YSaC, Vol 1080p: Things you don’t want to see in HD.
2011 September 16
There are two kinds of submissions we get here at YSaC. The kind that inspire quality snark, like drmk’s operas or art history critiques, or my occasional economics or history lesson.
Then there’s the other kind, which just make us want to gesture at the screen, gibber incoherently, and then hide under the bed for about a month.
difrent colors spray painted birds
my dead husband collection of dead birds all kinds in the carrollton and bremen area spray painted difrent colors, red blue green red. paint holds in most of the smell. over 100 dead. take some or all. some legs have come off.
Guess which one this is?
(muffled thanks to TCB from under the bed)
A famous musician once claimed that any song could be most improved with an eraser. Let’s see if it works on Craigslist ads.
difrent colors
my dead husband collection. over 100 dead. some legs have come off.
Wait… that’s not right…
difrent birds
dead birds all kinds. over 100 legs have come off.
Uh… not quite.
difrent colors spray painted
my dead husband collection all kinds in the carrollton and bremen area, red blue green red. most of the smell have come off.
Uh… a little help here?
My collection of difrent colors have come off.
Or:
My collection of difrent colors have come off … the smell.
No more skittles for you, mister!
My dead husband holds co-
*Ring*
Hello? Oh, Google, been a while how are…
I’ve been designated as what?
How can a single person be designated as a porn site?
Well yes a few crude jokes but nothing…
You think I could make money on it?
Uh… no, but thanks for the proposition. *click*
All right, Taco! You fussed at us for getting all X-rated yesterday and harming our ad potential. Whuz up? What’s good for the monkey and the puppy is good for the taco.
We should have the porn equivalent of a cussin’ jar. Like we have to put something in it everytime we cross the “line”. Birdseed? Coffee slices? Maybe doors.
Umm….Nothing to see here, move along.
May I please have the eraser for a sec?
How’s that for a rewrite?
I call it, John Cage sells some dead birds.
By the sea shore?
You know, for just a second there my Friday-afternoon brain read that as “John Cale” and I was trying to come up with VU songs about birds. All I got was Reed doing “The Raven” a few years back.
Took a while, but I got it.
About 4’33”.
Some legs have come off my dead husband,over 100. Red blue green red paint holds in most of the smell.Take some or all.
would that apply if he weren’t dead but just smelt a bit / lot? and was an ex husband /parrot?
PS how can I change my email and keep my avitar ?
Help!
The avatar is linked to the email you registered with Gravatar, you would have to change it there. You can also register several emails and have a different avvie for each.
Like so.
Ghost cat – thanks! xx TP
My bird holds over 100 legs. Tadaa!
I’m going to try paraphrasing it like a newspaper reporter would, because I can’t quote it verbatim from memory.
“My [friends have a] collection of [spoons from different states. They have] all kinds [of spoons, in different colors – ] red[,] blue[,] green[, and] red. [Ha ha, yes, they have a lot of red ones. Do you think that puppies are precious?]”
There. I think that should about do it.
This was where I stopped giggling nervously and joined my cat under the futon. Hey, you can still fit coffee slices under here!
I somehow was sent this link yesterday — I am worried now that the universe is trying to tell me something.
http://youtu.be/LJP1DphOWPs
That’s, that’s, messed up.
High praise coming from the Monkey.
Nope.
I like Chuck Testa’s little skull and crossbones on his Radar O’Reilly hat.
I never knew taxidermise was a verb. and I’m glad that Chuck doesn’t do it to pets.
Joining you and the cat under the futon Lola – I’m bringing gin and tonics – coffee is too weak for this emergency.
Sure thing. Bring a cup if you can. Kind of hard to dip slices in the flask opening.
Lola – I was going for pint mugs – this is an emergency! Also Spanish servings – add ice to top, fill with gin to top of ice, attempt to squeeze tonic into spaces. Hic!!
Um………………………………………………well then! Isn’t that special?
You know, Jeffrey Dalmer didn’t actually kill small animals before he took to killing humans. He just collected dead ones. The authorities might want to look in this old man’s freezer. Jus’ sayin’.
