YSaC, Vol. 1181: … with the jaded, jealous smile …
2012 February 6
misc
very good condition, some wear, unique design. bench with arms, green velvet upholstry, make offer. text or call for details. xxx-xxx-xxxx
Okay. Let’s start here, shall we? What this ad lacks in specificity it makes up for in … well, it doesn’t really make it up, does it? You just sort of eventually cobble the story together, only to find out that it really wasn’t that great of a story to begin with. Kind of like the Star Wars prequel trilogy.
This ad is like the Star Wars prequel trilogy in other ways, though, as revealed after the cut below:
Like the Star Wars prequels, this ad also inexplicably contains Jar-Jar Binks.
Thanks, cabmann27!
It does have arms (and legs) and could be considered a bench if you sat on it, but how exactly to you upholster an alligator? I’f probably use a slipcover instead.
I look a little chilly this morning.
*hands Ghostie a hot toddy* You can borrow Hubby Monkey’s electric blanket, if ya want.
How do you upholster an alligator, you ask?
Very carefully!
Ba- dum-bum!
On the rare occasions I haul my sorry bum over to the gym, and the rarer occasions I bench, I do bench with my arms. But green velvet upholstery? Well, I guess I have seen tackier.
Wow, all that work to avoid naugahyde.
Naugahyde is one of the things that prompted this blog.
*Used mainly by the Aative American Nahojahige tribe.
Naugahyde is still one of those words that gives me a chuckle,
In Spanglish, “nauga” is a slang term for the external dermis of the human posterior (sometimes the external dermis of the peritoneum, in context).
No doubt there is a terse and academic wiki on how the term was coined {goes and looks}. Whether the Spanglish term predates, or is a derivative from the material (or Uniroyal’s advertising in the 60’s), will have to remain speculative.
Still causes a smile for me–but such things oft do.
The bench is inside the alligator. Does that help? So is Sparky’s dead aunt, a large snake, and Sparky’s room mate Clyde.
I thought Clyde was the snake. Guess it doesn’t matter now!
I thought Clyde was an orangutan?
(Star Wars rant) Most hardcore Star Wars fans, of which I am one, have decided that George Lucas went off his rocker or had some sort of brain injury before making the prequels. Therefore, we consider them non-cannon. I’m inclined to think of the New Jedi Order books the same way. Anything that happened after Chewbacca died just wasn’t worth bothering with. EVERYBODY got turned into cannon fodder by the subsequent authors, so I couldn’t be bothered to get attached to any characters anymore. They killed the series when they started killing main characters. (end rant)
This particular sparky seems to have been trying for a haiku but missed. Or at least that is how I read it.
On a side note (and with apologies for being snarky, but that’s what we do here), there is a difference between a cannon and a canon.
Meesa shoot one, and meesa no exist in other.
My spell check let both of them slide, and double letters have always been my downfall. The English language is probably the only one on earth where even native speakers can never master all the rules.
RR, Spell check can only detect misspelled words. Cannon and canon are both spelled correctly. You simply need to know the difference and use them correctly. Ooooh, challenge!
That is because the English language is made of from two different language bases (Latin and Germanic). Each of these two language groups have very different rules that cannot be applied to the other language group. So for English it seems every rule has an exception because every rule does have an exception.
There were [corey] markers around that last comment but I used ‘<' by mistake…
Wait a minute!
Chewy dies?
Next you’re gonna tell me that Darth Vader is Luke’s dad and he sinks the boat with Leia and Han onboard, only they don’t die but wind up floating in the freezing waters before Yoda rescues them because he hears Leia whistle a happy tune.
So, please don’t. I need my illusions.
So.Very.Badly.
It happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Odds are good that all of them are dead by now.
This reminds me of English II when, upon beginning Lord of the Flies, one of my classmates shouted out quite loudly that [Spoilered for Your Convenience].
[matte]I’ve always disagreed with the sentiment that main characters are holy creatures that should be allowed to always live through their adventures. A character that is allowed to live too long starts to fall into character stagnation where they become an iconified device rather than a deep, involved character.
Either the characters need to be retired after telling their story, or you have to kill them and allow their story to end. If you let them linger beyond their story just for the sake of having them around, you start to get the same symptoms as TV shows that run a season or two beyond where they should have ended.[/matte]
That said, I’ve never been that close of a follower of the Star Wars franchise and have not read any of the books, so I can’t really comment on whether is was appropriate to kill off those characters.
I think the latest Priceline commercial says it all. Alas, William Shatner, we knew him well.
Negotiator my ass!
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/01/20/priceline-killing-off-william-shatners-priceline-negotiator/
(why is YSaC placing my comments on separate lines?)
[/matte]? Why not [/semi-gloss] or [/eggshell]?
[corey] Much like the corey tags, the matt (or matte) tags come from a previous commentor and are usually used to express righteous anger (either feigned or real.)[/corey]
You know, we had a YSaC dictionary at one point. Someone who isn’t me should look into that.
I’ve always used [matte] to express an opinion that is serious/not snarky in nature but is not factual per se, whereas a [corey] is a factual or corrective post and a [matt] is an expression (feigned or otherwise) of outraged self-righteousness.
Ah, I see. Then I’ve been very [matt] at work lately. For about two months.
The YSaCtionary still exists.
[ysac]
[matt][/matt] is for when you fling poo first and make explanations later.
