YSaC, Vol. 1097: Canyonero!
2011 October 11
Yard Furniture – $2050
And now, in today’s installment of “Failure to Defy Stereotypes” …
Is that an El Camino? If so, it’s probably doing better at being lawn furniture than it ever did as a car/truck. (Would that be a trar? Or a cruck? Either way, it was awful at being both. Or either.)
But think! As lawn (well, I’m using the word “lawn” loosely here) furniture, you could sit on the front and drink, or … well, sit in the back and drink. But at least in the back you could have astroturf. Or indoor/outdoor shag carpeting.
Or, you can sit inside on the reclining seats and not worry about the evening breeze messing up your mullet as you gaze up at the … vinyl.
Thanks, JenB!
Designation as lawn furniture = Best Use of an El Camino, Ever. Even/especially if no snark was intended.
If you put the glider/lounge/whatever that is in the back of the ElC, facing backward, you’ve got your own built-in rumble seat. You don’t even have to tie it down, since the vehicle clearly isn’t going any where.
“Rumble seat” reminds me of rasslin’, and incidentally, this lawn furniture is an ideal place to sit while watching rasslin’.
It was easier to watch teevee in the yard back when you just needed rabbit ears and an extension cord. Nowadays the whole cable/dish hookup/splicing off of the neighbors requires a lot more effort and time, thereby cutting into possum hunting and beer drinking time.
Life ain’t like it used to be, I’ll tell you what.
Bubba: Darlin’! The ‘El-s stuck in the mud….agin…
Bubbette: Dammit, Bubba! I ain’t callin’ my brother ta come hep drag it out this time.
Bubba: But, sweet-dumplin-thighs how’re we gonna git ‘er done?
Bubbette: We ain’t, ya mullet-haid! Jess put a fer sale sign on the damn thing.
Bubba: Good idear, honey-lumps! We’ll make a fortune!
HAY BRANDINE! Some feller’s put a fancy lawn-car up fer sellin’! It’ll make a fine new shack for’n the possums.
You mean them possums what’s already eatin’ size? I ain’t wastin’ no more money on them possums.
“Sweet-dumplin-thighs” deserves extra doors
Step 1: Git yer’in car stuck in the mud
Step 2: Put an add in that place you buyed them pank flermingers at
Step 4: ?????
Step 5: Proffit!
Pank Flermingers is John Waters’s house band.
That gives me visions of NASCAR right there:
Go’n left ‘roun that turn r’ght there. Then left ‘roun that turn ‘n left ‘roun the turn. Then y’all go left ‘roun that turn; left ‘roun that turn ‘n left ‘roun that turn, n’ left. ‘an ya’ go left ‘roun that turn, ‘roun that turn.
The little white goose cutout in the lower left corner of the pic of the furniture: Awesome touch.
But re the El Camino: Hey, whatever! I used to cruise in one of those in the 80s, my college boyfriend had a souped up one. We’d park it by the rock quarry, pull out the moonshine, get in the back, look up at the lights flashing on top of the water tower-
Oh, no. I’m one of THEM.
I’ll just hang out over here with my can of Spam and Hank Jr cassettes. Sigh.
Well, so long’s yer not doin’ nothin’ here, hold ma beer fer me.
You can come over to my place, Funky – I’ve got a fresh pitcher of swee’tea in the fridge, a big bowl of boiled peanuts, and some balogna frying on the stove.
Throw in some vienna sausages and possum sardines and I’m THERE!
Monkey… you’re scaring me…
I’m pretty sure that Possum Sardines is IF’s Dash Rip Rock cover band.
Hey, FM, I went to high school in the ’80s with a few guys who thought El Caminos were the shit, and proudly drove their well-maintained
carstrucksvehicles to school. One of them dated one of my friends long-term and I wondered if they ever went up to the cemetery/the water tank/down to the river with a six of Nasty Light and got up to no good. I’d ask, and she’d probably tell me, but I don’t want to be responsible for possible screaming – on either of our parts (them’s an ugly … vehicle). For the record, I grew up in the northwest, so your experience is not limited to a specific geographic area (though if anyone wants to share boiled peanuts, I won’t refuse).No shite, this is how country my part of the world (Middle Tennessee) is:
A co-worker broke her toe this weekend. I overheard another co-worker ask her this morning if she tried his home remedy – wrapping the toe in vinegar and brown paper. She said no, she had used all her brown paper bags drying her okra seeds for next year’s garden. My father-in-law calls his kitchen table an “eatin’ table”. And claims to have eaten squirrel and dumplins.
