YSaC, Vol. 964: Time after time.
Paranormal Experiment #1
[WebsiteonParanormalResearchWhoseSiteIsAPlaceholder].com is filming a Documentary about Time Travel in San Francisco.
In part, we are using the HotWAN WiFi Infrastructure in San Francisco as part of the Paranormal Experiment. The WiFi is being converted into Time Portals. They are being tuned by Astrologers.
For more info, refer to [Podcast host name] broadcast:
[ridiculously long, poorly produced, and crazy-but-not-in-the-funny-way podcast link].mp3
For updates, refer to http://www.[WebsiteonParanormalResearchWhoseSiteIsAPlaceholder].com. The date and locations of Paranormal Experiment #1 will be announced on the website and on Craigslist a month in advance.
If you would like to participate in Experiment # 1 as a volunteer and be on film for free, please answer questions that are applicable to you below and submit to info@[WebsiteonParanormalResearchWhoseSiteIsAPlaceholder].com, Subject: Paranormal Experiment #1.
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Questions:
1) What is the strangest paranormal experience you have encountered?
2) Why do you think people have premonitions?
3) If you could go back in time, only once and never return to today, when and where would you go. Would you just standby and watch or try to deliberately alter the past? What would you alter?
4) When did you realize you had a special gift and how did you, and others react to it?
5) How many hours a week do you spend at your craft?
6) Do you have a day job? If so, what is it?
7) Other than the paranormal what are your interests?
8) Do you believe in God? If so, what is your notion of him/her/it/them?
9) What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically?
10) What do you hope to get out of that experience?
11) Are you going to be in the experiment?
12) Ever appear in a documentary of television/film before? If so, what was it?
13) Who is your favorite film actor/writer/director?
14) Favorite genre?
15) What do you love?
16) What drives you crazy/pet peeves?
17) Any odd traits or not so secret quirks?
18) Name three hobbies you have now, or have had in the past?
19) Any special talents?
20) Where do you see your life taking you in the next 5 years?
21) What is your favorite phrase or term?
22) Do you have a motto? If so, what is it?
23) What are 5 single words you would use to describe yourself?
24) Are you married/dating/single? (elaborate based on response)
25) What is your living situation?
26) What do you think of the President?
27) Do you identify with a political party/social movement/cause or set of ideals? If so, what and why? And for how long?
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As part of the Doc, we do have “The Skeptic”. Unfortunately, skeptics are not needed for Paranormal Experiment #1. This is because their skepticism can influence the outcome of what we are trying to achieve.
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The film crew is mostly picked with the exception of a Director. We need a Director that has filmed documentaries in the past. We have a limited budget. Please send resume, reel, online work to info@[WebsiteonParanormalResearchWhoseSiteIsAPlaceholder].com, Subject: Director
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11) Are you going to be in the experiment?
I already have been. I’ve traveled back from the future to tell people to stay the hell away from this mess. You can thank me later. Or maybe earlier, depending on how far back I go.
(This was posted in science & biotech jobs, so it MUST be legitimate!)
Update from drmk: The winner of the t-shit is Anne [Miss] Elk! Check your email, Ms. Elk — congratulations! … and thanks to everyone who delurked and commented. Please consider commenting more — we love all of our readers!
Is it wrong that I want to apply to this?
I wish we could all go back in time. I’d love to see their response if YSaC commenters saw this when it was new and filled out the questionnaire to the best of their abilities. 8)
Also: “We have a limited budget.” D’ya think?
No, but it would be wrong if you wanted the vintage cereal or that antique crisco
Ask me 5 years ago.
I see mine taking me to 2016.
I’m psychotic like that, I can see future dates.
Wait, I’m having a premonition….no…no…that was just a sneeze.
I kind of want to use that as the answer in an interview but only if I don’t want the job. “Where do you see yourself in five years?” “In 2016”
That’s easy – Craigslist…I’m convinced it’s some kind of paranormal vortex.
OT – sorta…who won the t-shit?
Working on it.
t-shit? hmmm… like Mr. T ‘s shit?
It’s a Tacoism (typo and it stayed and was assimilated).
Alright! An excuse to say shit!
Pecil!
Descover!
Detritus!
Spice Christ!
FOR PONY!
Does anybody else think Sparky is looking for a date?
It does look that way! It’s as if Sparky knows he’s got some problems and is screening for someone else who’s slightly off the curve.
I’m glad that I’m not the only one who thought of this past… question… 5.
Me too!
(Yeah, yeah, a day late and a dollar short, but at least I’m back. For now. The next 2 weeks will be alternating between vacation days w/ no internet access and extremely hectic, trying to make up some of the time I miss on vacation.)
Ummm…this seems like a bad sign if Sparky is creating time portals for you to go through
For everyone who just saw me struggle with html, I blame it on the Masters thesis
OT – totally….so, 1:00 AM and hubby wakes me up…
“Your phone is ringing.”
“Wha…?”
“Your phone. See what’s going on.”
I get up to get the phone as hubby grumbles in the background, “who would call at this time of night..grumble, grumble.”
I look and see I’ve missed six calls from my oldest daughter.
Holy.Crap.
Something wicked this way comes.
I call her back and the first words I hear are, “Mom are you guys okay?!”
“Um…yeah, why?”
“Oh my God, the storms…didn’t you get hit?”
It’s then I noticed the rain and slight wind outside.
“Not really, it’s just raining here.”
“Well, we got golf ball sized hail here. We were all hiding in the bathroom listening to hit it the house and I’ve talked to (brother) and (sister) and Sister’s fine, but Brother has some damage.”
“Wow…well, is the house damaged?”
“No, but oh Mom…my new minivan is destroyed, windows shattered and huge dents in it!”
