YSaC, Vol. 1025: Hangars are too good for them.
2011 July 1
WIRE HANGERS
HAVE LIKE 75 WIRE HANGERS I WOULD LIKE TO GET OUT OF OUR CLOSET.
Clearly this has to be edited slightly to make sense. The obvious way to read this is that it’s a “Mommie Dearest” situation:
I have, like, 75 wire hangers I would like to get out of our closet.
Little Christina Crawford has grown up and moved away, and Joan is cleaning out her inventory.
However, if we’re editing it anyway, let’s try this:
I have, like, 75 wire hangers. I would like to get out of our closet.
This person is trapped in their closet, with nothing else to do but count the wire hangers.
Now that you mention it, this could also be a “Mommie Dearest” scenario.
Thanks for the link, Clay!
As if! Like, OMG, I totally told you no wire hangers ever, for sure!
Wire hangers are like rabbits… leave them alone in a closet and before you know it, they’ve multiplied out of control. Please control the hanger population, have your hangers sprayed and coated.
Doesn’t spraying and coating them just make it easier for them to slide in and out?
*overhead announcement*
“kelli to the corner. kelli, your presence is required, in the corner.”
Don’t f**k with my ad, Fellas! This ain’t Sparkford’s first day at the Craigslist rodeo…
Wait…you can f**k coat hangers?
I’ll be right back.
PAM!
Shhh, I’m napping.
Are you in your bunk?
Sparky needs to change the settings on his washer and dryer. Socks are larval coat hangers; at the right temperature they undergo metamorphosis, disappear from the wash, and migrate to closets.
Either that, or Sparky is a gay abortionist.
**Handbasket**
If swingers are into partner swapping, what are hangers into?
I’m hoping it’s not a reference to the relocation of Grampdaddy’s various bits.
Cross dressing?
Ranch dressing, and occasionally “Zesty Italian”. Depends upon what the rest of the meal is going to be.
Kinky.
With a nice pinot noir.
…throw in a Chianti and some fava beans and I’m so there!
Ya know, I seem to have arrived at some sort of ‘social brand identity’. Perhaps I’ll begin marketing my own brand of hangers. I can envision the slogan:
“Use Grampdaddy Hangers – You’ll Always Be Well-Hung”
*Hmm – didn’t know the line could move that fast.*
“Use Grampdaddy Hangers – HANG ALL THE THINGS ”
Use Grampdaddy Hangers — hang all the things, but try to ignore the wrinkles!!
“Use Grampdaddy Hangers – Viagra not included ”
PECIL!
Jeez, who hangs just one sock out to dry?
A one-legged pirate in a pogo stick contest?
The Red Hot Chili Peppers during the early years.
Help! There’s a gay guy trapped in their (yes, that “they”) closet, and he’s trying to get out, but the 75 hangars are in, like, the way!
In other news, is “75 hangars” anything like “76 trombones”?
I doubt he’s still cheerful if he’s been trapped for very long.
I think it depends on if those trombones are rusty…
I thought it might be a not-terribly-bright lesbian, like, Valley Girl/surfer type. OMG! She has all these, like, hangers! And also? She’s, like, lesbian and stuff. Totally. Dude.
And a sister of Lesbos in the same way, like, totally, she’s gonna study to be a vegetarian to take care of all the lil’ animals and all!?
“I don’t eat meat, cause, like, I’m a veternarian.”
I thought the lyric was “And I want to be a veterinarian because I love children!”
75 wire hangers led the big parade
With a hundred and ten not-a-lions right behind
They were followed by rows and rows of the finest firmest obos
The cream of every famous band
[By the way, Astro, I think you may be confusing “hanger” and “hangar,” possibly intentionally. That would have to be one hell of a big closet to hold 75 HANGARS.]
Gah. The post title said “hangars” but the ad said “hangers”, so I assumed the ad was using the wrong word because I’d just woken up.
