YSaC, Vol. 1045: I’m on a boat.
2011 July 29
BOAT 18IN.
FREE FIBERGLASS BOAT DOSE NOT WORK FREE FOR THE TAKING CALL xxx-xxx-xxxx
One thing you may not know about me is that I am an expert on boats. I can tell you just about anything you want to know about boats.* For example, I can tell you just by looking at it that this boat does not work.
“But drmk!” you cry. “How do you know this? How is it that you are so wise in the way of boats?” Well, I’ll tell you; it’s part detailed, specific knowledge and part Sherlock Holmesian powers of observation.
“You must tell us! How do you know this boat does not work?”
It’s simple, really … there’s no water. See? I’m an expert. Also, this boat is terrible at making lasagna.
Thanks, Ralph!
*Knowledge of boats may be over-represented or completely fallacious.
But it apparently works really well for large-scale ikebana.
Maybe it’s cause Hubby Monkey and I have been doing a lot of gardening and yard improvements (or trying to) the last few seasons, but I see potential in this sad little boat. I imagine if filled with wildflowers and sitting in the backyard as a kind of novelty. Maybe with some pink flamingoes around it.
Dear Llamanun (BBUY): I also know a little about boats. Never never never let this boat babysit. Just saying.
PS: Dave! Get out of my head! Or at least don’t move around in there so much! 🙂
“I imagine if filled with wildflowers and sitting in the backyard as a kind of novelty. Maybe with some pink flamingoes around it.”
I’ll have a pint of whatever you’re having.
Make mine a double.
With whipped cream and a cherry on top.
I’m having fermented ‘nanner juice.
*pours her friends a shot*
It was much better this morning when it was fresh.
I have often not been on boats.
I’m not on a boat right now.
Three words: dual boat sandboxes.
You can pretend to race each other across the
open oceanweed-choked yard!VROOOM! VROOOM!
Used my Jedi boat skills to notice diz boat dose gotz no seats ta sitz in.
I built my own seat out of bedazzled
gophersland trout.is that anything like a land shark?
Smaller and less toothy.
Or: Dueling boat sandboxes!
With a path in the middle, for a split-level effect . . .
I’m on a boat! I’m on a boat!
Everybody look at me!
‘Cos I’m on a mini boat!
I’m on a boat! I’m on a boat!
Take a good close look
At the miniature boat!
I know next to nothing about boats, I’m simply assuming “18IN” is referring to overall length, which would mean it’s probably a bit big for Stuart Little.
Some guys would be thrilled to have 18 inches.
Nah, not me. My arm would get tired.
You know, from constantly strapping it to my leg. Jeez.
/Corner.
Yeah I wondered when someone would bring up the fact that it’s 18 inches…glad someone did it before I did or I’d be in the corner as well…probably muttering lengths under my breath like in a Rainman sort of way…
They borrowed from the This Is Spinal Tap school of set design.
Ooh, I think I’ve seen this movie! Attack of the Zombie Watercraft.
The undead Jet Skis were down right creepy.
*shamble* *shamble* *shamble*
WAAAAAAAAAAVES
*shamble* *shamble* *shamble*
*shamble* *amble* *stumble*
HYDROPLAAAAAAAAAAAAANES
*amble* *shamble* *stuzel*
“Hey look, Bubba Ray! Summore targit practiss! Git yer gun!”
I’ve always wanted to branch out and try some boating, but I’m always afraid I’ll get left high and dry.
Dry is good – leaky boat bad:
A rowing enthusiast, Cox,
Had water seep into his socks.
By upward attraction
Capillary action
Caused testicle rot in his jocks.
Free boat – must supply your own motor noises.
Poor Sparky, his medicine isn’t working.
Actually, I was wondering whether the opposite might be true – the dose (a slang term for acid when/where I went to college) in fact worked rather too well, hence the attempt to drive this boat on dry land.
The random flora is a nice touch. Kind of like garnish on food that you already know is going to taste as well as look bad.
The flowers embedded in it make me think it was a parade float, and people were hurling whatever they could find to hasten the tetanus barge on its way.
“Tetanus Barge” for band name of the day.
Nah, I personally think his medicine is working great… It is leading him to get rid of his stuff.
For all you know he is one of those people who can’t part with anything. This is a great sign:P
Just like the backs of tolits, I’m sure boats can be made into great planters. And then you can set all your plants to sea to feed the invisible mermen!
They’re experiencing a drought right now, if you didn’t know.
…um…sorry but any word with ‘jay’ on the end always looks like vajayjay to me.
The ship set down on the shore of this
uncharted, urban yard.
They’ll have to make the best of things,
Sparky’s such a ‘tard.
off topic: cute bird on a tennis ball. thought you might enjoy it
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lp2mpfODpc1qazdhko1_500.gif
ghostie, back in the box, solo today. Take care of the plants, will you?
Oops. I thought that was a salad bar.
[boat-fu]
Dose not work and free for taking almost sensible.
Boats need many things.
If the boat has no
engine
controls
seats
or
Water
It will need a boat-trailer (and some way to unite boat and trailer). A boat trailer is not generic, it is unique to the boat to be trailed.
Until some other spark posts the ad “18IN Boat trailer, dose work” though, this foot will remain glass-slipper-less.
[/boat-phu]
Not-A-Minty-Shell.
*Twiddles Thumbs*
Soo… slow Friday, huh?