Hi, Ellen! Welcome!
Surely you’re not implying that someone who would do something like this would do anything … weird?
That explains why some of the legs have come off.
Hey, it’s hard to keep the legs on unless you use lots of super glue.
Or so I hear.
Well, once you’ve taken the toenails, why bother to keep the legs at all?
They make nice centerpieces, especially if you braid the leg-hair.
And that, ladies and gents, is how you win the Inducing Vomiting Regional Championship.
I’ve won the Mental Ipecac Award, or Ippie, for my district three years in a row!
“Ipecac slaw: tastes good, but 20 minutes later, you’re hungry again.” -Curse of the Monkey Island
And here I thought the spray paint was kept locked in cabinets at the store for an entirely different reason.
Oh, wait…
So the birds are just dead and painted – they haven’t been preserved in any way, perhaps in the form of an elaborately patterned cloak of tiny bodies?
:pfffttt:
Amateur.
Joeseph’s cloak of many colors just got weird.
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor
DreamcoatNightmarecoat“I wish to return this cloak, which I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.”
I think this ad killed my snark…
Anybody have any spray paint? We could paint my dead snark and then sell it on craiglist.
If you painted it the right colors, it could be a Pea
cocksnark.Yeah, this ad gave me eight fits and pursued my snark with forks and with hope before threating its life with a railway share (or would it be a Continental Airlines share nowadays?). Too bad my snark wasn’t a boojum, so that this ad could have disappeared.
Capn’, izzat you?
No.
If only they were bedazzled. And less stinky. And not decomposing to the point where they’re losing limbs.
Nope, still wouldn’t want ’em.
I had a great-aunt that had a big window in her living room. The birds would commit suicide by flying in to the window. She would bring in the dead birds and old bird’s nests and arrange the birds in them. Her house was big and dark and had lots of old boxes and newspapers and magazines in piles here and there. And she would give us pieces of candy that looked, well, furry.
My mom would never let me wander far away from her when we visited. I never knew why.
You do now.
I don’t get it either. It’s not like you could fly into the windows…
Lookit the cute puppy!!!
Thanks! He would appreciate you saying that. And to show his appreciation, he would eat your fingers.
There’s nothing like
eatingbiting someone to show how much you love them.:thunk!:
Oooh, this corner has espresso slices!
That’s how my cat expresses his love for me.
“Uh, Vir, I’m here to pet you. It’s not play time.”
*NOM! Nom nom nom nom. Nibble. Nom?*
“OK, how about you stop biting my hand and we’ll play with the feather wand a while.”
Silly Taco.
Feather wand does not make all those ever-so-satisfying noises.
Feather wand not warm and juicy and filled with salty blood.
Feather wand does not have that audible-to-cats pulse inside needing out.
That’s Firefly. She’ll be all sweet and cuddly and then the Crazy Switch gets flipped and she turns into an angry honey badger. She flips back and forth pretty fast, too.
Me – :pets cat:
Firefly – :lick, purr, lick, lick, bite, lick, lick, bite, lick:
Me – :bleeds and curses:
Vir digs getting lots of attention… for about 15 minutes. Then his inner kitten decides it’s time to play catch the hand.
Once he was getting a little carried away with the jumping and the spinning about. He hissed at me then stopped dead and stared at me. He had the most comical look of “What the heck was that?!”
I do believe he more upset about him hissing than I was. He also seemed a little put out that I couldn’t stop laughing at him.
Mini Monkey’s tabby, Carly, sleeps in our bed most nights, between our heads. One night a few weeks ago Hubby jumped up muttering “Cat, cat!” and went right back to sleep. The next am he had two marks on his arm, perfect imprints of Carly’s claws. And his side of the sheet was bloody. She snuggles up to him, she ADORES him, and it irritates him to no end. She was apparantly startled by something, or maybe we rolled over on her. She’s not a scratcher. My crazy siamese Sally is the dangerous one.
