YSaC, Vol. 1063: Ah, young love …
mizzty bumed a ciggeret got your phone number didnt save it – m4w
You were on you way to your dads buisness to get a new phone i stood next you with my dog. you called your roomate asked him/or to take out your dogs you have three two of the them have bad ass names that were given because of there birthday. i thought you looked 16 when i asked to bum for a ciggeret i asked how old you were you said you just turned 21 on the 3rd i didnt belive you you showed me you id yoru drivers licence went missing and you dont drive you so you didnt bother replacing it. i toild you where i moved to you said you used to live in that area my roomate goes to the shcool here you gave it an acryonym that i cant remember i asked if you went there? you said know you went to the art institute for fasion design. you starting a clothing lable i gave you adice on how to get materials in bulk. i told you what i went to shcool for. at some point in our conversation we each went off on tangents that had nothing to do with the conversation i talked about my sales men and offering to repay them with my first born child you had carreid on a monolog as you self and your freind tad who you thought shouldnt reproduce.
i put my number in my phone and it didnt save? i look nerdier then you but you are deep in the nerd closet and much nerdier.we need to get together and clean the donut off my phone and put cupcakes on it.
i have idea for you clothing label it involves terroists and anthrax socrates and money and the max
i thought about stopong by your dads work but decided against it thinking it would be creepy
i wish i was a stalker then when i looked at you id i could have had the forthough to memorize you address but unfortuntaley im notPLEASE DO NOT REPLY IF THIS ISNT YOU OR YOU DONT KNOW THIS PERSON
ASLO THERE NO NEED TO FLAG THIS ADD I AM NOT A SLEEPER CELL ITs IS AN INSIDE JOKE BETWEEN ME AN THE PERSON ON THE MAX OR ANYONE WHO KNOW HER DOGSTHIS IS SO FUCKING SPECIFIC IF YOU REPLY THINKING ITS YOU BUT UNSURE RELIZE NOW THAT ITS NOT
if the feds would like to contact me please find me by the gmail address i set up its attached to my phone numebr im not on my own internet service now so trace routing my ip address will not work
i am more then willing to fully cooperate in any investigation
I think I saw this movie. Boy meets girl; boy loses girl’s phone number, stalks her father, makes terrorist-and-Socrates-themed clothing and gets interrogated by the FBI … oh wait, no. That was Mannequin 2.* These crazy kids just might make it.
Thanks, nikkimonster!
*That would have been better.
I… holy crap. I oscillate between thinking this is kind of awesome…
Be honest, you’re totally amped to see what ever the hell this hot mess would look like… And then
Oh Sparklebits, if you ever find yourself saying “I wish I was a stalker”, know that you have actually managed to out-creep Rob Schneider. And that shouldn’t be humanly possible.
“Sparklebits”. I will be stealing and using this, Jen. <3
Lots of adores and hearts for that one, seriously. Even if “Sparklebits” reminds me of “naughty bits” and I get a little squicky thinking of Sparky’s naughty bits.
Hey, didn’t Clay Aiken sing about this guy? Something about being invisible and hiding in her room and being powerful enough to force her to love him…
I find it disturbing that you know that.
I have a little sister.
I shouldn’t need more justification than that.
I’d like to hear your sister’s side of this. Lyle?!?
I have cats, that doesn’t mean I know what cat food tastes like.
I actually do know what cat food tastes like, and when Lyle played her music in the car it was hard not to listen to the creepy, stalker lyrics.
It was one of those moments of, “I have to have heard those lyrics wrong…” *chorus plays again* “Holy crap, those ARE the lyrics… and they’re super creepy.”
Seriously, the song is like a love letter from Uncle Creepy to his favorite niece.
“I have cats, that doesn’t mean I know what cat food tastes like.”
FTW, Ghostie. 🙂
Actually, given Ghostie’s apparently curious nature, I’m surprised she hasn’t tried some ;-).
