YSaC, Vol. 1022: Don’t cage me in.
2011 June 28
FREE ANIMAL CAGE W/ASSESORIES
hey everyone, i gotta really nice animal cage for free, i dont need it no more. i will clean it good for you and set it out curbside. ONLY FOR THOSE IN NEED!!! NOT FOR RESALE!!!
tell me your story and ill decide who gets it.
They don’t need it any more because they’ve decided it’s just easier to let their pets live in squalor right alongside them. After all, when they clean the paper at the bottom of the cage, they just dump it on the floor anyway, so why even bother with the cage? They’ll just let their pets roll around in ripped-up Yellow Pages from 1974 and mouse feces just like their mommy.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bleach EVERYTHING.
Thanks, Ellen!
Theory A: The dog was smarter than Sparky, got away, and is actually the one posting this ad. He no longer needs the cage because he’s FREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Theory B: The Collyer brothers had a dog, and this is the first anyone has known this fact.
Addendum to Theory B: Everyone already thought the Collyer bros. had died a long time ago, which would account for the stench wafting from their dilapidated bungalow, so their sudden reemergence came as a shock, not for the least reason that if they hadn’t died before, they couldn’t understand how they could survive the smell now.
GACK! URP! BLLEEEAAAARRRGGHHHH!!!
I have no intelligible words for this.
It made me throw up too!
Oh wait, that’s just the virus.
Sometimes one man’s trash is another man’s trash…*urp*
I thought one man’s trash was another man’s garbáge.
Boy was finally able to free himself from the Cage of Doom and Really Smelly Newspapers, and make his way back to the jungle.
Tarzan and Jane, overcome with joy, didn’t believe humans could live in such squalor when he told them the harrowing tale….until one day…
Tarzan had gone into the village to trade Cheetah (again – it was a pretty sweet scam..Cheetah would hang around the shop for a day or two, then “escape” back to the jungle and the dozen bananas waiting for him at Tarzan’s tree house..until the next time) for some leopard-skins so Jane could make a new outfit for the big hunting party dance that weekend when he saw a big box in the shopkeepers office.
The box emitted noise and upon closer inspection Tarzan found it also seemed to have people trapped inside. People who lived in filth and squalor and trash piled to the ceiling of their huts. Tarzan watched in amazement and began to feel guilty for not believing Boy’s story. The shopkeeper came over, noticed Tarzan’s look of concern and mistook it for fear that there were people trapped inside the box, and explained this was a television. He took a few more minutes to explain how a television worked, but Tarzan didn’t seem to grasp the concept.
That evening, as Jane prepared a meal to be served on banana leaves, Tarzan sat down with Boy and told him what he’d seen.
When he got to the end of the story, he placed a hand on Boy’s shoulder and said, “The evil people who trapped you, shrunk you and kept you prisoner, live in little box in village shopkeeper’s shop. Names are Bob and Ruby Hoarder. Boy no have to worry, though, Tarzan take care of everything.”
The next morning the shopkeeper was astonished when he opened the door to the shop and found his brand new, LG HD flat screen television smashed on the floor.
He knew, immediately, who the prime suspect was. After all, Tarzan’s face had been a mix of anger and fear the day before, but without any witnesses – and who is going to testify against a man that counts among his friends the cheetah and king of the jungle?
No, the man decided it was better to take the high road here so he pulled out his cell phone and made a call to the local State Farm rep.
“Hey, Bob? Yeah, apparently a chimpanzee broke into the hut last night and smashed my new television. Am I covered under my hut-owners insurance policy for the loss?”
Love it, CJ! 8) Help yourself to some squalor, I have plenty.
Mini-tanks, Windy! I have plenty of my own..what with first the omg-can-you-die-from-this? virus a couple weeks ago to the omg-I-can’t-breathe ear/lung/sinus infection this week…my house is looking pretty sad. The spiders are lovin’ it, though.
Good
drugsjob CJ!! Hope you feel better soon.Thanks, Artsy…went into the drugstore yesterday with relatively heavy wallet and came out with FOUR prescriptions and much lighter wallet.
My fav, of the four, is the cough syrup. Without it, I keep hacking and wondering if I can, in fact, dislodge a lung or worse – and I’ve done this before – break a rib. With it, I am fit to sit at this desk and pretend to work all day.
Of course, it does make me kinda……zzzzzzzzzzz*snort* Huh? Where was I?
The last time I had bronchitis I was prescribed codeine syrup. OMG! A swig of that + a few drinks = party time at the old monkey hut. I was high. (Seriously be careful driving after taking codeine syrup, for reals).
AFTERTHOUGHT: Hubby Monkey said I was pretty wild and wooly while on the codeine, and he asks me to ask the dr to give it to me every time since. I’m not abusing drugs, my husband is abusing my drugs.
FM…on codeine w/alky-haul? LOL! Where’s a camcorder when you need one?
Codeine makes my tummy rumbly, so I’m on hydrocodone…yeah, much better.
