YSaC, Vol. 1012: Back in (possibly) black.
2011 June 14
What’s better than cat math? Couch math!
IKEA LOVESEAT*MUST SELL – $80
Ikea Love Seat. already put together, can take apart if wanted. comes with black cover but can change to whatever color. Brand new, only have had for 2 months. With pillows its $100, without pillows $100.
OK, Sparky, let’s see if I’ve got this right. You’ve got a magic couch that will change to any color I want. It’s brand new, even though you’ve been parking your carcass on it for two months. And it has pillows that change the value of the couch by exactly zero dollars! Or maybe twenty! Who knows? Probably not you!
Thanks, Megan!
Renaldo reached for his camera just as Poindexter’s hindquarters vanished…it was at precisely that moment that Renaldo realized his pet zebra, Poindexter, had indeed found the last portal to Narnia…
Now, he was torn. Should he sell the
horridfabulous love seat, knowing it was a magic portal and the only way Poindexter could ever make it back?Renaldo sighed and picked up the catulator. It’s incessant purring, never an annoyance before, was suddenly very distressing.
“Oh dear, dear…whatever shall we do?” Renaldo asked, as the catulator purred.
“Mowrrr…” the catulator replied.
“I suppose,” Renaldo said, and after much catulating, sat back to ponder, “you know, I really could use some PBR, and I’ve got my eye on a Lionel Ritchie nacho cheese head fountain….I’ll sell the love seat for $80..now, wait…make that $100 without the pillows. With the pillows however, *he pauses to make some more catulations* yes…with pillows it will be $100. That should be enough.”
Renaldo set the catulator back on the floor, pleased he had made a wise business decision.
As for Poindexter, well truth be told…he’d been a real ass after all.
Black is black.
I want my twenty back.
It’s used, it’s used,
After two months of your back.
What can I do?
Those black and white pillows are feelin’ blue.
(BTW, that’s not just cat math; it’s cat tensor algebra.)
We changed the color, but the black came back the very next day.
[sap] My dad had the original song on a 45 and used to play it all the time. So thank you for the earworm because I will be signing this song all day and thinking of him. [/sap]
TBS, not only did Taco give you an earworm, his “sexy fingers” typing ability is catching. Good luck with the signing today 🙂 You might need Lola’s flask.
Hmmm, my choices for this moment:
A) Drill something long and sharp into my eardrums to deafen me then learn ASL so my previous comment will be appropriate or
B) Admit I rely entirely too much upon that little squiggly red line to proofread my comments for me.
Decisions, decisions.
If that’s sappy, it is also sweet.
I’m stuck with the earworm too. Don’t click the link or you’ll catch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGeFf_rIAVQ
It counts as brand new because no actual loving has occurred – loving would really show up on a black finish like that.
*suddenly goes off the idea of lunch…*
And even if it doesn’t show in normal lighting, I’m sure black light will tell a few tales.
Sparky must be a politician. He says a lot without ever really saying anythng. Title says $80, body of ad says $100, with and without the pillows. It’s black, but that can be changed. It’s put together, but that’s negotiable. It’s brand new, but used (2 months in the life of a sofa – dude, lots can happen to it).
*sniffling* This makes me feel all untethered. I NEED STRUCTURE!!!
PS: Thanks for the AC/DC ear worm. 🙂
I’m groovin’ on Dave and Ferret Tribe’s Los Bravos earworm!
Yup! 1967 – Canal Nostalgia.
*brainbleach*
*corner*
Well, I couldn’t exactly write “blow.” That’s what stars do before they collapse.
[Obligatory Amy Winehouse reference goes here.]
Hmm, as objects near the Event Horizon, they experience gravitational acceleration in a range from zero to C, along with all adjacent matter and photons. So, during that acceleration, any reflected photons will eventually appear in every hue of the spectrum from ELF to Y (even those gorgeous stabbity X rays [bask,bask]).
Further, since the acceleration is so vast, there will be relativistic effects along the time axis of the space-time continuum.
Ergo, the love seat can be both new and old (depending on where one observes from) and any color from black to gamma rays.
Wait, is that furniture 1:4:9 ? What is that sound I hear?
