YSaC, Vol. 1160: He knows how to use … it.
2012 January 5
free left leg
We had a roomate, She had a father. We no longer have her and she no longer has him. We, however got left with is left. Leg, that is… Large man’s prosthetic left leg will be here for the taking. ring the bell during the day/evening. Friday it will go to the trash
Well, this is certainly a way to get a leg up on the competition … ugh, no. Sorry, that joke didn’t have a leg to stand on. I should be ashamed of myself. I’ll just slink away with my tail between my leg.
Thanks, Lynne!
Sweet Llamanun, I want to go ring the bell, just to ask what the story behind this is. I’ll even take the leg if they want.
There has to be a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest joke there somewhere. I humbly regret I am not clever enough to summon one now.
We had a
Roommate
She had a
Father
We no longer
Have her
And she no longer
Has him
I’ve heard of this, it’s called beatnik poetry. Evidently, Sparky is new at it because the rest of the story goes like this:
*It is because
I am
Beat, that is
The universe is not one vast
Sea of compassion
Now, excuse me while I go find a suitable beret to wear and take up smoking.
*with ironic apologies to Kerouac, ironically
We had a roommate.
She had a father.
His fake leg looked so debonair
Because his leg was cut off there.
We lost our roommate.
She lost her father.
So now we’ve got this prosthesis;
Now what do we do with this?
This just cannot persist;
We’ll put it on Craigslist.
Ring the bell in day- or evening time;
Who could ask for more?
At the Craigslist, Craigslist Cabana,
The weirdest site north of Havana,
At the Craigslist, Craigslist Cabana,
Strangeness and passion are always the fashion
At the Craigslist!
Come get this leg!
Dave, I love you and the ferrets today for this. My morning needed it. Thank you.
Great. I’ve been at my desk humming this since this morning and my office mate Tom asked, in a shocked and incredulous and irritated tone, “Are you singing ‘Copacabana’?!”. I mumbled something about how Barry Manilow is super cool and stuff and got back to work typing real loud and shuffling papers. Tom is barely 25. He just don’t get it.
Sigh. I feel old.
Free left leg, free left leg,
See he can’t run, see he can’t run,
He tried to fiddle the farmer’s wife,
Who cut off his leg with a carving knife,
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As a free left leg?
CJ – You can’t see me, but I am ironically snapping my fingers behind my Ray Bans and smoking an “herbal” cigarette.
You know, I just don’t get the whole “herbal cigarettes” thang. I rolled up some dillweed once and smoked it and it was pretty nasty. And smelly.
Damned hipsters with their weird trends.
*shakes cane*
Lurking in there, somewhere, is a joke about oregano and 4-something-something. Alas, I’m apparently suffering from snark deficiency these days…sigh….
Someone say something funny, quick!
Boogers! Hah!
Hey CJ: Maybe it’s not you, maybe it’s the material. Or is that blasphemous to drmk and Dan?
*rumble of thunder*
Good enough for me. It’s all your fault CJ. 😉
Funky, I would love it if your boogers get in the box tomorrow. 8)
Boogers In The Box! That was one of the board games I got Mini Monkey for Beesmas. She just looked at it and hid it under the chair.
This is all a big misunderstanding. This was (the lower) half of the roommate’s last month’s rent.
Also, it could be worse.
You would think that he would have kept better track of where he had left something like that.
Oh, for the love of Bees! Really? Religious reasons? Methinks sonny-boy with the amputated leg been smokin’ more than ham.
The leg ended up being pretty popular. From what I can remember of the story, the original owner ended up suing the other fella to get the leg back because he didn’t want to give return it – he was making too much money charging people who wanted to take a look at it.
I’d take the leg, it would make a neat lamp. I bet I could even win a major award with it.
Beesmas exchange!!
That would be the bees’ knees.
“…the soft glow of Craigslist sex gleaming in the window.”
D, I suspect that Craigslist sex doesn’t so much gleam as glisten repellently. Just a guess.
I thought it ended up on a t-shirt.
Or, perhaps even more appropriately, a t-shit.
I’m assuming CL sex has a fragrant ooze.
*urp* Sorry, just threw up in my mouth a little.
Minty?
Maybe it’s sparkly. Like a vampire.
I thought that sounded more like *vurp*…
Careful, it’s Fra-jee-lay!
I always wanted an imported Italian leg lamp.
“We no longer have her and she no longer has him.”
He quit while he was a head?
You know, nobody ever tells you what to watch out for once you get your foot in the door.
Nah, I heard he just cut off his nose to spite his face.