“Oh honey! You’ll need to check the house, yard, roof when the sun comes up.”
“Yeah, we will I just wanted to make sure you guys are okay.”
“We’re fine and I will talk to you tomorrow.”
I hung up and of course didn’t go back to sleep. The rain intensified but nothing severe. Got up this morning and no damage, yet 10 miles north where daughter lives massive, widespread damage reports were coming in.
Just got off the phone with her. She was in tears, her new minivan is a mess and the other two cars dented all to hell. Of course, they only have full coverage on the new one. Siding on the house bashed in and oddly no glass breakage. The roof inspection will have to wait for a pro. It’s a two-story house and they’re not climbing up there. Fence, destroyed. Backyard playground for kids, destroyed. Garden, destroyed.
So, sorry for being Debbie Downer today, but my snark hath left me and I’m going on about 3 hours sleep.
{end depressing story}
I have a gigantic digital hug for you. I am glad you are all ok even though the damage is awful. People can’t be replaced.
Thank you, Lara…I told daughter that, too.
We were similarly lucky. We got some heavy rain and some pretty good wind, but the hail fell about 20 minutes northwest of us and the tornadoes only hit the west end of the state.
Luckily I had taken the precaution of putting my car in the garage (had to re-order the entire garage on Sunday to fit both cars) in case things had been worse. Given the amount of hail we’ve seen this spring, I’m starting to think a leaning car-port may be an inexpensive solution towards protecting my car.
You are probably right, TM. We have a two-car garage and yet both cars are in the driveway. One won’t fit – hubby’s gi-normous truck – and we use the garage for storage as in Texas basements are non-existent…clay soil..not good.
CJ, I am sending warm thoughts to you and your family. Remember we all care about you, and therefore about who you care about. Stay safe.
Windy – you are so incredibly sweet..thank you.
No garage over here so if it hails I’m screwed. Frankly you couldn’t do much to that car that would make it look worse though.
I’m with Windy, when I care about someone it does carry over to their friends and family too.
Ditto. Hope the clean-up goes smoothly, I know it can be heart-breaking. At least everyone’s safe.
Thank you, gc and Lara.
I just realized my sun roof was open all night. My car is soaked inside. Oh well.
CJ, on a bright note, you clearly have a daughter who loves you a lot!
Yes, Camille, I do…
*trying to look on the bright side*
At least you did not have damage of your own to deal with, so you can help her deal with hers. Best of luck and good wishes for all of you.
Thank you, Lola…and yep..just got off the phone with her and am going straight from work to her house this afternoon to start helping with the clean-up and assessment.
I’m sorry that your family is having to deal with this. I hope it all gets taken care of smoothly and quickly.
Thank you, Angel.
CJ – I’m with Angel. Human beings are precious – things we can live without (ask the people in New Zealand and Japan). Here in UK got no news of these weather events .. and we’re in exceptional Spring sunshine. I’ll send warm sunny thoughts to you and yours.
Here’ya go tig…..
Home Thoughts, from Abroad by Robert Browning
O, TO be in England
Now that April ‘s there,
And whoever wakes in England
Sees, some morning, unaware,
That the lowest boughs and the brushwood sheaf
Round the elm-tree bole are in tiny leaf,
While the chaffinch sings on the orchard bough
In England—now!
And after April, when May follows,
And the whitethroat builds, and all the swallows!
Hark, where my blossom’d pear-tree in the hedge
Leans to the field and scatters on the clover
Blossoms and dewdrops—at the bent spray’s edge—
That ‘s the wise thrush; he sings each song twice over,
Lest you should think he never could recapture
The first fine careless rapture!
And though the fields look rough with hoary dew,
All will be gay when noontide wakes anew
The buttercups, the little children’s dower
—Far brighter than this gaudy melon-flower!
CJ… ditto on hugs and best of wishes to your family. Life’s a rollercoaster, some downhills are faster than others.
Wow, that’s scary. I’ve seen a few videos of hailstorms featuring hail of that size and even larger — I can’t even imagine bearing witness to that first-hand; the videos alone were enough. I’m glad everyone is safe. The damage certainly sucks, but that’s all secondary to everyone’s safety. Good thoughts and luck from north of the border.
Thanks freaky puppy and tigprincess. Y’all are very sweet, and yes even pea-sized hail is loud and frightening. Unfortunately, Texans are subjected to it every spring…just hit close to home (literally) this time.
((hug)) Very glad all the humans are safe.
Thank you, kelli.
Goodness gracious, CJ, my heart goes out to you and your family. Middle-of-the-night calls from children are the scariest things ever. Thankfully, they were all safe. I hope that Mother Nature is done with you and yours so that you can begin the clean up and recovery process. Show her some Texas grit!
Archie – you are a dear…thank you!
I have a friend who assures me that the worst is when the middle of the night phone call is NOT from the child.
Glad everyone is ok.
Ooooh…*shudders*…you’re right LRC. And, thank you.
Once got a call from our son who started the conversation with, “Dad, I need a ride home from the hospital.” It was 11:30 pm, and Mike and I had just gotten to bed. Alain got a lesson on starting such calls with the much more important information, “I’m all right.”
Stormed over near Austin, tried to head this way; but, nothing.
Not even a trace.
And, it’s not rained since February or so. Running about 6″ behind for the year (and that after being 7-8″ behind at the end of last year).
So, the rain is much needed, and much wanted–even if it arrived in torrential storms (which will become ever-more likely).
That, and the animal shelter is running out of flea powder for the fish . . .
*HUGS*
CJ, I’m so glad to hear your family is all right. You’re welcome to share our mantra, from a family who has survived two (count ’em, two) total-loss house fires without a single person injured: “It’s only stuff.”
