YSaC, Vol. 1176: She came in through the bathroom window.
$250 / 800ft² – Needs cool roommate
Ok so here is a lil about myself Im sweet, cool, outgoing, loud, love drinking, and fall asleep a lot with the music playing loud. Im looking for someone who likes to hang out and do the same kind of things I do my roommate who still lives here and does not have plans on moving but is never home so when you are here and he comes home you have to act like your just my friend and you are just hanging out for a lil bit or the night this might happen like twice a week. It would be sweet if u were a really hot chick since im a single dude, about the rent you wont be aloud to bring anything in or sleep here so the $250 is more the cost of hanging out with me you have to pay for the pleasure of my company…wait if you have a vaporizer u can bring it!!!
Wow, this is awesome! For $250 I can hang out with a loud, drunk stoner but not actually live there or anything.
But wait — what thought through my single brain cell breaks? I might actually want to have a place to sleep every so often. I know, I’ll check Craigslist for that, too!
$400000 Room to share in [location]
I am a divorced parent of 1 child who is looking for a potential room share with a 20-80 year old. Can be pretty tight, but if you like, you have. Needs some work, esp. near the entri=ance (can’t really get in) and u hav 2 go in thro the window (no wrrys, large, easy to open windows in back) but u need a room, I give you one! You just have to put up with me!!!!!!
This is like little $$$, in this naighborhood, 1 mil is not to much to ask for 1 house!!!!
Close to Metro stop!!!!
&bus stop!!!!
Plz, don’t got money for rent!!!!
Nd help now gotta pay child support!!!House is in superb |=|!!!
Only srious offers!!!
Thanks!!!email me @httmanxxx@xxxxx.com!!!!
I swear, I’m the luckiest person in the world. I can crawl through a window to my room, and it will only cost me $400,000 to do so? Today just keeps getting better and better.
Thanks, Naomi and Robovampire!
Oh, I’ve got a vaporizer I can bring:
I wonder if vaporized Sparky looks like glitter rain.
I bet I know what it smells like…
Cheetos?
Dude, don’t bogart the vaporized stoner rinds.
(Incidentally, Vaporized Stoner Rinds is the name of my Spin Doctors cover band.)
Teen Spirit?
But are you a hot chick? You too could pay to hang out with the loud music man, for only $250 and having to pretend like you don’t really know him when the roomie comes over. And much molestation when the roomie isn’t in.
That’s the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator I’ve been looking for!
When I get tired of crawling in and out of my $400,000 room through the window, I can pay to watch some wannabee Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo fall into a drink- and drug-induced stupor to loud music. Then I’ll know I’m truly alive.
I love the age range on the second ad – lots of 80 year olds must be looking to climb in and out of windows to get into their homes.
Also, I think there must be some cat math involved here – if it costs $1 million to own a house, why would one room (with window access only) cost $400,000? And do I then own 40% of your house and land? If so, can I build myself a door?
[observational corey(s)]
Just what sort of million-dollar homes have blocked-off doors, and require egress by way of windows?
My mental image keeps varying from Detroit to Vegas to South Florida–and not to any great good end but worsening my pre-existing headache.
I strongly suspect that Sparky-2 has been delivered a writ demanding $400K in back child support payments forthwith and soonest. Being totally unaware how rents; mortgages; house-evaluations work–i.e., how Spark’ got in the mess in the first place–Spark’ has hit upon this (no doubt Spark’ “hits on” a lot of ‘strange’) solution.
Alternately, this is a “nigerian” involving a foreclosed property, a squatter, and a fundamental–unfrozen Dr. Evil sort of way–misunderstanding of how currency units work. Or, they could be from Zimbabwe or Central African Republic, where 400000 is only about US$200-250.
Which is a happier supposition than all that have gone before in my agonized knoggin today . . .
[/coreys]
It occurs to me that since Sparky “don’t got money for rent,” he clearly doesn’t own this million dollar abode anyway, so he has no right to sell it to anybody.
I thought of Florida, too. I wonder why that is? I know very little about the state but, apparently, were I to be given a word association test, my answer to “accessing home through window” would be “Florida.” Hmmm.
Sadly, my own home state (Alaska) comes to mind when envisioning window access to homes, cabins, etc. Maybe some ‘wasilabilly’ in ‘the valley’, or any ‘bush community’ home/cabin…
I think I found the secret message in that first ad.
