YSaC, Vol. 1170: They’re magically … stale.
Need Lucky Charms Cereal Marshmallow Separators
Hello, you are, I’m sure, familiar with ‘Lucky Charms Cereal’ the frosted toasted oat cereal with marshmallows in the shapes of stars, rainbows, lucky clovers, etc. I am looking for a few responsible people to volunteer their time, perhaps 2-4 hours a week, to separate the marshmallows from the worthless oat part of the cereal. I will provide the boxes of cereal and will reward you with one bowl of cereal per every two boxes of marshmallow separation you complete. Marshmallow separation will take place in my residence and you are welcome to listen to music at a reasonable volume. Serious inquiries only, experience preferred.
Here’s what I suspect: I suspect that this person is running a lucrative side business selling just the marshmallow bits, and he’s looking for slave volunteer labor to do the work for him.
Witness Exhibit A.
And Exhibit B.
If you’re still intent on volunteering your time for Sparky, may I recommend a handy tool to make it easier? Also, I would double check the fine print of the contract — I’m willing to bet that your “free bowl of cereal” consists of just the less magical oaty bits.
Thanks, Michael!
And by reasonable volume he means, loud enough to drown out the screams…
Sparky Charms: They’re tragically malicious.
“Hearts, stars and horseshoes,
Clovers and blue moons,
Pots of gold and rainbows,
And lucky red balloons!”
Good GOD I watched too much Saturday morning TV as a kid.
Oh yeah, that Lucky Charms song. Someone would have to be really old to remember the versions with only Pink Hearts, Yellow Moons, Orange Stars, and Green Clovers.
Which I definitely am not…
*Slinks off to find a Space Food Stick*
Do you have any astronaut ice cream?
*a peek into the Eyebrows childhood*
Grape-nuts. Fills you up, not out.
Yeah, I remember when the Blue Diamonds hit the scene at is was a really big deal.
Also the fall and rise of the red M&M…
“I want my Maypo!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_0qsG9ndGI
What, no Bosco?
Do you have an opening to separate the ‘o’s from the Cheerios box?
I need someone to get all these Ws out of my M&Ms.
Mind if I replace them with 3s?
Hmm, we’ll have to call it 3Ms, then.
The Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing Company might object (with legions of slavering barristers) to willy-nilly uses of “3m”
Somebody keeps putting these nasty hexagonal things in my Honey Combs and I can never find the honey! Someone, please, help!
ASTRO!!!! 8)
Where the heck have you been, young man?
Hey welcome back!
Dear Sparky:
A person who values Lucky Charms so highly that he/she is willing to do boring stupid work just to gain a free bowl of them is not a person to be trusted with this job. He/she will eat up all the merchandise.
You’re welcome.
The
volunteerslaveidiotseparator will say “I’ll just have one little lucky clover.” Two hours later the coroner will be called to take out the bloated marshmallow-dusted corpse. Let this be a lesson to anyone with Lucky Charms in bulk.The person disclaiming as “worthless oat bits” is not old enough to have had a ‘bad’ cholesterol report, clearly.
A person who thinks things through to logical conclusions might ask about the proposed fate of the segregated cereal products.
I’m loathe to consider just what sort of character an all-oat-ceral compost would have; just as I am loathe to consider just how “first world” a problem this is.
Sigh
Need M & M Separators
————————————————————-
Hello, you are, I’m sure, familiar with ‘M & M Chocolate Candies’ the candy-coated button-shaped chocolates that come in red, blue, green, etc. I am looking for a few responsible people to volunteer their time, perhaps 2-4 hours a week, to separate the different colors into separate containers. I will provide the bags of candy and will reward you with one bowl of yellow or orange M & Ms per every two bags of candy separation you complete. Color separation will take place in my residence and you are welcome to listen to music at a reasonable volume. Serious inquiries only, experience preferred. Owning an aardvark is a plus, and required.
I’ve found that anteaters are real naturals at m&m separation. However, they are absolutely ballin’ at picking out the two scoops of raisins in the Raisin Bran® and the one peanut found in that box of Cracker Jack®.
[the correct–OCD–method for eating peanut m&ms]
1. Eat all the ‘mutants’ (doubles, lumps, broken bits) first
2. Eat ugliest colors first.
3. ????
4. Profit
[/ eating m&ms]
Just so y’all know. M&Ms will melt in your hand.
Cap’n – you forgot the step where you make sure each color group has an even number and the odd ones get tossed into the mutant pile.
You only count them if you have CDO (so the letters are in the correct order)
Which also requires that all the logos are aligned, too.
The proper step 2 is to eat them in order of the color spectrum, starting with red. The brown ones are saved for last because they are the most chocolatey.