Belated YSaC hugs for you and your family.
Caro – WOW…just.wow. I’m very happy it was only stuff that was lost. And thank you.
Belated best wishes! I hope all repairs and replacements go smoothly.
Sparky just played his hand early with that line item.
I think I remember Silva mentioning that this guy was hosting graveyard tours. Specificaly, only to the single female variety of persons.
YUCK on the graveyard guy! At least Sparky just wants to launch you back in time or expose you to whatever crazy he has in his mind.
Huh? you must be thinking of someone else. Unless you mean some other Silva?
(sorry I haven’t been on YSAC much lately, trying to find a new place to live)
I’m in as long as they are NASA Astrologers.
The Astrologers just have never played the same since Drayton McClaine moved them out of the AstroDome and into Reliant Stadium . . .
I only have married words, sorry
Ok, I did it again. What did I do?
You didn’t close your [/blockquote].
D’oh! Thank you drmk and bees be upon you <3
Closed the blockquote after your pithy commentary.
Or…what the llamanun (BBUH) said.
mmmm…pith
It might just be my overly skeptical nature, but most of these questions seem to have very little to do with anything paranormal. Do ghosts really care what my pet peeves and marital status is? A part of me (the dirty filthy part that giggles every time it hears, “That’s what she said.”)can’t help but think that Sparky is looking for people for an entirely different type of film.
I said he was looking for a date. I’m waiting for someone to laugh.
What kind of music do you like to have sex to?
Are you flexible?
Would you change your name to Candy?
Flexible on what, changing my name? 8)
Can you hang upside down and eat marmalade?
[OT-true story] When I first started working for {TLA telecommunications carrier}, there was a lady about 7 cubes down whose nameplate read “Candace Baskett”. Her parents were either completely unimaginative and clueless, or they were poor, and just planning way ahead in making it easier for her to put herself through college… [/OT-true story]
Or…they secretly wanted a boy, and this was their way of exacting revenge on her lack of male gender.
Perhaps Sparky is trying to set up a dating service for time travelers.
If so, I would like to go back in time and date Cary Grant and/or Peter Sellers
I already did. Grant dates back to 1904 and Sellers dates back to 1925.
I thought it was personal data theft and then he’d empty my bank account of all its debts.
*Pauses* *thinks* If Sparky’s so dense do you think he’d end up taking over all my debts? Please?
I’m very amused that the ad I’m getting right now is for the soundtrack to “The Decline of Western Civilization, Part II”. Google AdWords IS sentient!
ROFL
Mine’s for desks. Apparently, the decline of civilization requires a shiny new desk from whence to orchestrate said apocalypse.
Well it does if you want to hide under the desk.
I, for one, welcome our new Google AI overlords.
I got an offer to get a master’s in creative writing so that you can write screenplays! Thanks, but I’ll just shred my money and use it for cat litter over here, as the end result in terms of my career and finances will be the same … I know people who have careers in filmmaking and MAs in creative writing aren’t part of it – MFAs in film often are, though. I suspect that this ad’s Sparky has neither of these, and that his sole filmmaking credential is a camera phone.
I’ve got a Steadi man camera and crew for hire. …. in the ads I mean … not in real life…….although that might explain the strange people following me everywhere. I thought they were paranormals but maybe …. just maybe ??
You know, if I weren’t opposed to ads on my site I’d be tempted to add AdWords to it just to see what sort of contextually appropriate ads Google comes up with, because sometimes it’s downright prescient.
Why is this a smiley face with sunglasses instead of 8?
I think that was wordpress parsing 8).
LOL, ok I get that. I thought maybe Sparky just didn’t like the number 8. I am having a little bit of a dumb morning. Need coffee slices
Uh, questionnaires that seem to be poorly organized, not related to the subject matter, and really none of your business.
Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring crazy phone!
EAR WORM!! AHHHH
Oh yea, I have a crazy phone by the way. It’s in my shoe.
Just look at the title of today’s post, and you will switch over to Cindy Lauper, a much better ear worm in my opinion. 8)
“I am calling the police” because you asked
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Mr. Kotta! I can do this!
1) What is the strangest paranormal experience you have encountered?
Well, there was that time I vomited pea soup. That was pretty gross. And paranormal.
2) Why do you think people have premonitions?
They’ve seen the results of “Hey, hold my beer and watch this!” too many times.
3) If you could go back in time, only once and never return to today, when and where would you go. Would you just standby and watch or try to deliberately alter the past? What would you alter?
2009. I’d give Justin Bieber laryngitis.
4) When did you realize you had a special gift and how did you, and others react to it?
Strangely, people weren’t impressed when I showed them that I could light my farts, but they changed their tune when the flame traveled inside, suffused my body and made me breathe fire.
5) How many hours a week do you spend at your craft?
418. I really, really like paper maché.
6) Do you have a day job? If so, what is it?
I randomly rearrange major landmarks just to screw with people’s sense of navigation. It doesn’t pay very well.
7) Other than the paranormal what are your interests?
Pie.
8 ) Do you believe in God? If so, what is your notion of him/her/it/them?
Last I saw God, he was enjoying a rueben at Spod’s Deli. I asked him what he was doing in the neighbourhood and he told me, with a bit of sauerkraut stuck in his beard, that he just needed to grab a bite between gigs. I thought that sounded pretty cool, so I went and caught his show at the St. Francis of Assisi’s Cousin Bill’s Mission. I have to admit, if you closed your eyes, you’d never know it wasn’t Elvis.
9) What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically?
I read about someone converting WiFi signals into time portals or some damn thing. Damn, but that was funny.
10) What do you hope to get out of that experience?
