YSaC, Vol. 1183: I can’t quit you, danielh_ads.
User ‘danielh_ads’ has exceeded the ‘max_questions’ resource (current value: 1)I – 32
Looking for a good looking guy to have as a FWB or just a one time thing. Please be HWP and free of any and all diseases. Send a face pic and you’ll get mine. I can host 🙂
I’m only allowed one question? Wait, that wasn’t my question. Can I start over? … No, that wasn’t my question either. Damn it, now I’ve exceeded my max_questions resource.
Actually, it seems as though danielh_ads has been exceeding his max_questions resource in casual encounters listings all over the place:
User ‘danielh_ads’ has exceeded the ‘max_questions’ resource (current value: 1)I – 27
Do you like glamorous gals with glittery hair, long legs, big red lips and a wet snatch? Well, do you? Then stop reading and get with the program! The faster you pick up that touchpad and send me an email, the faster I can be rubbing my titties all over your chest.
Sexy thick Black woman looking for my fvwb I am not looking for a one night stand. Looking for a handsome man that can please tonight. must be passionate . no pic no reply. in subject line please enter zodiac sign
User ‘danielh_ads’ has exceeded the ‘max_questions’ resource (current value: 1)I – 24
23yr old white sexy clean female would love to get drilled by a trucker in his truck. Maybe do everytime you’re in atl. I’m for real must see pic I’m free next two days anytime someone use me Chocolate curvy beauty seeking a gentleman. A man who knows how to treat a woman with respect and knows how to spoil me n keep me happy. I enjoy going out to dinner, museums, plays, and traveling.
Note from drmk: despite the “ATL” shoutout in this ad, it was posted in New York City.
User ‘danielh_ads’ has exceeded the ‘max_questions’ resource (current value: 1)I – 30
She had expected a sense of monstrous guilt to engulf her, like a chill current rising out of the abysses of between the stars to take her to shiver in a dark and lonely place. But it didn’t, instead she felt a sense of relief. She wondered if he felt the same way, and why she felt this way at all. Sometimes, she thought, the most merciful thing in the world is the inability of the human mind to correlate all of its contents. Need to meet now if possible tired of dealing with assholes hit me if you can come now
And on, and on, and on. If you do a search for the ad title, there’s ads posted in Casual Encounters in every major metropolitan market, and they have been going up for weeks. The text of the ads are well-written enough that I’m surprised that nobody’s twigged to the error yet. Some of the ads are downright lascivious! Sadly, most of them have been deleted. I hope danielh_ads is able to find that special someone soon.
Thanks for the heads up, Mike!
Dear Danielh-ads,
Makes no difference if you’re black or white, but, pick one and stick with it.
I can see why you have trouble correlating the contents of your mind. You can’t keep jetting around from city to city, that just wears a body out.
I recommend lots of Vitamin C, and rest. Maybe try some zumba, and getting a library card.
I think I’ve figured out what’s going on here. The last ad (almost) quotes H.P. Lovecraft. This isn’t a person attempting to post these ads, it’s an elder god of chaos whose very presence causes computers to malfunction. I can only conclude that this is a desperate attempt to lure human victims to a certain location to enact some weird ritual.
Hey, even Cthulhu gets lonely sometimes. It’s not like he can go clubbing around R’lyeh.
Even dead gods can dream…of FWB’s.
Especially with his current work schedule. 8/
I was wondering about that, Windrose. Are you sure he’s not doing this during the day when you are at work? :/
(Note to Windrose’s husband: this is a rhetorical question, not meant to imply you’re up to no good, O Elder One.)
Lola, I’m sure. 8)
All I’ve got now is an image of the Elder God working in a cubical…
“Hello, Cthulhu, what’s happening. Uhh… we have sort of a problem here. Yeah. You apparently didn’t put one of the new coversheets on your TPS reports.”
“I WILL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL PUNY MORTAL!”
“Mmm… Yeah. You see, we’re putting the coversheets on all TPS reports now before the they go out. Did you see the memo about this?”
“I AM A GOD! I HAVE NO NEED OF YOUR PUNY COVERSHEET OR YOUR MEMO! I WILL DRINK DEEPLY OF YOUR LIFE ESSENCE AND FEED UPON YOUR PAIN FOR A THOUSAND YEARS AS YOUR VERY NATURE DISSOLVES WITHIN ME!”
“Yeah. If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that will be great. And Uh, I’ll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo Mmmm, Ok?”
“I… I’ve actually got a copy of it right here. No need for you… he’s already gone. This was so much easier when I had a cult to fill out all my paperwork.”
That’s it, buddy. You and your desk will be banished to the basement and they will confiscate your stapler.
Done and done.
Breakfast: I’m done with mine.
Uh, Lyle… did you just imply that you like… um.
You know what, I don’t want to know. I’ll be over here humming to myself while I put the brain bleach on to boil.
I think Sis just needs a little lie-down, let’s turn off the lights and tip toe out of the room, M-kay?
