tried to tell them, Cap’n. But noooooo, they had to focus on the sin and the filth!
*puts on holier-than-thou-robe and picks up important looking book*
“Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor the spankers, nor p-diddlers, nor those that swing in chairs hung from the ceiling, shall enter into the Kingdom of the Monkey”.
Yeah, y’all heard me! You’re gonna be roasting in the Lake of Fire, while I’m dining on ‘nanners in paradise!
Nanners in Paradise is SOMEBODY’s Jimmy Buffet tribute band.
Can’t be a wireless antenna, it’s got a 12ft cord!
I’ll be in the brain-bleach swimming pool.
And just what, pray tell, constitutes “traditional style”?
You know what, scratch that..I don’t even wanna know.
:consults “Sparky’s Guide to Gettin’ It On”:
According to this it involves calling each other “June” and “Ward”, a pair of high heels, and a briarwood pipe.
:turns book sideways:
Also what looks like a martini glass and a jar of olives.
I bet when THEY wanna get kinky, Ward wears the pearls. Oh yea….
I’m no prude, but for the life of me I can not figure out how Sparky gets sex toy out of this. Maybe as a holder so everything is in easy reach. Everything I could think would put me in the deep, dark recesses of the corner sans coffee slice.
Maybe Sparky has some sort of techno-themed spanking fetish.
Spank Rave is IR’s Cynic Project dubstep remake.
I think it’s a drying rack, for maybe after you wash your toys.
I don’t think a 12 foot cord for retracting is long enough.
Because every possible partner I present it too will throw it much farther away.
Who’s going to draw up the Not.A.Sex.Toy T-shit?
I call “Not it!”
I call Not. A. Not. It!!!
Hey, wait, what? That means you are it, Mudsy!
I see what you did there monkey…
Oh, great. Now I have an earworm of the cast of “Fiddler on the Roof” singing “Tradition! Tradition! Tradition!”
The problem with that ear worm camille, is the fact that I can’t remember any of the other words to that song other than those.
Because of that, it’s a pretty annoying ear worm.
Sadly, I know all the words, and I’m not sure that helps. I was a musical theater nerd long before there was “Glee.”
My last adult toy got terrible reception; maybe with this one I can get HBO.
More like HIV…
Did you try fiddling with the knobs?
Be careful. Too much of that and you’ll go blind. That’s what Grannie Monkey used to say. Just saying.
A twelve-foot, multi-pronged electrical device and the only safety feature is a retractable cord?!
*shudders*
I think the cord is twelve feet long, not the “toy”. At least I hope it’s not twelve feet long, that would open up a whole new can of weirdness.
Oh, like this isn’t weird enough already?
I have an exceptionally high weirdness threshold.
Weird enough for this deal being steel and probably about 14-16″ wide, and better than two feet long?
No no no. Notice the little rubber nubbin protectors on the ends. That’s also a safety feature. Probably protects against burning and scarring.
FM, how do you…never mind, I don’t want to know.
Monkey please! Like none of y’all have ever gotten kinky with a soldering iron and some hot rollers and a double boiler and then ended up in the ER!
No? Really? Well, I’ll just sit here and the corner and shut ma mouth! DON’T JUDGE ME!
Too late, I think we’ve all been scarred by this thing.
I’ve been scared by it.
Where else can you hear the term Erotic Toy for Adults (does this suggest that there is a version for children?) and looptie loops all in the same description?
14 studs? those are bars, not studs.
I’m guessing this is a fancy hot dog griller and if they’ve been using it as a sex toy, they’ve been doing it all wrong.
How would you like your wiener, Mudsy?
If she had a wiener, she’d be a he and hafta take a walk on the wild side , do,dodoo . . .
If I had a weiner
I’d diddle in the morning
I’d diddle in the evening
Just ’cause I was a man!
I’d diddle for justice
I’d diddle for freedom
I’d diddle and make
Lots of little monkey babes
All over this land!
I’d like mine steaming hot, dripping with mustard, between two buns. Thanks.
Monkey, CORNER! Twice!
Corner? WHAT! I’m just saying what y’all are thinking.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: You guys are just prejudiced against monkeys. Sniff.
Aw, FM, you know that’s not true! Who puts you in the box all the time? Who lets you slice the coffee and wash the dishes after? Who lets you sleep in the wood shed?
Manda, I believe the song goes… “I wish I WAS an Oscar Meyer wiener…”
Just don’t send me any Anthony wieners…
But Anthony’s weiner was quite…
I’m going, I’m going. Hope there are some good flavors of coffee slice this morning.
I would ask Sparky how that is a sex toy, but I am afraid that he would demonstrate.
Or draw a diagram, like Buttered-Carpet-Burrito Sparky.
Sex Toys: So much larger than life!
Dammit, Windy, now I’m humming Peter Gabriel with terribly inappropriate lyrics.
“Peter Gabriel with terribly inappropriate Lyrics” is my early Genesis/Marilyn Manson cover band. The outfits for the stage show are mind-boggling.
Why aren’t you sharing?
This time of year is great for birthdays. Lederhosen and frozen bananas optional, of course.
The 14 studs alone make this a good deal. I wish there was a picture of them.
Well, NOW we’re gettin’ somewhere!!! TC, I like the way you think, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter and hopefully hear some more about these studs.