That experience? Not this one? Oh, well, then. In that case, I hope someone will talk over to Gino’s and get me one wit’.
11) Are you going to be in the experiment?
Is this a psychic question? If so, yes. Yes, I see myself in this experiment, traveling through time over a time portal named “Aardy’s WiFi Don’t Even Think Of Stealing My Web!!1”
12) Ever appear in a documentary of television/film before? If so, what was it?
A long time ago, I was cast in Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom as Marlin Perkins’ mustache.
13) Who is your favorite film actor/writer/director?
Gary Shandling/Gary Shandling/Gary Shandling. Whoa! Gary Shandling just appeared before me! Hi, Gary! Love your work.
14) Favorite genre?
Great Space Coaster fanfic.
15) What do you love?
Pie. Didn’t we already cover this? Pie!
16) What drives you crazy/pet peeves?
When people take unsolicited bites out of my sandwiches while it’s in my hand. I hate that.
17) Any odd traits or not so secret quirks?
I can win a staring contests with lemurs. But only lemurs.
18) Name three hobbies you have now, or have had in the past?
1) Drawing caricatures of furniture, 2) Degrading fish, 3) Trimming hedges into the shapes of shrubs.
19) Any special talents?
I have the ability to become fat at will.
20) Where do you see your life taking you in the next 5 years?
As far as Cleveland, then I have to find another ride.
21) What is your favorite phrase or term?
“Everything’s better with Blue Bonnet on it.”
22) Do you have a motto? If so, what is it?
“Best calzones this side of the other side of the calzones.”
23) What are 5 single words you would use to describe yourself?
Mitochondrial. Semi-ripened. Macerated. Eructitious. Fictional.
24) Are you married/dating/single? (elaborate based on response)
Yes. Chicken-fried steak and biscuits.
25) What is your living situation?
Currently alive.
26) What do you think of the President?
I think Felipe Calderón is doing the best he can under the most trying of circumstances.
27) Do you identify with a political party/social movement/cause or set of ideals? If so, what and why? And for how long?
I identify with Mozart’s Piano Concerto no. 21 Second Movement, because the first one kind of fell apart when the government’s troops started throwing the tear gas.
So, did I win? Am I in? Well, of course I’m in, I already pre… premon … premonized? Premonized it, I already premonized it. But I couldn’t see if there was pie. So, is there pie?
*appoints self MF’s fan club president du jour, because I cannot adore this enough*
Totally appoints self VP of said club…
I’m with you. I started laughing uncontrollably somewhere around Marlin Perkins’ mustache, and I’m not sure when I’m going to be able to stop.
Ooh, can I be Director of Looking Busy? I’m good at that.
Ahhh! Eerily Smiling Puppy’s in my head!
It itches!
Oh, yeah! That was another of my talents. Just hold your nose and blow through your ears, that could clear me out.
Look what you started MF
I’m now curious as to how others would answer the questions.
Apparently there are a lot of people who would like to time travel over WiFi with me! Hey, let’s all go back to the 80s so we can go to McDonald’s an order a McDLT, then sit at a table and laugh at its ridiculousness.
I’ve just fallen in love with Mindfield.
*Pauses to mop up split tea, tears of laughter and …. never you mind!*
Do you have to have special equipment to pull off that feat of physics? Trip to Cern might be in order…
Bombdude – it was the time travel that did it. Plus this person called Dr Who.
[corey] Split Tea is similar to split peas but far more expensive since it takes three thousand tiny well trained marmosets with eyeglasses and tweezers to rip apart the tea leaves in a 1/2lb bag of English Breakfast Tea. [corey]
P.S. I now run a home for blind marmosets
*this may or may not be true*
The.Best.Way.To.Start.Monday.Morning.
That is the point where the man-crush finally took hold.
I think we should all answer it and post it in the forum. 8) I’ll have to wait until this evening, however.
I will be busy playing some violent video games and not thinking about what anyone is crocheting this evening…
I was hoping that people would run with this one.
I had to copy and print the questions and handwrite them during my breaks… I’m typing it up now… 🙂
Edit: I must be cold in this 80 degree weather. Brr.
drmk — And there they go! 8)
I find it incredibly humorous that most of us who decided to answer the questions used some smartass variation of “I’m alive” for that question, even though they were posted (and presumably typed) at roughly the same time.
I can’t figure out if they are advertising for volunteers or a director or ghosts. I can play the role of the bump on a log.
Questions:
1) What is the strangest paranormal experience you have encountered?
I have a haunted closet. It’s where I keep my spirits.
2) Why do you think people have premonitions?
They already know what I think of them.
3) If you could go back in time, only once and never return to today, when and where would you go. Would you just standby and watch or try to deliberately alter the past? What would you alter?
I would find whomever invented SpongeBob-themed hentai and skin them alive.
4) When did you realize you had a special gift and how did you, and others react to it?
I’ve always known I was special, like a beautiful snowflake. Most people react to my specialness by edging slowly towards the nearest door. I think it’s Mr. Crowbar’s fault.
5) How many hours a week do you spend at your craft?
I crochet about eight or nine hours a week.
6) Do you have a day job? If so, what is it?
By day I’m a mild-mannered reporter for The Daily Planet.
7) Other than the paranormal what are your interests?
I like cheese. And pie.
8 ) Do you believe in God? If so, what is your notion of him/her/it/them?
They are an anthropomorphised llama and her consort, an ostritch-emu hybrid.
9) What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically?
This list of questions.
10) What do you hope to get out of that experience?
Time off for good behavior.
11) Are you going to be in the experiment?
Isn’t that something you should already know? In fact, shouldn’t you be contacting me?
12) Ever appear in a documentary of television/film before? If so, what was it?