*hands Sis the Monkey blankie*
*realizes that is suggestive, and snatches it back*
*realizes shouldn’t have said “snatches”*
Monkey! Corner!
*Points*
Oooh, we get points for going to the corner now? Have I gotten enough for a free coffee slice yet?
I’m exhausted and didn’t realize that’s what was implied. I was merely trying to comment on the “stop reading” part about the ad.
Sis! Don’t ever explain! Just laugh and point, like the rest of us.
Looking for a good looking guy to have as a FWB or just a one time thing. Please be HWP and not have exceeded your ‘max_questions’ resource. Drill me in your truck every time you’re in a city that’s nowhere near me, and be a gentleman who treats me with respect and takes me to dinner, museums, plays, and traveling.
That seems reasonable. A woman who drops her drawers at a truckstop, then expects to be taken out to The Capital Grille and a showing of Wicked. Or maybe she prefers Shakespeare.
After reading these I feel the need for another shower.
Replace “truck stop” with “certain parts of Times Square” and it’s just practical – one-stop shopping, really!
There’s no place like Home…
There’s no place like Home….
There’s no place like Home…
Depot….
*while I’m there I’ll pick up some Bear paint
[taco@magic : ~/YSaC/Snark]$comment \f 1183
ERROR: Sexy_Fingers has exceeded ‘corner count’ (current value: dumpling sauce) fudge – herbert hoover.
[taco@magic : ~/YSaC/Snark]$comment \reset “$corner count”
ERROR: That would be cheating naughty boy.
[taco@magic : ~/YSaC/Snark]$delete HAL
ERROR: I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Dave.
[taco@magic : ~/YSaC/Snark]$sudo enable Skynet
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
danielh_ads could never understand why her seemingly
desperateenticingpleaswords never garnered her the love and respect she so richly deserved.So, she put the sparkly glitter all over her legs, rubied up her lips and applied the K-Y liberally on her lady bits before pouring her
fat asscurvy body into a spandex bodysuit just large enough to fit one of the Olsen twins and headed out to the club.“Hey mofo! Gimme dat waddayacallit, oh yeah, ‘Screaming O’ again!” she shouted at the bartender, her
sweatyglistening face inches from his.danielh_ads turned around and leaned against the bar, her
rolls of fatcurves accentuated by the spandex.She exhaled a blue cloud of smoke and surveyed the crowd.
Why, oh why, can’t I find a man who will screw my brains out tonight and still respect me tomorrow? she wondered, aloud it seems because the response was immediate.
And unfortunate.
It was that damned max_questions.
“Because you are a disgusting individual with no self-respect, no redeeming qualities and you smell…not in a good way.”
danileh_ads stared at him for a minute…”Did you bring your truck?”
Aaaand now I need more soap, hot water, and brain bleach. It might be quicker if I just jumped in the dishwasher on the Pots and Pans setting.
Mr. Sudsy’s Auto Wash out on Route 12 gives you a free air freshener if you get the Super-Deluxe Wash, but they do insist that you keep your clothes on during the whole thing. It takes all of the fun out of the undercarriage rinse.
Is the full version available on the Kindle?
This is a great Hump Day post! I think I’ll take my dirty thoughts and go directly to the corner with the dumpling sauce and a vacuum cleaner.
What the hell does FWB mean? “Fat White Boy”? “Fingering While Blowing”? “Fellatio With Boobies”?
Corner Right Now?
EDIT: Ah, “Friends With Benefits”. I prefer my #2. Now to decipher “HWP”. Honky White Protestant? Hard Ware Poker?
I know! “Hard Wide Pecil”!
The first thing that came to my mind was Female With Boobs.
I won’t ever date online. I never know what they are or what there really looking for.
I think I’ll just fuel my truck at company yards now and stay away from truck stops.
What is a “pecil”?
She had to ask.
*Hangs head in shame*
Just use a ragdoll and point. Raggedy Ann? Andy?
Huh. Pecil never made it onto our YSaClopedia.
Pecil is a dirty euphemism for male naughty bits.
And don’t laugh; although that is the point of this site…darn! I knew FWB because I have teenagers whom I can ask, but my girl-child went off to college. My boy-child would not be too happy with these questions.
It’s a neo-Taco-ism. Taco speaks in typonese, and some of them stick around.
I don’t spell poorly, I’m just use progressive English!
*Sigh*
“I’m just use” wasn’t even on porpoise.
*wipes tears from eyes*
Holy shit, Taco…I heart you – I heart you long time.
I does what I can. =)
*snort* “Typonese”. Love it.
[creating insider argot]
Hmm, should “typonese” be rendered as :
Teh poe NAis
TIE puh KNEES
or
tehp’ nuhz
?
Further, should “pecil” be:
PEE sill
pay SILL
or
PEAS ill
?
[/insider argot]
I think it should be rendered as “Throat Warbler Mangrove”.
*leaking everywhere from laughing so hard*
I just love all you folks!
That’s “Raymond Luxury-Yacht” to you, you styreneophobe! <G>
HWP is Height-Weight Proportionate. Also known as “NO FATTIES”.