Firefly, who is also known as Psycho-Twitch, cuddles up to my dad all the time. She’ll sleep under the covers between him and Mom if they let her. Depending on which way the sharp pointy bits are facing when her Crazy Switch gets flipped, Dad will sometimes end up with scratches in interesting places. (He’s not a fan of pajamas.)
Monkey, you made me spit coffee slices all over my screen.
See, that right there marks you as a noob. We all know not to drink or eat anything while reading the snark. Now, I say we KNOW it, I don’t say we DO it. 8)
And your new pic of your puppy made me squee so much that I had to go change pants. Srsly!
I’m having trouble reading the ad because of all the screaming.
It helps if you put a coffee slice in your mouth. It muffles your screaming and the nice flavor distracts you.
Irish cream or double dark chocolate? Both are fresh. *proffers tray*
Let’s give that a try.
*Starts to read ad*
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH-RRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMF”
Yes, much better.
May have to nudge with the tray, dear Lola–my eyes are closed too tightly to read a proffer in a responsible and informed manner.
Also, cudos, dan, on the sublte resolution snark in today’s post title.
Don’t know about the “sublte” resolution, but I did think it was pretty subtle.
Aw nerts. It’s probably too late to blame that typo on the toddler being up until 3am this morning, right?
You should still gibber inconherently, though.
Just a thought. Are you fussy, by any chance?
D’aw, is our Taco teething?
I wasn’t up til 3am with a toddler, but I was up maybe 1/2 a dozen times with a 10 year old with strep. So I’m cranky too.
(o/t)
I was asking Mini Monkey if she were hungry yet, named the easy-on-the-belly foods that she had to choose from: cream corn, soup, noodles. She replied, “Noodles. Heh heh”. Squee!
Not teething, just going through a phase* where he doesn’t want to eat any dinner and then wakes up hungry during the night. We’re trying to discourage this behavior by letting him become hungry and then have to deal with it, but said treatment doesn’t make it easier for any of us to sleep.
Last nigh was worse than usual because his lunch was rather untouched too. The only meal he’ll actually eat well at these days is breakfast… probably because he’s so intensly hungry by morning.
*It’s only lasted about a year-and-a-half now.
The oldest Eyebrow granddaughter had major issues (control and/or digestive) with food for the first year or so of her life. It is a difficult phase for parents as well as babies. She is much improved now through a combination of medical and (mainly) parental perseverance and dedication. Hang in there Taco and Mrs. Taco! Things will get better.
Plus, in a relatively few short years, Tron will be driving. 🙂
You might look back on these days fondly – once he reaches his teens you’ll have to padlock the kitchen to make him stop eating.
The real annoying thing is that we know he’s hungry and we know he CAN eat like a horse. As soon as dinner’s over, and he hasn’t eaten anything, he asks for cookies (animal crackers). Parental ruling on this is “If you didn’t eat dinner, then you are obviously not hungry enough for cookies.” That goes over about as well as expected.
It’s just really frustrating that he’s all over the map. Some days he eats like a horse. Devours all 3 meals and then gets some snacks to wash it all down. The next day we can serve him the exact same food and he’ll just pick at it and play with it for 20 minutes and then want to get down and play… and ask for cookies.
Tron’s antics are wearing thin on the parental units. And it doesn’t help things that us not giving him snacks when he doesn’t eat is making him grumpy at us 2 out of 3 days.
Hang in there Taco. It gets better, about the time they start school.
At least mine did. All of sudden, kiddo was asking for seconds and not turning his nose up at what was served.
A trick I sometimes had to resort to was putting dinner on saltine crackers or make it into a sandwich, or allowing corn chips to be used in place of a spoon. And lots of cheese/ketchup/salad dressing. We still can go through a big bottle of ketchup in about 10 days. For a short time, kiddo went through a phase that he wanted tartar sauce on everything. As long as he ate it….
Honey Mustard and/or Honey Djion salad dressing are Tron’s favorites. He’ll usually eat something if you slather it with one or both of those, but not all the time. I try not to watch when he dips his banana in honey mustard *herf*.