[matte][/matte] is for “Dear Diary, OOOO! I’m soo MAD I shooda thrown poo! Or said I was gonna fling some! Or I shooda told [name] I was that mad, an’ [pronoun] oughta watch out…”
If memory serves, the original Matt was outraged, simply Outraged that we were “picking” on which ever sparkii it was, and that we should feel ashamed for beating up on esl or special needs or whatever obvious-to-Matt (only) mitigating circumstances existed. Which came across much as that internet creature bemoaning how “mean” eve’ybody was to Brittany, an’ we shud jus’ stoppit!
The fact that our audience here might use such obviously empty Histrionics to satirical end was nearly fait accompli; ergo [matte] tags.
Which I find to have a quite Delicious <entendre in that matte is duller, with decreased sheen, one might say “less shiny’ than [matt] tags–all the better to gleam, to illuminated, to shine, as it were.
[/ysac]
[COREYSPOILERS]
…
I’m okay with it if it’s in a “famous last stand” kind of way that’s true to the character (Superman, back when he was dead) or in a way that’s set up with previous events and really affects the storyline in a way that’s well handled (Ms. Calendar in Buffy). Not so much if it’s a shock death with no real setup and no real drama, just boom, dead (Wash in Serenity).
[/coreyspoilers]
For sale: one misc. Very good condition, but it ate my stuff and my sturdy tan whateverthatwas. Call or text Sparky at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
I don’t need a misc, but I’m looking for an assortment. Let me know if you have one of those, will you?
I think I have one of those, minty sheel, a few love stains, ect., to many to list. 32 firm oboe?
So, what your looking for Lola is an ass?
Gimme a second. I’m sure I’ll find one somewhere.
I’ve found more than one, but thanks for the offer, Mudsy!
Huh, I was at work, minding my own business, when I thought I heard someone calling my name…
Not only were we calling it Bd, but we were thinking it too!
*oh, the horrors!!!*
😀
Dude, come see me. I’m surrounded by asses.
What a great wrap-up to the weekend! I got stuff for $1, something Tan for $200, and now Misc. for which I can make an offer. If only I got the reference in the title of today’s post, I’d be a camper of happiness.
http://www.lyricsmania.com/crocodile_lyrics_xtc.html
There’re alligator songs out there but they don’t immediately jump to mind. I had to think about it for a moment before I could come up with any. Bill Haley’s “See You Later Alligator” or Shooter (Waylon’s son) Jenning’s “Alligator Chomp” finally hit me though.
[corey]You can tell it’s a ‘gator by its broad snout, and also by not being able to see its lower teeth when its mouth is closed. A croc’s bottom teeth always stick out and a gator’s never do unless its mouth is deformed in some way. [/corey]
… wanders away humming Shel Silverstein’s “The Unicorn Song”… green alligators and long-necked geese…
I thought that was the Irish Rovers……
Lovin’ the alligator vs. crocodile [corey]…..
8)
The Irish Rovers popularized it but he wrote it 🙂
That was the first record I ever owned.
I didn’t bother to look up whether it was an alligator or a crocodile, because I knew if I tried to research it I would still get it wrong. So I just picked the only song that I know (by heart) that has the word “crocodile” in it. (Er, besides “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John, that is.)
This image explains it quite plainly.
Crocodile Rock earworm whee! Great way to wind up the evening! The pets pretend to be long-suffering when I sing and make them dance with me but secretly they love it. They love it much more than the kids ever did when they were young, come to think of it.
It’s a nice enough seat, I guess, but it’s really hard to vacuum.
Hard to vacuum, sure. But every time I sit on a bench at my son’s sporting events I think, “You know what would make this more comfortable? Green velvet. Oh, and arms”
“A large set of jaws to open my beer with.”
“A nice tail to beat off undesirables with.”
As an added incentive to his little league players, coach Sparkowski introduces “The Bench”.
Hey, I think I found your misc bench!
Looks like Wally Gator to me.
I suspect it may be more like this; Sparky just can’t spell Miskatonic.
The photo seems to be of a man made setting.
Non murky water, fake tree trunks growing out of a solid rock formation.
Like a zoo, though I believe this may have been built behind someone’s house or be part of a moat. I can’t imagine a zoo needing to get rid of green velvet upholstery.
Can’t tell from photo if Mr. gator is real.
Gator?! Why, I hardly knew her!
*looks around, ashamed*
Well, no one ELSE said it, so I thought I would.
Perhaps the gator’s name is Misc?
Gu, gu, gu, gu, gui.
*sorry, that was a terrible immitation of a Popeye laugh*
I love Popeye and his muskles, and will accept no imitations.
I still recall over 40 years ago: I was around five years old and I bawled my little girly eyes out ’cause I slept late through my nap and missed my afternoon Popeye cartoons. *sigh* my hero. I was probably sleep-deprived ’cause I’d had nightmares from watching Dark Shadows with my grammy earlier in the day.
On a related note… Johnny Depp is playing Barnabas Collins in the upcoming Dark Shadows movie. /purr
I’ve sat on that bench before. Definitely not velvet.
Testing testing one two many
I’d love to say something witty about this post but my early morning trip to the dental surgeon’s office (plus their sweet, sweet painkillers) has left me somewhat loopy. I’m trying valiantly to make a connection between the pic of the gator (croc?) and Shel Silverstein’s poem about the croc at the dentist but my synaptic impulses are currently about as present as my 1-8 and 2-8 molars.
valarie and kelli, I hope you had a capital day in the box! Get it? Capital? Sigh. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good morning, Amos Moses!