Last night, at oldest daughter’s house, I was introduced to an evil, wicked critter called a “Dreamsicle”
It’s whipped-cream flavored wodka mixed with Diet Sunkist orange soda.
O.M.G.
Dee-lish and dain-jer-ush…
Mind you I’d already had some of the not-so-mild cough syrup, am dizzy as all get-out from the ear infection, and she gives me one of these.
Holy crapola.
My daughter may be the anti-Christ.
Then again, I left there feeling better than I have in months.
Calls to mind an ever-drunk uncle who said he never sobered up enough to notice any sickness or pain.
I think I understand now.
*disclaimer to the story above*
Hubby was the DD last night, and he left there Dreamsicle-less.
*looks at what she wrote and reflexively heads to corner*
CJ: For all I know Hubby Monkey did record my alcohol-codeine night. He may be saving it for blackmail material!
Or sold it to the Monkeys Gone Wild website.
Oh no! My dad will see me on a commercial!
Better a commercial than when he logs into his account on the site.
(ot) When I was a social worker and did home visits I saw many children living like this. Brings back back memories.
Back on topic : This picture makes me want to hang air fresheners all over my ‘puter monitor.
ADDENDUM: “FREE ANIMAL CAGE W/ASSESORIES” What’s an “assesorie”?
It’s French adhesive jewelry designed to be stuck on one’s behind. (cf. The Bedassler)
A poo-flinging monkey doesn’t know what an assesorie is?
Hey hey hey. I do my poo-flinging the old school way, no assesories or accessories. No bells or whistles. I keep it real.
PS: When a poo-flinging monkey is disgusted and impressed by your mess, you’re pretty danged filthy.
That picture makes me feel dirty, and not in the happy-fun-time way.
:goes to heat up the Brain Bleach Jacuzzi:
I think that floor may be infectious, and not in the watching-that-old-guy-laugh-his-nasally-laugh-on-Comedy-Barn way. I mean there’s probably an entire CDC specimen room full of pathology on the floor alone.
:scooch over:
I felt the same way. I wanted to disinfect my computer.
Get the extra large jacuzzi fired up; I think it will be busy today. I’ll bring the brain bleach cocktails.
Just getting this out of the way: BLEACH ALL THE THINGS!
[confession corey] Now, confession time: I was a lazy kid. I mean a really, really lazy kid. It wasn’t unusual for my room to pile up with crap over the course of months. Now, it wasn’t filthy like that, just mainly refuse and dirty plates and stuff. I eventually grew out of that — mostly, as my computer desk still has all sorts of stuff on it, but at least it’s stuff I use, or plan on using … at some point. (eg. paper notes, tank atomizers whose wicks I stole for another that burned its down and I eventually plan on replacing with pure silica rope, pens, Xacto knives, etc.) But that up there … that’s almost an episode of Hoarders. Needs about another foot or two of crap across every inch of floor. That would have disgusted even the kid version of me. [/confession corey]
That said, that’s a pretty big cage. Big enough for a human with some leg room — or two if you prefer to keep your captives as uncomfortable as possible. Not very strong though, if one of them manages to cut through their rope/duct tape, and assuming they haven’t become malnourished and dehydrated by that point, they should easily have the strength to break their way out of there.
Then again, they’re probably half naked, and that would mean touching those floors (or what passes for a floor) with their bare feet, and that’s not a place I’d even want to play “the floor is lava” in. Everything is lava*.
* There may or may not be a missing R in that word.
I generate a lot of clutter, not as much as when I was younger, but enough that I have to periodically clean all the things just so I can walk around without tripping over something. Even at my worse I was nowhere near this level of filthy.
I know where you’re coming from sir. However my less organized past had a good impact on my psyche… plus I married a woman who’s all about organization.
Now I use a 6 month cycle: I start with something tidy and organized. I add to the pile and slowly approach a state of destructive chaos for 6 months. At some point it will reach a critical mass of disorganization and suddenly I MUST CLEAN ALL THE THINGS! I go into a frenzy of cleaning and organization. The cycle then repeats itself.
See, with me, I couldn’t go 6 months, because the more cluttered/messy I get the more intimidated I become of the amount of work that needs to be done in order to deal with it, and the less likely I am to want to do it. So I have to make myself keep relatively on top of things lest it get out of hand. Except I kind of suck at organization.
I’m not super fastidious about it, but I do try to keep things under control on a daily basis rather than “PILE IT ALL, BWAHAHAHAHAHA.” But even with my small efforts at damage control it does slowly build to a head twice a year.
I try to put tools back in the tool box, or put disks back in my disk book. Papers I try to file, and projects I try to add to my project binders. However, just enough slips through the cracks that a clutter starts to slowly take over. Once my desk gets to a point where I have less than an 8-1/2×11 inch space clear in the center on which to work, it’s time for a frenzy. Similarly, once I get to the point where I have to concentrate in order to balance something on my shop bench pile, it’s time for a frenzy.