He also likes lettuce about 50% of the time, which is liking something a lot for him.
There are only four things that he will eat 100% of the time: chicken nuggets, french fries, tater tots, and onion rings (Probably because all of those are once-in-a-while treats for him). We assume it would be a bad idea to alter his diet to consist of only those things.
I’ll have to try corn-chips as a spoon. We usually use pretzels, but they are poor scoopers.
You will find corn chips in actual scoop shapes.
Only issue you can have is that, the nature of corn chips requires them to be saturated in oil (handy survival item, a chip that will hold a flame). This can have, well, uh, effects about a day later. So, parental control of quantity in a session is probably needed.
Some parents I know and respect suggest keeping super-bland snacks about for “non compliant” eating. Now, these folks practice as they preach, between meals it’s dry, plain rice cakes, soda crackers, no-salt saltines and the like.
Everybody in that house learns, “you want something special, you have to earn it” and the rest of the time you can have all you want from the no-flavor near-kibble-but-will-keep-you-alive bin.
Oh, I like the plain snack idea. I’ll have to add a bunch to next week’s shopping list.
Especially
Styrofoamrice cakes.What’s up with the nugget-and-fries obsession with kids?! Mini Monkey would gladly eat that 3 times a day. They taste like cardboard. What the fur. The only healthy thing the youngun’ voluntarily eats is creamed corn.
When my “baby” girl was 2 (she’s 27 now), she went an entire year and a half eating NOTHING but peanut butter and jelly sammies.
During a visit to the doc for a regular vaccination I asked him if this was normal.
His reply?
“Is she eating?”
“Yes, but…”
“If she’s eating, don’t sweat it. Kids have very sensitive taste buds. Eventually, she’ll eat other things.”
He was right, of course, and she did branch out. To this day, though, her favorite food in the world is a pb&j sammie.
I can’t really blame her for that, they are indeed delightful.
So much to look forward to!
But if the kid eats nothing but processed chicken nuggets, fried potatoes, and corn, can she grow the way she should? I can’t find a vitamin that she will take. I told her that her little arms and legs were going to fall off if she didn’t eat better. I also told her she was going to turn into a chicken nugget. Her response was “Cool”. Sigh.
They have those daily vitamins that are basically just vitamin fortified gummi bears at our store. Tron is a pretty big fan of those if you’ve never tried them.
Yes! Vitamin gummies! She’ll eat gummy ANYTHING. Taco, you are the bees (BBUY) knees.
They come in a bunch of different shapes, too – my nieces have princess vitamin gummies.
“Dead Birds all Kinds” is IF”s “Flock of Seagulls” cover band.
And they definitely, DEFINITELY play “I ran (so far away)”.
Going to be hard to run with missing legs, isn’t it?
*Proffers his wooden leg named smith*
I walked along the avenue
I never thought I’d find a bird like you
Find a bird like you
With burned plumage and glazy eyes
The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through
Hypnotize me through
And I ran, I ran so far away
I just ran, I ran all night and day
I couldn’t get away
A cloud of paint above your head
A stream of light blue comes spraying down on you
Spraying down on you
The cloud is moving nearer still
Azure Krylon comes in view
Krylon comes in view
And I ran, I ran so far away
I just ran, I ran all night and day
I couldn’t get away
Reached out a can to paint your face
You’re slowly disappearing from my view
Disappearing from my view
Reached out a can to try again
I’m floating in a stream of paint with you
A stream of paint with you
And I ran, I ran so far away
I just ran, I ran all night and day
And I ran, I ran so far away
I just ran, I couldn’t get away
So….who wants to tell Windrose to stay away from YSaC toay?
Thanks for the thought, Lou, but too late, too late. I may have to spray paint my monitor.
I wonder if she painted her dead husband’s
cockrooster…Spray paint wouldn’t hold in the smell of a dead cock, Hammy.
*reads D’s comment, throws up breakfast in corner*
I don’t remember eating that. Ew.
Was there feathers?
Corn, duh.
And a few peanuts.
