YSaC, Vol. 1188: Now turn your head and coffe
Some time ago, we posted some suggestions for how to avoid having your or your items be seen while posting items on Craigslist. This poster, however, has a new approach:
2 oak coffe tables
2 oak coffee tables for sale. NEW>50″ long 22″ wide. Price is 45.00 ea. Come and see for yourself! Call ###-###-####. Thank You.
And now, of course, we must make the obligatory David Attenborough nature documentary joke about natural camouflage. Or possibly something involving ninjas. Do ninjas use oak furniture? It seems awfully IKEA for ninjas. Are there Swedish ninjas, I wonder? They’d have to have some sort of battle cry involving umlauts. Something like “Mjøøse!” Mind you, ninja mjøøse injuries can be very nasty – they throw the stars with their antlers, you see, and that’s hardly ever covered by your deductible. I don’t see why, of course. I mean, I’m on the phone to my insurance company every other day about turtle related injuries, would mjøøse be such a stretch of the imagination? Then again, insurance adjusters probably have the least imagination of anyone except Belgians. Curse those Belgians and their waffles, anyway.
Wait… what was I talking about?
Thanks for the link, Anthony! Watch out for mjøøse!
Crickey!
It’s the Emperor’s new table!
It’s like a death trap for my shins.
Curse you, Swedish shin ninjas and your stealth weaponry!
Isn’t Swedish Shin Ninjas IF’s Aqua cover band?
We’ve already inflicted 27 tongue injuries on the part of announcers trying to say the band name. Oddly enough, also not covered by insurance.
27 Tongue Injuries is your 3 Doors Down Cuban knock-off band, isn’t it?
How do you think we’re covering the medical bills from the first band?
There is no possible way for the 40WatT to book that band, as there is no way they have enough “S’s” and “5’s” for the sign . . .
I end up with far too many stubbed toes with clearly visible furniture. With this, I might as well be done with it and chop off my feet.
That is the first thing I thought when I saw (didn’t see) that table…
No wonder he is selling it.
I can’t help suspecting this is some sort of attempt at luring unsuspecting victims to Sparky’s abode for unspeakable … something-or-other. “You have to come and see for yourself! That’s why I didn’t put a picture of it in the ad!” … And then no one ever hears from them again, etc.
Yes, after Sparky lures them to his lair to look at his invisible coffe table he then shows them his invisible pants.
But the table is there. It just blends in so well with the floor that you can hardly see it. How the hell do you do that anyway? I only see one, is there another hiding somewhere?
This is the Craigslist version of find the hidden object pictures.
Curse you, Swedish shin ninjas and your stealth weaponry!
Because, y’know, Ninjakea.
Ooh, I bought a Shuriken desk from them! It was hard to put together since the pieces kept vanishing, but it looks pretty sharp in my den.
… When you can see it, that is.
Looks or FEELS sharp?
Yes.
Wow, Ghostie, that’s quite the striking desk! I really like-
OW MY EYES!
Oh, dear – not another one. I guess that’s the price you pay for cutting edge design.
Isn’t hard to use the desk with “Shô Kosugi” sitting there all the time?
A møøse once bit my sister…
No realli! She was karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”…
We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.
Mynd you, møøse bites kan be pretty nasti…
We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked.
Directed By
40 SPECIALLY TRAINED
ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS
6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS
142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS
14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS
(CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)
REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON
76000 BATTERY LLAMAS
FROM “LLAMA-FRESH” FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY
and
TERRY GILLIAM & TERRY JONES
Hooray for Llama-Fresh Farms!
Congrats, Angel! Your “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink” gave me my first laughing-myself-into-near-incontinence episode of today. I don’t know why, but it did. 🙂
Knowing that my exhaustive MP quote-on-demand made you laugh made me chuckle happily too, Lola! You are so quietly appreciative of others but you should know that others (including Disdainful Cat and me) appreciate you as well 🙂
Thank you, Angel! I am particularly touched that Disdainful Cat is appreciative, despite appearances.
[corey]Ahem, I believe the correct speeling is “møøs” from the script (not having my copy of that being near-to-hand is once again inconvenient).
Said detail being one that “sticks” to me from having learnt that the “scandinavian” spelling would be “møos”–said iota of nearly exhausting my knowledge of Scandinavian languages.
Which is further spoilt from knowing that “moose” is “älg” in Swedish with Norske “elg” all being similar to the German “Elch” –none of those languages making a distinction between Moose and Elk. Poor Bullwinkle <sad face>
[/corey]
[counter corey]
“møøse” is actually the spelling used in the movie.
[/corey]
[Corey}
The animal bearing the scientific name Alces alces is known in Britain as the “elk”, and in North America as the “moose”.
– elg in Norwegian, älg in Swedish, Elch in German and łoś in Polish.
