YSaC, Vol. 1083: It’s a nice day for a …
Wedding Dress – $150
My wife is wanting to sale her wedding dress that we bought from Davids bridal for $150 bucks. The dress has NEVER been worn at all and is still in the plastic. The dress runs about $350.00 but offering $200.00 for it. If you are in need of a wedding dress or just want one because you are engaged then give us a call at xxx-xxx-xxxx for more information.
Okay, wait a minute, Sparky. I need to go through this step by step.
1. Your wife bought a wedding dress from David’s for $150.
2. It normally costs $350.
3. You’re offering $200 for the dress you’re selling. Does that include the dress? Because if so, I’ll take it!
4. How are “in need of a wedding dress” and “want one because you’re engaged” different things, thus warranting an OR between them? And is there some sort of legal prohibition on wanting a wedding dress if you’re not engaged?
5. How did your wife manage to buy a wedding dress, never wear it, and still become your wife? Did you get married naked? If so, can I be invited to your anniversary party?
Thanks, Kevin!
*Cracks knuckles.*
Okay, here’s what I’ve got.
1. Sparky and Loretta bought a wedding dress because they were engaged. Subsequently, they realized that they had already been living together the requisite amount of time for a common-law marriage in their home state of South Carolina. Hence the distinction between persons who “need” a wedding dress and those who “just want one” because they are engaged.
2. The word “sale” in the first sentence is obviously a typo.
3. Because Sparky and Loretta had no wedding, they also had no honeymoon.
4. Loretta now wants to “sail” her wedding dress to an exotic location and pretend that she went there herself. Sparky is offering $200 to anyone who will do this. The description of the dress is simply to make sure that you can handle traveling with it.
5. The wedding dress having a honeymoon without the bride represents man’s inhumanity to man.
drmk, I just realized that you asked a numbered series of questions. Nevertheless, I feel confident that my numbered series of statements can pretty much answer them in the order asked.
ETA: Sparkily, that is.
Given the cerebration Sparki demonstrate; like as not, pregnancy probably complicated the sizing of the dress.
I feel sorry for poor David and his boutique.
Don’t – it’s a massive chain!
Does it have massive links?
Maybe this is a silly question, but wouldn’t it be better just to go to David’s Bridal and see whether they still have any $350 dresses for $150? The store might actually disclose little details like the size.
On second reading, I think I get it. There’s a superposition of states in which the dress is for sale for $150 and $200. Once an observer interacts with the states by calling Sparky and Sparkinetta, the wave function will collapse. That still doesn’t answer the question of what size it is, though.
It’s size 8 or 16. Apparently it’s made of ice green plastic with a minty shell.
Is it terrible that of all the issues here, that is also what bothered me the most? See, size does matter.
Burnt Toast, I like your style. Welcome, and please comment more.
Yes. Yes. Comment more.
*rubs hands in a sinister fashion.*
I think the first few anniversary parties would be OK, but we start hitting the double digits, I am going to need the Family Sparkles to clothe themselves.
Or I am going to have to wear a welders helmet.
This gives me this earworm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5R-_ZUf0wY
Sparky’s at an altar with a church full of people
Somewhere at another church with a big tall steeple
Sparkette’s been standing there holding her flowers
Wedding bells have been ringing and ringing for hours!
Sparky messed up! He really messed up!
He should be ashaaaaamed!
He went to the wrong church! He really f’ed up!
He should just change his naaaammme.
The Sparks said screw it and went to the courthouse
If Sparky’s smart he’ll be as quiet as a church mouse
They’re selling Sparkette’s dress cause they didn’t get to use it
He’ll be punished for years, he might as well get used to it!
Sparky messed up! He really messed up!
He’s lucky he was allowed to live!
She’ll be mad for years, rivers of tears,
Lots of jewelry he better be ready to give!
I heart Johnny Rivers. Sigh.
OK, we’ve got “Mountain of Love” and “Get Me to the Church on Time” so far. I need to see someone cover The Dixie Cups’ “Chapel of Love” too.
*clears throat, warms up*
Me me me me me me me!
*reads comments re naked Sparkies*
*hurls in corner*
It’s always all about you, isn’t it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTjSGS24kQc
Yeah. Cause what’s better than monkeys?