I clean and organize everything once a season. It doesn’t take long for it to go back to messy. BUT I never leave food or dishes or real trash around. It’s all paper stuff, art supplies, cds, bags, and shoes. But most of all drawings… drawings, drawings EVERYWHERE.
My computer desk is constantly covered with notes to myself.
I am clean…no really I am always cleaning…something. My son, daughter-in-law, and grandson lived with us last year and son said to me one time – “Mom, you NEVER sit still. You are ALWAYS cleaning something.”
That would’ve been nice, except he added “….wish wife was like that.” Ouch….she heard that.
Anywho – this year, literally from the first of February to today – has been one sickness after another.
My house is presentable but I’ve noticed a decided lack of cleanliness-to-my-standards.
Really bugs me, and as soon as the fever breaks I’m gonna….zzzzzzzzzzzz
My maternal grandmother was like that. My clean was her messy. Her clean was my “Good enough for a G15 summit brunch.” Minus the riots, that is. I have to assume she was a genetic aberration because those genes never got passed on to either my mother or me. (But then, my mother was aberrant in a number of ways, so that may not mean anything.)
I do try and keep clean to the degree that I try and wash up after meals (or wash the stuff I don’t need anymore while cooking), but sometimes I just don’t bloody feel like it. Especially after a button-popping meal.
Freaky-puppy, are you implying I may be Abby-something?
If so, thank you.
If so, pot meet kettle.
My mother-in law is like that. You could eat off any of the surfaces of her house… in fact there isn’t a surface in her house that I would feel uncomfortable licking.
Those genes passed moderately to her female children, and jumped the shark in her son. My wife got the second sized helping, but it’s tempered with a certain desire to do things other than constantly clean. My sister-in-law is more of a clean-it! person; but since getting married, getting a full-time job, and adopting a dog, things have loosened up quite a bit. Not to the point her house looks as modestly cluttered as mine, but somewhere between our house and her mother’s.
Frankly I like a bit of clutter. It makes the house feel more lived in and less formal. A pristine house always makes me feel constricted because I’m afraid to loosen up lest I disrupt the careful order of things.
I honestly think it’s some kind of coping mechanism for my brain. It helps me unwind and organize my thoughts as I clean.
Ahem…Taco…don’t go licking the surfaces in my house. You’re liable to come up hacking cat hair.
I’m clean, but I’m not that clean.
Abby Normal? Why yes. Yes, you are. But then, aren’t we all here to one degree or an even bigger degree? I mean, I’m on the milder end of the spectrum, naturally, at least when standing next to just about anyone on Faux News. But then that’s a low bar to hurdle.
I don’t particularly like things pristine either though. It’s more maintenance than I have the patience for, and plus, I got used to the idea of living in organized chaos a long time ago. I can never find anything when it’s in its proper place.
True story: Three weeks ago I spent an hour looking for my bullet level; all the while swearing in frustration that I can never find any of my tools because of the squalor. I found it hung up with the other tools in the spot specifically reserved for it. TacoMa’am made fun of me quite a bit for that one.
…said the freaky-puppy to the right-wing, Tea Party Conservative, Miss Abby Normal…
😉
That’s as may be, but you have to admit, Glenn Beck? That guy is so far off the deep end he has to look up to see Marianas Trench.
But then I’m a dirty socialist liberal Canuck, so I may be a little biased. 🙂 (Also, our flavour of “conservative” isn’t quite the same as yours, so it just seems crazier to me.)
I believe Beck and O’Reilly love to coin the term “Secular Progressive”….
When Erma Bombeck learned she had a short time left on the planet, she said she wished she had cleaned less and laughed more. More hugging, more play time, that’s my motto. 8) You can eat off my floor if you’re a bird, cause there’s always seed scattered around. And we are less frequently sick because we don’t clean too much. At Casa Windrose, we’re dirty and we like it!
*tries to find a corner to standards.*
@ Freaky-puppy…yeah, umm..Beck…I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’ve NEVER watched his show.
I rather consider Beck along the same lines I consider Jon Stewart (liberal) in that they are there to entertain, not necessarily always be taken seriously.
Annnnd…while we are at it…I love that we – polar opposites on the political scale *cough-mudsy-cough* can, nonetheless find common snark-ground here.
It is truly why I hang around.
So, while I am a tea-party activist, a raging conservative, a prol-life activist/advocate, and a strong Christian, I’m also a royal pain in the ass, a snarkologist, and all around goof.
Truth be known, no matter which side the fence you ride buddy, we’re not that different.
Group hug time!
*wanders off to check the dosage labels on that bottle of cough syrup…oh…one teaspoon every twelve hours…not every *two hours…*
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
*I may not, in fact, have taken it every two hours…can’t be sure…*
“Secular progressive?” I hadn’t heard that one before. That could probably describe me, except I’m pretty sure they’re likely using those as polite epithets.