No no no no. You eat them either 1) one at a time, putting one half in one side of mouth and other half in other side of mouth after biting it perfectly in two OR 2) put one M&M in right cheek and another in left cheek. It has nothing to do with color, everything to do with balance.
The proper order to eat m&ms is : brown, orange, yellow, red, blue, green.
Brown, green, yellow, orange, red, blue. I think. It’s a long time since I ate any.
What’s wrong with you people? The correct way is to eat them blues, reds, oranges, browns, yellows, then greens. Largest ones of each colour first, smallest last. Geez.
One person’s ‘ugly’ is another person’s ‘Sparkly’
I hope whoever is chosen for this position does it old-school, much as I would. Only keep the pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, and blue diamonds. All purple horseshoes, red balloons, and rainbows (and any others they may have added in the last 20 years) will be promptly destroyed.
In response to Ghostie’s M&M ad, much the same. All red and blue ones will be painted light brown.
Cereal marshmallows cannot be called cereal marshmallows if they don’t contain a cereal grain product. I don’t care how magically delicious they may be.
Maybe they are serial marshmallows! I thought that leprechaun looked violent. He was luring little Timmy down the well.
[food tech corey]
those marshmallows are created by extruding the marshmallow mix through a die which forms the outside shape, which is then sliced to create the individual “bits.”
So, in that sense, they are indeed serial in production, for being created en seriatum, as it were.
Sadly, the only ingredient in marshmallows which might be considered a “cereal” would be cornstarch.
Oh well.
[/corey]
Dearest Llama-nun, (MBBUY), I am so impressed with all the research that went in to this post! Good thing you had that dark day to look deeply in to this urgent matter. 8)
Oh, don’t give her credit for the altruism. I suspect there’s a dark, nefarious purpose behind the research:
It’s nefarious and LOOMING!!
Hammy and kc are in the box today, rewriting Shakespeare. The air freshener worked really well after two days of Vociferous Ferret Destruction.
It’s lovely here in the box with Hammy. Such a good puppy!
*Rolls over, wags*
Belly rubs….
*WAGS!!*
*draws the curtains* Oh. Kay. Nothing to see here. Move along, move along.
Sparky is looking for someone with a PhD in marshmallow separation from the University of THC.
Usually those PHD’s come from LSD not THC.
Sparky would probably take either or both. With the degree from LSD, the separator could ask the Leprechaun why he put the marshmallows in with the oats in the first place.
Because of the pretty colors they sound like.
Lucky wasn’t feeling lucky.
Not lucky at all.
His frosty O’s were disappearing and he was slowly becoming uncomfortably aware of their lack of protection from G. Reen Clover and his gang of marshmallow bits.
Oh sure, they looked innocent and sweet, all a-shimmer with their sugary goodness, but Lucky knew that they were out to get him and had been for a long time.
They thought he was responsible for introducing the rival Red B. Alloon and his minions to the box, and they didn’t share their turf with anyone.
Least of all some namby-pamby “new” bits.
Lucky had tried, repeatedly, to explain that it had nothing to do with him and that the original bits were still the only bits he considered legit.
His protests had fallen on deaf ears, so Lucky had enlisted the aid of the O’s to protect him from the bits who’d swore they’d get revenge sooner or later.
Lucky shuddered at the thought and wondered how he’d get it…convinced, now and without much protection, that the end was at hand.
An O floated by in the bowl and Lucky grabbed on for dear life.
Suddenly, a gigantic disc-shaped metallic object descended upon Lucky and the O and in a flash he was transported up and out of the bowl.
He was saved!
And as he entered the warm, if damp, sanctuary he wondered, briefly, what his new life would be like.
Barely having time to notice the pink walls, Lucky found himself on a sticky slide that dropped at a 90 degree angle into the unknown.
He was never heard from again.
In a few hours he’ll be in for one hell of a log flume ride.
Heh. “Bits”. Heh heh.
I have a strange feeling that Sparky is a cereal killer.
*blink*
At long last all those years at Cereal University will finally pay off!
You’re better than I am. All I could afford was two years at the Junior College.
Are there really red balloons and rainbows and other new-ish bits? Obviously I haven’t had Lucky Charms in a while. I remember thinking the “new” blue diamonds were unnatural and messing with the perfect chi of the original 4 kinds of marshmallow. But this. This is… Unholy.
*shakes cane*
We should separate the red balloons separately from the other charms until we get 99 of them.
Those are the 99%.
Was this ad by any chance from Tennessee?
http://magiciansmarshmallows.com/default.aspx
Sparky should stop looking for a “few responsible people” and recruit one sucker at a time. It’s called cereal monogamy.
kc and HamCan, thank you for making the box such a friendly place. Yeah. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Golden Valley!