Technically, I don’t know what wet cat food tastes like.
But in my defense, I was young and my sister double-dared me.
Depends on what wet cat food it is. The ones with the little chunks in gravey taste like vienna sausages.
The ground up stuff that’s kind of like a hardened paste tastes like what I would imagine blended donkey rectum tastes.
It’s important that if you have a habbit of licking the spoon after serving things out of contaners so that you don’t have to rinse said spoon in the sink, It is a good idea to be aware of it and control the habit when serving cat or dog food. You won’t realize your mistake until it’s too late.
Wet cat food tastes like the ‘mystery meat with gravy’ that is served in the school cafeteria, with a xanthan gum/raw cornmeal aftertaste.
Well, at least the Fancy Feast brand does. What?
I accidentally licked my fingers after feeding the cat. Then I went and horked on the rug.
edit: Taco… your advice comes too late for me..
:checks list of ingredients on can of pate-style cat food:
Close, this says “pureed donkey colon.”
Good to know I haven’t missed anything.
“The ground up stuff that’s kind of like a hardened paste tastes like what I would imagine blended donkey rectum tastes.”
*Monkey urks in corner*
Thanks, Taco. I actually spent a lot of money on that club sammich from the cafeteria at work. But I’m also in the habit of licking spoons AND licking bottles of steak sauce and ketchup etc at the house after I pour, so as to get that drip before it runs down the side of the bottle. That will get you strange looks in restaurants. And at mom-in-law’s house.
My friend used to snack on dog biscuits until she was 7 or 8. Her parents kind of gave up trying to discipline her but drew the line at letting her take one to school in her lunch box.
Also, Taco, I assumed you must have been exaggerating so I googled “Clay Aiken stalker song” and HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP.
Also, I now expect Sparkies to misspell ‘tricksy’* words to the extent that I looked at “SPECIFIC” for about thirty seconds before my brain allowed the possibility that Sparkles might’ve actually mashed the keyboard correctly this time.
*read: not found in “See Spot Run”.
Can we get a generalized “hot mess” tag, or would that be something that would be utilized too often here?
ETA: That was supposed to go up under Jen’s first comment
At some point?
Sweet clothespin jeebus, Sparky, your whole life is a skewed tangent. I think anyone as obtuse as you needs to follow the sines to the nearest Pythagorean clinic for some right angle help.
I have an acute case of adore.
My thoughts are parallel to yours.
That’s very complimentary.
I was bad at geometry. Your comments are being deliberately obtuse!
I could ask Sir Comference to give a quick geometery workshop for everyone. He’ll even sine autographs after the lecture if you really like it.
I think Sir Cumference is on a date with Di Ameter right now. Guess we’ll have to wait for that lecture until they finish their pi.
Heh. “Pi”. Heh heh.
Only one pi for the both of them? That will never be enough!
But if we get them a secone one, they’ll be fine. 2 pi are more than enough for them.
I so feel like Marlin right now. “It’s like he’s trying to speak to me, I know it.”
“Look, you’re really cute, but I can’t understand what you’re saying. Say the first thing again.”
Kati, you need to post more often! 8)
“the art institute for fasion design” Are these now a combo? Seriously, I don’t know.
There are so many little treasures buried in this that it makes my lips tingle!
“you are deep in the nerd closet ”
“we need to get together and clean the donut off my phone and put cupcakes on it”
“I AM NOT A SLEEPER CELL ”
“i am more then willing to fully cooperate in any investigation”
How is this cracker still single? I have to have him!!!!!*
*this seriously ain’t true.
[corey] Yepper… My daughter went, for a very brief time, to SCAD (Savannah College of Art & Design) to learn the fashion design biz. Until she found out that fashion designers, until they get to the Versace/D&G level, often have to do their own sewing/grunt work. Unless you already have a lot of money, you don’t get to “just design”. [/corey]
Random Thoughts Regarding this Ad:
Although misspelled, Sparky manages to use “acronym” and “tangent” contextually.