Yes you may, Llamanun! In fact they’ll be celebrating their 40th this year and it’s going to be a black tie affair… in that you wear nothing other than the tie. They’re going to call it “Sag-o-rama!”
:puts on welding goggles:
AHHHHH!! The goggles, they do nothing! The images are in my brain!!!
*passes bleach, then flask*
It’ll be worse when the bounce house they rented gets set up.
*hurls again*
I pity anyone sent to the corner today. I’ll be lying down over here with a cold towel on my head, thank you.
Bounce house! Taco! Dude! *herp*
The imagery is coming from inside the brain!
Well, I guess to be really fair to the event most of the people were wearing more than just the tie.
Quite a lot of them induldged in the free body chocolate offered at the entrance. And there were some who decided to bring their own finger paint.
*thud*
I’m not getting married in the morning….
Ding Dong, the bells… they sure won’t chime.
I pulled out the stopper
And ran into a copper
So get me e-nough bail on time!
I’ve got a really pretty dress now…
Come on! I’ll sell it to you cheap!
Girls! Come and buy it,
You don’t have to try it,
Just get me e-nough bail on time!
I know that one! My Fair Lady!
Why am I so excited?!
It’s like an unholy cross between “Get Me to the Church on Time” and “Tijuana Jail.”
The Sparkingtons eloped, and there wasn’t time or room for the dress. After all, they had to take three diaper bags, George Tom’s walker, videos for the drive to Vegas, Mindy Jane’s dollies, baby food and formula, Andy Will’s special binky, and some beer for the groom. Yes, it was a nice day for a white trash wedding!
Does it have beets? I don’t think I want to buy a wedding dress without beets.
I had completely forgotten about that post! … which is disturbing because that wasn’t that long ago.
Well, drmk, you may spend the day in the box with Lola reminnnes. . .remenassc. . .recalling all the great posts, recent and older. We’ll have lunch sent in. Mind the puppy presents.
*Muffled thumping*
Hey, I’m still in here…someone…anyone…I’ll be a Zomb- soon and you don’t want that!
Yeah, the floor usually makes that noise. Kinda creepy how it kinda sounds like Hammy, eh? No, I don’t see any need to pull up the floor boards and check.
*Seaching in the dark*
Hey, a pair of rocket shoes *sniff* and ewww a Taco thong, some lederhosen and a book of matches.
Everyone stand back!!!
Speaking of which, has anybody seen Hammy?
Oh well. He’s probably just raiding Ghostie’s litterbox.
Mmm, kittyroca!
*BOOM*
Uh-oh. That’s not a happy sound.
Over the bounding mane
(Ready everyone, lets sing it in rounds!)
Saleing, saleing a never used wedding gown
Well maybe a stinky wind she’d blown
So I’ll jack the price again
Saleing, saleing a never used wedding gown
Well maybe a stinky wind she’d blown
So I’ll jack the price again
I’m not understanding their use of “or” here. If you are in need of a wedding dress, aren’t you usually engaged? (I’ve never been either, there may be some obscure detail here that I am not comprehending.)
.. Engaged but not planning to actually marry?
Can one be in need of a wedding dress but not be getting married (dye it black and wear it to court when the judge grants your divorce?)?
Apparently you don’t comprehend the full use of the term “stalking”…
Appears to be quite the Parlour-game among the Hollyweird set.
But, they are also great fans of playing “dress up” too.
Edit to add–no stack issues while editing.
I once read a story in one of those trashy “true life stories of heartbreak etc” magazines (I had nothing better to do at the time) in which a woman was describing how she ended up getting married – he asked her to get engaged and she said yes, then whenever he asked her to get married she said no. Until something heartwarming happened (I forget what, she probably got knocked up) and she finally said yes. So presumably there are people out there who think that getting engaged and agreeing to get married are two entirely different things.
Uh, yeah, ratwoman. If I planned to marry every woman I’m engaged to, why, that would just be preposterous. And polygamous.
LOVE IT!
Some people throw themselves a divorce party, so why not a divorce dress?
Hey! I’m in the box with the llama-nun.
