YSaC, Vol. 1094: Meme week Day 4: Not.A.Lion.
Lion Plated with 22 Karat Gold
Lion Plated with 22 Karat Gold This Lion Statue was purchased from State Run (Government Run Stores in Baijin on 2005) Real Chinese Power House Statue (not replicate). BEST OFFER Retail value $18000.00 to $20000.00 (xxx)xxx-xxxx
I wish I could count the number of times I’ve been aimlessly clicking through Craigslist posts looking for cheap used items and have accidentally tripped and spent $18,000-$20,000 on a gold-plated lion statue that looks remarkably like a tiger. I mean, just last week I bought two in a row because it had slipped my mind that I had paid the equivalent of a Toyota Camry already that day for some random member of the Panthera genus. (Then there was the time that I wasn’t paying attention and I accidentally paid $20,000 for a member of the Pantera family; I ended up having to return Phil Anselmo and pay a restocking fee, but I’m not allowed to talk about that dark, dark time.)
Lion Table – $75
The text of this ad says it’s a “beautiful exhibit.” Does this person actually think these lions are alive, and are just content to sun themselves under the glass table top all day?
Lion and Monkey Canvas print for Child’s Room 12inx12in – $20
Adorable for child’s bedroom or bathroom.
That’s going to be one confused kid.
Thanks to Samantha and vassagox for the second ad, and Nicole for the third!
According to my Chinese restaurant paper placemat, 2005 was the year of the Not. A. Lion.
It… it says “zebra” right on it. It’s right there. It’s printed quite prominently.
Did you see that? It was my last scrap of faith in humanity, flying away faster than a Not.A.Lion.
Awww, that’s cute that you still had a little faith left in humanity. You must not have ever done a Google Image Search with SafeSearch accidentially turned off.
Not recommended for the Google Virgins out there…
Not.A.Virgin
Aw, now you’ve made me burst into song:
I need a beast from the wilderness
Somehow I made it to Craigslist
Didn’t know how lost I was
Until I found Sparky
Not.a.Lion
Striped for the very first time
Not.a.Lion
And for $20K, it could be mine
I guess in somebody’s world a lion is a black-and-white-striped grass eater with a mane that contains spots of purple that resemble the letters Z-E-B-R-A.
[Matt] How dare you make fun of someone who is obviously colorblind! You should be ashamed of yourself, the poster obviously grew up in Lower Rotunda where they speak a language almost identical to English except zebras are called lions and the word book is spelled with 12 u and an x. [/Matt]
I wonder if that’s the same world where the clouds taste like turnips.
There’s a monkey…with a monkey on its back…
*feels vortex spinning*
A monkey with a monkey on its back….
Is this a good thing? I mean, normally a monkey on your back is to be avoided, but a monkey on a monkey’s back…
I’m corn-fuzzed…and I think a black hole is opening up somewhere….
That would explain looking at a zebra and perceiving a lion.
o.0?
Again, more monkey hating. Sigh.
Monkey, I went over to PAN this morning and left a high-tone snarky comment to GW. You know, until yesterday I don’t think I even knew there were comments on that site.
Yessir, call me Capt. Oblivious.
I love the notes, they’re crazy funny. I didn’t know there were comments there either. I saw your comment. I feel sorry for them, they’re not up to your level of sauciness.
*hands the monkey a buncha ‘nanas*
Aww….whooza good widdle monkey?
You iz!
CJ and the Saucy Monkey is the name of my KT Tunstall cover band.
1. Not.a.lion, not.worth.anything.like.that.
2. Not.lions, not.a.beautiful.exhibit.
3. I have completely lost the will to live.
Let’s see, whatelse is not.a.lion in these ads.
1) a zebra
2) a monkey
3) the plethora of glass-topped and *gold* encrusted tigers
Oooh..this is fun!
*looks around room for other not.a.lion items*
I see a black cat…it’s stuffed, back arched and hissing – a Halloween decoration.
Not.A.Lion
There’s a cast iron Greyhound on the credenza…never has accidents in the office and rarely eats
anyoneanything. Best.Dog.EverNot.A.Lion
A cross-stitched rendering of dolphins – yes, I made it myself, thankyouverymuch.
Not.A.Lion
Conclusion, my entire office is filled with not.a.lions.
In fact, it appears there’s a whole bunch more not.a.lions than lions around here.
Not sure how I feel about that.
Run, CJ.
I’m jealous – my office is filled with Not.A.Wombats, not Not.A.Lions.
Oooh….now I want a Not.A.Wombat themed office!
It’s easy!
First you must summon forth your inner wombat – listen very closely to that tiny marsupial voice inside yourself. Then you just do the opposite of everything it says.
Once, lo these many years gone by now, before we had the World Wide Web, I used to play a text based internet game (a MUD) in which wombats would often randomly walk by.
Not.not.a.wombat.
Heh. “Inner wombat”. Heh heh.
Everyone should touch their inner wombat more often, just be sure to wash your hands afterwards 😉
Did someone call?
Not.a not.a.lionprincess!
Thanks Lola!