“Clean the donut off my phone” sounds like a metaphor for something dirty.
The leap from lovelorn to stalker to paranoid terrorist would make Carl Lewis nervous.
This was quite an information exchange while just waiting for the bus. Most people just talk about the weather.
To give Sparklebits* credit where….well, ummm…..let’s just say that perhaps this exchange occurred somewhere south of the Mason-Dixon line.
I say this because I have heard entire life stories from random strangers in the Express Lane at the grocery store.
Many.Times.
*totally stealing this sinus-enema inducing bit of genius
While I wish that were true the reference to waiting for the MAX makes me believe that this occurred in Portland OR.
I think we have witnessed the mating rituals of a West Coast Hipster.
Wow! I mean you hear about this stuff, but you don’t ever think you’ll witness it firsthand!
*retrieves field guide to hipsters*
Yep, right here on page 42 it says that hipsters tend to congregate around MAX bus stops during the mating season.
This is historic, folks!
On this note, yesterday I had an encounter with Overly Talkative Nanny while hanging out with my nephews at a playground. I got to hear all about how she can’t have children of her own within 2 minutes of sitting down at a nearby table.
[pdx TriMet Corey]
The MAX is the light rail train as specifically differentiated from the bus. I do not believe that hipsters, pre-mating or otherwise, would ride the bus. I have been on the bus. They ride their bikes (fixies) to the MAX if they are deigning to bless us with their glorious presence on transit.
[/pdx TriMet Corey & grumpy Mama rant]
Off to correct my mood…
He thinks this is specific? Pssh. I mean, I’ve had this exact conversation with at least 12 nerdy-looking guys this week. And only half of them were sleeper cells, so he’s going to have to narrow it down a bit more.
Twelve? Noni, how long do you have to wait for the bus where you live?
Well, there’s a bus stop right outside of my apartment, so sometimes I like to just hang out there and talk about bad business ideas and give nerdy guys cigarettes. I then pretend to put my number in their phones, but instead change their wallpaper and all contact ID pictures to various images of donuts.
Best. Hobby. Ever.
Don’t forget about changing the display language so that they can never get it back to English.
I have a labmate who would change any phone she found lying around to Korean (her native language). I have been careful not to let her get her hands on mine. I’ve gotten myself confused enough changing it to Spanish just to see how it would look. Took me a bunch of tries to find the right menu to change it back.
Ooooh…just had a thought! I know, it’s rare….but bear with me a moment.
Silva? You listening?
I think we need a new t-shit!
Remember the “Hello Kitty” craze?
How about a “Hello Sparklebits”? Those of us who are the cool kids at the cool lunch table would so be able to wear them with pride, knowing there is a HUGE chunk of society that this applies to…and we are pointing and laughing.
It has to have sparkle…and unicorns….okay, maybe not unicorns…
Hey, I came up with (part of) the slogan, y’all come up with the rest.
It must have bedazzling. On a tie dyed background.
Awesomesauce!
The t-shit doesn’t have to have that on it, we could probably spill our own on it. Or, I could. I seem to spill on everything – clothes, furniture, floor, pet.
I’m not sure the character should be a kitty, but that’s up to Silva. He should be wearing a t-shirt that says Deep In The Nerd Closet, and smoking a ciggie. And have a cell phone beeping in the other hand.
Oh I wasn’t thinking of a kitty. I was actually just thinking of the slogan.
Say – are you all graduates of the art institute for fasion design? Count me in for a couple of the Ts…….
I went to a college of art and design but I didn’t graduate
(spent a year and a half, got sick of it, transfererred to a “normal” college, graduated from there)
I’ll get around to it, if I can remember. I also have a coffee slices design I’ve yet to actually draw.
I heart you, Miss Silva. 🙂
Sweet candy-coated jeebus in a rocket-powered wheelchair, I think he’s talking about me!
No, wait; I’m not sure so it can’t be me.