I may have missed something, Dan, but why is this episode 1080p? Does the p stand for presumably? Posthumously? Pheasant?
Thanks for making my day special, as the last one before the nightmares began. 8)
I think it has something to do with the resolution or quality of HD TVs. Or maybe Dan meant 1080 pecils. Yeah, that’s what it means. Cause I like that better.
What the monkey(please) said.
[video corey]
1080p is the minimum for HD display, to carry the pun in the title forward.
The dimension is for lines of display, 1080 lines vertically, “p”rogressively scanned (not interlaced).
This presumes a screen in 16:9, suggesting a screen of 1920 pixels wide x 1080 tall, which can be a very fine dot pitch.
There are frame-rate issues to go with this, like 30 fps versus 50 or 60 fps–but, the whizzos in Marketing do not want you pay any attention to those “behind the curtain” things. You are to Consume as you are Told To!
Wiki has a pretty good graphic for sorting all this out
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Vector_Video_Standards2.svg
[/corey]
Another reference:
http://xkcd.com/732/
In the future… where green pigs roam the land…
…where eggs are more valuable than platinum…
…a man…
…some paint…
…and some birds…
START
A
REVOLUTION
Coming next summer from directors Joel and Ethan Coen…
John C. Reilly….
Reese Witherspoon…
…and featuring Academy Award Winner Helen Hunt as The Queen Pig
ANGRY BIRDS: THE MOVIE
Rated Sparky-13.
I’d watch it.
Hells yes, I would too.
I heard Seth Rogen is also in it. He plays the lovable but incompetent thirty-something stoner pig who makes friends with the red bird, and his tragic bursting by three little blue birds symbolizes man’s inhumanity to man.
I’m told that James Earl Jones is doing the voice-over for the Pig Emperor.
“I find your lack of winged flight disturbing. Never underestimate the power of the Side of Pork.”
[film_history_corey] James Earl Jones did the voiceover for Darth Vader, not the Emperor. [/film_history_corey]
Indeed, but there is no “Vader Pig.” At least not yet.
There is, however, a King/Emperor pig… so I was attempting to keep cannon while still crossing the streams.
Wait, wouldn’t Seth represent man’s inhumanity to stoner–or is that typecasting?
bwahahaha, Taco is using cannon to keep canon; he’ll be ringing ‘pachabell’ anona <G>
“Luke, I am your sausage”
“Nnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooo!”
Don’t cross the streams!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/07/angry-birds-theme-park-op_n_952336.html
Why are you all acting like this is so strange? Surely you wouldn’t expect her dead husband to collect LIVE birds?
*looks at Windrose and Chthulhu*
*looks at D/DM*
Who needs more coffee slices?
Pretty sure Chthulhu counts as a “live” (long ‘i”) husband.
Who probably possesses the correct number of legs.
None of which are nailed to a perch to prevent muscling through the bars–not that there’s anything wrong with a pub crawl in La Jolla . . .
[lovecraft_corey] No, Spiff. In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming. [/lovecraft_corey]
D, the Stars have been right for about 16 years now. 8)
Me! I do! Collectin’ birds is thirsty work.
Also, I’m kind of interested in these, as I have a dried up dead lizard that I found in an old car, and I think I could construct some pretty interesting scenes with these…
I’m having a vision of an f’d up Nativity scene.
With lots of little red cellophane flames.
And gasoline and a road flare…
History Lesson at YSaC! I don’t even remember how long ago the dried lizard from the old car was posted! Multiple points for you, D!
Who could forget the birth of the “possibly awesome” tag?
So the spray painted dead birds are spread out over a two county area?
That’s a nifty diorama, there.
Once again, the Victorians did this better. Please check this link — scroll down to see ALL of the deeply interesting things that can be done with dead organic matter. My personal favorite is the “kittens’ wedding”.
http://www.acaseofcuriosities.com/pages/01_2_00potter.html
There, Innana – I fixed that for you.
Eh — tomayto – tomahto.
I’m strangely attracted to the Athletic Toads display.