As for being too clean — I’ve always felt that having a little clutter and allowing a little gross into your life once in a while helps build your immune system, especially with the way cleaning products are all randy for antibacterials. Just the same, I think I still get more than my fair share of colds — but thankfully little else.
Also, CJ – I think the common bond of snark can overcome almost any differences as long as you have a sense of humour. I mean, if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that the other guy is an idiot and is fair game for a sound mocking.
I’ve always advocated that some squalor and a heaping handfull of hot peppers was what the body needs to help the immune system stay strong.
It also assures that you have plenty of time in the bathroom to contemplate the wisdom of eating super-spicy food.
“I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m never eating anything that spicy again!”
3 hours later.
“OH YES! Habenero* hotwings for me please!”
*Real Habeneros… not the ones they use in commercial products or sell in the white-bread grocery stores.
*drags out soapboax*
Secular progressive – sigh…really, it’s fraught with derogatory connotations and brings nothing to a conversation.
I detest uppity folk – be they secular, progressive, purple people eaters or whatnots – just in general.
We Uh-Mericans point fingers at one another and rarely look in the mirror….where the real answers lie.
*drags soapbox back to corner..sits down and admires the pretty clouds floating around the Snark Lounge – HEY! Don’t tell me there aren’t any clouds inside the lounge, this is MY
haloocinashionhuluusinashionshawlooschangestrip and I’ll have pink fluffy clouds if I want to!*I support the good ol’ U. S. of A. – United Snarkers of America (icluding North, South, and Central, and all non-America places as well)!!
I agree that both Beck and Stewart (as much as I love him) are not to be taken entirely seriously – but do you think Beck knows that? I know Stewart does. And that makes a big difference.
@Taco – Yeah… that pretty much describes me. Chicken burger dripping in Franks? Oh HELL yes. Side of pepproncinis for munching, too, and some of those spicy kalamata olives, please. [later that day, in between the hair-whitening screams and sincere pleas for a quick death, one can hear the hissing steam of the toilet water boiling dry.]
What the top half of me loves, the bottom half punishes me brutally for.
@Windy – Yeah, I can definitely agree with you there. Those uppity people — the worst of the worst — are why I will never, ever go by the Politics tab on Fark or set virtual foot in places like Free Republic. It just gets my blood pressure up.
@AR – I think Beck is aware of his own lunacy and doesn’t fully believe it himself, but he tries to pass it off as his true beliefs, which is what makes the difference in my book. He does it for ratings. At least Stewart knows it’s satire and plays it as such.
Dunno ’bout Beck…like I said, I’ve never seen his show. However, my mother does watch him and because of that is constantly telling me we are in the end times – to which I never fail to remind her they can’t be end times..not this week (whatever week), because I have tickets to {insert movie/game/venue} next week.
Yeah, it’s at about that point she gets pissed-off.
Some people have no sense of the ridiculous.
As for Stewart…I’ve seen him on O’Reilly and while I do agree he plays for laughs I also agree he doesn’t always see the things he says/does the way we (horrid, nasty conservatives) see them and he’s not too willing to try. Case in point – his recent Amos & Andy spoof of Herman Cain…imagine a conservative – like Beck – doing that. I’d bet dollars to someone else’s doughnuts that Stewart would be outraged.
Okay, Ima stop now…and drive home.
Wish everyone else on the road luck……..wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
@MF: Toss me your address this fall and I’ll send you some powder that will certainly keep those sinuses clean and your toilet bowl boiling.
Can you send biological weaponry to America’s Hat without a permit?
I’ll just mark it as Hockey Paraphernalia. I’m sure it’ll get through just fine.
So after Sparky decides on the winner of this fabulous prize, he will put it on the curb where just any unapproved loser might take it before the Chosen One arrives. Not a smart plan, Sparks.
Don’t be so sure. There’s a certain self-aware cunning in that plan: Sparky probably knows that everyone already avoids his house like the plague carrier that it probably is, so the unfortunate Chosen One could probably wait a few weeks before picking it up and it would still be there — heck, that’s probably a pretty good idea, let it air out a while, give the bacteria/viruses/demonic possession time to die off.
I’m dying to know what kind of critter chewed its way through that box in the foreground. And also how disappointed it was to realize what a good thing he had in there.
There is the very real possibility that whatever chewed its way out of there also took the photo and posted the ad.
It’s called staging people! The shabby chic nature of the room just makes the juxtaposition of that pristine cage POP!
I’m not sure that popping is coming from the cage. Or at least, not just the cage.
Of course! Kinda like how the homely but not horribly disfigured high school girl goes to the mall with her 3 ugliest friends just so she can be the pretty one. Brilliant!
“Pristine”: <—This word. You're using it wrong.
So, are you saying that word doesn’t mean what I think it means?
Zzzzactly.
Why do I not have much confidence in Sparky’s ability to “clean it good”?