Confusingly, the word elk is used in North America to refer to a different animal, the wapiti (Cervus canadensis), which is similar though slightly smaller (the wapiti is the second largest deer species) and behaviorally divergent from the smaller red deer of central and western Europe. Presumably early European explorers in North America called it elk because of its size and presumably because, as men coming from the British Isles they would have had no opportunity to see the difference between a member of the genus Cervus and an animal fitting the description of Alces at home, where the latter was nowhere present in the 17th and 18th century.
The word “moose” first entered English by 1606, and is a borrowing from Algonquian languages (compare Narragansett moos and Eastern Abenaki mos, according to early sources likely derived from moosu meaning “he strips off”), possibly involving forms from multiple languages mutually reinforcing one another. The Proto-Algonquian form was *mo·swa.
[/Corey]
Whew, that is a lot of corey.
Gee, Rocky, that was amazing to pull out of a hat <super-large Grin>
I knew crossing oak trees and chameleons was a bad idea
:stares at photo:
:tilts head to one side and squints:
:does handstand:
I can see the sailboat!
Maybe it’s Wonder Woman, selling her Invisible Coffe Table. Makes sense, as I don’t remember her ever using it much. Keep the Invisible Jet, though.
Really? You never saw the whole story arc about Wonder Woman’s floating coffee service? Where HAVE you been?
you mean, like this? (art not mine, Wonder Woman in her invisible plane with visible coffee)
Whoa! WW seems a little hefty-er than I remember. Must be the invisible donuts.
No, that’s just “grown-up” WW, the mature, self-realized WW who has accepted that that life is too short for bad coffee–or that coffee orders ought not take longer to say than to make.
Here is the wild Oak table, one of the greatest camouflage artists in…
Wait… this post feels so familiar. Huh. Inexplicable.
EVERYONE DANCE ON THE INVISIBLE TABLE! AHAHAHHAHAHA!
Actually, if you look at the picture you can see that this Oak table is sneaking up on that rolling cart that’s trying to hide by the fire place. The table is in the crouch position, so they must have taken this picture just before it pounced.
50 bucks to the first person who can find the second one.
It’s right there!
*Points*
I still don’t see the sailboat.
Did you remember to do a handstand?
I tried to use a polarizing filter, but it was too contentious
I tried to use a Polaroid filter, but I did not wait long enough to peel it open <sad face>
I think I found it *squints*
I think I see Waldo under the couch, does that count?
I suspect these are owned by hipster ninjas. They liked being ninjas before it was cool, and they were never here. Damned complicated to actually track one of them down though… all you see are discarded throwing stars forged from old PBR cans.
The problem with “hipster ninja” would seem to me to be two-fold.
One, being a ninja requires all-consuming effort and dedication, and years and years of intense study, and is rather undone by cavalier sneering disdain after having only scanned the Cliff’s Notes versions of the Art.
Two, they’d only be “invisible” downwind.
You can see why Sparky wants to sell the tables. Can’t you? LOOK AT THE BONES!! It’s got great pointy teeth! Run away! RUN AWAY!
What? Where? You mean behind the table?
I think I soiled me armour…
Invisible wood, that’s a hard on to see…
Invisible Wood is IF Screaming Trees cover band
And Screaming Trees have a song called “Nearly Lost You.” I think the band does that song while this picture is projected.
~~~I thought Invisible Wood* is IF’s Beatles circa mid-60s cover band~~~
I once had a floor, or should I say, it once had me…
It showed me its room, isn’t it good, invisible wood?
It asked me to stay and told me to sit anywhere,
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn’t a table. So…
I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking plum wine
Talked until two and then said, “It’s time for bed”
It told me it worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told it I didn’t and crawled on it to sleep in the bath
And when I awoke, I was alone, the table had flown
So I lit a fire, burns so good, invisible wood.
*apologies to Astro
Are you insinuating something?
I just know you love the fab four. And I totally butchered that song… [it was all Hammy’s fault]
*sheepish/shearling grin*
Oh, okay.
I thought you were talking about my invisible wood.
<.<
>.>
I’ve said too much.
ah ya…
…no.
😀
No, no, no. You folks have it all mixed up.
Invisible Wood is my Hedwig and the Angry Inch touring company.
I think I know that guy…with the invisible wood. Yes, I know. Corner.
Careful where you sit.
Invisible and all ya know….
Would the invisible man have…? oh, never mind….
If you’re selling something that isn’t there can I buy it with money that doesn’t exist?
Have I just explained the current world-wide financial crisis?
Yes. Yes, you did.
Missus Potter: “Damn you, Harry! I’ve told you and told you to hang up your invisibility cloak and not just throw down when you come in! I’m fixin’ to shove that wand where the sun don’t shine!”
