YSaC, Vol. 1024: A woman needs a fish like a bicycle needs.. wait, what?
2011 June 30
In today’s economy, it’s nice to know that there are still people who know exactly what they expect in their working conditions, and aren’t willing to settle for anything less. This poster has very strict requirements for their working conditions. Do they demand safety equipment? Ergonomic furniture? A fully stocked hummus bar in the cafeteria?
No they do not.
women or folding bicycle – $50
I am looking for a women or folding bicycle in working conditions, doesn’t matter the appearance.
Honestly, they might have better luck with the hummus.
Thanks for the link, Peter!
I’d like a man or a rowing machine. Maybe we can work out a trade, Sparks. Appearance does matter, so I’m willing to pay $40.
It seems like there should be a creative way to combine those two. In fact, I’d wager something like it has already been invented…
Hey, how did the corner move over here so quickly?
There’s something that will work out my whole body and bring me flowers on occasion? I am interested in your philosophy and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Sparky doesn’t seem to care what kind of ride he gets.
What? It’s too early for the corner. The coffee isn’t even ready.
Actually the first one in the corner coagulates the coffee and slices it up for everyone.
Yeah? Well, Baby never has to make the coffee, ’cause nobody puts Baby in the corner!
Well you know what they say about a bike ride, L2. Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty danged good.
I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike!
At work, at home, and everywhere, I want to ride it where I like!
If you want working women for only $50, the appearance is likely to be rode hard and put away wet..
It’s time for Jeopardy!
I’ll take Working Women for $300, Alex.
Or as my wife and I say, “Pork Roast Face.”
Nothing wrong with having a face comparable to a pork roast, mind you, it just scares the children.
Ralph! You were in the box the other day! Did you know that?
There are some pluralization disagreements here that makes me think this post was a collaborative effort between Bacontini and Gollum.
Yes, yes, we want de womens. No! No, we want a women, one is enough, because Smeagoltini is here for de womens or a women. Yessss. Or a folding bikes in good conditionsssss. Yes, we wants it. One of it. Smeagoltini needs to get in shapes, he does! But a soft women would make us happy, yes it would. But a bikes would make us fits. We wants the bikeses we do! Maybe we want a womens to ride the bikeses! No no no Smeagoltini, stupid, stupid, stupid, that would defeats the purposes. Oh, my preciousssss…
fixee de bikesss?
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at Gollum without laughing now… Normally it’s just a Samwise-esque scornful glare, but now there will be sniggering involved.
women’s bike or folding bike?
(amazing how a little missing punctuation turns it into a prostitute-seeking ad :P)
OH! That’s what sparks was asking for. Now it’s making sense finally.*
*This may not be true.
Ah, a panda who knows how to punctuate. I bet you eat shoots and leaves too!
“Put your hand down, Horshack.”
“Thank God for commas.”
every time someone gets anal about punctuation I think of the Oatmeal comics and then waste too much time re-reading them
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe
I love The Oatmeal. He’s awesome.
Mmm… distraction…
My husband is always throwing logic at me like this. I don’t like it. No, sir, don’t like it at all.
No wonder I failed as a butler. I thought I was supposed to call the guests names as they entered. My bad.
Dave: Hey, lady, leave the ugly ape outside!
Maybe the Sparkster wants a “Folding Woman” and a “BIKE” supporter to keep his ‘spirits’ up.
Sparkletini is here for de women, or de bikes, or both. He aims to please.
Some women even get called “the local bike” because everyone has … er. Corner.
Because everyone has … tightened the chain? Changed a sprocket? Adjusted the seat? Oh, oh, oh! Honked the horn.
Kinky.
Put her kickstand up. That’s it.
Replaced her pads…
Oh, hey Lola. It’s a corner kind of a day, isn’t it?
City bike or mountain bike – you can find the style you want almost anywhere. You do need to decide how many speeds you want though, so you can match your riding conditions.
And a bell. It must have a bell for me to ring.
For $50 my spare bike would fold. I’d just need my hacksaw, a few hinges and 20 minutes.
Wisconsin…hacksaw…connection? You be the judge.
Is Grampdaddy looking for a summer job? Cause, you know, he likes to peddle it all over town.
Are those coffee slices ready yet? The corner looks empty this morning.
Nope, I have a summer job. I’m doing destruction work on GrampMommy’s and my domicile. Hopefully by the time school starts again, it will be inhabitable.
As accident prone as I am, I don’t want a folding bike. I can imagine it collapsing on me as I ride.
As far as “in working conditions”, I want jacuzzi service, at my desk.
Add in Sven and I’d work there.
I can rent him out hourly if you’d like. My price is either 30 bucks an hour, or a bike able to do oragami.
For a second there I thought you were charging by the number of something that is not so different in spelling from origami and not all that different in terms of difficulty sometimes. It’s late but I’ll hang out in the corner for a bit before bed.
So what’s the going rate for a folding woman? Enquiring minds need to know…
I’m now old enough that PARTS of me are folding, but I don’t think that’s worth any cash to anyone.
I’m old enough that parts of me are – hmm, ‘folding’ isn’t the right word – droop-, nah, that gives the wrong impression. Let’s go with ‘relocating’…
Now I’m imagining signs hung on parts of Gramps’ body saying, “We’ve moved! Please visit our new outlet conveniently located at…”
I don’t know whether to send you two to the corner together, or to separate corners! 8)
Depending on how fast Grampdaddy’s parts are relocating, maybe he should have a corner all to himself. And like a scoop or something.