My G-d, it’s full of . . . Sparkies
Sorry, Capn, I have to disagree here. While a black hole is extremely dense its mass is no greater than the object that created it, plus whatever’s fallen in since. Orbital mechanics don’t care what’s causing the gravity, they just care about mass. So a couch orbiting a 3 solar mass black hole at the distance of earth’s orbit would behave exactly the same as a couch orbiting a 3 solar mass star. In other words, the acceleration is not “vast.”
Before I go on, a unit quibble – you cannot experience acceleration of “c” – the units don’t work.
What does distinguish the black hole from a star is the fact that all the mass is concentrated at one point. As you get closer to any object, the force of gravity increases in proportion with the inverse square of the distance. In order to escape from the object, you must provide a force greater than that. It’s possible to calculate the speed at which one must be moving to escape the gravitational pull – this is the incorrectly named “escape velocity.” (It’s a speed, not a velocity.)
So the event horizon is the point at which the escape velocity reaches the speed of light. However, that doesn’t mean that a couch falling into the event horizon is itself moving at the speed of light, only that that’s how fast it would have to go to escape. From the point of view of the couch, nothing much happens as the event horizon is crossed.
Further, an couch falling into a black hole would be moving away from the observer, and as such, light emitted or reflected by the couch would ONLY be shifted downward in frequency. No gamma rays here. However, many black holes DO produce lots of high frequency radiation. That’s because there is a disk of matter spiraling into the center. (Conservation of angular momentum means that it can’t just fall right in.) As more and more matter is sucked into the disk, friction within the disk causes massive heating, leading to the emission of the X-rays, as well as the slowing of some of the couches in the disk to the point where they CAN fall in.
Finally, the couch won’t really experience any seriously relativistic effects. The speed won’t really be high enough to count, and tidal forces just aren’t meaningful over the scale of something as small as a couch.
Other than that, I agree with everything you said.
We’re going to need a bigger box,
Have I mentioned lately HOW MUCH I love this blog? Because I love it A. LOT. And this is why. ::geeks out happily::
Agreed, AR. That was an awesome astro physics soundbite from the ostrimu.
*wonders if the llamanun keeps an oil can handy by the bedpost to grease the gears in the ostrimu’s brain so they don’t squeak at night and keep her awake*
🙂 BBUT
I want a chameleon couch! Provided you can you make it change so that it’s the color of my cats’ various colors of fur. That way I won’t have to worry about vacuuming the cushions every twenty minutes.
You will, however, have to be rather careful when sitting down. Couches generally aren’t supposed to screech.
Daktari.
Bwana, she no home.
He just wants to shoot the rocket-powered nets . . .
If painting in kindergarten taught me anything, it’s that black is just all the colors of the paint set mixed together. So black is every color already!
Sneaky, salesman, sneaky.
Nuh-uh! See, in my kindergarten, we painted with light, so black is the absence of colour. White is all the colours mixed together.
I was wondering how long it was gonna take somebody to mention that.
16 minutes 47 seconds, btw.
Well, technically, you much all the colors together, you get an umber-like color.
North of about 46ºN, you mash all the coulours together and it wanders into the near-infrared <G> The “u” is thing, CDN$0 with pillows, US$0 without.
It’s not a love seat, it’s a photon! Fire one! Then set a course at warp speed elebenty for IKEA. It’s a very flat planet, most of the time.
I’m pretty sure it’s a cowch actually.
Moo-ch goes the cowch.
A ghostcat and a St. Bernard walked into a box.
If you are hoping that will be the beginning of an epic story or a good joke, I will have to disappoint you. Walking into the box is pretty much all the exercise the St. Bernard can handle for one day and therefore will park his 185 pound butt at his owner’s feet for the remainder of the day, snoring loud enough to vibrate the floor three rooms away.
So a ghostcat and a Saint Bernard walked into a box where the Saint Bernard promptly passed out. The ghost cat dressed it in lingerie and took pictures for blackmail.
Ghostcat didn’t complete her job unless she also wrote things on his forehead and painted his nails/claws.
:gets out hot pink nail polish, rhinestone tiara, and Sharpies:
Who wants to be a princess puppy!
Don’t forget the Bedazzler!!!