Does Girls Gone Wild count as a documentary?
13) Who is your favorite film actor/writer/director?
You probably wouldn’t know them, they’re really obscure.
14) Favorite genre?
Fiction.
15) What do you love?
Honey, what won’t I love?
16) What drives you crazy/pet peeves?
Idiots who post ridiculous ads on CraigsList.
17) Any odd traits or not so secret quirks?
I can do this thing with a cherry stem that seems popular with the fellas.
18) Name three hobbies you have now, or have had in the past?
Macrame, decoupage, and in a past life I built the pyramids. The tall one, not that half-assed bent one.
19) Any special talents?
I think I mentioned the cherry stem thing already.
20) Where do you see your life taking you in the next 5 years?
Hopefully to an underwater citadel defended by laser-equipped sharks.
21) What is your favorite phrase or term?
“ppppbbbbbbtt”
22) Do you have a motto? If so, what is it?
“If you can’t be a good example, be a terrible warning.”
23) What are 5 single words you would use to describe yourself?
What’s it to you, Sparky?
24) Are you married/dating/single? (elaborate based on response)
Yes.
25) What is your living situation?
I am currently alive.
26) What do you think of the President?
I think he lives in Washington,DC.
27) Do you identify with a political party/social movement/cause or set of ideals? If so, what and why? And for how long?
Will the ghosts be segregated by political affiliation? Can I hook up with some of those wild Libertarian ghosts? I bet they throw a hell of a party.
Oooh…me too!
Except, not togther.
Unless it’s cheddar cheese and apple pie.
And then, only if you warm it – the pie, not the cheese – and serve it with ice cream, and not the kind that tastes like cold, sugary lard, but the $7/half gallon good stuff.
And if you don’t have that, then never mind. I’ll take a Twinkie.
Oh no, it’s a reply from the past!
It’s deja vu all over again!
I’ve been crocheting too much recently. All I could think was, “OOOH, I wonder what SJ’s been making!”
I need to play some violent video games, or go shooting, or… something.
I’ve been crocheting hours. I’ve gotten so good at it that it only takes me about twenty minutes to do one now.
(Pot scrubbers, shopping bags, another cat bed, and I’ve started on a Tiny Cthulhu.)
I just started a sampler afghan…trying to get rid of scraps of yarn. Next up is an intricate doily, very fine lace and real purdy.
1) What is the strangest paranormal experience you have encountered?
That time I saw Jesus in a waffle.
2) Why do you think people have premonitions?
They are off of their meds
3) If you could go back in time, only once and never return to today, when and where would you go. Would you just standby and watch or try to deliberately alter the past? What would you alter?
I would go back and mess with Einstein
4) When did you realize you had a special gift and how did you, and others react to it?
I discovered it when I predicted Charlie Sheen’s career was over and then it was. People reacted by nodding
5) How many hours a week do you spend at your craft?
I craft maybe 10 hours a week. I like to do collages.
6) Do you have a day job? If so, what is it?
I am Superman so I work at a newspaper under the alias of Clark Kent
7) Other than the paranormal what are your interests?
I like strangling small animals and summarizing Proust
8) Do you believe in God? If so, what is your notion of him/her/it/them?
I believe in Alanis Morrisette
9) What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically?
The time I have left to finish my thesis, then I cried.
10) What do you hope to get out of that experience?
What experience are we speaking of? I probably hoped to get a donut out of it
11) Are you going to be in the experiment?
No
12) Ever appear in a documentary of television/film before? If so, what was it?
Yes, I appeared in a big foot documentary and a lock ness monster documentary. I am very elusive.
13) Who is your favorite film actor/writer/director?
Clint Eastwood, I’m pretty sure he’s written something during his life.
14) Favorite genre?
Tree Porn
15) What do you love?
Tree Porn
16) What drives you crazy/pet peeves?
People who ask me what drives me crazy/pet peeves.
17) Any odd traits or not so secret quirks?
I am a bear whisperer
18) Name three hobbies you have now, or have had in the past?
I like to fling cats across the room so they land in a bucket or water, I enjoy knitting sweaters for Koala bears, and I like dancing with llamas
19) Any special talents?
I can fling cats across the room so they land in a bucket of water. I thought that was obvious
20) Where do you see your life taking you in the next 5 years?
My life will be taking me to a movie where it will make me pay because it is a cad
21) What is your favorite phrase or term?
My hovercraft is full of eels
22) Do you have a motto? If so, what is it?
If something will result in arrest warrant out for you, don’t do it.
23) What are 5 single words you would use to describe yourself?
Potato, sock, pecil, sweet potato, raspberry
24) Are you married/dating/single? (elaborate based on response)
I am married/dating/single, how did you know? I can’t elaborate because then I would have to kill you to keep my secrets.
25) What is your living situation?
I live in a van down by the river
26) What do you think of the President?
I am not a fan of Nicolas Sarkozy, he is too short
27) Do you identify with a political party/social movement/cause or set of ideals? If so, what and why? And for how long?
I don’t identify with a political party/social movement/set of ideals because I don’t like slashes
Mmmm… Jesus waffles. Better for you than the Satan French toast.
1) What is the strangest paranormal experience you have encountered?
Force fields emanating from the neighborhood cat
2) Why do you think people have premonitions?
They didn’t take the blue pill
3) If you could go back in time, only once and never return to today, when and where would you go. Would you just standby and watch or try to deliberately alter the past? What would you alter?
20 minutes ago when I dropped my lunch. I’d like to stop myself from splatting into the wall, then maybe I’d have something to eat.
4) When did you realize you had a special gift and how did you, and others react to it?
It was at the zoo. The Head Keeper had a stroke when I asked him for some bottled water.
