YSaC, Vol. 1100: My bloody valentine.
2011 October 14
bath in virgins blood – m4w – 25
you found me on a local singles site and said you also fantasize about the zombie apocalypse and you want to bathe with me in virgins blood
where are you i found the message and your profile was deleted you sound like the perfect woman
According to Uncle Internet, the average human body contains 6 quarts of blood. There’s 4 quarts in a gallon, and most bathtubs hold about 40 gallons. So you’re going to need to exsanguinate about 26.66666 virgins.
Thanks, kat!
This seems to me that it should be under “Missed Connections”: “M4W:
Countess Erzsébet Báthory, you sound like the perfect woman …”
That was the first thing I thought, too.
Good luck finding 1 virgin, much less 27……..
Yeah, if there were more of them, terrorists wouldn’t have to blow themselves up to get them.
Well, really, you only need 10-12 gallons in the tub. Otherwise the tub overflows.
Mind you, a tub big enough for two is larger–but still, only needs 15-18 gallons to be “full.”
Oops, spilled a [corey][/corey] didn’t I?
OT – From a question by TinyBallsOfLight on yesterday’s post…………….
TinyBalls….
A “corey” is an introduction to what one of us calls ‘..the sad truth about Sparky’s ad..’ or, in other words, it’s when one of us decides to explain – for reals – what it is that the ad is really about/selling. In this case, we all know that a “quarrel” castle is really a “coral” castle and that’s a “corey”. It came about because one day some complete derp-snot named “Corey” came to YSaC and decided we all needed edumacations…he seemed to totally miss the point of our snarkaliciousness.
Coffee slices – I believe this is a Taco thing, and is meant to indicate extremely strong coffee…which many of us need (desperately) when we first get here of a mornin’. Over time, we’ve gotten rather creative with our flavorings. I suggest you try the cinnamon-mocha-latte ones. Delish!
Doors – see that little ‘0+1’ down there on the left of this comment? Next to it is the word “Adores”…and we had the beloved llamanun (BBUH) and ostrimu change it from “Likes” to “Adores” one day…and from that we started talking about throwing ‘dores or “doors” your way. Don’t worry, we like you if we throw doors at you…but, still you might wanna duck..
Punchity-punches – those are only dispensed by our beloved Windrose and means you get special attention for your day in the comment box…it’s quite an honor, and Windy loves to receive birdseed in return – just open the little door on your computer – you know the cupholder – pour in the seed and close the door. It gets magically sent, over the intertubes, to Miss Windy and her birds. Pay no attention to the grinding sounds and smoke coming from your computer.
Corner – Sigh…some people (not me…I’m a lady..most of the time) spend a LOT of time in the corners of the Snark Lounge…and the corners here are infinite in number. You go there when you cross what used to be “The Line” and post something chock-full of innuendo…*snerk* full innuendo *snerk*…ahem…I’ll be in the corner with my coffee slices.
Adores for CJ’s good deed of the day, explaining things to the new person! *passes coffee slices over to corner*
Note: Would give extra adores for “derp-snot” were it possible.
Aww…Lola! Aren’t you sweet!
*nom..nom…nom…*
Mmmm..these are delicious!
Wonderful, CJ 🙂
On the upside, I will be using the term “derp-snot” for Friday’s problem people.
Sadly, I have encountered two already and it’s only 10 a.m.
OT/Small world incident…
For a couple months, the office administrator of a contractor who uses our services has been calling our office trying to get a discounted monthly rate (to save all of about $5). Since I am there only once a week, I have missed her calls and my coirker has been handling it. Today, my coirker said she was tired of dealing with her smart-ass attitude and requested that I call. I did.
Much to my surprise, when she picked up the phone and identified herself, I had known the young lady all her life. Laughingly, I told her who I was and reminded her of the time when she crawled up on my dining room table and screamed bloody murder just to hear her own voice, the time she threw up on me at the fair (turned out she was coming down with chicken pox and, subsequently, gave them to me), and the time she peed down the front of my dress at her sister’s baptism.
Then we got down to business. I explained our policy for discounting services and why it was not offered in her situation. She volleyed with the information that other companies in our line of work provided services at the lesser charge. I countered with the offer to switch all their projects to our services and we could work out a discount deal. She’s taking it to her boss. Hanging up, I had a tear in my eye. Yes, her attitude was derp-snot worthy, but I was proud of her nonetheless. They grow up and prosper!