*Goes to corner with large bottle of gin and small thimbleful of tonic.*
*Hic*
Whiskey.Tango.Foxtrot.
They used to kill all the superfluous kittens to prevent overpopulation? Yeah, that worked well didn’t it?
Whiskey.Tango.Foxtrot.
::peeks out from under desk::
Is it gone yet?
No?
Well, pass the flask, looks like it’s gonna be a long day down here.
::hides::
*passes flask*
Can’t make me click on the kittens’ link, no sirreeee.
Philistines!
Dunno, I now have a strong urge to really annoy my catulator by holding him too closely; being more than exceedingly happy he’s not preserved as a diorama.
What about the guinea pigs’ cricket game?
Thankfully, no pictures.
Spark’s camera only shoots 0mp photos.
And, we ought pass the plate as we raise a hosanna of gratitude for this (if only for the flask and coffee slice fund, naturally).
He would declare and could himself believe
That the birds there in all the garden drown
From having heard the daylong voices of evil
He added to their own an overcoat,
His tint of color but without the smells.
Admittedly an aroma so soft
Could only have had an influence on birds
When cackling laughter carried it aloft.
Be that as may be, paint was in their plumes.
Moreover his vice upon their feathers crossed
Had now persisted in the garage so long
That probably it never would be fresh.
Never again would birds smell be the same.
And to sell birds was why she came.
By: Robert Yates Frost
Early each day, down the Carrollton way,
Or in Bremen, the bird widow calls.
In her own special way to the people she says,
“Come, take just some or take all.
Come take the little birds, just hold your nose,
(Oh, you’ll be glad if you do —
The paint holds the smell in, but still, they’re no rose)
Come take birds my dead husband slew.
Buy the birds, tuppence a bag,
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag.
Buy the birds,” that’s what she begs,
While underfoot, her birds lose their legs.
All around Old Town Bremen, the men and the women
Tiptoe by to avoid her wild stare.
They see the collection, and try to stop retchin’,
Each time someone fingers her wares.
Though her birds are red, green and blue,
Listen, listen, she’s calling to you!
See the birds, some without legs…
See them, see them, over 100 dead.
There are not enough adores in the universe for that.
Thanks, Taco. I always say, nothing’s so good, that Disney can’t improve on it.
As an FYI:
I just realized that Tuppence and Crisco have the same number of syllables.
Take that as you will.
Cris Tuppenco…Didn’t he star in such films as:
The Birdman of Carrollton
Dial M for Malodorous
and
Paint your Widgeon
and they’re both spondees (in American).
I think I saw him also in:
Bye Bye Birdie
Trouble in Parrot Dyes
and
Murder Most Fowl
One of the best diners in town is “The Painted Parrot.”
I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to look at that place the same way. Though their bird legs soup is good enough to overlook the strange parallel.
Sorry ’bout the missing legs… got hungry.
:snerk:
edit: I am quite cold today.
For two days in a row, “The Bird is the Word”. Me likey.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WNrx2jq184
Late to the party, as usual, since I work at Joy Killers,Inc., but I can’t believe I am the only one who had this thought:
As soon as I saw this I thought it must be the wife of the deceased shop keeper from the Monty Python “Dead Parrot” sketch. And then laughed at that thought.
Really, no one else? Just me? Hmmmm…
I thought of Dead Parrot, but I haven’t seen it enough times to know it word for word, and I didn’t want to misquote it and offend someone.
Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. Punchity Punch Punch.
Good Night, Hunan Province!
Nevermore!
Dead Parrot Sketch.
Dead bird Corey.
I can’t help but think that her dead husband is still in his easy chair, spray painted.
So, I didn’t show up to this party yesterday (my day started with teaching a six-year-old who has about 7 diagnoses and ended with a flat tire at 11pm on the interstate)…
However, I’m glad I didn’t check before I went to bed because this will give me nightmares. I have irrational fear of birds… and now they will be attacking me. And they will smell and be brightly colored and have legs falling off.
At least, if the legs fall off, they can’t scratch your eyes out.