Former Roommate’s father was Legolost, a very famous elf, archer, and pervy hobbit fancier.
My son is often Legolost, but most of the time they just end up in the vacuum.
Wouldn’t that be Lego-less? =P
Now all I need is an arm, and I can buy a gallon of gas.
I’d give my right arm for that left leg.
Well, you’d best hoof it on down on trash day. Free leg! (minus any awkward communication with the disgruntled roommate)
we had a roommate
her dad’s no longer kicking
but his leg could be
And THAT’S why you should never be late with your share of the rent!
Well, gee whiz. The cost of everything has gone up.
Next, they’ll be wanting a kidney and first-born child.
*Straps on leg*
Tripod!!
Wow, you must be really happy to see everyone.
See, if Beeblebrox had really been thinking, that would’ve been an excellent vanity appendage.
(Corey)
But since you’re a puppy you already had 4 legs. So you’re now a pentapod, not a tripod.
*rolls eyes, then rubs puppy’s tummy*
Ooo, now you’re a hexapod.
To the corner!
*wags my hexapecil*
Why would anyone want two left feet?
A man stands quietly outside the Municipal County Jail. A single, poignant sign held high and proud above his head:
“Free Left Leg.”
We aren’t sure why.
Because he had the right leg to stand on?
Because Left Leg was framed, man! If the sock don’t fit, you must acquit!
It’s them damned Right Leggers. They’re always against the Left Leg.
I just now realized I’m one limb closer to creating my perfect male. Left leg, check. Styrofoam balls (large), check. Wadded duct tape, nacho cheese, the great all-America sponge fillers. Voila!
Let me pecil you in…
Yes, I once again forgot a letter. I’m doing this at work, toots. I’m splitting my attention between typing prescriptions, and typing snark. Love the snark, but filling scripts pays the bills.
Try not to get the two confused or you’ll end up trying to fit thirty days worth of left leg into one of those little brown pill bottles with the tricky-to-open caps.
So…. there’s no ‘scrip for snark?
Disappointed.
So that’s why my last refill of crazy pills was full of PUDDING ON FIRE!!! Scared the crazy right out of me, haven’t needed medication since.
BTW, where is Taco?
LL,
Why disappointed? The FDA has cleared snark for over-the-counter sale. Snark doesn’t have dangerous or fatal side effects for anyone who doesn’t deserve them.
Monkey, don’t ya sweat. I’m extra careful with those crazy pills. Now, the erectile dysfunction drugs…there is room for tomfoolery there. And yes, all pharmacists make remarks regarding the recipients. It’s a stale job. We must amuse ourselves somehow.
valarie, consider the correction of your missing letter an Eleventh Day of Beesmas present! 8)
LLamanun bless us, every one
I asked for someone to lend a hand, not a leg…
Yeesh, I know it’s often best to leave once you’ve gotten a leg over your flatmate, but it’s usually your leg, not your dad’s, and you normally take it with you…
Ew, right! She was the room mate. Was her dad leaving body parts behind at her apartment, maybe when he visited? What else did he leave? Dentures? Hearing aid?
If I take this any farther I’ll be making tastless jokes about someone that (I think) is deceased.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die.
Inconceivable!
Maybe he was playing “You Show Me Yours, I’ll Hide Mine Somewhere In Your Apartment.”
I once had a roomate, the dancer.
And then came a terrible cancer.
The stub from below.
Brought such great sorrow.
But now there’s an ad she can answer.
Holy genitalia, Batman! I just sent an email to our dynomometer lab guys letting them know the lot codes on the samples we need for shipment tomorrow and I spelled tests as “testes”.
YSaC is ruining me. Sexually suggestive memos to engineering and earworms that piss off my office neighbors. Thanks, guys!
Oh, Jeebus. If I’m sending emails like that, am I a Sparky? Are the engineering fellers laughing at me? Duh, of course they are!
Measuring the torque on your testes can only end badly…
Is it a prosthetic leg for a LARGE MAN, or a LARGE PROSTHETIC leg that is specifically FOR a man? This discernment matters!!
And furthermore, what’s the difference between a man’s prosthetic leg and a woman’s prosthetic leg???
I’m all confuzzled and I can’t make my decision whether I want this leg until these matters have been cleared up. Someone please help!! =P
Hmmm…are men’s prosthetic limbs hairy? Are women’s prosthetic limbs hairy if you are from France? Your question only leads to more questions.
No.
Women’s prosthetic underlimbs, though…
Dave, I hope you are comfy in the box, because it looks like you get to stay another day. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Cheetah!