Those are the most beautiful coffee tables I never did see
I fynd ye tables hath a coffe and doth imbalance the humours of all Knaves that do it view; hence for safetey & security it hath been abscond’d from yon portrait. Henceforth, should ye wish to view same, measuring 50 in and 20 in and height miniscul, pay a Call uponn me & inquire should it be released from sickenefs suff. for sale, which pending rest & clean living shuld soon be donne.
Yours faithful, etc.
S. parkson, ESQ
Mille by the Bieber
Whompington-pon-Newark
“Mille by the
Bieberbeck.”So much more euphonious. So much less bashing-my-head-against-a-brick-wall-to-drive-that-hideous-boring-sound-from-my-brain.
I once had a burl, or should I say, it once had me…
It got lost in the room, isn’t it good, invisible wood?
I had me a beer and I wanted to set it somewhere,
So I looked around and I noticed there was only thin air.
I sat on a floor, biding my time, drinking Tecate and lime
I walked into two and then I said, “Ow” and my shin bled.
I tripped and fell down then the neighbors all started to laugh.
I told them to F-off and crawled off to bandage my ass.
And when I awoke, I was alone, the beer was all gone
So I lit it on fire, isn’t it good, invisible wood.
Get outta my head puppy!!! Grrrr.
“No adores for you!” —The Adores Nazi
Wait…you were in my head.
…Mud Ninja…
Yes…all the way from across Jesusland [aka the red-state Heartland] to the left coast.
🙂
I iz stealth!
I’m the invisible stand
I’m the invisible stand
Incredible MntDew can
Seen right through me…
You place an ad
That’s in bad taste
You show a table?
Not in this place!
Does something sit
by the hide-a-bed?
Is that a table…
Messing with my head?
I’m the invisible stand!
I’m the invisible stand!
Incredible sparky can
See right through me!
That is one weird digital artifact. I have trouble when I use my Kodak because the focusing software has issues, but I’ve never seen wood grain blend into wood grain like that. Maybe they should have put a rug down or something. It took me forever to spot both tables. (The one is directly in front of the couch, and the other is in front of the french doors, for anyone who didn’t manage to find them, BTW.)
And Rabbit wins the $50!
But where is the coffee? And cake? Is it a lie?
The coffee is sliced and in the lounge next to the teapot and the pudding not on fire. The cake is not a lie, it is simply unattainable.
If you seek the cake you will not find it.
[coffee cake corey]
No store-bought coffee cake is ever really good enough compared to home-made. The problem is that a battalion-sized amphibious landing is simpler than properly making a coffee cake–unless you scrimp on the ingredients just like the store bakers do . . . Wait, that was Zen . . .
Question, can there be [corey] on Zen? The very act of Definition obviating acceptance of Void and impermanence, and all . . .
Dagnabit, now I want the rich caramely goodness of a pecan coffee cake with just the right hint of espresso powder baked in . . .
[/corey]
You’re making me hungry, Cap’n!
Whatever is in front of the french doors looks mighty close to the ground to be a coffee table.
It’s a hard call, there’s a bunch of perspective tomfoolery going on there. Plus the JPG compression is just awful. I can kinda see it as a table or a step.
Honest to God, Rabbit, you are teh winnerz. I controlled/upscrolled my mouse to enlarge the picture and it was still hard to spot the one in front of the French doors. Nicely done.
Time to weird you out:
The table in front of the french doors isn’t casting a shadow, nor is the light from the windows casting light upon it.
Have fun trying to figure out the perspective. 😉
I’ve been playing that Zynga hidden object game on Facebook. Mostly to get stuff in the other Zynga games. It gets boring, but apparently it is a useful skill. lol
Here we have an example of the Brigadoon Preventional style. Furniture in this style appears only once every 100 years, making it a beeyotch to sell on Craigslist. Luckily, a ghostly vision of it also shimmers incorporeally every February in leap years. But good luck getting hold of it to move it.
I take it that it never ages either? That makes it Brigadoon Age Preventionial style.
Mmmm Gene Kelly. Mmmm Van Johnson. <3
Tank-girl, I couldn’t adore you more! Love Brigadoon, and this is a funny. But you are already in the box today!
*blushes while donning Kevlar snuggie in preparation for upcoming punchity-punch*
Oh, coffe tables are used in caffes. The room above is clearly not a caffe, which is why there are no tables in the picture.
OH, NOW I SEE IT!
No, wait, that’s a fireplace.
How Not to Be Seen the Home Edition.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifmRgQX82O4
Oh wow. I just now saw the coffee table. For real, it’s there. I didn’t think it was. I thought Sparky just took the pic after he removed the table.
The joke’s on me.
Those oak coffe tables are designed to knock intruders ash over teakettle.
Tankergirl, you are prepared, yes? Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Carl East!