YSaC, Vol. 1090: Thank you, thank you very much.
WEDDING DRESS – $180
ONE OF KING WEDDING DRESS
EXQUISITE DETAIL SIZE 8
CASK ONLY
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR NUMBER
It’s choose your own adventure time!
If you want Dan to make a joke about playing cards, skip to number (1).
If you want Dan to make a joke about “Cask Only” skip to number (2).
If you want Dan to make a joke about Elvis, skip to number (9).
(1)
If you want Dan to make a poker reference, skip to number (3).
If you want Dan to make a bridge reference, skip to number (4).
(2)
If you want Dan to make a joke about the contents of the cask, skip to number (6).
If you want Dan to make a joke about cask dresses vs. draft or bottled dresses, skip to number (8).
If you need instructions in Spanish, toque el numero dos ahora.
(3)
One of king – that’s not a very good hand. They better hope for something good on the flop. Now go to number (7).
(4)
One of King? I can beat that – I bid two of “To order additional playing cards, contact us at this address.” Now go to number (7).
(5)
How did you even get here? Oh well, shh… don’t tell anyone else – it will be our little private space. Do you like gladiator movies?
(6)
Cask only, eh? What would you like the cask full of? I can probably find some used paint thinner, or possibly some bacon grease. Now go to number (7).
(8)
Cask only, eh? That’s OK if you’re serving the dress at room temperature, but for colder temperatures, you’re probably going to prefer draft or bottled. Now go to number (7).
(9)
One of King, eh? This must be somewhere between the “68 Comeback Special” period and the “Fat Sequined Jumpsuit” period. We’ll call it the “Taffeta Cross Dressing” period. (Note – this may not actually be taffeta – I’m a guy, I have no idea.)
Now go to number (7).
Thanks for the post, MR!
Now go to number (7).
Please choose your own witty comment;
1. Nope.
2. Only on Tuesdays.
3. But I just had that sofa Scotchguarded!
4. Kumquats.
5. Zombie Jesus told me to do it.
6. You know … ninjas.
8. I saw what you did there 😉
9. I’m not putting on the Big Bird costume again – it chafes.
10. Does this look infected?
I’ll take #3, Alex.
“My hovercraft is full of eels.”
Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait ’til lunchtime!
You know it’s going to be a very special wedding if you can pay for your dress with booze.
Usually booze is what leads to someone needing a wedding dress.
While the dress doesn’t look *that* bad (and would not fit me), a cask might be required were I to wear it.
But will there be a nacho fountain at the reception?
…… you might be a redneck!
There is no number 7. Now I’m depressed and caught in a vortex.
🙁
Rule number 6: There is NO . . . rule 6.
42.
“Crack Two!”
Crack Two, East of Java.
Remember, Rule 34!
7) I like cheese.
7) I like pie!
(7) I love lamp.
7) Pecil!
7) My dress is peach. I’m not a virgin.
7) My other dress is a squirrel costume.
7) I’d rather be driving my squirrel costume.
My other squirrel costume is an honor student.
My other squirrel costume can beat up your other squirrel costume.
7) My squirrel can beat up your honor student while wearing a wedding dress and saving the whales.
… in bed.
7A) I like apple pie, with a thin slice of cheddar cheese on top, but only if it’s warm..not the cheese, the pie and ice cream on the side, but if you don’t have ice cream then only the pie with cheese if it’s warm but if you can’t warm the pie then just bring me a Twinkie unless you don’t have Twinkies and then just forget it.
7A2) That reminds me of the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m’shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ’em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you’d say. Now where was I… oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn’t get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…
I like the
purplered onions. So sorry they weren’t invented yet.7.1. I really do like pie.
7.2. I know a couple of guys.
7.3. They (pause) really do like pie.
7½. Aren’t kings who wear wedding dresses usually known as drag queens?
Don’t tell Louis that.
7.4 And loving lovers love as loving lovers love.
11) What I want to know is: Is Sparky Fortunato or Montresor; and should we bring our own bricks to the wedding?