Oooooh! I now feel my worldly knowledge is edified.
Observation: and frequently posted by someone who may not in fact meet that criteria himself.
Like when I see fat guys with “No Fatties” shirts…. or fat male comics that make jokes about fat girls…
Oh. Good to know. I thought it meant Head Without Purpose. Also known as “NO SMART PEOPLE.”
So it doesn’t mean Hot Wimple Pile?!
Damn, always think I’m so close to getting some naughty nun wrestling and then it turns out to be something entirely different.
What is “proportionate”? Roughly similar? ‘Cos in a metric country, one could be a ‘balanced’ 165 cms and 165 kilos – which in ‘Murkin numbers is 5 1/2-ish feet tall, 360-odd pounds deep. Oooh I wanna go a-trolling…
Okay y’all. I’m just gonna go on and head to the Kwicky Mart and pick up some pastries and another pound of coffee. Today is going to be CORNER-IFIC!
Will you pick up a brain-scouring sponge? Um…do brains need the non-abrasive kind, or can we got straight to the metal mesh.
P.S. There is on Overstock.com a Lola Heavy-duty Copper scouring pad. I have my answer.
I’m not sure whether this is calling me fat, or if it’s a euphemism in keeping with today’s theme.
I found part of a copper scouring pad in a burrito once.
Ick!
But, was it a Lola pad? This is important.
*shrugs*
I dunno, most of us just use the jacuzzi filled with brain bleach out back.
Wait! There is a jacuzzi?
Um, and no, Lola. I had a severe mental block on the name of the metal scouring pad. I asked Uncle Google, and he gave me that. Though it was Brillo I was evidently looking for.
Given the last post, the way it keeps changing races/ages, and the end of the first post (it can “host”), I’m thinking this is some kind of strange entity that has possesed people, moving from body to body… and posts on craigslist… and has exceeded its max_questions.
Me: (pulling slowly into a truck stop in mid California)
Lot Liz: (climbs up on doorstep while truck is still moving)
Lot Liz: Looking for a good time?
Me: No, please get off my truck.
Lot Liz: Gimme a dollar.
Me: No
Lot Liz: Come on, gimme a dollar.
Me: No, I don’t have a dollar. Please get off my truck.
Lot Liz: You’re a truck driver, you don’t have a dollar?
Me: No, I don’t carry cash, I always pay with plastic.
Lot Liz: Come on, you got a dollar, gimme a dollar.
Me: NO! please get off my truck.
Lot Liz: There’s a ATM inside.
Me: NO, NO, NO! THER’S NOT ENOUGH NO IN THE WORLD TO EXPRESS THE NO-NESS OF MY NO!
Lot Liz: Come on, gimme a dollar.
Me: Please get off my truck.
*This actually happened*
So no fine dining and Broadway play for the lady that evening then.
*no*
I heard L-squared gets 50-dolluh to make you holluh.
Maybe she was having a sale.
But can she host?
B-wah?
For twenty, I can make you laugh hysterically. Payment up front, please.
Being ahysteric (a general condition of being male), the best I can do is to laugh hyena-ly <sigh>
We were parked at a truck stop one time and hubby forgot to lock his door. We actually had a Lot Liz jump in the truck with us, and she was SHOCKED that we yelled at her to get out. Of all the things I miss about OTR trucking, that isn’t one of them.
I once took the I-32 to the I-27 to the I-24 to the I-30; I ended up in Newark because I had also exceeded my max_questions.
I hate when that happens. Try to have a full tank of questions before leaving on a trip.
With my plan I usually run out of questions before the end of the month and get hit with a bunch of wondering fees.
You should try the toddler plan. Unlimited questions!
A little warning on that, many of the questions themselves tend to just be the same one repackaged in a different format.
Why?
Do you get surcharged for incorrect answers?
Well, as women we are naturally curious. Aren’t we? (D’oh!)
Ooh! I can be your FWB, I can be HWP! I can even pic my face for you.
I like clown hair, spider legs, Aunt gertrude lips. and I really like drippy snatches!
Oh, yes, I’m a Virgo, I’ve never done this kind of thing before, have you?
In Atlanta you say? and you’re free? Great, because I’m going to leave all my money in my one nightstand.
You’ll like me because I really know how to treat-a-ho.
*pay no attention to the guy behind the keyboard*
Treat-a-ho is one of those lesser known practices on Halloween.
Given what some of the Halloween costumes advertised for women look like, it’s better known than you think.
“Treat-a-ho”: Is that when you fill condoms with K-Y and put them on old ladies’ front steps and set them on fire?
We’re meant for each other. NOT!!!!!
*didn’t make the edit time, had to go throw up*
If danielh_ads keeps whoring herself out like this, she’s going to be danielh_AIDS.
The Other Sucking pop-up is so appropriate today. Batteries Not Included.
It’s safe to come out now, ghostie and Ralph. The ushers have just a few minutes to clean the box before the next showing. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Dan_ville!