Scrap that chip
Careful not to slip
Step on some crack
In your filthy shack
When the filth is left too long
You must clean it
Before the fragrance gets too strong
You must clean it
Or I will write a song
Unless you clean it
Now clean it
Into shape
Scraping off
Dirty plates
Go forward
If you can
Get through the garbage
It’s not too late
To clean it
Clean it good
When you just can’t get around
Until you clean it
You will never live it down
Unless you clean it
Look, everything is brown
It’s time to clean it
I say clean it
Clean it good
I say clean it
Clean it good
Scrap that chip
Careful not to slip
Step on some crack
In your filthy shack
When the filth is left too long
You must clean it
Before the fragrance gets too strong
You must clean it
Or I will write a song
Unless you clean it
Now clean it
Into shape
Scraping off
Dirty plates
Go forward
If you can
Get through the garbage
It’s not too late
To clean it
Into shape
Scraping off
Dirty plates
Go forward
If you can
Get through the garbage
It’s not too late
To clean it
To clean it good
Excellent. Just excellent. *applauds* And thank you for the earworm. I like that song 🙂
*bows* Glad you like. 🙂
*grits teeth*
I hate, nay detest that song!
DEVO is definitely not for everyone. For the most part, in fact, they have a pretty particular appeal. Even I don’t much care for most of their stuff, but this one at any rate is an 80s classic everyone at least knows.
DEVO is AWFOH
HEY LOOK! I found that magazine covered in bird feces that I’ve been looking for! Time to add this bad boy to the others that I’m collecting.
Wow. That sure beats a butterfly collection! In my book, Blue Jay and Seagull pOOp are the best.
I don’t collect books with bird poop in them though… only magazines with bird poop coating every surface.
I dunno…my subscription to Splat!!!! Magazine only comes quarterly. Waiting 3 months between issues is a real nail biter.
The only thing I can think of is, “An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will.” Sparky obviously missed the first half of that.
*sprinkles liberally with gasoline*
*Lights and tosses match*
*Gets commendation from health department*
GARBAGE NOW ON FIRE!
PROFIT!
[Matt] Insurance fraud? [/Matt]
More like a public service…
[corey]My guess is that a house that looks like that on the inside probably isn’t up to code and thus would not be elligible for insurance… so it’s less insurance fraud as it would be… awesome?[/corey]
I wonder how it would smell as it burned?
Silly Monkey, houses don’t have noses. It wouldn’t smell at all!
That Ralph is such a loon, he’s in the box! Either I’m way too predictable or someone around here is psychic. 8)
Oooh…I’m psychotic like that! Yessirreebob…I have ESPN, too.
Tell you my story, eh? You wanna know my story? Well alright, but it’s a sad story about a girl from the wrong side uh the tracks. She fell in love with a boy from a well to do family, but his momma wasn’t havin it. Ya see, this girl was a dancer. Not a fine dincer like those ones you see in the ballet up town. No, she was a dancer at a ragtime joint over by the wharf. The sailors would line up outside just to get a glimpse at her ankles through the crowd, and when she started shaking…man, the place went wild. Every sailor, dockworker, and ragtime man in three cities wanted to marry her, but that little ragtime angel on had eyes for her uptown boy.
Things turned badly when the boy brought is ragtime gal to the family home. His parents made it clear that this boy could give up his girl or lose his families fortune and love forever. He stood his ground and let them know that they could choose to abandon him and turn his back on their only son, but he would choose love over money. But when he went to tell the angel, she was gone. You see, she loved this boy so much that she didn’t want to see him lose everything for a wrong side uh the tracks gal like her. So she took off.
And that ragtime angel was me. I’ve been in every gin joint and flop house East uh Reno since, tryin to forget my uptown prince charming. But no sailors kiss can burn my lips like his did. No amount of whiskey can wash away the pain at losin my one true love. The applause and cheers I get from shakin and jivin just don’t tickle my ears like his soft words used to. But I keep dancin, oh I keep dancin. Cause I’m the ragtime angel…and maybe I’m hoping that one day I’ll dance my way back into his arms.
Well, that’s my story. Now, uh, do you think I could have that cage?
I think I saw this movie, Meredith.
Hey! You stole that from Lady and the Tramp, didn’t you?!
I think I’ve seen this in 6 out of 10 movies..ever.made.
Yeah, pick a melodrama from the 20’s through the 40’s and that’s probably the storyline. After that it became unhappy housewives.
Merdith, forgive me if this is a personal question, but when did you become a Malfoy?
Are those actually kittens in the cage? Sorry, I’m going to go be sick again.
I don’t think I have snark in me today. Blech.
They look like Crapillons.
Or Shihtzus.
Poopdles.
L-squared, I’m praying you don’t have the omg-can-you-die-from-this? stomach virus that floored the entire CJ clan a few weeks ago.
OMG…you really think, at one point, that you have been fatally poisoned and will die. Of course, the pink elephants on parade (due to the 103 PLUS fever I had for EIGHT.FRICKIN.HOURS.) are a nice distraction.