*spreads fresh alfafa on coffee slices*
Wait, this should be up under Windrose. Anyway … when I tried to edit it I got a “stack overflow at line 16” again. Not sure why. My undergarments are fitting just fine, thank you very much, Ajax.
Yeah, I’ve been getting stack errors since yesterday. Generally my computer will sit there grinding for about 45 seconds, then I’ll get the stack error and ajax will open up and let me edit.
Damn it. Is it only when editing?
Yes, from what I’ve seen.
The site was ranging from slow to inaccessible overall last night around 11 PM Eastern. Don’t know if that data point helps…
Well, my Adores are full broke. Just scrolling to the top of the page reset them all to “+1” with incremented counts.
Reloading the page, later, changes the increments (not always increased) ; but all are available to increment, though.
So, whatever is writing the cookie, or whatever is driving the “cheatin’ eh?” dialog box is not turned on.
Hyperactive Nuns is IF’s Sister Act show group.
You’ve heard of us! We always open with this number.
*grabs catulator*
One wedding dress at $150, plus one nekkid anniversary party at…hmmm…how much do those cost these days, anyway? I’ll just guess at elebenty-hunnert dollars.
Minus my eyesight…for…um…ever?
Plus the cost of the years of therapy I will need after witnessing the above…
Carry the two, subtract the Absolut…add the Cuervo…and….
I get two pounds of pumpernickel bread and a can of sardines.
Can somebody check my math? My eyesight appears to be going……
No no no. You forgot to carry the bees, girlfriend.
Dammit…I always forget to carry the bees!
In my defense, though, there’s not always a handy truck around.
Just go to the nearest golf course and check the trees. 8)
Aren’t the trucks usually under the flowers?
Very often, but not this time.
Shotgun wedding brides rarely get the chance to shop, much less buy the dress. In this case, the bride’s father decided to let his daughter shop, but changed his mind when he realized his future son-in-law was one quik-e-mart paycheck away from a bus ticket out of town.
At least the dress is only IN plastic and not MADE OF plastic.
Just trying to find the good in people.
The dress has NEVER been worn is IF’s Barenaked Ladies cover band.
We always come out in green dresses though. The apparent paradox is designed to blow the circuits on all the robots in the room. Because, you know, we can’t afford ninja bouncers.
GASP!
It’s not a real green dress is it?!
Cuz, that’s just…cruel.
It cannot be a green dress. They are only asking $200 (or $150), not a million.
I misspoke… perhaps I should’ve specified that we come in out not.a.green.dresses.
O/T laugh for today.
On my way in to work while stopped at an intersection, I heard nickelodeon music blaring. A blue and white mini cooper passed by to the tune of “Halls of Montezuma” .
:checks for running room:
I “o”-mouthed before breaking into snergling.
*o*-mouthed.
*snergle…snort…chuckle..giggle…GUFFAW!*
[Corey] There are brides (not me!) who buy a dress and then find one they like better; they buy that, too, and wear the second one for the wedding. Thus unused wedding dresses aren’t unusual. [/Corey]
Now, as for trying to sell the dress without a picture, size, mention of color, or clarity in the price… well, that’s why Mrs. Sparky rather than Mr. Sparky should’ve done the ad. And why actually going to David’s Bridal is likely to be a much better deal.
Yup. I just prefer my version of events that led to an unused wedding dress.
Who is this quilted one who knows the ways of the [corey]?
[OT]
*rubs forehead*
Moment of the morning for me: I just had to walk one of the senior IT technicians through the process of changeing the IP address on a Windows XP box because he didn’t know how to do it.
My face is sore from hitting the desk as hard as it did when he asked me “So, how do I do that?”
[/OT]
Next time, Taco, try the *facepalm* method. I think it’ll cut down on the splitting headache aspect of the job.
Just call me Ms. Helpful.
If she got married without the dress, my first guesses would be:
1. Betazoid wedding
2. Ferengi wedding
For number 4: Obviously she didn’t need one for her wedding (since its never been worn), but still wanted one because she was engaged. See? There’s a difference!
Well, that’s it for me, folks. Er, sorry about the explosion in the box today. I thought it would have been Bombdude, not Hammy.
Lola and Llama-nun, may bees be upon you both. Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Ravensbourne