Bricks will be supplied; it’s your own trowel for the mortar that you might want to supply.
“For the love of God, Montresor, are those beets on that dress?”
:headdesk:
I thought someone dug up Elvis and stole his wedding dress.
What is wrong with me?!!??!!
If it makes you feel any better, that was my thought, too!
Sis, I like the way your name is evolving.
Actually, it looks more like a cask with a train tacked on.
(still frantically pushing 7)
I don’t think Elvis was a size 8 at any time in his adult life, maybe this is from his confused childhood.
Elvis’ mama always did want a girl……
Anyone else wonder why the top right picture looks like a strapless design and the other two don’t? Is this magic? Is it something that occurs after you drink the cask (I would have thought the whole dress would come off at that point, not just the straps)?
Perhaps it’s that removal peach-colored kevlar vest that goes over it.
Lola, it does look like a strapless underdress with the ornate vest worn over it. Or a peach-colored kevlar vest. I’d go with that.
Look at that fine craftsmanship, that attention to detail, and obvious hours of toil to pull it all together. No, not the dress, the post! Way to go, Dan! This one will live in the YSaC museum forever.
Yeah, I was kinda overwhelmed (I guess “kinda” might change it from “overwhelmed” to just “whelmed”, but nobody’s ever “whelmed”) by the amount of work that went into the choose your own adventure feature. Kudos.
Actually, I wrote it in about ten minutes at the last minute, but thanks!
And set it to go public at 10:30 at night tonight. IF had to rescue it this morning.
Go Public At 10:30 At Night is IF’s The Time cover band.
Sorry I slept in this morning, I could have done that. Oh well, at least it’s all better now.
No worries, Windy … it was rescued at about 5 am your time by the intrepid IF, so it was only delayed by about an hour.
This is why we have friends who have admin access to the site … so they can clean up our messes!
The best things in life are…FRIENDS!
“PLEASE LEAVE YOUR NUMBER”
Uhm, 7?
867-5309
Guess Tommy Tutone never actually called her and she’s selling the dress. Sad!
Funky is in the box today! She will be leading the hymns just as soon as she is released from the burn center.
I hate to be a tattletale, but someone’s been writing on the walls in here.
Wait a minute. That ain’t magic marker.
Ew.
Is it sparkly sanding sugar sprinkled on ribbons of melted chocolate?
That’s right, Ghostie was in here yesterday.
It was like that when I got here!
Umm … ninjas did it!
:runs away:
7) Here, hold my beer!
7b) Now watch this!
7c) We’re going to need another Timmy.
7(d) We’re going to need a bigger
handbasket casketwitness protection program.ETA: I just edited twice and got stack overflow line 16 notices both times. Could still edit, in both cases.
7e) Now hold my pie.
Is the corner free? I’m taking my Twizzlers and the tv guide for some “me” time.
Is it a cheese pie?
Cheese and pie have no business intermingling. It’s like crossing the streams. Like other-species copulation. Like a McCain and Palin running ticket.
Ah mes amie, a “cheesecake” is actually a pie. And, sweet or savory, both are good.
And, all quiche are pies, and are quite divine with the right sorts of cheese.
Cheesecakes aren’t pies. They’re cakes. And quiches are quiches or else they wouldn’t call them that. Silly cappy.
🙂
7f) Because, you know, ninjas.
(oops, that was supposed to be nested above)
The ninjas must have got it.
Either that or the zomb-
Cool! Nobody went for “Short for Casket”.
1. “Bride O’ Frankenstein”
2. “The Corpse Bride”
3. “Cold Ethel”
4. ???
5. Profit!
*opens door to box very carefully* Funky? You in here? uh, Punchity Punch Punch? Yeah, that’s okay. You just keep sleeping, dear. 8) Bless her heart.
G’Night, Niagara Falls!
The best part about this post is that Dan knows the difference between cask and draught!