*Rocks on the porch*
Yup. Hot out too.
*Rock Rock*
Yup.
*Jingly*
Yup.
*twiddles shaft of wheat between teeth*
S’posed t’rain.
*rubs chin*
Grass sure needs it.
*nods*
Ain’t had none fer weeks.
*removes wheat shaft to spit end out, returns shaft to mouth*
Don’t bother me none, tho. Got me an ice thong.
*adjusts*
:sticks head out screen door, throws towel at MF:
Don’t you be dripp’n all over the good welcome mat, ya hear?
:deadbolts door, retreats to air-conditioned bunker with iced tea:
*Nods Slowly*
J’hear that they had another two headed cow b’ern at the Johanson’s place?
*Rocks*
’bout the eleventh or so down there I figgir.
*Spits over the rail*
Been dun heard that Denny’s is buyin’ up all them double headed cows for their new breakfast meal. S’pose to replace the grand slam.
*Sips from the hooch jug*
Callin’ it the Double Header.
*Jingly*
*spits out wheat shaft*
Denny’s?! What are you, one o’ them fancy-schmancy city folk now?
It’s all that book larn’n he’s got hisself. Makes folk go all uppity.
One o’ you boys drive Mama to town. She needs to get her hair permed and pick up Mr. Wuffles from the groomer’s.
*spits watermelon seeds over the rail*
Yup.
Y’all taint right.
Heh heh. “Taint”. Snort.
Off topic: my local deli is selling something they call a “Monte Crisco” sandwich. I wonder if it’s vintage.
The Count of Monte Crisco is an oily fellow who is best avoided.
Yeah, I always thought that book could use shortening…
*golf clap*
That was pretty slick.
Would that be the Full Monty Crisco sammich?
Any guy who tries to convince you that that is 18 inches has an ulterior motive.
Oh I don’t know, a little paint, couple of throw pillows….
A quick exorcism…
It just needs a healthy coat of flame.
Oh, come on, it looks like a great sandbox to me!
A little insurance fraud ….
Oh, dear, did I actually type that?
Sparks here must have been concerned about the boat drifting away, he even built a dock to secure it.
Those fescue rip tides are treacherous things. Best to be prepared.
Fescue Riptide will be playing tonight down at The Hayseed Bar and Grill.
I have so many questions Sparky…
How is it that a fiberglass boat has rust marks?
Those green resin chairs — when you encounter wakes or waves, are they a form of ejection seat?
Why did you leave out the fact that it comes with a free tree? That’s a big sale point to me…
And, exactly what kind of work did it do before it retired?
Just curious…
That is part of a boat dock next to it, isn’t it?
Maybe the area was flooded but the flood waters receeded? That’s the only logic I have for these images.
The flood waters have re-seeded due to the fescue riptide.
Nah, that’s the platform Sparky used to use to get into the really big, fancy pool when he wanted to play with his toy boat…
toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat toy boat
Cleedus McSparky hear.
i jus’ wan’ ya’ll to no us sparkies can be jus’ as smarmie as ya’ll.
why jus’ t’day i learnt what a period is.
not yur girlie period mind ya but a real period.
see how good i uses ’em.
anywho i recomposed another dittie for ya.
enjoyment.
Writin’ in the mornin’ sun
Post an ad ‘fore the evenin’ come
Watching the dust roll in
And then I pick my teeth and yield a grin, yeah
I’m sittin’ on the dock in my yard
Posting ads can be so hard
Ooo, I’m just sittin’ on the dock in my yard
Eatin’ lard
Still in my home in Georgia
Got no need the that fu fu bay
‘Cause I’ve got all I need right here
But it looks like I might out of beer
So I’m just gonna sit on the dock in my yard
Writin’ ads just like a bard
Ooo, I’m sittin’ on the dock in my yard
No PBR
Look like I need more OBO
Anything can be sold I’m told
I might have what some person might want to buy
So I guess I’ll peruse the porch, yes
Findin’ here amongst my stuff
There’s this rubber gal and she’s in the buff
I leave the porch in a huff
stepped on my dog he said wuff
Now, I’m just gonna sit at the dock in my yard
So many things I gotta guard
Oooo-wee, sittin’ on the dock in my yard
killin’ time
♪♪ ♪ ♪♪etc.
18-inch boat? Does “dose not work” mean it’s a broken R/C boat that can now just be a paperweight? If it’s a paperweight, is the guy an incredibly talented miniature modelist who made a scaled-down model of his own back yard, miniature plants included? Or is he just so freaking lazy that his desk is covered in mold that looks like grass and trees? Or are all of the above questions just the ramblings of a work-ravaged mind and the person posting the boat just an idiot who thinks “in” is the abbreviation for feet?
I don’t have any answers, Yancy, but I do have this flask …
It looks like the boat has been there since the Great Flood. The reason it dose not work is that the animals now refuse to line up to reboard it.
So there’s only like 5 feet between the boat and the miniature cabin?
We’re going to need a bigger boat.
I was so tired last night, what with settling in the new roommates and all, that I forgot to Punchity Punch Punch ghostie. I am sure she won’t mind too much. *checks shoes for little cat presents*
G’Morning, Coconut Island!
Does the 18IN remind anyone else of mini-stonehenge from Spinal Tap? http://thumbnails.truveo.com/0020/5E/AA/5EAA26EBD9D53580A4CB74_Large.jpg