YSaC, Vol. 1152: Are(a) rug.
Today, we have the heartwarming story of Julie and her rug.
The story starts off simply enough: Julie posts a Craigslist ad advertising her rug. (No, that’s not a euphemism for anything.) We don’t know it’s Julie yet, but we can still marvel at her rug. (That is also not a euphemism. Stop it.)
handmade turkish wool rug – $100
im selling this rug let me know if you would like it it handmade turkish rug
The very next day, Julie posts an assortment of what seems to be mostly broken or incomplete household items or appliances, and re-lists the rug, now for “atleast $100 … are best offer”, on the off chance that someone out there wanted to pay MORE than $100 for the rug yesterday but hasn’t quite gotten around to it yet.
for sell
items for sell a
1960s are 1970s movie camera i beleive it only
needs batterys my grandmother gave it to me asking best offeri have a vhs video camera needs either power cord or a battery asking best offer
i have a microwave it works good just the turn table wont turn asking $15
a coffee pot works good got a new one for christmas asking $5i also have a rotisserie that works good i just dont use it asking $30
i also have a toddler bed with mattress asking $15
and other kitchen stuff like dishes they just not a set so im asking best offer
i have a handmade wool turkish area rug that im asking atleast 100 for are best
offeri have a gas grill also asking best offer
well that’s all let me know if you want any of this or if you would like to come
to see any of it i can be reached by phone at
xxx-xxx-xxxx
thank you julie
No, no. Thank YOU, julie.
A mere two days later, Julie reposts the rug on its own:
handmade rug – $300
i have a handmade turkish rug for sell some of the colors are black,pink,gold,and a light blue are baby blue would look great in someones liveingroom i would use it but dont want it to get messed up so i wont use it cause my kids would have it all messed up i can also be reached by phone at xxx-xxx-xxxx ask for julie
This rug is one hell of an investment! In two days, its value went up by 200%!
Also, now it has never been used at all! It especially wasn’t put on the floor in front of an ugly 1970s taupe sofa with the end of the rug folded over and crimped underneath the legs of the sofa in a living room that Julie’s kids would mess up, so this time you took a picture of the other end of the rug — why do you ask?
Thanks for the ad, Rhonda!
It’s not an are(a) rug, it’s an aria rug:
For I’m called Little Mess It Up — dear Little Mess It Up,
Though I could never tell why,
But still I’m called Mess It Up — poor little Mess It Up,
Sweet Little Mess It Up I!
I’ve kitchen time-savers to do you some favors
I’ve cameras, a good coffee pot
I’ve dishes and cookers for all of you lookers
And a Turkish wool rug in the lot
Well thats all, let me know, if this stuff I can show
You can reach me by email or phone
Best offers considered, but nothing delivered
And the rug price has magically grown.
Then buy of your Mess It Up — dear Little Mess It Up;
Craigslisters should never be shy;
So, buy of your Mess It Up — poor Little Mess It Up;
Come, of your Mess It Up buy!
The price went up when one of Julie’s children found out the rug would take them to Narnia and bring back Turkish Delight.
I think I saw this very rug on a beach in Turkey. It had a dead Russian general in it (who I admire very much). I guess his widow is cleaning house.
Hurry! Buy the rug before the price increases! Are else!
You can’t fool me. I’ll wait until it’s $500 and still in shipment from the maker.
New in box, as it were. 8) Do rugs come in boxes? THAT is NOT a EUPHemism. Sheesh.
EuPHemism? Is that something boys play in high school marching band?
Oh, yes. Our Astro is a phenomenal EuPHemist.
I swear boss, Ing was dead when I rolled him up in the rug…
And she has CHILDREN! Someone save the children!!
I weep for humanity.