CJ and Lola – thanks. Derp snot is going to be my insult for the month of November. I shall enjoy shouting it from my car at other drivers… look out England!
See, TBoL, getting to the corner is easy. Watch.
Heh. “Tiny balls”. Heh. Heheh heh. *snerk*
*zing*
See! Straight to the corner! How ’bout that?
Bursting with innuendo?
I’ll be in the corner.
*imagines TacoThong bursting*
*flees to corner, frantically searching for brain bleach*
Aw, CJ, You are such a darling! Thanks for the plug. 8)
Tiny, once you get a real gravitar and ditch the quilt square, we’ll invite you to join us on Facebook at the YSaC Friends exclusive group. That’s a place where we all show our true selves, and occasionally the Bee-Blessed Llama-nun takes off her veil and lets her mane down. It’s fun.
Windy, I did try to register officially the other day, but it didn’t work… *sadly clings to lame quilt square.*
Ah.
Be on a real computer (not smart phone or otherwise using the mobile app).
Choose an email address to use (being hopelessly nerdish, quite a number of us have several).
Go to gravatar dot com. Enter that chosen email address. Upload (or link) a graphic to that email. Important: Assign it a “G” rating. You should see gravatar show that to you.
Close gravatar.
Come back to YSaC, and make a comment using that email in the appropriate box. Should show up (there can be a lag as long as 20-30 minutes).
Alternately, go poke on the Forums button at the top of the YSaC page, and follow the Log In instructions there. WordPress will then go looking in gravatar for you. The image will even be displayed in a black/gray bar at the top of the screen.
See if that helps any.
Thanks for the help Capn. I will have to think about it and do this later. TinyBallOfLight was taken at gravatar, grrr!! So, I’ll have to think of a new name I guess. =(
Huh. The gravatar should be linked to the email address you use, not to the username.
Hm, yeah I really don’t know. I tried to register that name and it said it was taken. Oh well. *waves pathetic quilt square.*
You can still be TinyBallOfLight here. When you’re filling out the comment form, Gravatar only looks at what you put in the Email field… You just have to think of a different thing for your Gravatar username, which none of us will likely see.
Woo hoo, I stumbled through the unfamiliar and daunting world of gravatar and word press and somehow I did it! I also manged to create a blog that I didn’t want…is that a byproduct of this process? Ah well..
Now, if only I could figure out how to log into ysac. It keeps saying invalid user name… =/
I think I’ve got registration turned off right now. For a while I was getting something like six spambots a minute registering for the site, and to avoid that I disabled registration. Tiny, I can register you by hand if’n you want. (And no, that isn’t a euphemism for anything.)
I was trying to figure out where “llamanun” and “ostrimu” came from. Was that something drmk and Dan did from the beginning or were they dubbed that at some point. I probably wouldn’t have asked but it seems to be explanation time as well as you know…ninjas.
We came up with the monickers, and they were acceptable unto the holy ones. Llama-nun grew out of what drmk’s gravitar looks like, and the same for dan. Those were the early days, when YSaC was still being delivered on clay tablets, and we used cans with strings attached to make comments.
Thanks 😀
and, Windy, the Gods moved amongst us mortals.
Awww, what a cute tiger…
EB, is MiniEB typing for you again? 8)
Here, I’ll help demonstrate:
[corey] It’s TinyBALLofLight, not balls. [/corey]
Damn my persnickety brain!
Technically…wouldn’t that be a [matt] [/matt] style of corey?
Damn, now I have more to explain….
I don’t think Angel had enough righteous rage going to fully qualify the [matt] tag. But not quite low-key enough for the [matte] tag either.
I’ll do it:
[matt][/matt] tags indicate misplaced indignation/self-righteousness, and the poster’s ironic (?) awareness of them.
ETA: I posted this and then wondered if it needed corey tags or whether that would be a bit too meta.
I’m getting dizzy.
THANK YOU for explaining all of these! I’ve been lurking for weeks – best group of commenters on the internet – and while I’d figured out the corner and the coffee slices the ‘corey’, the ‘doors’ and the ‘punchity-punches’ were totally baffling.