*Can be pretty tight, but if you like, you have*
And I found it in the second.
We do the weird stuff.
That is the first thing I thought when I read that line…
“$250 is more the cost of hanging out with me you have to pay for the pleasure of my company”
Hey, that’s my ex! He cost me at least $250 a month. He must be looking for another sugar mama.*
*I never had enough money to really be a good sugar mama. I was more of a Sweet-N-Low sister.
edit: I didn’t mean to reply here… so um… yes
I prefer my sugar free…
Hey, who put this window in the corner?
So you’re saying you take your mamas like you take your coffee?
(Whether or not I go to the corner will depend on Hammy’s reponse)
Full of Monkey’s?
*urp!*
I’ll be laying here with a cool cloth on my head, thanks.
I was more of a mobile bank!
Nobody offers a half-million dollar room with window access without some kind of catch. My guess is the tenant will end up participating in a new episode of “Hoarders”.
Or “Intervention”.
Or involves something along the lines of “When the video crews get here…”
$400,000? Paying for child support? And the front entrance is inaccessible? Sorry, I mean entri=ance.
I’m guessing this person is an inveterate hoarder, and is gonna make you pay full price for one of the 2.5 rooms in the million-dollar house that are still habitable (better hope one of the others is a bathroom). Still, it’s all-you-can-eat !!!!s
I read that as “invertebrate hoarder” and imagined sparky #2 as a large worm
He’s just a little shellfish
But adorable…
Invertebrate Hoarders is the name of my Arrogant Worms cover band.
Did you ever think that maybe some bands don’t rate a cover band? 8) No, me either.
If it’s 2.5 rooms, I think it must only be a half bath.
This is perfect! I’ll pay the $250 per month to hand out with Stoner Rind, and when his roommate comes home, I’ll go crawl in a window at my real pad. As long as money is no object and I don’t want to have a life of my own, it all clicks. Now, where should I keep the birds?
Sparky 1 – You seem unclear on how the concept of friendship or prostitution works. I don’t care how fascinating your inane ramblings seem to you, no one is going to pay to hear you wax poetic about the floor-pizza you found under the futon last week.
Sparky 2 – There is no such thing as an “inaccessible” room. That’s why God invented the Sawzall.
Now, now, the Tao of the Sawzall™ is rather like that of the hammer and the copier–it’s all in knowing where to use the tool.
So, I rather expect that Sparkhaus-2 has had application of reciprocating saw, and poorly, too. The results of which have been boarded up, and “traditional” egress points blocked, which is why egress requires traversing the fenestration.
A door is a wonderful and elegant simple machine. Like many, if not most, simple machines, it is very easy for such simplicity to go awry. And, once awry, very much in extremis is very probable.
***begins to meditate on the Do of Demolition Excavators***
<Kensetsu kikai jitsu>
I just got to check in now. Doors to all! And double doors (no windows) to the Capn for the cute cat!
With all those doors, surely we can get into the apartment now.
Dear @httmanxxx:
I am willing to bet that you are neither.
Regards,
Not Your Roommate
I think I’ll stay where I’m at now with paying my parents $400 a month so we don’t have to live on the streets. And it has front door access. Imagine that.
Living here is free, and no noisy roommate. Silence is golden. So apparently is solitude.
I’m guessing that both ads were unsuccessful? Right? Please say Yes !
Yes,
and
Kitty! SQUEEE!
The words of the parents are written on the craigslist walls, And tenement halls….
I think Sparky one is my annoying downstairs neighbor. Let me see…
Loud – Check
Drunk – Check
Fall asleep with loud music playing – Check
Bring home hot chicks and chase them around because quiet roommate is never home – Check
Vaporizer for the phlegmatic cough when I am awake – Check
So…if I pay him the 250.00 will he just STFU? It would be worth it for me to get a decent nights sleep.
Check to see if he doesn’t have a window. If not, make the door inaccessible and in a week to 10 days, your problem will be solved.
Buy some real strong air freshener first…
Taco, Dee, here’s your Punchity Punch Punch! Nice sharing the box with you. No, I don’t think I’m forgetting anything.
Good Morning, Shanty Town!