[OT] So I didn’t get much sleep last night despite taking a sleeping pill (which really just ended up messing with my head) so this morning I bought an energy drink (NOS, which I think is a Canadian thing). For whatever reason I glanced at the can with the ingredients side facing me and noticed a weird ingredient among the usual phosphates and benzoates: Glycerol ester of wood rosin.
Glycerol I get; I inhale the stuff. (Literally; I vape electronic cigarettes, whose liquids use propylene glycol and/or vegetable glycerine as a base). Ester I understand (when she’s not yelling incoherently). Wood rosin? Wood rosin. There’s ester of wood rosin glyceride in my drink.
Apparently it’s used as an emulsifier in soft drinks. I’ve just never seen it referred to that way before. I see “wood rosin” I think “should I be pouring this on violin strings?”
Huh. The more you know…
[/OT]
I’ve found this as an ingredient in lemon juice.
Prior to that, I thought that lemon juice would contain … lemon juice. Little did I know.
To contribute more to the OT, if you are ever in need of passing the time in a grocery store, go down the pet aisle and read the ingredients in cheap dog food.
I’m generally scared to look at the ingredients of some of the food I eat. But I know there’s a pantsload of filler in pet food — corn meal, ash, gelatin, ground bits of animals usually not considered edible, etc. It makes me wonder just what percentage of actual nutritive ingredients are in the average bowl of kibble or dish of wet food. But my cats don’t seem to mind, and they’re healthy and happy, so I guess it’s okay.
Prior to becoming diabetic, Bugsy the Insane could eat any cat food and would…gladly. Now, instead of the $4.00 Meow Mix he gets the $15 W/D Weight Mgmt for Diabetic Cats food. It’s got all this glycemic index gobbledy-gook written on it and a list of ingredients that look (mostly) edible.
Still smells like shit and damned if I’m gonna taste it.
He loves the stuff, though.
I got some fancy gourmet canned cat food that was on closeout for thirty cents a can, the stuff smells like people food. I even spotted tiny real shrimps in one of the flavors. It’s better quality food than what I eat.
Esther of wood rosin is in a lot of things actually. I think mostly citrus flavored beverages. It kind of disturbed me when I realized it in High School because I had been drinking many glasses of orange soda and wondered what my insides looked like from it.
I’m not big on citrus drinks so maybe that’s why I never noticed it. Still, of all the ingredients I expected to find on — well, anything, wood, or at least stuff that comes from wood, was never one of them. Except maple syrup. That’s my favourite thing to come from wood.
“favourite thing to come from wood”
heh heh heh
wood
*checks the bottle of 5-Hr Energy and is very relieved not to find wood products listed*
@FM: Thank you…I so wanted to comment on that phrase.
@CJ: *checks bottle of favourite champagne…whew, we’re good*
Anytime. I’m a helper.
*”The Far Side” caption*
It had become clear to Simba that Zebras had not evolved to hide against a black background…
The picture reminds me of a Magic Eye poster. If you look one way, you can see the three pillows. If you look another way – only one. Or maybe my monitor is failing.
OT
Snark temporarily suspended for two reasons today.
1.) We have a schedule that needs 5 people to run smoothly… and we only have 3 here today because 1 girl is out for a funeral and the other called in sick.. again. She’s always f’ing sick. Suck it up, woman, and do your damn job…
2.) I got the position in the lab! I start in 2 weeks and my brain is a mess.
/OT
I used Prawny paper towels to clean up my brain when it’s a mess!
Is this the lab monkey job you interviewed for? Cool! Congrats.
I said it before: Make sure you join the Lab Monkey union. We have awesome picnics.
Yaaaay Sr Lyle for the lab job!
Congrats SisterLyle! Let us hope this is the beginning of people getting hired because I interviewed for a job yesterday.
Good luck Lara!
Yes, FM, this is the Lab Monkey job 🙂
Yes, let us hope for a trend in being hired . . .
I’m not keen to live in my car under a bridge.
You look HAL-ly today.
Comes from attempting to comply with mutually-conflicting instructions and requirements.
Dunno if Dave is to get pod-ed or sing Daisy.
Cap’n: You described every day at work for me. Lying helps.
EDIT: Lying and vodka.
Well, being paid will make a difference.
Getting ready to scare three years’ of not being gainfully employed–and the prospects for the future are quite dire.
To Cap’n: Then you are overdue some good luck.
Awesomesauce, sistuh!!