Coffee slices and doors for all of you. Every afternoon I have a tea break and read through the day’s post. <3
We do have a wiki, which half-explains much of this (and a number of the players here, too).
Our dear barrister Bridgete started that up, and it had momentum for a bit, but it has since run out of coffee slices (if not to the extent that the Fora have). Finding the Friends of YSaC on facebook can be almost more help–if a bit immersive.
Welcome, Hannah! I hope you’ll continue to comment (and read, which is usually a good first step, though not always necessary … )! I suppose I should start a page actually on the site that helps explain some of the in-jokes around here. The wiki started off strong, but it’s offsite.
I could put something in the FAQ page that links to the Wiki. Hmm, that’s a good idea that I should have thought of years ago.
WooHoo! Hanna has an avvie, and another kitty, too!
All that is left is to join us on f/b, and your conversion to the YSaC Side will be complete, young paduawan.
Thanks CJ for the wonderfully detailed explanation and educmacating lil ol me. I gave you and extra door for your effort. =D
P.S. the name is Tiny BALL of light. One ball, not 2 or more balls. I am a girl, after all. But, I will forgive the mistake this one time, as you were so kind to explain everything to me.
Um, corner? 😉
P.S. Can anybody direct me to an actual “Corey” post? When I clicked on the tag, there were 2 posts, but I didn’t see any comments from someone called Corey. I now have a morbid curiosity to read the words, straight from the derp-snot’s mouth.
It’s this one. He explained what “da shell itz minty” meant, but then we still tried to giggle, and he didn’t approve of giggling.
Wow, thanks Electric Blue. I read through as much as I could without my eyes bulging out of their sockets from sheer pedantic-related exhaustion! What.A.Tool. Lol.
I can now completely understand what a Corey is. I also would like to say that reading his comments (and everyone else’s) was like watching someone force-feed a baby who’s lips are clamped shut. Ha ha! Note to self, force-feeding humor to someone who is humorless will almost never be successful. =P
Hooray, she’s one of us!
She is! Welcome, Tiny! And Hannah, up the thread, welcome too. Please continue to comment, and trade in your quilt square for something more customized if you feel inclined.
[corey] Also, just for the record, EclecticBlue is Eclectic, not Electric. Though I haven’t tried plugging her in. [/corey]
It may also depend on what color her hair is that month, though she mainly sticks to red tones. 8)
Hi Tiny just to say I get very confused about the whole avatar thing and when I comment from this laptop (as opposed to my MacBook) my lovely real tiger (striped large cat thing lives in foreign) it gets replaced by this other photo of mine of a real lion (big fluffy cat type thing that lives in foreign). Cunning, eh?
PS Foreign also includes zoos, or as the British say, zoos.
(I think Corey may have reappeared a few day later. But I might be thinking of Matt. Anyone know?)
Also, I get the Eclectic/Electric thing a lot. I considered making a crack about TinyBalls, but decided not to :-p
Camille, oops, dyslexic much? Sorry about that, EclecticBlue. =)
Thanks everyone for the help and the warm welcome. I will try the gravatar thing again a bit later.
Also, not to go all “Corey” on anyone myself, but if you would like an explanation of my user name, click this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMLMZmnNzsg&feature=related
Yeah, I’m a Potter nerd. What are you gonna do about it? =p
Oooh, a newbie to put under the YSaC Sorting Chapeau . . .
And . . . Fish Slapping Dance time!
Bring the Larch, No. 1, the Larch!
Fish slapping dance…that sounds very familiar? Monty Python? Or something else…I often mix up my ridiculous comedy faves. =)
For good or ill, you have waded into a crowd as good at MP references (to repeating them verbatim) as to Arrested Development, or Soap, or similar obscure comedic references. This crew encompasses the entire north American audience for “Keeping Up Appearances” (do not try to slide a Hyacinth or Onslow reference in here un-noticed).
This crew also defines fans of alt.music, too.
We have been to the 40 WatT 2 nite (and to a couple of 20w honky-tonks in the same night, same-same). This crowd knows Johnny Cash, Johnny Paycheck, and Johnny Rotten, same as the two Johns (Con-stan-tin-ople you TMBG fans!) along with REM, Marc Knopfler, and other cool cats.