Especially if these studs are holding strategically placed kittens…
Or a strategically placed ball of twine.
Or maybe just a skein of yarn.
Excuse me big boy, is that your yarn holder or are you just happy to see me?
Dammit Sparky – the first rule of “Erotic Toys for Adults Club” is that we don’t sell our used toys on Craigslist!
And, no, there isn’t a version for children YOU PERVERTS! But, being a cat lover, i bought the version that i share with my cat (don’t judge – we have already established that y’all ARE PERVERTS). Here’s a recent pic of my Fluffy using ours: http://people.csail.mit.edu/bkph/images/yagi_daily_picdump_735_640_38.jpg
And, Sparky is not really doing a good job of selling this “yagi”. First, i know of at least two more uses beyond “floor mounted” and “traditional” (Mistress doesn’t know all of them so don’t tell her!). Second, although he is throwing in a 12-foot retractable cord, you typically need at least 25-foot cord. Third, although the looptie loops are much more effective after multiple uses, it doesn’t warrant the price jump for a used one over what you can get them for new on amazon.com
Yes, because with 25 ft. of cord you can tie the hands and the feet of your
victimloved one.Thanks for finding this pic. I knew this had to be an antenna (or an electric tie rack) but just couldn’t find the correct shape configuration.
Should have known that pussy would make good use of it.
😉
Hey, I’m not a pervert!
I prefer to be called a degenerate.
I suppose if you REALLY wanted to broaden the definition that far, the antenna that brings in your Adult Video channels could be considered a sex toy. Either that, or Sparky really needs to examine the pills he was mixing when he posted this. The “safety cord” is a standard coaxial cable, for crying out loud!
“erotic toy” You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.
With 14 studs and 2 looptie loops, this is the perfect place to store all of your sexual hang-ups.
If you plug it into your vibrator, you can scream along with “Jersey Shore.”
Despite the facts that there is no punctuation whatsoever and everything about it is wrong in every possible way, I must note that this ad is spelled correctly.
As somewhat of an expert on sex toys and various things sold in sex shops*, I can assert that this item will probably earn you a spanking if you ask for it in a sex shop because that is just absurd (and absolutely not in stock). If a spanking’s what you’re looking for, great, but you can probably get one without having to have all that scrap metal and rubber and cord lying around.
*group field trips as conducted by my archery club.
I am intrigued as to what sort of archery club would have field trips to a sex shop.
The kind that plans to do a lot of pointing and shooting.
What? I’m already in the corner.
Archery club, nudge nudge, say no more, squire!
We for real have a case of the sexies. I mean, we spend three hours in the dungeon of a Victorian mansion-like building, firing our shafts at butts. We can’t help it.
Well, it looks exciting*, but I am not an adult made of metal OR rubber.
*Does not actually look exciting, except possibly according to the physics definition, where pushing that much electricity ought to increase something’s energy level.
Aha!! The “Enzyte” medical secrets revealed! Also explains the permanent smile on Bob’s face…it’s frozen there, a tragic side effect of using this contraption once-daily for *natural male enhancement.
*nothing ‘natural’ about this thing, nothing at all
Two foot two, looptie loops.
But oh! what those two foot could do,
Has anybody seen my toy?
Fourteen studs with rubber nubs.
Gives me some erotic rubs.
Has anybody seen my toy.
Now if you buy a two foot two, mounted on floor
Retracting cord for the safety board.
Betcha’ life you’d love it too,
But…
Could it love, could it woo?
Could it, would it, could it coo?
Has anybody seen my toy?
WOW!! I haven’t seen one of those since way back when I was a…..
Hmm, nope, maybe it was when I went overseas to….
Nah, wasn’t then either…
Maybe…
Never seen anything like it, haven’t the faintest idea.
Nope, don’t want one…
*pulls up a stump*
Grampdaddy, tell us about the olden days when you had to make dirty toys out of vegetables and table scraps and old tater sacks.
I thought they reproduced by fission in Grampdaddy’s day.
No, Grampdaddy. Do not. Ever. Not enough brain bleach in the world!
Ow.
That is all.
[corey] I don’t know what frequency this is designed for; an engineer could probably figure it out from the dimensions (the longer the dipoles, the lower the frequency), but CapnMac’s gigahertz range is probably a good guess. See some examples here.
The rubber tips on the dipoles are an indication that it is intended to be mounted low enough so that it might poke somebody, or used handheld for direction finding (wildlife tracking, for example). Besides WiFi and TV, yagis are also used for satellite communications from remote sensing stations like stream flow gauges and weather stations. The data is transmitted to a NOAA or NASA Geostationary Operational Environmental Satellite (“GOES satellite” — I know it’s redundant).
Normally, these are used with low-power transmitters, so you need the yagi’s directionality to get the signal to punch through. About 50 years ago, my uncle, who was a ham radio fanatic, was fooling around with UHF (used mainly for radar at the time) and pumped a kilowatt of RF power through a yagi he had made. He was able to knock pigeons off his windowsill from inside the house, basically zapping them with microwaves. Given Rule 34, I suppose some variation of this might qualify it as a “sex toy.”
[/corey]
SisterLyle, HamCan, Punchity Punch Punch! Gotta throw you out, new older cabinets coming in.
Good Morning, Radio Shack-Up!