Possum Sardines is my bluegrass-themed Phish cover band.
(although on further reflection, Lola’s is far more clever.)
FM, I learned while living upstate that people up there not only hunt and make food from squirrel, they also whip up some nice homebrew – I guess “country” is more a state of mind than a specific geographic place. One of my supervisees was part of a rural volunteer fire company and they would have an annual dinner, to which members of other companies would also be invited. The seriously rural types were quite friendly, very nice, and … probably always took most of their food home after (I think the drink was popular, though).
She also briefly dated a guy who was friends with people from that area, and with him and them she once spent the most terrifying Fourth of July ever. Rednecks + illegal fireworks + guns (legal and otherwise) + homebrew + meth and/or cocaine = complete terror for any sane, sober person – especially one who was more aware than most of the rampant fire hazards involved.
Possum Sardines is what I lovingly refer to as my marsupial Hot Tuna cover band.
@ Lola: Wow. I narrow-mindedly assumed that all this stuff was south of the Mason-Dixon. Wow.
AFTERTHOUGHT: And, yeah, fireworks plus firearms plus alcohol plus other stuff equals scary, bloody holidays.
Upstate New York, particularly the stretch from Glens Falls north to the border of Soviet Canuckistan, is some scary territory.
You can identify which redneck part of the US you are in based on the beverage of choice, I think. In Upstate New York, we would scoff at the Nasty Light and then offer you the choice of Genny Cream Ale or Utica Club.
Lola,
I have had a few friends who could be described as “rampant fire hazards,” too.
Mmmmmm, Genny Cream Ale. In the shiny green can. Made with authentic Genesee River water (or might as well be). Do they even still make that stuff?
In high school in NH we drank Red, White and Blue. In college in DC we drank Milwaukee’s Best. And if that’s the best that Milwaukee has to offer, I’m a just stay right here on the coast, thanks. I understand they now make a Milwaukee’s Best Ice. Some days, it’s not so bad to be an alcoholic and not be able to drink these things.
Also, extra doors for the Hot Tuna reference. š
LRC, as an impoverished grad student I drank Genny Cream Ale. Such pretty green cans! 8)
I am also going to recuse myself, on the grounds that the El Camino is the coolest car ever. EVER!
I know, right? There are people in my town that would knock each over to get to that car. Of course, they have no teeth.
Hell, my next-neighbor had one of them Els and he drove it until it literally got stuck in his driveway and……
……heyyyyyyyyy….wait a minute…….
*checks pics again*
Whew, never mind..his was red.
Smed, I’m just going to disregard what you wrote and focus on the fact that you have a cute dog picture, there. 8)
I don’t know, dude. We can’t forget about Ford’s answer to the El Camino, the…
*Spanish flourish of guitars*
Rrrrrranchero.
Yeeeee HAW!
There’s also Dodge’s answer in the Rampage.
With the way the El Camino’s rear tires are sinking into the mud, I’d say it’s no longer yard furniture, but a fixture to the real estate.
Hey, that’s MY yard furniture!
Damn that Cousin Dump* and his practical jokes!
* I do actually have a cousin called Dump – I’m not real sure why he’s called that and I don’t really want to know.
Most likely has something to do with his eclectic tastes.
And smells.
Wonder if your Cousin Dump is related to Sparky Pee?
Furniture? OK. My dad uses his old work truck as a shed. Hasn’t driven it in well over a decade. I told him he could trade it in or donate it and I’d buy him a real shed but he doesn’t like the idea of that.
It’s not full of bees. It does have a few mice, though.
I’ve seen people who have converted old vans into chicken coops, so a truck-shed seems pretty reasonable to me.