Iz kool beanz, as the kids say. Until yoyu bring up that time you shared a cigar with Kinky Friedman in the alley behind the venue, ’cause it dint have no green room, in the middle of a show. Or driving Ray Wylie Hubbard to his radio interview, ’cause you knew the way to the station.
Oh, Keeping up Appearances. Be still, my heart. I thought I was the only one in the States who knows it (apart from my parents). I am home. =)
Cap’n forget to include Johnny Rivers. He’s my fav.
Ah! The new avatar! So bright! It hurts our eyes, it does! But it’s purty! 🙂
26.66666? So the anti-Christ is faced with a dilemma – how to get his message across to millions upon millions of eager minions.
What does he do?
He chooses the Personals section of Craigslist.
Yep, makes perfect sense to me.
*walks away, whistling a happy tune*
CJ you have identified a real dilemma here. So what else is the Chosen One going to do? Go on prime time TV? Nope – he/she’d have to compete with the X Factor hopefuls (sic); radio broadcast? Nope – that’s sooooo last century. Various social media bittsies (technical term) involves such a lot of joining and screening – YUP ! Craigslist seems to be the ideal choice….
Craigslist: reaches more people that cemeteries.
Something that didn’t occur to me when drmk showed me this last night – he never specified HUMAN virgins. So you’d only need about a fourth of an elephant. On the other hand, you’d need about 150 million fully sated mosquitoes.
I think you need to subtract a few virgins to make up for the volume of Sparky and Sparkette getting into the tub, you wouldn’t want to spill the blood of virgins all over the bathroom floor…
And, hmmm…Would it still be virgin blood after they did the nasty in it?
I agree. Figuring in displacement is key. Two people in a tub of blood might only require 18 virgins.
Why do I have a feeling we might be describing this conversation to a jury someday?
*places fingers in ears….and hands over eyes*
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala….
Tricky to do with only two hands…
I haz a talentz.
…and my brain jess ‘splodey….
And even then you have to get the mosquitoes to bite only virgins.
Maybe he just wants a sponge bath.
Shower?
Because, Y’ know peeNinjas.
Ah [mosquito corey]
Only female mosquitoes bite; and only after they have been insemenated–so mosquito blood is only virginal in the pupal & larval stages.
[/corey]
Educational note, since WordPress attempts to resolve anything within angle brackets, “< >” as html code, we use square brackets “[ ]” for our code-like interjections. Being that we are a tech-savvy bunch, we engage in the code politeness of ‘closing’ our tags with a slash. Ergo: [corey] {content} [/corey]. (Note, that last sentence was chock-full of tags to actually write <G>)
It sounds like a logistical nightmare, unless Sparky has access to that many virgins (and fractional virgins) on a regular basis. Unless he’s relying on the same singles site where he met Madame Bathory to provide the needed virgins, in which case he’s probably going to be up to his ears in sweaty guys who live in their parents’ basements.
“Fractional Virgin” is IF’s Madonna tribute show.
Eww…
What are the chances this guy will meet up with this lady, and wake up in a hotel bathtub full of ice, with a kidney and part of his liver missing? Bloody virgins.
Say……..Did we ever date during the 60’s?
The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
*reads noni’s comment*
*decides she does not want to know how noni knows this*
[corey] It’s a Firefly reference, for which I would like to give noni many shiny doors.[/corey]
That was the first thing (after Madame Bathory) that came to mind when I read today’s ad.
Dang, I need to watch that again.
OK, that’s an acceptable source of information [sez the librarian]. 8)
Whole series is on Hulu, for your convenience and viewing pleasure.
Noted, thanks! I seem to remember that, now that you mention it.
You get to watch commercials on hulu–but, you get to vote on their relevance to you (but does not change which ads you see, much).
Persons with certain wireless devices on their tv’s can watch/stream to those devices, but, for consistency, you need hulu plus and the & $8 per month. (Some wifi-enabled tv’s; and anything that uses the MS connect, can skip the plus, though)
Otherwise, you want a decent sized monitor, good speakers, and a comfy chair. If using a laptop, you want a way to support that for the 40-45 minutes an episode runs.
Eureka; Warehouse 13; are available too. As are Alphas and Haven and the like. Caprica will be coming back, as will both iterations if BSG. SG-U only has the last 5 or 6 episodes; but 3 seasons of SG-1 are available (they, hulu, have to negotiate all this availability). Still, very cool for catching up on missed episdoes or previous seasons.