Yayyyyyy for getting the job! And best best best of luck to all the job seekers!
How did Sparky know this was so important to me? I need my loveseat in pieces so that I can throw them around the living room to add to the ambiance of Incredible Hulk Interior Decorating.
But Lara, HulkSmash is sooooo 2003. 8)
Incredible Hulk Interior Decorating! Bwawawawawawa!
Incredible Hulk interior design. Conveniently located right next to Bruce Banner Maintenance Service and Junk Removal.
The high prices of my compeditors make me mad!
And you will like our prices when I’m mad!
RAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH! HULK SMASH PRICES FOR HUGE SAVINGS!
“T”s make me mad too, so I occasionally replace them with “D”s jusd to show dhem who’s boss.
The Sparky at the beginning reminded me of Genie’s Jack Nicholson impression from Aladdin. “Alrite, Sparky here’s-a the deal, you wanna court the liddle laddee you gotta be a strait shootder, do ya goddit?
Magical Couch!
——————————————————————————–
Beautiful magical couch! The gorgeous imagery depicts old timey water mills and fancy houses as seen during a total solar eclipse! Totally clean! Smells normal (for zebra poo)! Perfectly good, except one of its legs has disappeared (and we’re hoping it will show up eventually or the dog has some explainin’ to do)! But put a book underneath it (suggestion: The Bible) and its as good as new. $80 or $100 or $100 if you want the pillows, just come to our house and pick it up! Or, maybe, we’ll come drop it off to you, if you’re close by the railroad tracks that go in front of the Piggly Wiggly.
When I read “zebra poo” I imagined striped poo. Why? I think they need to tweak my meds.
Then they need to tweak mine, too. I am imagining something not unlike Fruit Stripe gum. Which I used to love (do they even make it any more? I don’t chew sugared gum so I have no idea).
Yes, they still make it. And it tastes much better than zebra poo.
If you’re imagining striped poo, I think your meds are just right. If you start imagining *flying* poo, you might need them adjusted. Or you might be a monkey. Check for a tail to differentiate.
I must say, this loveseat doesn’t look very bouncy ….at all.
That’s because it’s an IAKE loveseat. You get up from lounging on it and say, “Boy do I AKE!”
Oh? Did you think Sparky meant to spell IKEA? Silly gecko…. 🙂
I am reasonably sure, Dave, that I do not want to see either
Furniture or Sparky doing bouncy-bouncy in this context.
I think bouncy-bouncy more in a “What Tigger does best” context.
Oh, thanks a lot Muddy. A whole new ear worm.
“The wonderful thing about tiggers”
“Is tiggers are wonderful things”
“Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs”
::bounces, then winces in pain since everything hurts after yesterday’s kickboxing class, including muscles that have never made their presence known before::
FUN, FUN, FUN, FUN, FUN!!!!!
Dear sir,
How many snakes are included in your loveseat?
Can the loveseat turn to snake color?
Is the one pillow real zebra skin?
Is it filled with zebra meat?
Can the snakes eat the zebra meat?
What kind of meat is in the other pillows? Mouse/rat perhaps?
Giraffe! It’s kosher, you know.
[OT Pt. II]
I bought coffee on the way home this afternoon. I tripped. I fell. I lost the coffee, scraped my arm, bruised my hand, scratched my sunglasses and my E-cig and nearly broke the battery case for my iPhone.
The universe is having a laugh today.
[/OW, Pt. I]
Are you saying that coffee is dangerous to your health?
After that kind of day, I’d offer to hug you, MF, but I don’t want Mrs. MF to get offended, so …
*passes flask*
Gravity sucks. My deepest, and lowest, sympathies, MF.
Thanks. 🙂 The damn thing is, I’m normally quite light on my feet, as it were — I’ve always had an excellent sense of balance and where all my various bits were at any given time. But somehow, that old Irish saying, “may the road rise up to meet you” became very literal for that one moment as it rose up to meet my foot while my foot wasn’t watching where it was going.
Damn hand hurt most of last night, but a few pills and a good night’s sleep, and I’m feeling much better now. That may or may not be in the John Astin sense.
Some days I’m convinced that gravity is just higher than other days. At least at my house and at work.
Ghostie and ToB, share this between you. Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, East L.A.!