“We’ve moved! Please visit our new outlet conveniently located at…”
“Coming soon to this location – Watch for our Grand Opening Sale!”
And like a scoop or something.
FM, are you trying to “Pick me up”? Because, I do have standards – they are extremely low, but I do have them.
Where IS Freddy Mercury when we really need him? “I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike…”
No no no. I’m just trying to be “supportive”. You know, like a good quality undergarment.
Grampdaddy, Jinx! Of course you were first, so the jinx is mostly on me. That will make my day.
I would suggest that Grampdaddy remain open during renovation. Please excuse the mess.
Alright my fellow snarkers!
The time has come, the fat-cat said, to speak of many things.
Of *hack, hack, wheeze* plague-bearing hoomins;
Of antibiotics and hallucination-inducing fevers.
Of taking these things on vacation in 3….2….1…
Party on my friends and *cough, hack, wheeze* if I survive this recent ’bout of the plague and upcoming visit with mother-in-law, I’ll see you in about two weeks.
Happy 4th to the Americans…and the Not.Americans, too!
I’d rather have the plague oozing out of every opening in my body than face the mother-in-law.
Happy holiday, and get all recovered.
Sounds the perfect timing to me. Unsuspecting MiL with no locally-built immune response, with travel-related immunosuppression, and being just at the back end of ailing . . .
An ichor-based “tag, you’re it” sort of game.
Bwahahahahahahaha! Cap’n: I read MiL as MILF. Gave your post an entirely different tone.
And, just what would “frustration” have to do with it?
With all the laundry I have, a folding anything would be appreciated: bike, woman, monkey… just please fold my laundry!
Dealer calls, bike folds, laundry folds… bet is 20 tubs of vintage Crisco to you Lyle.
Just don’t spill that pot. Topper gets cranky when we have to scrub shortening out of her.
A folding monkey. No. Way.
Monkeys do not “fold”. However, they do staple, bend and mutiliate.
I’ve seen one spindle, but never staple…
That was probably my cousin Daisy Lou. She’s pretty “limber” if you know what I mean.
Sparkster, you’re in luck. Just visit my workplace, a big famous shipping company (that shall go nameless). If you don’t mind being awake at 4 in the morning. There are women (including me) working, as well as the occasional bike that comes in off the trucks. A good thing you don’t mind the appearance; no one is looking their best at that hour in such a dusty warehouse and the bikes are in cardboard boxes. Of course, the bikes are being mailed to someone else (or stores) and the security guard will escort you out and ban you from ever coming back for trying to take either one.
::digs out copy of “Eats, Shoots & Leaves”::
Here, Sparky, no more Craigslist posting until you’ve read and understood every page of that book.
(That should keep Sparky busy and out of our way for a while.)
But AR, there is an unlimited supply of Sparkies, and not all of them read books. And they are breeding. It’s the end of the world as we know it.
More books!!
I feel fine.
*sips from flask*
Been around the world and found that
Only stupid people are breeding
The cretins cloning and feeding
And I don’t even own a TV?
I’ve been livin’ underground with the moles
diggin’ holes.
My questions are these: is “a women” a new non-pc term for female siamese twins? Two separate, identifiable entities in one convenient package? Or is “a women” another term for one person with split personality disorder?
The kinky corner’s looking kinda full. I’ll go sit in the shamed-for-derogatory-thinking corner. Might be a little quieter there. No coffee slices for me, thanks. I’ll comfort myself with a glass of lukewarm Mt. Dew.
What’s with the new name?
I wondered, too, but I’ll just …
*passes flask*
I spent 3 and a half days in teleconference at work. I wasn’t able to hang out here as much as I’d like. As the conference wound down, I was able to post the comment. As most teleconferences are, it was one of the most painful and tedious experiences I’ve endured in a long time. The first two days were so rough, I ran out of tequila Tuesday night.
Three and a half DAYS?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!!!!
Three and a half hours would be brutal enough. I am impressed with your stamina, dude. I’d be incoherent at the end of the first day!
Hmm, a flask may in fact be insufficient for your needs after that!
Welcome back to the
realsnarky world!It was documentation review by committee. Which, let me tell you, is one of the absolute most tedious things you could possibly imagine. It makes watching grass grow look like a day at the horse races.
Like, legal doc review? You’re an attorney?
I hear it’s boring enough doing it yourself … but by committee? Oy …
Technical writer.
Reminds me of something I read on a forum passing through… the guy was boasting about all the women his ROLE-PLAYING CHARACTER has been with, which I think is pretty sad in itself. But anyway, amongst the usual vampires and priestesses and cat-girls, there was a succubi. A SUCCUBI. I just sort of paused and said “what the hell is a succubi? Is that like… like… a conjoined twin succubus?” while making faces at my computer screen.
I feel sad for a guy that would brag about RPG hook ups. Even if one of them was a conjoined demon.
I think I’ve seen this movie – Origami Women Versus The Atomic Folding Bike. I found the guacamole wrestling scene to be overdone, but the lunar chase sequence was very exciting.
Lunar chase sequences are so last year. Solar chases are the new thing for the summer blockbusters, I hear.
Solar chase scenes are indeed a HOT new trend 😉
Ghostie and Mindee Sitting In A Box! Punchity Punch Punch Eating Lox!
G’Night, New South Wales!