Whew! What a relief!
I’ll be in my nerd closet
polishing Mr. Crowbarplaying Angry Birds on my iPod if anyone needs me.“Polishing Mr. Crowbar”. Heh. Heh heh.
He requires a lot of polishing. My arm’s usually tired afterwards and I get terrible finger cramps.
I don’t know if it’s all the details or the list quality of the post but it has given me this earworm:
It’s really not my habit to get involved
But apparantly Sparky is just not ve-ry evolved
But I’ll offer my advice
At the risk of being sued
There must be 50 ways to stalk your lover.
Slip in the back, Jack
Write her number on your hand, Stan
“Tracking device”, Brice
Just listen to me.
Follow her bus, Gus
Ain’t gotta make a fuss, Russ
Make a copy of her key, Lee
And a stalker you’ll be.
You’ve made Rhymin’ Simon proud, FM……
Something you did would be creepy? That’s just not possible.
I call the next YSaC meme. The bee-covered truck has nothing on this.
Oh, yeah, and I didn’t suffer any earthquake damage (that I’ve seen so far), except for the frame of one piece that fell down. Now, the National Cathedral, on the other hand ….
I heard about that. Capstones gone (sweet clothespin Jeebus! is nothing sacred?), and also cracks in the Smithsonian castle. 🙁
Glad you are OK though.
Good to hear you made it through with little damage Dave. Things seem to come in threes. First a hurricane, then an earthquake and now a Greyhound bus driver spills his load of frozen bull semen…….
I saw that story. I … I … well, let’s just say that having seen Port Authority, I can believe there is literally anything on those buses.
Damn it, Coffy, I can’t look at that at work! I’m a govenment worker, not a private business flunky!
Why do things like this always seem to happen in or come from Tennessee?
Bombdude – Since you asked: Tennessee Stud……
‘”It was no different to us than if a mattress fell off a truck,” said transportation spokeswoman B.J. Doughty. ‘
Bwahahahahahahaha! How I love living here!
Bombdude: Remember, TN is the state that proudly brought you The Klan.
ADDENDUM: This was meant to go directly under Coffie’s bull semen link, but oh well.
*tilts head*
I think the Spambot has a little crush on somebody. I’m glad he got over that fixation on [FEMALETRAITS2].
*Wink, wink, nudge, nudge*
It … um … fell off of the truck.
The Max? This dude has been hiting on Kelly Kapowski, methinks.
Ah, yes. You can never go wrong with a Saved By The Bell ref. Wasn’t the Max a restaurant?
Indeed. Although to my horror, I now realize it was Lisa Turtle that was the aspiring fashion designer. Saved by the Bell fail.
words fail
Dumb, dumb, dow, dow, what have you done?
Dumb, dow, dow, he’s just a smokin’ bum.
Dumb, dumb, dow, dow, what have you done?
Dumb, dow, dow, it’s the smell, it’s the smell…
Nooo, nooo, noooo.
Nooo, nooo, noooo.
Nooo, nooo, noooo.
Nooo, nooo, noooooooo.
Mizztys got a bum.
Mizztys got a bum.
Her whole world’s come undone,
Turn straight around and run.
What did the Sparky do?
What did he post about you?
They say cuz Mizzty faked some interest,
They found him underneath her bed frame .
But man, he lost her number’.
Now Mizzty’s got a bum,
She ain’t never gonna get rid of him.
Mizztys got a bum.
Mizztys got a bum.
Stalker day’s just begun,
Mizzty is on the run.
Tell me now it’s untrue,
What did her daddy do?
He jacked the little, bitty iPhone,
The man has got to be insane.
(Oo-ah, oo-ah, oo-oo-ah, oo-oo-ah.)
They say the spell that he was under,
The angry birds and the twitter,
Knew that someone had to make him abstain.
Run away, run away from the bum,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Run away, run away from the bum,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-eah.
Run away, run away, run, run away.
Woo!
With sprinkles?