5) How many hours a week do you spend at your craft?
I usually spend 50% of my time aboard my cruise ship.
6) Do you have a day job? If so, what is it?
I like to follow people around and stare at them.
7) Other than the paranormal what are your interests?
Soaking up the sun and chasing insects.
8 ) Do you believe in God? If so, what is your notion of him/her/it/them?
Is God that human that comes by once a month and tries to poison me? Yeah, I don’t think we’ll get along too well.
9) What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically?
The competitors ads
10) What do you hope to get out of that experience?
Laughing hysterically? Usually one gets a bellyache and wheezing lungs…. if you’re doing it right.
11) Are you going to be in the experiment?
What!!??? I thought this was an interview for dual citizenship!
12) Ever appear in a documentary of television/film before? If so, what was it?
You can catch a ‘cameo’ of me next to my cousin Earl on the Planet Earth series.
13) Who is your favorite film actor/writer/director?
I must say, I really admire Kermit the Frog
14) Favorite genre?
Sci-Fly
15) What do you love?
I love saving money
16) What drives you crazy/pet peeves?
People wanting me to hang from their ears. Makes me absolutely furious. Or if they keep trying to make me dance.
17) Any odd traits or not so secret quirks?
I keep my cash in a very odd place – Topeka
18) Name three hobbies you have now, or have had in the past?
Frog jumping, worm racing and beetle flying
19) Any special talents?
Talking isn’t enough? Alright then, I can chirp, too.
20) Where do you see your life taking you in the next 5 years?
Well, I’d like to settle down in the cozy garden outside, that is if I don’t get stepped on or smooshed in a door.
21) What is your favorite phrase or term?
You could save even more….
22) Do you have a motto? If so, what is it?
Nothing’s a motto with me.
23) What are 5 single words you would use to describe yourself?
I am not a caveman.
24) Are you married/dating/single? (elaborate based on response)
Well, I was seeing this blonde, but she started calling me ‘Stanley’ and basically she ended up being :whistle: *circles finger * crazy as june bug. I haven’t really been looking to date again.
25) What is your living situation?
I currently dwell in the potted palm down the hallway outside my manager’s office.
26) What do you think of the President?
I think the President could save 15% or more…
27) Do you identify with a political party/social movement/cause or set of ideals? If so, what and why? And for how long?
I am a card carrying member of the SS club – Scoot and Scale. It’s kind of like a co-op where we share best hunting sites. Oh, and I have a membership to Netflix.
Oh and “Pppppbbbbttttt”
Snark will be limited today I’ve been at work an hour and haven’t had time to breath let alone come up with something overly witty. The best I can do on this sort of day is that I’ve noticed this reads like one of those chain-letters on Facebook. All it’s missing is the ‘re-post on your wall if you agree *heart heart heart* exclimation point number one, number one, exclimation point LOLZ.’
♥♥♥!11!
LOLZ
Exactly! Someone speaks Facebook-Meme!
You know what really sucks? When you’ve got this one friend who texts you those chain-letters. Texts! Those cost money!
I think that is justifiable homicide
1) What is the strangest paranormal experience you have encountered? Craigslist, by far
2) Why do you think people have premonitions? Not enough fiber in their diet.
3) If you could go back in time, only once and never return to today, when and where would you go. Would you just standby and watch or try to deliberately alter the past? What would you alter? I’d find the bastid that invented pantyhose and strangle him with a pair.
4) When did you realize you had a special gift and how did you, and others react to it? The first time the short bus stopped in front of the house.
5) How many hours a week do you spend at your craft?Well, if the fish are biting…..
6) Do you have a day job? If so, what is it? Yes, I stuff theTwinkies with cream
7) Other than the paranormal what are your interests? Normal and abby…something…normal, I think…yes, that’s it – Abby Normal.
Do you believe in God? If so, what is your notion of him/her/it/them? I believe in Bob, DON’T YOU?????
9) What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically? Well, there was this one time at band camp….
10) What do you hope to get out of that experience? Um…those records are sealed.
11) Are you going to be in the experiment? Yes, right after I get out of The Bed and into The Car
12) Ever appear in a documentary of television/film before? If so, what was it? Well, there was this one time at band camp….
13) Who is your favorite film actor/writer/director?Ignacio Wufflebumpus
14) Favorite genre? The unicorn-glitter-gothic-romance-Barney genre – granted it’s a small niche.
15) What do you love? Pie
16) What drives you crazy/pet peeves? Well, when you’re already crazy not much can drive you there…except an old Ford. Pet peeves? Pets…with peeves.
17) Any odd traits or not so secret quirks? I am a walking odd trait
18) Name three hobbies you have now, or have had in the past?hobby horse, Holly Hobby, Hobby Lobby
19) Any special talents?I can breathe and walk at the same time…no, really..I can
20) Where do you see your life taking you in the next 5 years?to 2016
21) What is your favorite phrase or term?”Do you believe in Bob?”
22) Do you have a motto? If so, what is it?I like pie.
23) What are 5 single words you would use to describe yourself?I.Am.Not.A.Lion
24) Are you married/dating/single? (elaborate based on response)Yes, yes, I am…elaborately.
25) What is your living situation?*checks pulse* Currently alive.
26) What do you think of the President?I think Robert Iger is a genius at separating people from their money…and the movies are pretty good, too. My grandkids sure love them.
27) Do you identify with a political party/social movement/cause or set of ideals? If so, what and why? And for how long? Duuuuuuuuuude…if there’s a party, I am sooooooo there!
1) What is the strangest paranormal experience you have encountered?
reading paranormal posting on CL
2) Why do you think people have premonitions?
long duration Short Gamma Ray bursts
3) If you could go back in time, only once and never return to today, when and where would you go. Would you just standby and watch or try to deliberately alter the past? What would you alter?