The pet shelter in my little college town had a Cat Bus. All the kitties that were cat-friendly got to live on a nice big bus with AC and Heating in the proper seasons.
A cat bus? Like a mobile cat house?
Like a corner?
You say Catbus and all I can think of is My Neighbor Totoro (movie)
http://moe.animecharactersdatabase.com/uploads/2868-2055243460.jpg
A cat… that was also a bus.
Neko Neko, indeed! 8) Extra Adores for the Totoro reference!
I once worked in a design firm whose offices were in a houseboat… at the top of a big hill.
Was your boss’s name Noah?
No… uh…
(Actually, the boss happened to be Norman Rockwell’s grandson, of all things.)
There… I fixed it.
Indeed. Now your lawn furniture has comfort and security.
And free honey. It’s win-win!
What, no El Camino cheesehead?
That’s the work of the other Taco, Smedley.
Ah.
I am confused, you all say it’s an El Camino, but it has a Pinto paint job.
That’s a mighty fine yard they got there, too. All the pine cones you can eat!
I’m just surprised Bubba ain’t filled the back of the ElC with water, and hooked up a wood stove to heat it. Makes a perfect hot tub.
He did fill the back of it with water, and I think he would be appalled by your suggestion that he make a hot tub out of the place where his kids were baptized.
Bwahahahahahaha!
not.enough.doorsintheworld
Baptized and conceived. And when they die of the lockjaw, Triple Play!
With the addition of some concrete, it’d make a nice mausoleum as well.
Proops to our Llamanun on the earworm title today:
Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It’s the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
The Federal Highway comission has ruled the
Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
Canyonero!
12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
65 tons of American Pride!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
She blinds everybody with her super high beams,
She’s a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!
Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero!
El Camino!
Can you name the car that’s not quite a truck
I was haulin’ some roadkill when it got stuck
El Camino! El Camino!
But it just so happens once I cleared out the flies
That the trunk-back there was comfy inside
El Camino! El Camino!
But sugar thighs says it’s time for somethin’ new
And she brung out her lawn chairs from ’72
El Camino!
So now this baby’s posted on Craigslist
Don’t mind the stain on the seat where I had my first tryst
El Camino!-oh, no, El Camino!
:snerk:
“Proops.”
Just can’t keep Hammy out of the box. He must have left a bone in there. But he did get a record-setting number of P-points for the comment.
Oh look, there’s a cute red hair in here…
Down, Hammy! And for the record, I did NOT pee in there.
Any idea how many dead deer that lawn chair’ll hold? My swing set done broke last week.
Lawn Furniture.
Lawn, lawn furniture.
The front is like a car,
The back is like a truck,
The front is where you sit,
Craigslist is where you…
Lawn Furniture.
Lawn, lawn furniture.
The truck is a lie.
not.a.truck?
As a Brit whose still squirming about the zebra comments, can I suggest that Bubba Sparky needs to take spieling lessons from my property managing agents and refer to the items as ferniter.
* Is that the right pronunciation? All I got was the word in an email. *
This looks more like green roadkill.
*gee, how creative to name a car this.
Transformers: Robots in Disguise…
In this episode we see āOptimus Grimeā, hopelessly mired in quicksand. Unable to transform himself into robot form and escape, because the evil Decepticon āMegaSparkā removed Grimeās all-Snark energy source.
What will become of Grime, will he get his snark back?
Tune in next week to see if Grime wins out over Spark with the snark!
The DMV procedure of such a car/truck boggles my mind…
Do you register it as PYF (planned yard furniture), PHT (planned hot tub), or UMS (unplanned Mud Stuck)? I just can’t decide!!
Actually, I think it legally becomes yard furniture automatically upon discovery. When you cut the grass, that is.
It’s a SUC (Sport Utility Chair).
Or an ATV (A Terrible Vehicle).
Sport Utility Chair, Kids.
More yard furniture.
Dang, it’s been removed. 8/
And ladies and gentlemen, this is why you send me the text of ads and attach the pictures!
Hammy, who’s a good doggie? Who’s a good boy? Come here, sit! Good dog! Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Lew Band!
Darn, it was just a free junk boat by the shore. I have no idea why it was flagged.