YSaC, Vol. 1036: Sometimes an unbrala doesn’t feel like it should.
2011 July 18
unbrala patio propain heater
Good shape wend blew it over once and only used maybe once willing to trade for tools or a home computer or a flate screen hdtv??call jack @###-###-####
“Hey Earl – how many times did we use that propane heater?”
“Um, let me count.”
*pause*
“One”
*pause*
*long pause*
“Tw… no wait.”
*pause*
“One! um.. maybe.”
“Well then I guess we’ll post it on this here Cragisl..*THWACK* OW!”
“The Mistress of Window Pain demands the Pro Pain heater!”
(I know the recurring character means we may have jumped the shark here, but as long as Ted McGinley doesn’t show up, we should be OK.)
Thanks for the link, Mary!
*rubs temples whilst chanting “I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful”*
Sigh…
Jack, Jack…Jack…
I’ll make you a deal. I don’t have any tools or an HDTV, or even a home computer (though I am impressed you could spell ‘computer’ correctly), but here’s what I do have:
A complete set of 1996 Funk & Wagnalls Encyclopedia
A dictionary and a thesaurus.
Please, Jack, for the love of all that is holy, take these items in trade…AND USE THEM BEFORE YOU EVER POST ANOTHER AD, SPEAK ANOTHER WORD OR INTERACT WITH HUMANITY AGAIN. EVER.EVER.EVER.
*rubs temples whilst chanting “I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful”*
Not discounting the atrocious spelling, I love the fact that they are willing to make an uneven trade.
“I have this used chewing gum collection(only chewed once) that I will trade for a car, preferably a sports car”.
I will see your used chewing gum collection and raise you …
:checks under bed:
Some cat fur and a partially eaten piece of cardboard.
Oh yeah?! Well I have a big wad of dryer lint, a pair of banana peels that are just starting to turn black, and a car air filter, complete with dirt.
A can of bird cage scrapings, half a tub of Greek yogurt, and a box of yard sale left-overs!
You know, this fluffy stuff might be dryer lint instead of cat hair. Most of my dryer lint is cat hair anyway.
I’ll throw in a pair of MP3 headphones, a mashed up pack of chewing gum, a dried up bottle of nail polish, an old cake of soap, and the remote from our old tv.
*looks under bed and finds – one tub filled with kids toys and an empty shoe box*
Y’all have much more interesting flotsam under your beds.
I’m jealous…and frightened.
I know, the soap worries me. I don’t remember putting that there. Must have been during my New Year’s Eve blackout.
I don’t know what’s under my bed (besides a couple under-bed boxes, and probably some cat toys… I’m scared to see how large the kittens under there are) but I can check my desk drawers for ya….
Let’s see… A pair of socks, Midol, Island Margarita-flavored anti-bacterial stuff, a couple rubber bands, some ankle weights, and an unopened bag of chips.* Anybody have a nice DLSR they’d be willing to trade? MiniEB is too fast for my current camera’s shutter speed…
*All completely true.
Two spoonfuls of leftover macaroni and cheese, a pen cap, and the god of hangovers.
God of Hangovers was the best spinoff of the God of War games ever made.
Just don’t confuse it with the spinoffs God of Layovers or God of Leftovers.
One has to do with airports and the other has to do with casseroles.
Holy Leftovers is IF’s Meatloaf tribute band.
I thought that was referred to as Communion.
I think you’ll find that’s Bilious, the Oh God of Hangovers. (A pedant wrote.)
Exactly, Ratwoman 🙂
Hey there – I’m moving so the stuff I’ve found under the bed and in the deepest darkest corners of my drawers would power a supersonic spacecraft or create a new CraigSpark form of humanity (well, ape-manity). Found a cat toy – cat died in 2005 so shows how often I ‘spring clean’.
I have called exactly 10 different places “home” since 2005, so I hope I don’t have that problem pop up…
Hey Tig! 8) Bet the cat ghost was looking for that toy, too.