29 December 2002.
(If I’m irrevocably and irretrievably in my own past, every action I take will “alter” that Past–one does not quibble with Quantum Theory.)
4) When did you realize you had a special gift and how did you, and others react to it?
13 july 1963; was sent to “time out.”
5) How many hours a week do you spend at your craft?
50 to 60, sadly only paid for 0-10 hours of that.
6) Do you have a day job? If so, what is it?
Nope, see above–for paranormal researchers, you have very poor pre-cognition.
7) Other than the paranormal what are your interests?
Life, the Universe, and Everything–duh! Miz Edna the 1-800 psychic is better at this than you are . . .
8) Do you believe in God? If so, what is your notion of him/her/it/them?
My devotion is self-evident to any with the developed intro-sight to perceive same. As an obvious infidel, you will be consigned to a Perdition of your own making.
9) What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically?
Your ad.
10) What do you hope to get out of that experience?
š200K (but only in Telarian, none of that crummy Rigelian scrip).
11) Are you going to be in the experiment?
I have already made you part of my experiment; you are being assimilated.
12) Ever appear in a documentary of television/film before? If so, what was it?
You are watching it now.
13) Who is your favorite film actor/writer/director?
Hotblack Desiato
14) Favorite genre?
CL ad poster abduction and incredibly slow gruesome torture.
15) What do you love?
Drinking alone, especially by myself.
16) What drives you crazy/pet peeves?
People asking about my peeves; also those peeving my pets by resisting assimilation.
17) Any odd traits or not so secret quirks?
Not standing next to you.
18) Name three hobbies you have now, or have had in the past?
Pillage, Rapine, Mayhem (now just my legal team)
19) Any special talents?
Beyond time travel, documentary film-making, assimilation, and posing pusillanimous poltroons pertinent petulance? Wouldn’t have the first clue (as far as you will ever know).
20) Where do you see your life taking you in the next 5 years?
To a place beyond the rainbows, and land with gilded streets, with an excellent tactical overview from the military crest of the rock-candy mountain, all the better to fling houses on Sparkies without regard to whether their hose is striped or not . . .
21) What is your favorite phrase or term?
“Self-evidently evolutionarily non-viable”
22) Do you have a motto? If so, what is it?
“Silence! You Will Be Assimilated!” (What, you had not yet noticed? Deaf as well as anti-Psychic?)
23) What are 5 single words you would use to describe yourself?
Sorry, Spark’ all my self-descriptives are in stable relationships right now.
24) Are you married/dating/single? (elaborate based on response)
Your futile attempts to resist assimilation will not prevent you from being fed to the Bugblatter Beast one molecule at a time.
25) What is your living situation?
Vive ess
26) What do you think of the President?
Dan Hess is a fine man. Hardly needs any marination at all.
27) Do you identify with a political party/social movement/cause or set of ideals? If so, what and why? And for how long?
Yes; *points*; *holds hands apart ^this^ far*
(e …) – kudos for Douglas Adams reference in answer to Q24. Bugblatter Beast!
Why is a smiley face taking the place of #8?
Sparky couldn’t find the “8” key on the keyboard.
Just.Don’t.Ask.
The comment system here will automatically convert emoticons into smileys. 8 followed by a closed bracket is the “cool” smiley.
I already asked that and head desked. Copy cat!
[OT]
New favourite blog spam.
This is astoundingly erudite for spam, and it could almost pass for legitimate criticism if it wasn’t for the bit about my leaps in reason “conclusion” as if this were an essay.
This was posted on my story Sleepless in Fluenza, which I found particularly amusing if you place “connecting the dots” within the context of the description of Mother’s room.
Oh, and the link was to some spammy yet oddly specific site for garden furniture cushions. Who knew people that sold cushions for outdoor furniture could be so passionate about snot?
[/OT]
I love the spam comments here that say that while they disagree with my conclusions, they think I have a lot of insightful things to say on the topic, and I have really helped them with their research project.
They’re making a time travel documentary about events in San Fransico?
Sorry, Sparky, it’s been done. Here, let me send you my DVDs of Sliders.
Please answer these seemingly random questions so I may have a better chance of hacking into your email and hopefully finding some other personal information so that I may steal your identity.
Someone stole my identity once, they returned it 30 seconds later. :*-(
They kept it that long?
Only because I blocked their email.
Warning: Some of the answers are sarcastic. Some are actually my views. Others are just plain incorrect. I’m not telling what’s what.
Questions:
1) What is the strangest paranormal experience you have encountered?
Well, you see, there was this one time with a stuffed hawk…
2) Why do you think people have premonitions?
I said I thought people have premonitions? Wow. Learn something new every day.
3) If you could go back in time, only once and never return to today, when and where would you go. Would you just standby and watch or try to deliberately alter the past? What would you alter?
I would go back to ancient times, and find whoever was writing down the Torah/Old Testament. Then, for shits and giggles, I’d hide in the rafters and yell things at them, claiming to be God.
The eleventh commandment will be “Thou shalt honor thy commas.”
4) When did you realize you had a special gift and how did you, and others react to it?
Well, I believe the first notice of my special gift was shortly after I was born, when the doctor remarked something along the lines of “Oh, hey, he’s got a pecil.” My parents’ reaction was to give me a masculine name, I believe.
5) How many hours a week do you spend at your craft?
As few as possible.
6) Do you have a day job? If so, what is it?
I’m the CEO of Wayne Enterprises.
7) Other than the paranormal what are your interests?
Music. Latin. Building a Civilization to Stand the Test of Time. Snark.