And Sparklebits.
I can just see these two crazy kids getting together and staring a family. They will name the children Anthrax Socrates and Money Max. Then a few years later the twins, Donut and Cupcake will come along.
Ah, so Sparklebits = Bob Geldof.
I think this is the start of love, true love er… wuv, twue wuv, if only he had a weelbarro.
In other news, I’m no longer in the dark.
Squee! Panda! Squee!
Glad to see that the Goth Emo phase finally wore off.
Uh… you didn’t you eat the potato, did you?
You mean that wasn’t a magic egg??
OH CRAP! Limey is going to turn into a robot zomb-
Pay no attention to this post, just checking to see if my new avvie shows up.
:stares intently at spot slightly to the right of CJ’s post:
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE WOMAN BEHIND THE AVATAR!
DAMMIT PEOPLE!! Can’t any of you follow directions?
We’re rebels without a clue.
But we have Twister and Connect Four.
And a Lord of the Rings Monopoly set!
Was that your right or my right? I get so confused.
You know…ninjas!
FM wins this round.
m4w
Looking for the gal I remember as Mitzz.
Your ciggie took care of my nicotine fits.
I’d like to be kinder.
To a fashion designer.
‘Cause your cupcake’d look nice topped with sparklebits.
Whoohoo….after two months without, finally getting some rain in my area! Unfortunately it’s coming with a Severe Thunderstorm Warning and wind gusts of 50-60 mph.
I want to quit work and go play in the rain. So what if it’s dangerous.
You know, I don’t think the really heavy stuff is going to start for quite a while.
You’ve got time to finish the back nine.
Just leave that aluminum foil hat inside. And change out of that suit of armor. And hand over that metal yardstick. There ya go, on your way.
OT: This morning someone dropped a bacon and biscuit sammich in the parking lot at work and the first thing I thought of when I saw it was Bacontini. I think I’m on here too much.
No such thing.
You’re welcome.
Big parking lot, shopping cart and trashcan lid.
There’s supposedly a hurricaine headed towards the east coast this weekend (Sunday afternoon where I am). This weekend I’m also going to the seashore for a last mini-getaway for the summer. I’m heading towards the danger!
There are times <sigh> toiling in the murkier edges of the clandestine world, that a body occasionally would like to demonstrate that world to the more clueless (by endlessly vocal) sparki out there just how dark black can be.
Nothing permanent, mind you, just to gibbering tinfoil-wearing, maybe (just reflexively quieter and much more well-behaved).
Which is a great deal of work, what with the proportion of sparki out there.
But, it would be the only way to get them to shut up long enough to remind them that one of the best ways to begin being clandestine is to avoid being seen. And misspelling every other word is an excellent way to be seen.
<sigh> It’s hot out, and the PODS has arrived; the wheels of my permanent life changes are turning and beginning to accelerate.
When I try to picture his terrorist, anthrax, Socrates, money and “the max” (Sam Keith’s “The Maxx”??) themed apparel… I’m reminded of the Chinese backpack on FailBlog that had a collage of Spider-Man, Sonic the Hedgehog and Obama on it.
Been trying all day to clean the donut off my phone; where oh where is Sparklebits when I need him??
In the bushes outside your dad’s work, hiding in your boot* or lurking patiently in your wardrobe, apparently…
*ETA: Trunk, for the non-Colonials/motherlanders. Hehe, Sparklebits = junk in the trunk.
Congrats, Ghostie for being in the box. I would be a stalker for you, but I didn’t have the forethought to get your address. 8)
Ghostie SJ, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, TriMet!
This is one of the reasons I don’t enjoy talking to strangers (specifically strange men), and in fact cringe whenever they approach or even sometimes look at me.
Even if they’re not Schroedinger’s Rapist (http://tinyurl.com/yhsro69), there’s a strong possibility they could be Schroedinger’s Semiliterate-Nerdy-Stalker-Terrorist?-Sparklebits.