Anybody know if this will run on amateurpain? I’m all out of propain and hate to pay the high price.
I can get you a discount. 8)
Propain is a scam anyway. Just add some salt and cayenne pepper to the regular stuff and it’ll run just as well.
So, this is another case of “you don’t get what you pay for”?
I’m upset that Dan (BBUY) is picking on Jefferson Darcy. Shame! He totally saved Married With Children! He was the perfect sidekick for Al.
You’re a youngster FM – He was also a regular on Happy Days, Dynasty and Love Boat.
I do fondly remember him in Revenge of the Nerds. Sigh. He’s a pretty decent comedian.
You expect me to trade a home computer or flat-screen HDTV for an unbrala patio propain heater? If it were brala, you might have a deal, but since it’s unbrala, no.
I thought guys liked it when you went unbrala, especially if it’s cold enough out that you need a heater.
ghostie, not *all* guys are interested in the contents of a brala.
[patio heater & computer pricing corey]
In the sparkie-logic that 1 for $5 or 2 for $12 is a good deal;
brand-new, very-fancy, top-end patio heaters run about $300 retail.
A person can get a smaller, not-quite top-line, laptop for $300 retail.
A person can get a new 19″ HDTV for that price, too.
A smart buyer (ok, that’s not any sparky ever) could get a lot of pre-owned computer for $300.
Now, Spark’s gray-market, on-sale from the discount mart, used, patio heater, probably was never worth $100.
Since all of Sparkdom is unclear on the concept, my prediction is that he’s getting just what he asked for: Jack.
[/corey]
The only time where I agree with the propain people is when we’re talking about this sparky. I’m all about his pain.
Otherwise I’m generally antipain, especially when referring to myself.
The only “pain” I like is the kind I can inflict on people like our Jack McSparkyson here.
The only benefit to pain induced by a professional (i.e., medical professional) is you get professional-grade painkillers.
But they don’t call it pain; it’s “discomfort”. As in “You may feel some discomfort when we drill a hole in your jaw, here are some vicodin.”
Or “pressure.” That’s my favorite. Though, it WAS mainly pressure (and tugging) that I felt when they sliced MiniEB out of me under spinal anesthesia. Pushing on top of my stomach to get the kid out, and only being able to feel tugging/movement? That’s a weird sensation, right there…
Was there a loud “POP” at the end? 8)
I think it was more like a “splurt.”
I’m pro pain as long as it’s the French kind.
I’m BAAAaaaack! Was on vacation for the past week so I’m a bit out of the loop. But now I’m back, refreshed, and ready to take o–
Ooh. Oh. Wow. That’s new. I have a pain in my lower unbrala. Not your average pain, either. This is professional grade stuff. If y’all will excuse me I think I need to see a doctor about this. Preferably one who will trade in consumer electronics.
Welcome back, freaky puppy!
When I see “propane” I think of Hank Hill.
Propane and propane accessories.
Taste the meat, not the heat.
I will trade you a grammar slap for your heater since you are propain.
Oooh, I’ve seen those flate screen hdtvs. I think Fingerhut sells them. You inflate the screen, hang it on the wall, and put the rest of the tv unnerneath that.
*snort* Fingerhut. Are they still around? They sold some of the crappiest campiest cheap crap you could find anywhere.
Oh yes, they are! They keep sending me “LAST CHANCE!!!!” catalogs in the mail. Why, this month alone I’ve gotten two of them.
I’m beginning to think that “last chance” crap is just a ruse.
It’s a carefully crafted country kitchen fingerhutty ruse that comes in both dusty mauve and country blue.
I think they stoled my idear
I recently opened several lines of ‘LAST CHANCE’ parafanaili-
paraphonayli-
mercendiz-
stuff.