And so begins another episode of “I Can’t Even Identify the Shit I Own”.
I prefer the reruns. I missed the small details the first go-round.
I hear the spinoff “The Hell? I’m Related to You?” has good reviews.
You have no idea how much I wish your show was real.
I have a ham sammich… Not.A.Lion.
*wags*
There are two kinds of things in the world: things that are a lion, and things that are not.a.lion.
And you ain’t lion.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: people who know binary and people who don’t.
(dodges beer bottles)
Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Be sure to try the spicy wings.
What’s a “2”?
yes.
First Grade Teacher holds up pictures. “Who can tell me what this picture represents?”
Student Funky: “That’s a monkey, that is!”
Teacher: “Good! And this one?”
Student Hammy: “That’s a dolphin about to get trapped in a tuna net and die, representing man’s inhumanity to the ocean.”
Teacher: *pause* “Good. Okay. And this one?”
Sparky Jr.: “That’s a lion!”
Teacher: “Oh, I’m sorry. This isn’t even a cat. It’s a zebra, or in England, a zebra.”
Sparky Jr.: “No, teacher, I have a picture of one on my wall, and mommy told me it’s a lion.”
Teacher: “Well your mother is wrong, it’s a zebra. Class dismissed.”
Note: Alternate ending, teacher takes out a gun and shoots Sparky Jr. to save humanity.
I wish we could give targeted doors. Mine is specifically intended for “It’s a zebra, or in England, a zebra.”
Mine too, cuz that’s where I totally lost it…and read the sentence again only using a really lousy Brit accent on the second “zebra”.
Windy, you are a genius.
Yeah…the zebra that rhymes with Debra.
Notice, the MONKEY is the only one that got the answer right. Just remember that.
It could be a predator-prey confusion, considering not.a.lion kills zebra. But also, not.a.lion eats paper, rock knocks out not.a.lion, scissors stab not.a.lion, not.a.lion steps on lizard, and not.a.lion makes Spock’s brain explode.
I was trying to picture what sort of hand gesture you would use to make a Not.A.Lion., but I ended up making the hand gesture Mom makes when she drives and I got sent to the principal’s office. Again.
CJ and Taco in the box today to celebrate their wonderful duet on clavicle and vuvuzela.
There’s a vuvuzela in the box? That … sounds pretty dirty, actually.
You think that’s bad, I tried to get Taco to take one up the kazoo, but he said he wasn’t ready.
A virgin if you will.
Somehow I doubt that.
You know, that charming little photo you use for an avatar is SHOCKING next to that comment. 🙂
*sniffs and dabs at eyes*
I haz a proud.
I take it* as proof that profanity gets you bauxed.
*Just not in the kazoo.
The first picture reminded me of my very favourite not-a-lion, Tipu’s Not-A-Lion, which is worth visiting the Victoria & Albert Museum for (if you ever happen to find yourself in London and at a loose end): http://www.vam.ac.uk/content/articles/t/tippoos-tiger/
Interesting as well that if you read down to the part about the Lion of God, it says lions and tigers were interchangeable.
“Man Tyger Organ”
Bwahahahahaha!
If I ever find myself in London at a loose end, I’ll buy some immodiun or the British equivalent and then head over there.
So all this time we’ve been making fun of these Sparkies when in actual fact they’re just following an Islamic spiritual tradition?! Man, where’s a handy [Matt] where you need him… Oh, he’s in the corner being devoured by a spotted Not.a.Lion which is playing charming tunes as it gnaws on his ribcage? Very well, carry on then.
General OT/
Commenting seems to be infrequent for me these days (think of the occasional one as a rose petal falling from the sky) *nods head* but I do manage to lurk on a fairly consistent basis. And it’s on days like this one that I so appreciate the level of wit, verbal splendor and sauciness (that’s you, CJ) that abounds here on YSaC. Carry on!
On a personal note, the Eyebrow son is home from Afghanistan. We are grateful. 🙂
Oh, Archie!!! Thank you!
*blushing CJ….no, not really…okay, maybe a little*
Hugs and a shower of rose-petal scented blessings to you and yours on this glorious occasion.
You are further excused from snarkage until you can finally convince yourself he is home, he is safe and all is right in your world.
And, please thank him from me for his incredible service to our country.
God Bless.
Thank you for your kind words. He is only one (granted, our one) of tens of thousands over there. When he tells his dad (never me) about “walking point” or “getting his hair parted” while on his missions, it is with a sense of humor mixed with grim reality and total dedication to the job. We cannot know what our service members experience over there, not completely. And they do it, every single day. The very best we can do is remember each and every one of them, day in and day out, as well as all the members of their family.
Because of that early morning text from our daughter-in-law, I was able to send my strapping, uniform-wearing, badge-carrying husband to work today with tears in his eyes but a smile on his face and a heart that is a lot lighter than it has been in the last eight months.
Anyone whose daily job it is to put themselves between danger and you (be it on domestic or foreign land) that may require they lose their life to protect yours has earned our respect.
Yay!
*pouting and whining*
But Seeeeeee Jaaaaayyy! Why should SHE get out of snarking? All she did was donate a son to the cause!