8) Do you believe in God? If so, what is your notion of him/her/it/them?
I am Batman.
9) What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically?
Let’s see. Hysterically? Probably when the Low Brass went Ice Skating on Saturday and one of the more rotund seniors had the most hilarious fall I’ve seen. Before he fell, he was trying to get his balance, and it legitimately looked like whenever Shaggy tried to run on a long carpet from Scooby Doo.
10) What do you hope to get out of that experience?
That one? As in the one that made me laugh hysterically?
Well… ummm… I like schadenfreude. My butt’s sore. I have a blister on my foot from cheap plastic skates.
11) Are you going to be in the experiment?
I know you are but what am I?
12) Ever appear in a documentary of television/film before? If so, what was it?
Does YouTube count?
13) Who is your favorite film actor/writer/director?
All three? I guess Mel Brooks, since he’s the only one I can think of off the top of my head.
14) Favorite genre?
The red kind.
15) What do you love?
Boys.
16) What drives you crazy/pet peeves?
Incorrect grammar.
Stupid people.
People who walk slow.
Grammatically incorrect idiots who walk slow must die.
17) Any odd traits or not so secret quirks?
I have the strangest tendency to shout “OHMYGODI’MBEINGMOLESTED!” when with Sparkies in crowded public places.
18) Name three hobbies you have now, or have had in the past?
Long walks on the beach, breeding euphemisms, and writing steamy To Kill a Mockingbird slash fiction.
19) Any special talents?
I’ve been told I’m quite good at tooting my own horn. 😉
20) Where do you see your life taking you in the next 5 years?
Hopefully a van that actually has freaking candy in it for once.
21) What is your favorite phrase or term?
“What a putz.”
22) Do you have a motto? If so, what is it?
Nihil sacrum in comedia. (Nothing is sacred in comedy.)
23) What are 5 single words you would use to describe yourself?
Friendly.
Unvincible. (Well, it’s a word now.)
Comedic.
Krazy (kuz I kan be like that.)
Winning!
24) Are you married/dating/single? (elaborate based on response)
Resistance is futile.
25) What is your living situation?
Hang on, lemme go check. **feels pulse**
Nope, sorry, no go.
26) What do you think of the President?
Obviously he’s a Godless CommuNazi Moslem JewKenyan.
27) Do you identify with a political party/social movement/cause or set of ideals? If so, what and why? And for how long?
I support having an economy.
Also a government.
Re: #4: typical male to think that’s something special just because the girls don’t have one. 😉
It must be special. My 5 yr old wants to play with his all the time. :shrug:
Well we have breasts which generally get more attention then pecils 90% of the time.
OK, my turn:
1) What is the strangest paranormal experience you have encountered?
Do hallucinations count? I don’t know what’s with me today, but I’d swear that just to my right there’s a zom
Questions:
1) What is the strangest paranormal experience you have encountered?
Having a female sun conure mistake me for her mate.
2) Why do you think people have premonitions?
So they don’t have to waste time studying for a test if the teacher is going to be out sick.
3) If you could go back in time, only once and never return to today, when and where would you go. Would you just standby and watch or try to deliberately alter the past? What would you alter?
I would go back to March of 1816, and try to keep Jane Austen healthy and alive.
4) When did you realize you had a special gift and how did you, and others react to it?
I was born the child of a poor sharecropper in Tierra Del Fuego, and found I could make people laugh when I sang the lyrics to Lake Titicaca.
5) How many hours a week do you spend at your craft?
Billions and billions.
6) Do you have a day job? If so, what is it?
That is a very good question. No, those are two very good questions.
7) Other than the paranormal what are your interests?
There is nothing other than the paranormal.
Do you believe in God? If so, what is your notion of him/her/it/them?
I believe in God. Because, while I haven’t make it public yet, I am actually she.
9) What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically?
The price of gas.
10) What do you hope to get out of that experience?
I’m sorry? Which experience is that? Hello? Is this thing on?
11) Are you going to be in the experiment?
I thought you were going to make that decision. You know, forget it.
12) Ever appear in a documentary of television/film before? If so, what was it?
I told you, forget it! No more weird questions.
13) Who is your favorite film actor/writer/director?
Okay, sicko, if you must know, Hayao Miyazaki.
14) Favorite genre?
Science Fiction. Double Feature.
15) What do you love?
Blue. No, wait! Green. AUUGGGGGHHHHHH!
16) What drives you crazy/pet peeves?
Déjà vu! I thought I already answered that one.
17) Any odd traits or not so secret quirks?
I can blow air through one of my tear ducts. And I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.
18) Name three hobbies you have now, or have had in the past?
Reading, Writing, feeding the catulator.
19) Any special talents?
Many.
20) Where do you see your life taking you in the next 5 years?
To the moon, Alice! Pow! Zoom!
21) What is your favorite phrase or term?
20 to Life.
22) Do you have a motto? If so, what is it?
No, I can’t afford a motto. I had to turn it in.
23) What are 5 single words you would use to describe yourself?
Guess. They all begin with super.
24) Are you married/dating/single? (elaborate based on response)
Yes. Y-E-S.
25) What is your living situation?
Squalid.
26) What do you think of the President?
Hey, give him a chance! Ouattara has only been in full power for a few hours now!
27) Do you identify with a political party/social movement/cause or set of ideals? If so, what and why? And for how long?
Judean People’s Front. Bloody Romans. Since the dawn of civilization.
That it? Okay. Fine. Sicko.
I just want to say that now I want to go back to 1816 and bludgeon Jane Austen with one of her own shoes.
Punchity Punch Punch Steve-oh! Thanks for dropping by. Sorry you didn’t get the t-shit.
G’Night, San Francisco!