Depends upon the size of the planes–at 1:144 scale, the aircraft can be quite small.
Tho- a hangar of hangers would be a sight to see.
Harumph, a hanger hangar could just be a closet–unless the hangers were FAA-rated . . .
“Ooh look boss—the planes, the planes!!!”
OBOS
——————————————————————————–
HAVE LIKE 75 OBOS I WOULD LIKE TO GET OUT OF OUR LOUNGE. WILL ACCEPT VINTAGE CRISCO OR PALPAL.
Wait, where will Taco hang his thong if you sell all the OBOS?
TacoThong and the Hanging OBOs would be a great name for a band.
Coming soon to a nightmare near you!
Boiling bleach will be available in the lobby during the intermission. See the labled vats for any head dunking needs you may have.
Isn’t that the name of your Velvet Underwear/OMD punk mashup?
Seventy-five wire hangers
No room in the closet now.
Shoes gaze up in awe.
Life is like a box of hangers.
You never know what will come out of the closet.
Life is, like, a box of hangers.
Totally, Brah.
I’m always surprised by what tries to get out of my closet. No matter how many times I hang up my brown sweater, it always ends up on the floor next to my white pumps.
I will have to pay closer attention to what the hangers are doing.
In other news:
Hammy, reading your blog is making me want a puppy. I HAVE to stop looking at those milky little eyes.
Bwahahaha, my evil plan is working!
1.Infiltrate all homes with irresistible puppy bots.
2.Send the “bad dog signal” to all the bots
3.Invent some bogus training technique and write a book about it.
4.Embed short range transmitter in book that sends out “good dog” signal.
5.PROFIT!
I had a puppy bot once. It’s so hard to house train those little guys; I was always finding oil and bolts all over the carpet.
Things to Do with 75 Wire Hangers:
1) Donate them to Goodwill or a bankrupt dry cleaner
2) Try your hand at breaking into vehicles
3) Construct the world’s thinnest flagpole
4) Unbend and wire as many together as necessary to reach into your neighbor’s window from your home and steal their keys
5) Climb onto your roof and create a TV antenna that will receive channels out of Europe
6) Make the world’s largest marshmallow roaster EVER
7) Electrocute yourself even while standing on the opposite side of the room from the outlet.
8.
a) Start a freelance coat check service.
b) Open a coat store with astonishingly low prices.
9. Make a 75 fingered back scratcher.
10) Create 75 kites that only fly when you run at top speed.
11) Create a cage to go with the great one I picked up a few days ago.
12) If near 42ºN, get duck/duct tape, plaid shirt, and combine to celebrate Canada Day.
12a) On Monday, betwixst Niagra and Rio Grande, create Rube Goldberg meets Red Green 4th July combo hot dog, smore, & marshmallow roaster of Transformers dimension (and similar public works safety)
13) Make bird swings and perches. Really. This is what we do. Or I should say my honey does. We always replace the dowels that come in bird cages with more natural perches. The dowels are then cut to size for bird in question to swing upon, a small hole drilled at each end, and the wire bent around with a little pop-up area at the top for the hanger. Ta-Da!
14. Twist into heart shapes and sell at local swap meet for $2 each.
15. Go into local art gallery. Throw on floor and claim it is an installation called “Lives Saved.” Sell for $20,000
So the 75 hangers are trapped in the closet?
Pop-A-Lock was busy…
I was trapped (locked in) Hangar 75 once.
I suppose that’s better than Hangar 18.
Hello? Anyone still here?
There’s an echo from box today.
Good thing I brought my pillow and a book to read. 🙂
You’ll be let out tomorrow morning, like always. Be sure to eat all your flies and slugs, there’s a good gecko.
I’m reading it as:
Have, like, 75 wire hangers? I’d like to get out of our closet.
I could find 75 wire hangers and create a really long device that could possibly help Sparky get out of the closet. It would pick the lock AND pick Sparky up by his shirt.
LimeLolly, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Hasbrouck Heights!