Let me highly recommend Spaced, & Misfits; also Doc Martin, Green Wing, & Kingdom.
You just have to open holes at both ends and suck.
I haven’t been here in a while. Kinda cobwebby in this one.
Blueberry slices!
Unless they keep a couple of virgins and just take a pint from each every few days. It would be a better use of resources.
Then they’d have to live up in the hills of West Virginny, where they only bathe on the second Saturday of every month, whether they need it or not!
But then you have to decide if you will keep your virgins caged or have a free-range virgin farm. Free-range virgins could very quickly become not.a.virgins.
Choose all male virgins and make them eunuchs, problem solved.
But the not.a.virgins would then produce more virgins. Kinda circular.
I’m here! *lurk lurk lurk*
*shivers*
*glances at the ad again*
*pulls blanket tighter*
Did I wake up, come to work, make it 1/3 of the way through the day, and somehow NOT notice that I somehow live in a world where Freddy Kruger is posting on Craigslist?
Oh come on ladies, this guy is a catch. At least he is willing to bathe!
On an unrelated note, I’m thankful to be in the box, but not the day after so much Taco “magic” was unleashed in here. *gags and opens windows* I think we need a bucket and a mop in here.
Here’s the Lysol and newspapers I used the other day after Hammy was in the box.
ETA: That sounds bad.
*wags*
*finally exhales*
Excellent idea, Manda!
Hello, I brought in a cheese tray for lunch. We have Limburger, bleu, Stilton, and Venezuelan Stinky Beaver Cheese. Yum!
One of these days we’ll get Taco paper-trained too!
But Taco already knows how to read the paper??
Blood banks discard outdated blood; there should be a way for them to recycle it for a fee to Sparky and friends. There are probably a few legal wrinkles to work out, plus verification of virginity at blood drives, but it would be a win-win for all involved. Who wants to write a proposal for a feasibility grant?
(o/t question)
Is Facebook really really REALLY slow for anyone else? Any other website I pull up is the usual speed. But FB is bogging down so much I get irritated getting on it. I know that any time Mini Monkey usues my laptop (like last night) she sometimes changes settings and appearances and things and I’m bogged down until I make adjustments. Sigh.
‘Course, my laptop knows I’m middle aged and likes to f with me. Danged technology! *shakes cane*
I’ll just sit over here with my sewing til I can figure it out.
Now I’m testing out this whole custom non-quilt avatar thing. Perhaps if I didn’t make it work I should post a Craigslist ad asking for help? I’m ripping out a dusty, stained, 30 year old carpet tomorrow… I could offer it in trade for IT assistance.
Mind you I’m in Canada, I’d have to post it on Kijiji which is a whole other level of poorly-spelled weirdness (although I’ve never seen a truck full of bees there).
Ah, but have you seen a couch or loveseat full of snake?
If I’d seen a loveseat full of snake, I’d have bought it. Because a snake is the only thing that can improve on your average loveseat.
Well, I would have been interested, but only to replace my dear daughter’s dearly departed snake. The loveseat, however, would have made excellent sleepage for the lunatic you see in my avatar, since without a snake, I agree it would not have had much value at all.
Seen a loveseat full of lounge lizard, but na’er a snake.
What a wonderful day this has been! Tiny and Hannah got their gravitars, we reviewed YSaC history, and we made ourselves dizzy with matts and coreys. I may have to start weekend recaps. Won’t that be fun?
A little forgotten detail about the punches, it started because the first time you got in the box, you were given a virtual card, and then every other time we punched the card, like to get a free latte or soda. Back then, I had time to keep track of these things, with help from Addicted Reader, and I would do quarterly totals with a big Don’t Suck-Off at the end of the year. Some day I hope to get back to that again, it was fun.
Okay, Manda, I’ll punch you, you punch CJ, and CJ. . . wait, wait, no. CJ, I’ll punch you, you punch Manda, and Manda can punch. . . . hmm, no way out of it, I guess. Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Lionsgate!
I feel bad punching you 12 hours later, but a YSaCer’s gotta do what a YSaCer’s gotta do. This won’t hurt a bit. Look – 26.6666 virgins!
*gasp* Oh, my… I think that was ME……….
Certainly sounds like me, especially after several stolen whiskeys…