My disrespect is all sarcastic. I can’t imagine how a mother feels with a child Over There. I found out a few weeks ago that a young man that I’ve know since he was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed toddler just lost both of his legs to a landmine. As much as that is weighing on my mind, I think I wouldn’t be able to move with a child of my own serving. Hugs to you (and him) for the courage.
Oooh…Monkey, that’s awful! I currently have a dear friend Over There.
I asked him what he would be doing.
“Riding around the countryside in a Humvee, doing Marine shit.”
“Riding around? On the roads? The ones with IEDs??”
“Uh..yeah..heh..heh…”
I haz a perpetual knot in the tummy.
Sorry to be a downer. I’ve decided to look at it this way: 1) He’s alive and is otherwise okay. 2) The government WILL take care of him, or I will be makin’ some stank up in here. I’ll march on the capitol on behalf of this kid.
In otherwords, they better
not.be.assholes.
No worries. Snark is non-excusable, right? Or justifiably extortionable? Or is it randomly exonerable? Oh well. I’ll continue to drop a tidbit in now and then. Why, I emailed the Llamanun (bbuh) a fabulous example of global mis-speeling just the other day. **beams*
And, CJ, you corner the market on sauci. Just as…
Taco owns creative speeling (does anyone need a rouge?),
Lola epitomizes all the curvy snark,
Windrose packs verbal as well as literal punches,
IF keeps us musically connected in a very erudite manner,
Dave capitalizes on the hitherto unknown world of ferret snark,
Camille proves that little dogs bring big bark,
Bombdude reminds us that obliteration is just a Spark-y away,
Astrognash gives us hope for the next generation of snark,
SilvaNoir colors in the lines of our collective creative genuis,
Ghostie is really a cat in disguise (isn’t she?),
FM makes us look at monkeys, bananas and poo-flinging in a whole different light,
Grampdaddy has singlehandedly brought the cane into snark fashion (to say nothing of red boas!),
TinyBallofLight represents all the lurkers who occasionally comment with perfectly-timed and apropos snark,
Hammy always provides something to rub (his belly, people…geez!),
Dan and drmk are…well…they ARE the Ostrimu and the Llamanun (nuff said),
and all the others who I haven’t mentioned, not because they are unmentionables (heaven forbid!) but because I have to go take the banana nut bread out of the oven.
I’ll have slices available in the snark lounge as soon as it cools.
Love this, love you, Archie. Many thanks.
I’m unmentionable… at least, my family pretends they don’t know me.
But, honestly, I wouldn’t have to yell across the store to find out if you need more hemorrhoid cream if you would just mark it on my shopping list. Sheesh.
I am, in fact, a very small giraffe.
Speaking of me… I’m sorry I only get online late at night lately so I miss on all the snark 🙁 I was also far behind in my e-mail and finally sent in the “you know ninjas” file (a month late) so it should show up on mugs and things soon.
*beams back* I feel so…accepted. Garsh. =)
Well, golly! 8) I have been trying to unpack some of the verbal punches.
Also there’s an organization on Facebook (and probably in the real world) called a Cup a Joe for a Joe. Their goal is to provide coffee and/or tea for active duty service people. I know we are all struggling, I am still in debt to people on here for stuff, and so on, but I think delivering caffeine to service peoples is a worthy cause.
I double-heart me some Archie for this!
You, my darling, bring us the calassy influence we (often) need.
The funny thing is, lions eat zebras for breakfast. Poor Sparky Jr. So confused…
Well you know, you are what you eat…
Submitted without comment*.
*But with snerking.
disturbing!
Whoa, I found my new gravatar!
I’m wondering who trolls Craigslist for $20,000 items? How do you make the exchange?
Sparky: I’ll only accept cash, and we can meet in the parking lot of the local 7-11.
Buyer: Sure! What could possible go wrong?
An epic lightsaber battle that serves as a distraction and the not.a.lion droids make their escape.
“These are not the jungle animals you are looking for.”
Oh. Kay. Time for a Tarzan-Star Wars Crossover. Note the lack of a slash. No Cheeta involved with Artoo. Or a ewok. Ew.
If I can find a Leave It To Beaver – Star Wars fic, I’m pretty sure I could find a Tarzan – Star Wars fic. I just don’t wanna.
Well! A Dark Tower fan.
There once was a lady from
NigerOrionWho smiled as she rode on a
tigernot.a.lionThey returned from the ride
With the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the
tigernot.a.lionNot-quite-OT and late to the party, but I had to share this book with y’all. I was at a library sale and the title jumped out at me. At first I didn’t see the word “tame” and with those little tiny hyphens between the words… it seemed way too perfect for this crowd.
(And I hope the link looks pretty and not massive, it’s my first time. 🙂 )
Good to see you, Katy! That book would be very appropriate for this crowd. 8) And your link is very tidy.
Some nights I just come home and play solitaire on Facebook until bedtime. And I don’t give myself time or energy to do the punches. So some mornings I’m here with apologies and coffee slices. 8)
C J and Taco, Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Baijin!