Here’s a toast of warm Gatorade – mixed with a little water – to your rapid improvement…and yes, I’m not kidding. The paramedics called for oldest daughter-child who could not stop vomiting during this virus told her to try it. Worked like a charm, and we each in turn tried it as we got sick. Worked for all of us. I have no idea why, but something about it quells the stomach spasms.
I’m sure, were I geekier, I could figure it out.
[so much corey today]It’s probably the sugar. Glucose, for a lot of people, is actually fairly good at settling the stomach in the right amounts. Since Gatorade is primarily a dilution of glucose, vitamins, and water it serves two purposes: 1) The sugar content would settle the stomach while 2) the hypotonic solution helps keep the body hydrated.
This is exactly the reason that high syrupy soda (like white soda eg 7up) is fairly good at settling one’s stomach. Plus the carbonation has some small beneficial effect too.
It’s actually better to go with a dillution of Gatorade than to use the off-the-shelf anti-nausea glucose syrups or even white soda since the syrups/soda dehydrate you quite a bit while settling your stomach. Since Gatorade is diluted, it’s gentler on the stomach and maintains hydration while the glucose does the work of settling things down.
As for it being warm, the body preferrs to accept liquids closer to it’s own temperature, especially when it’s trying to devote energy toward fighting off infection. Warming up the Gatorade mixture probably reduces the chance that the body will reject it due to the temperature differential.
[/corey]
Taco sound smart.
Sigh…this is why I heart you guys.
Squee!!!
I do purdy wordsmithery sometimes.
But I’m no Capn.
Ginger ale is also good at settling the stomach. Ginger evidently has some anti-nausea properties — Gravol even makes a “natural” variant of their anti-nausea pills made with ginger. (I know, you can’t get it in the US.) I guess combined with the carbonation it makes for a decent tonic. But I’ll still take Gravol (or Pepto as a second choice) before all else.
I’ve only got 1 box of Gravol left :(. I’m going to have to make a trip to Canada before too much longer.
Sparky must be crazy – everyone knows free range puppies are lower in cholesterol.
Actually, they look more like chee-hooa-hooas to me.
*looks at Astro’s comment, wants to say something, remembers his age and thinks better of it*
Ditto.
:grumbles:
Danged jailbait…
:shakes cane in random direction:
Three possibilities
1) We’re looking in the common room of a frat house at the South Central Louisiana State University.
2) The poster decided to start hoarding corpses, and figured this would be the best way to begin the collection.
3) We’re looking in the showroom of a failed “gentlemen’s” club and since dancing has stopped, the proprietors want to get rid of the cage.
Yancy, having just read 3), do you mind passing me the brain bleach? Thanks.
Sorry, the wife and I were on 2nd honeymoon last week, so I wasn’t able to check in and request my allotment of brain bleach. All I can recommend is finding some Bugs Bunny cartoons on youtube.
I think this is a pic of the inside of Bin Laden’s place after the raid.
4). Someone couldn’t find their digital camera, so they had to get a picture online of the cage. They decided a screencap of an episode of “Hoarders” would work juuust fine.
I’m thinking if #4 is true, it was Mrs. Sparky’s husband that listed the cage, on orders from Mrs. Sparky to “get that damn thing outta here”.
Just noticed…sigh…
The puppies.
They look soooooooo sad….
Poor widdow fewwahs…
They shouldn’t be so sad, they’re in the cleanest spot in the house.
Maybe so, but their noses are what like 1000 times more sensitive than yours and mine?
Eww..
Just eww…
We’re talking about dogs, right? Dogs? The critters who are always sniffing their own butts or someone else’s? Who think the garbage smells fascinating? Who like nothing better than to roll in something stinky and come home to tell you all about it?
My dog is so fond of seeking out odors that humans avoid that I sometimes find myself singing, “How Much Is That Doggie in My Armpit?”
I agree with Camille: That place looks like heaven for a dog. One worry though: If they take care of their house that poorly, do they take care of their pets any better?
Sigh…I forget. Had dogs all my life, up till the last 6 or so, you’d think I would remember.
Now, I have a cat…Bugsy the Insane.
A cat who will turn up his nose at tuna – if it’s been left in the fridge a day or more.
Who will refuse to use the litter box if there’s any type of scent other than clean litter emanating from it – and no, he doesn’t go anywhere else he just follows me around yelling at me..he will literally follow me from room to room yelling..loudly, until I go clean the litter.
He have a crazy.
Don’t feel too much sympathy for them, and DON’T get too close. Take another look around the room, then at the “innocent” looking pups, and ask yourself one thing….who really did all that damage?
Piranha Poodles, that’s all I’m sayin.
Piranha poodles? Sigh…
That, coupled with the e-mail link my daughter-in-law just sent on the true nature of chiggers – see we are about to take a trip to the land of the ever-feasting chigger, a/k/a Missouri – and I’ve decided I’m locking myself in my room and NEVER coming out again…EVER.