I had taken the ferry over to Nearlyville, which is what they called Ish in those days. They used doubloons in Nearlyville, they had holes in them, so they were called donuts. You could buy onions, yellow onions, not white, because of the war. It was the fashion those days, before it became Ish, to wear onions on your belt; but they were white onions, unless you were a rube from the country, they wore yellow onions and sold broken appliances. We called them rugs, since they didn’t know to exchange donuts for dollars. Anyway, I was in Ish, it was called Nearlyville then, and was in the Rug District shopping for onions when I found this blue rug. The rug looked Armenian to me, but the fellow in the shop was Cypriot, ‘cept the fashion was to call’em Cretans–no body knew why, ’cause of the war. All I had was dollars and not donuts, but the man, who was called julie, that was the fashion in those days, but not if you wore an onion on your belt. So, julie was trying to upsell the rug to me, since I had dollars to donuts, just ’cause it had Ankara’s Aweigh on it, since I was wearing my sailor-suite, ’cause of the war, y’know, but that was not Turk to me.
So to make change for a Nearlyville doubloon you would get four close quarters?
Yes, but only is you were one of the white onion swells, as was the fashion then, even on liberty. If you was a yellow-onion rube, they’d take the batteries from your VHS camera and only give you crullers for dollars. Unless it was the third Tuesday in the month, when you had to have lupens, or you’d be called Dennis Moore, ’cause of the war, and all. But, suspenders sure were convenient.
Yes, so I’ll just suspend my comment here.
Coffee, towel, rug, border. . .
I want to see what else she has for sell! I need more appliances that are missing their key components!
Hammy, isn’t it time for you to go on vacation or something? You make the rest of us look like we aren’t trying. 8) Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Sy Sperling!
I think you forgot the “d” Julie.
I think you’re taking, not selling.
Turkish (d)rugs.
Well, we’re back on the rug. Or the drug. Wonder how much Julie wants for it now?
At Julie’s rate of inflation, we must be coming up on one meeeeeelion dollars.
Was that a Ren and Stimpy reference?
Oh pshaw.
Needs more butter.
Margarine!!!
Today the role of HamCan will be played by Irregular Fractal, and the role of Astro will be played by One Moving Violation. Enjoy your day in the box, gentlemen.
Man, I need to buy this rug RIGHT NOW! It appreciates in value so fast, by next month I could be a trillionaire!
That’s because the price is tied to Zimbabwean currency.
Which is dollars to donuts.
liveingroom=husband?
Ok, this is how it’s going to work.
I’m going to buy this turkish rug.
You will get a bunch of butter.
We will melt said butter and douse me with it.
I will then roll myself up in the rug like some kind of human burrito.
I will pay you $100 to come in and jump on me and I will shoot across the room.
Then you can leave, but before you do you should call 911 because I will probably be incapacitated.
To get your $100, get it from the safe behind the napolitan painting. the combination is L34-R24-L36.
There is over $90,000 in there, but I know I can trust you.
Can dew?
Can.
Yes?
You should wear something Slinky®.
OMV- I think I have a crush on you.
Pineapple Crush?
Used to drink that all the time.
Why does everything I love go away?*
*sniff*
*Ok, maybe just like alot.
“1960s are 1970s movie”
So an entire decade was really just a movie in another decade?
Which is an excellent metaphor for H’wood’s inhumanity upon the erudite and sapient.
(Or it’s because Spark’ thinks the exclusive conditional conjunction is speelt “are” instead of the more-commonly used “or”–heaven only knows how sparkii speel the propulsive devices used by boats, probably “hor” or “padl” . . . )
Sure, weren’t most of the movies about the ’60s made in the ’70s?
This is truly amazing! The YSaC Way-Back machine has traveled all the way back to December of 2011! That’s like two whole months! Seems like only yesterday. The lights were hung on the front of the snark lounge, the beehives were humming busily, and the Beesmas Secret Santa gift exchange was going strong. *sniff* How times have changed!
Am I the only one that noticed? Julie has a record player in her microwave.
(when the music stops, your burrito is done.)
If Burrito Guy is in the microwave, how’s he going to shoot across the room?
Julie and Grandma are unclear on the concept of “give”. It does not mean allow to purchase for best offer. Grandma keeps using that word. I do not believe it means what she thinks it means.
IF/OMV (anyone else old enough to remember LS/MFT? Anyone? Bueller?) Thanks for manning the box all day, and when I say manning, I mean Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Istanbul! Or do I mean Constantinople?