I remember sitting at my Grandma Monkey’s house, bored out of my skull, browsing thru those catalogs. Your car’s finish dull? They had a liquid for that. Your tomatoes not perky? They had a potion for that. Does your old man’s pen run out of ink too soon (wink wink)? They have an ointment that will help him. And every ugly version of pocketbooks and drapes and cushions….come to think of it, I bet that’s where Grandma got that purple shower curtain featuring the lyrics to Amazing Grace.
I’m sorry you missed out on that Taco.* I’m sure they have some version of it where you live. Like down here in TN it’s Hardee’s, up North it’s Carl’s Jr.
*Um, not really.
Not only are they still around, but I am preapproved for a line of credit with them which I will never use because I have some shred of taste left.
my favourite is the single slipper – must cause accidents when answering the door?
Must be a “not where Taco has ever lived” kinda thing. I’d never known of Fingerhut before this momement.
I wish to go back to the times before I knew of it; I was happier then. I laughed more.
Wasn’t fingerhut where Sparky bought the original Not.A.Lion.? Or was that Avon?
I thought Fingerhut was the zombie equivalent of the Pizzahut. Apparently, I was way off.
Astro, I think that sparky was comfused because I remember both those catalogs being mentioned. I also think someone said Fingerhut was owned by Avon or somesuch explanation.
Of course, I’m getting old and my brain may be making stuff up.
Oh Goodie, Fingerhut is having a Christmas in July Sale!
Dear Jack;
I am sorry I knocked your heater over but it kept arguing that the Marque de Sade had the right idea.
Most apologetically yours,
Wend
So is this one of those inventions that would have been the perfect comeback to your mother when she yelled,
“Shut the door behind you! What are you trying to do—heat the outside?”
Mother: “Shut that door! Were you born in a barn?”
Jesus: “Well, sorta…”
Hey look, the corner now has flames!
I think that’s the cattle that are lowing. I’m guessing here, but perhaps “lowing” is a euphemism for “passing the methane”…
Groucho Marx: If you look at it, it’s a barn. If you smell it, it’s a stable.
Chico Marx: Let’s just look at it.
I have a home computer that the wind knocked over maybe once. Give me a call and let’s make a deal.
Wait, isn’t a Flate one them critters what’cha cuts in two and y’gets two Flates?
Hey, Sparky is trying to pull a fast one . . .
Oh, you remember Unbrala.
“Silver and plain, uses propain.”
They had the upside down glasses.
Bob: So, Jack… I’ve got some tools I’m willing to trade for that top-heavy contraption you have there.
Jack: Awesome! Are they the ones I specified?
Bob: Heavy bolts, some washers, a riveter with an entire bag of rivets, industrial strength super glue… Yup, all accounted for.
Jack: Great, thanks. *takes the tools and helps Bob load the heater into Bob’s truck. Heads inside the house as Bob drives away* Jill! I got the tools you wanted!
Jill: Great! Now I can finally secure that heater to the patio so Wend stops knocking it over. What did you trade them for, anyway?
Jack: … Well, shit…
It’s the Gift of the Sparky Magi!
That’s my favorite Beesmas story!
You mean the one where she gets him a patio propane heater by selling off her bicycle and he gets her a bicycle curio cabinet by selling off his patio?
I love that story….
🙂
OK – technical question (Dan?) – how do I register a change of email address? Thanks TP
Does it tell you at the bottom of the page that you are logged in as tigprincess? You need to log out, and you should get all the fields to fill in. Put in the new email address. Submit a comment. That should do it. You may also need to go to the forum and re-register there.
Hey, I’ll trade you my flate screen TV for it. I always get dizzy when I try to blow it up to watch TV.
Wow, Larry, what a clever idea! Where did you get it, I wonder?
Does Fingerhut sell good ideas? No… guess I’ll have to go to Target, then.
Okay, I like your quilt much better. I’d like a trade, please! Unfortunately I don’t have pain anything but maybe that’s a good thing.
kelli kelli kelli, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Frontgate!