Hey! They prefer the term “Chigro-Americans”, thank you very much! 😉
It’s a free country, I can call them Larvae of Satan if I want to.
Chiggers ARE Satan in bug form. I’ve had them twice, on my feet. T’is a unique kind of hell. Tip: Don’t go barefooted near tall weeds or overgrown fields.
I thought I had chiggers in our yard until a little research thankfully identified them a clover mites. Annoying, but they only nom on the lawn and not on the residents… and they color everything a cool day-glow reddy-orange when you smush them.
Texas is too hot and dry for chiggers – thank the gods – but Missouri is chigger-central I think. I grew up there, so I knew then how to avoid them…guess d-i-l wanted to remind me before we go.
I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a chigger. I’ve never even heard anyone talk about them here. Supposedly they infest pretty well most of the world, but at least in southern Ontario, where I’ve spent most of my life, I’ve never encountered them. Or maybe I have and just haven’t noticed. The only tiny little red insects I see are what I think are clover mites, tiny little things maybe 1/4mm, bright red, hang around grass, don’t much care for humans.
You’re not missing anything; they are evil, itchy little bastids.
The article I read is here:
http://mdc.mo.gov/discover-nature/avoid-outdoor-pests/chiggers
May be too cold in Ontario, puppy.
Where the ghostie lives, though, perfect conditions for the little bastids.
We don’t have many chiggers here… mostly because of the sheer number of Ticks we have.
Mmm good ol’ fashioned wood ticks are grand.
I’m going to have to differ on Texas not having chiggers.
Only that red spider mites are more often found along tree lines and brushlines in fields. Which can make lake areas in Texas very problematic.
The population density seems less linked to rainfall than to prey density. Contrary to much popular belief, they do not burrow into one’s skin. The feeding does require the skin to be in tension, though, this is why bites predominate where elastic or straps are in contact with the skin.
The feeding involves coring out and liquifying a portion of the dermis. The enzyme used produces a very localized histamine reaction which knots up and closes the defect. Which is why the bites look act like hard nodules. The histamine reaction produces the intense itching.
Simplest repellent is horticulture-grade sulfur dusted liberally about the shoes and socks, and also waist and hips (unless one is not going to sit, ever, not once, on one’s foray). Penetrin will also work, if being less stinky.
Perversely, post-bite, using a paste of MSG or “meat tenderizer” can provide symptom relief, as can a very hot soaking bath–both encourage the skin to transpire and release offending chemicals.
Lucky me, we have both. Dad gets hit especially hard, he’s some kind of insect candy. Even a short walk to the mailbox requires him to play a game of “Find Your Newest Insect Friends.”
You know, MSG is a good cure for a lot of insect related irritation (as well as jellyfish stings). Anyone know what the action is on this? My parents always used a paste of meat tenderizer to treat bee and ant stings and it worked like a charm.
Tonight, at the 40Watt: Insect Candy! With their hit single Stuck on me!
*Reads comments in growing horror and sick fascination*
*Resolves never ever ever ever to go to the Americas.*
*Except Disneyland. And even then, to wear this.*
But, Jen, don’t you have giant bugs? Didn’t you give us a pic once of something as long as my hand (approximately) that came in and made itself at home on a cake or something? I mean, that scares me!
TM,
The using tenderizer/msg (really one in the same) as I understand it acts to draw fluids out of flesh and does some enzyme-related things that Alton Brown is probably better-versed in.
The effect in treating insect.arthropod skin insults is to reverse the ‘natural’ reaction of the dermis (close up and itch) by relaxing the vesicles and pores and the like, which releases the irritant chemistry. I want to remember having seen some literature on how the salt/msg also disrupts the local neurochemistry which blocks the signals calling for scratching with a nice 8 grit abrasive, too.
O Dear Jen,
I’m thinking that cavorting with the flocks of NZ’s famous/infamous sheep could expose a visitor to a number of under-glamourous experiences the NZ Travel Board would not approve of mentioning in public. That the glorious mix of arboreal and alpine geography in all it’s scenic glory might have some indigenous fauna to strike a visitor unawares.
Such is the case in most of the places I’ve been. Desert to Rainforest to Metropolis (and, even both DL and DW).
I’m certain we could find you a few places that you could tour in the entire continent. Well, you’d probably be better off visiting Texas in our wintertime, the height of your summer.
You mean that Lesser Mole-Killing Wasp? Not to be confused with the raven-Harassing Hornet (completely different colouration)
@ Lola – ya, we have a few big creepy crawlies*, but they’re generally a) nocturnal, b) skittish and c) they don’t try to eat you!!
*Srsly, I can only think of three that squick me: wetas (the aforementioned cake fiends but usually only found inside rotten logs or wandering in the woods at night), Avondales (the spiders used in arachnophobia, donchaknow, but total fraidy cats who couldn’t bite if they wanted to) and huhu beetles (fair dues, these things are the bete noir of every Kiwi who’s had to go on school camp. Toilet block at night = outdoor lights = flying beetle frenzy = girly squeals and shrieks of “IT’S IN MY HAIR”!!).
**ETA: woop I’m awaiting moderation! Linkety linkety ahoy!
:click:
AHHHH!!!
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AHHHH!!!
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Hey, that one’s kinda cute.
Seconded. That was what I thought about the third bug, myself. And the first one I was like, “ugh. This is strangely beautiful in a very, very disgusting way.”
Yes, the wetas. Even knowing they can’t hurt me and that they are on the other side of the world, I will still sleep with one eye open after seeing that. They are a bit delicately pretty … BUT TOO BIG FOR A BUG, in my estimation. Also, the big pointy thing sticking out of their arse is a bit alarming. And yes, I have wrestled (not quite literally) with NYC (and Philadelphia) cockroaches bigger than my thumbs – comes of living in buildings built ca. 1925 – so it’s not like I’m afraid of ladybugs or anything. In fact I rather like those, and I like the special butterfly exhibit at the Natural History Museum here. Perhaps if they were not so largely unfamiliar (pun somewhat intended) the wetas and their fondness for sweets might amuse me more.
As for the spider, I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see that. I cope with spiders by ignoring them or killing them. You can’t do either with one that size.
Funky, I like the term Chigro-Americans so much I adored it at work and at home. 8)
There are PUPPIES in the picture?!? I was so distracted by everything else to notice!
You Smart People ™ probably already hit this idea and have passed on, but it just occured to me that Sparkenstein thinks there is NOTHING WRONG with the condition of the room. He looked at it and took the photo, and looked at the photo. And said to himself, Looks Good!
I have to assume that, for those given to living in such conditions, there comes a point at which you just stop seeing it for what it is. Also, there’s probably a lot of that “one more won’t hurt” mentality going on there, where once there’s a little mess, adding just one more bit to it won’t make an appreciable difference.
Although how one doesn’t snap back to at least the same area code as reality when faced with the prospect of showing your hovel to the world eludes me.
It depresses me so much that yes there are people like that and that they sadly have children.
Am I the only one who looks at Windy’s avatar and sees Boba Fett?
Yeah?
Oh.
And I don’t have trippy drugs to blame.
Well… I do NOW.
I, I have to admit I can’t tell what it is. A bird I’m assuming? But then I also can’t see my keys when they’re right in front of me.
I believe that is Birdo Fett from the all bird production of Star Wars. Doesn’t he betray Luke Skyflyer and Wing Solo?
I did too, but was called away to do actual work* and forgot to mention it.
*The nerve of some people! They give you money and expect you do to things.**
**Not, fortunately, everything and anything, however.
I actually see a bird with a synthesizer in front of it and an axe slung on its back. Instrumental axe, that is, not the wood-chopping sort.
Hooray, you noticed! No one was saying anything about it, and I was thinking I was the only one who could see it, and did I change it in my sleep or what, so I said to myself, Self, we’ll give it three more days, and then we’ll slink back in with a different picture.
Some Idiot shopped a bunch of pictures of birds with human arms.
http://damnhot.net/2011/06/23/creepy_birds_with_arms_photo_manipulations_71_pics.html
They are pretty disturbing, especially the just-hatched chicken with human infant arms. But when I saw the African Grey dressed as Boba Fett, I looked at my parrot BoBo and said, I know what you are going to be for Holloween!
I win ALL the internets!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh well, I’ve nothing to offer up today. Other than reflexive repetition of trivia on arthropodal vermin.
(OT) A hug and a huge thank you to the humor and personalities on here. Hubby’s ex wife / step-monkey’s mom is trying to interfere and make threats again, I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I think she is simply unhappy and wants us to be so, too. YSaCL has been a much appreciated diversion today. I started the day almost in tears, but y’all have made me grin.
Mucho smoochies.
*passes flask*
Gots Creamsicles in it! (Thanks, CJ!)
…and I’ve checked in on vacation to this catastrophe? No way jose – as they say here in Fuerteventura (look it up – island belonging to Spain close to Morocco) Helas and au revoir (lets go round the globe in languages!)
Tig, I think one of your future jaunts needs to be to the US for our YSaC convention.
Too bad Ralph didn’t show up for his Punchity Punch Punch. Tsk, tsk.
G’Night, Grand Crossing!
I didn’t read through all of the comments, but did anyone notice it was a fake ad. I found the picture on the Humane Society’s website. http://www.humanesociety.org/assets/pdfs/publications/2010/julyaug2010/aa_julyaug2010_hoarding_pdf.pdf
I guess it is possible that it is the same cage in the picture and the seller thought it would just be easier to use the picture the Humane Society so kindly took for them.
need a cage for two ferrets that was going to be left out to die so i took them in so they wouldn’t die so now i,m looking for a cage. was hoping to find one for free or cheap i will clean it or whatever i need to do thanks
This is so meta…
Snort. Some people suck at YSaC.